Men: Dating a woman with kid/s
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Was seeing one for a few months and I started really digging her when I saw how great of a mom she was with her child. It's definitely NOT a deal-breaker, that's for sure.0
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When I was in my 20's I literally ran from women who had kids. I wanted no part of it whatsoever. However as I got older and wanted to settle down it really didn't bother me if she had kids or not. Blending a family in the long run is the toughest thing you will do if you decide to get married. It doesn't matter how much you like or accept her kids, if they aren't into you then it's going to be turbulent to say the least. I think a guy's maturity level is what will determine whether or not they want or will consider a woman who already has kids.
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I am divorced. I have two kids. I live with my boyfriend/spouse (we will never get married - don't believe in it any more), he helps me raise my kids. He also has two kids.
He's always encouraged me to be the best mom I can be - he probably would if he didn't have kids either. But I know that because he is a dad, his feelings about parenting, kids, etc. have already been developed, and they are very similar to mine - no surprises later. Plus, we both thought that we might not want to have any more kids, and that was ok. I was worried that if I ended up with a man that didn't have any kids, he might want some... and if I didn't want more, that it would be an issue. That said... there is more drama/issues when you are trying to blend two sets of kids into one family. It's not easy, and there is a lot of heartache along the way. So I would never judge a woman who chose to date only men without kids (when the woman has them).
When I was dating, some guys were really turned off by the idea of me having kids already. That was ok - I never judged them for it, but the reality is that we weren't going to go out again. I didn't want to be with someone who only wanted to be with me when my kids were at their dad's, I wanted someone who wanted to be involved with me and my girls. I did go out a few times with someone who didn't want to be involved with the girls, but I decided that at some point I was going to want to live together, and that won't work if he doesn't want to have the kids in his life. And it was ok - I was disappointed, but it was what it was.
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Are you asking about a situation where 2 people are dating and he just doesn't want to have anything to do with her kids? Or about whether someone would consider dating someone with kids in the first place?
In the first situation, it'd be pretty awful to date someone but want nothing to do with their kids. You know going on they have kids and they're a part of her life. But that is different than a person just not wanting to date someone with kids in the first place. I don't care much for kids and I'm not sure I'd want to date someone that has them. I think that's a lot more standard.0 -
From a women's point of view I cant speak on behalf of everyone else, but I think its important to be upfront about the fact that you have kids. The reason I say this is because everyone has their own deal breakers for one reason or another, and if having kids is one of them then their is no sense in wasting your time on someone who wont be there for both of you. I personally will not date a man with kids for many of my own reasons. Both parties need to know what they want and what they are getting into, if your planning long term then the man who is with you needs to be prepared for being a somewhat father figure to them, and some men are not ready to handle that
My mother was a single mother, and I remember every man that tried to give her an ultimatum she chose me every time...A man should not make you have to choose0 -
Are you asking about a situation where 2 people are dating and he just doesn't want to have anything to do with her kids? Or about whether someone would consider dating someone with kids in the first place?
In the first situation, it'd be pretty awful to date someone but want nothing to do with their kids. You know going on they have kids and they're a part of her life. But that is different than a person just not wanting to date someone with kids in the first place. I don't care much for kids and I'm not sure I'd want to date someone that has them. I think that's a lot more standard.
It's the first scenario in my case.0 -
What about the kids point of view for the man dating their mother? I've seen it lots of times where if the kids just don't accept the man, even though the man is willing to be accepting of the kids, the relationship falls apart.
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I fail to see the issue.0
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If the person you're dating has kids then you have to accept them. The whole point of dating is to find someone to spend your life with. And if you can't accept a big part of their life it's not going to work.
Before I wouldn't want to be with someone with kids. But I'm more willing to now. So long as the mother is out of the picture or is nice and doesn't have that stupid "my kids, you won't replace me" BS attitude. You're not replacable.
Now I come from a well blended family. The man I call Grandpa, who I spend holidays with is actually my mothers ex step dad. Who was the father of my mom's youngest brother. And the woman he married after my grandma, I call her grandma, also the person he married after her. The last wife's kids are my aunts and uncles, their kids, my cousins.
My dad, is my bio dad but not to my two older brothers. My dad tried and tried to make a relation ship between my oldest brother and his sperm donor. Didn't work. On my brothers 18th birthday he and my other brother changed their last names to our dads.
My brother is currently blending with a woman with 6 year old boy. Wasn't easy. When his father saw him he would tell him the spit on us and that he doesn't have to listen to anyone mom included. He now chooses not to see his son anymore. Her and him also have a 6 month old. When asked if he has kids it "yup two boys."0 -
If the person you're dating has kids then you have to accept them. The whole point of dating is to find someone to spend your life with. And if you can't accept a big part of their life it's not going to work.
Before I wouldn't want to be with someone with kids. But I'm more willing to now. So long as the mother is out of the picture or is nice and doesn't have that stupid "my kids, you won't replace me" BS attitude. You're not replacable.
Now I come from a well blended family. The man I call Grandpa, who I spend holidays with is actually my mothers ex step dad. Who was the father of my mom's youngest brother. And the woman he married after my grandma, I call her grandma, also the person he married after her. The last wife's kids are my aunts and uncles, their kids, my cousins.
My dad, is my bio dad but not to my two older brothers. My dad tried and tried to make a relation ship between my oldest brother and his sperm donor. Didn't work. On my brothers 18th birthday he and my other brother changed their last names to our dads.
My brother is currently blending with a woman with 6 year old boy. Wasn't easy. When his father saw him he would tell him the spit on us and that he doesn't have to listen to anyone mom included. He now chooses not to see his son anymore. Her and him also have a 6 month old. When asked if he has kids it "yup two boys."
I love your outlook on this and it's how it should be. Regardless I feel a man knows when a woman has kids. At least I always am upfront right away, why hide a huge part of yourself? So, men know and if they continue the relationship knowing this and still decides to not accept it, that's a huge jerk. Just my opinion0 -
What about the kids point of view for the man dating their mother? I've seen it lots of times where if the kids just don't accept the man, even though the man is willing to be accepting of the kