Men: Dating a woman with kid/s

Lovely0770

If you're dating a woman with a kid, does this and should this really matter? I am all about if you accept the woman, you accept her kid or kids and if you don't accept her kid or kids, then you really don't accept the woman. I thought that was just a given, however, doesn't seem to be the case.

Men, what are your thoughts?

and women feel free to share your thoughts as well.

Lovely0770

Sugar_Pill wrote: »

In for responses...

Right? I am waiting and no one seems to have an opinion on this. Given the current statistics I find that highly unlikely lol

ClubSilencio

I'd date a woman with a kid, maybe 2. But if she doesn't get along with the father of her children I am not in for the ride. Needs to be love coming from all sides.

Bonny132

I am dating a single dad who gets on with the parent of one of his two children. His daughter does not get on with her mum either. I know why, and I know both have tried but sometimes relationships breaks down and cannot be repaired.

BringerOfGainz

It doesn't matter for me but I also have a greater awareness of her flaws. Taking on her kids is a huge commitment so she better be rock solid, especially emotionally.

Men don't like drama at all.

DrFever100

I've raised two boys.... I wouldn't be put off if she had kids. It would just mean we have more in common.

usmcmp

ClubSilencio wrote: »

I'd date a woman with a kid, maybe 2. But if she doesn't get along with the father of her children I am not in for the ride. Needs to be love coming from all sides.

Interesting. My ex simply has nothing to do with our children since he married again and has new children. Hard to get along with someone who refuses to reply or talk to his kids.

usmcmp

If a man does or doesn't have kids, that's irrelevant. If he has kids, how much a part of their life he is says a lot. I have two kids from a previous marriage. I don't want some guy to step in and be their father figure or try to act like their dad. I want him to develop a friendship with them. I have been handling it all on my own for 5 years and I'm fine doing it for 50 more.

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LJT253

I hope wen wud

LJT253

Men lol

Spinner_

If he doesn't accept your kids. He doesn't deserve you

BigDougie1211

Personally, I don't really think it should be an issue.
But I can also understand why it might put someone off.
In the early " can't keep your hands off each other " phase people might want to be spontaneous and parents ( rightly ) have to be much more responsible and level headed.
I also think sometimes people think if they're dating someone with kids then there's an immediate seriousness expected of them, which doesn't suit some people. ( even though they may be wide off the mark in terms of what the other party actually wants )
Like I say, children wouldn't be something that would put me off at all.
But just because someone might be, doesn't necessarily make them bad.

LJT253

Good for u

katievo92

What about women getting with men with kids? Now I have kids and I have enough kids I really wouldn't want anymore as I wouldn't want them to have less in life and have to share with more siblings. . Sooooo I really wouldn't want to take on a man with kids for this reason
It's not always men taking on women with kids?
But saying that I'd want some one to take me and my kids on so am I just being a *kitten* now or what :0

BigDougie1211

katievo92 wrote: »

What about women getting with men with kids? Now I have kids and I have enough kids I really wouldn't want anymore as I wouldn't want them to have less in life and have to share with more siblings. . Sooooo I really wouldn't want to take on a man with kids for this reason
It's not always men taking on women with kids?
But saying that I'd want some one to take me and my kids on so am I just being a *kitten* now or what :0

Yeah, you are. Hang your head in shame and think about what you've done!

JessicaJS23

I have a 12 year old and 10 year old that I've been raising by myself for 6 years. My husband simply checked out one day and has not been in the picture since. When I began to date again I was not interested in having a relationship with someone else who had children. My son is special needs and I couldn't picture myself taking on more kids and also there was the worry of dealing with another child's mother. Well to try and keep it short I ended up falling for a friend who had also recently become a single dad of 3. Dating him and having his kids in our lives was one of the most fufilling things that I have experienced. I did not know I could love kids that weren't biologically mine the way I loved them and still love them. The mothers got a little bitchy sometimes but I just minded my business.. Kept cool and eventually we came to respect other. My point is never say never and give things a chance : ) you never know what your capable of feeling until you try it.

Rawlings124

A small bit of men's perspective. Went thru a divorce not of my own choosing but am sure I contributed to it. At the end of the day no matter how you score it a failure. My ex made my life miserable scheduling every event imaginable for the kids on my weekends so that I was constantly running around as I lived about an hour away. Long story short she got remarried to a man with kids. She became much more considerate and I credit her new husband for giving her perspective of what it can be like that she did not have before. They are grown now and on their own - we both had made a pact never to say a cross word about each other to the kids - something that was very challenging to honor but now grateful we did.

ValerieMartini2Olives

Since having my kid, I have dated men with and without kids. I prefer to date men with kids since they are more understanding to my situation.

TheRoadDog

When I met my wife, she was coming to me for Massage because of an Auto Injury. She was a single Mom with two little girls. Many times she would have to bring her little girls with her because there was no one to watch them. They would wait in the reception area. Normally, I would bring her in the massage room and then wait out in the reception area while she changed. I would listen to the little girls talk and play.
It was about 18 months before we went out for the first time. Took me a while to work up my nerve. That was 27 years ago. Those two girls are 34 and 32 now. Jan and I had a girl together. She is now 22. I always treated the girls the same. There were no step-kids and kids. There were three daughters. I went out of my way to make friends with the 2 girls' father. We do birthdays and Thanksgivings together with the girls' Dad and stepmom.

It wasn't always easy, but both of the older girls have told me, on separate occasions, how great the family blended and how happy they were about it.

25th Anniversary coming up next year. I couldn't be happier. If I had walked a way because children were involved I wouldn't be this happy.

JessicaJS23

TheRoadDog wrote: »

When I met my wife, she was coming to me for Massage because of an Auto Injury. She was a single Mom with two little girls. Many times she would have to bring her little girls with her because there was no one to watch them. They would wait in the reception area. Normally, I would bring her in the massage room and then wait out in the reception area while she changed. I would listen to the little girls talk and play.
It was about 18 months before we went out for the first time. Took me a while to work up my nerve. That was 27 years ago. Those two girls are 34 and 32 now. Jan and I had a girl together. She is now 22. I always treated the girls the same. There were no step-kids and kids. There were three daughters. I went out of my way to make friends with the 2 girls' father. We do birthdays and Thanksgivings together with the girls' Dad and stepmom.

It wasn't always easy, but both of the older girls have told me, on separate occasions, how great the family blended and how happy they were about it.

25th Anniversary coming up next year. I couldn't be happier. If I had walked a way because children were involved I wouldn't be this happy.

That is so awesome

ThatFatAsianNerd

Was seeing one for a few months and I started really digging her when I saw how great of a mom she was with her child. It's definitely NOT a deal-breaker, that's for sure.

headofphat

When I was in my 20's I literally ran from women who had kids. I wanted no part of it whatsoever. However as I got older and wanted to settle down it really didn't bother me if she had kids or not. Blending a family in the long run is the toughest thing you will do if you decide to get married. It doesn't matter how much you like or accept her kids, if they aren't into you then it's going to be turbulent to say the least. I think a guy's maturity level is what will determine whether or not they want or will consider a woman who already has kids.

Katiebear_81

I am divorced. I have two kids. I live with my boyfriend/spouse (we will never get married - don't believe in it any more), he helps me raise my kids. He also has two kids.

He's always encouraged me to be the best mom I can be - he probably would if he didn't have kids either. But I know that because he is a dad, his feelings about parenting, kids, etc. have already been developed, and they are very similar to mine - no surprises later. Plus, we both thought that we might not want to have any more kids, and that was ok. I was worried that if I ended up with a man that didn't have any kids, he might want some... and if I didn't want more, that it would be an issue. That said... there is more drama/issues when you are trying to blend two sets of kids into one family. It's not easy, and there is a lot of heartache along the way. So I would never judge a woman who chose to date only men without kids (when the woman has them).

When I was dating, some guys were really turned off by the idea of me having kids already. That was ok - I never judged them for it, but the reality is that we weren't going to go out again. I didn't want to be with someone who only wanted to be with me when my kids were at their dad's, I wanted someone who wanted to be involved with me and my girls. I did go out a few times with someone who didn't want to be involved with the girls, but I decided that at some point I was going to want to live together, and that won't work if he doesn't want to have the kids in his life. And it was ok - I was disappointed, but it was what it was.

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ald783

Are you asking about a situation where 2 people are dating and he just doesn't want to have anything to do with her kids? Or about whether someone would consider dating someone with kids in the first place?

In the first situation, it'd be pretty awful to date someone but want nothing to do with their kids. You know going on they have kids and they're a part of her life. But that is different than a person just not wanting to date someone with kids in the first place. I don't care much for kids and I'm not sure I'd want to date someone that has them. I think that's a lot more standard.

soldiergrl_101

From a women's point of view I cant speak on behalf of everyone else, but I think its important to be upfront about the fact that you have kids. The reason I say this is because everyone has their own deal breakers for one reason or another, and if having kids is one of them then their is no sense in wasting your time on someone who wont be there for both of you. I personally will not date a man with kids for many of my own reasons. Both parties need to know what they want and what they are getting into, if your planning long term then the man who is with you needs to be prepared for being a somewhat father figure to them, and some men are not ready to handle that

My mother was a single mother, and I remember every man that tried to give her an ultimatum she chose me every time...A man should not make you have to choose

Lovely0770

ald783 wrote: »

Are you asking about a situation where 2 people are dating and he just doesn't want to have anything to do with her kids? Or about whether someone would consider dating someone with kids in the first place?

In the first situation, it'd be pretty awful to date someone but want nothing to do with their kids. You know going on they have kids and they're a part of her life. But that is different than a person just not wanting to date someone with kids in the first place. I don't care much for kids and I'm not sure I'd want to date someone that has them. I think that's a lot more standard.

It's the first scenario in my case.

ninerbuff

What about the kids point of view for the man dating their mother? I've seen it lots of times where if the kids just don't accept the man, even though the man is willing to be accepting of the kids, the relationship falls apart.

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NYactor1

I fail to see the issue.

Owlie45

If the person you're dating has kids then you have to accept them. The whole point of dating is to find someone to spend your life with. And if you can't accept a big part of their life it's not going to work.

Before I wouldn't want to be with someone with kids. But I'm more willing to now. So long as the mother is out of the picture or is nice and doesn't have that stupid "my kids, you won't replace me" BS attitude. You're not replacable.

Now I come from a well blended family. The man I call Grandpa, who I spend holidays with is actually my mothers ex step dad. Who was the father of my mom's youngest brother. And the woman he married after my grandma, I call her grandma, also the person he married after her. The last wife's kids are my aunts and uncles, their kids, my cousins.
My dad, is my bio dad but not to my two older brothers. My dad tried and tried to make a relation ship between my oldest brother and his sperm donor. Didn't work. On my brothers 18th birthday he and my other brother changed their last names to our dads.
My brother is currently blending with a woman with 6 year old boy. Wasn't easy. When his father saw him he would tell him the spit on us and that he doesn't have to listen to anyone mom included. He now chooses not to see his son anymore. Her and him also have a 6 month old. When asked if he has kids it "yup two boys."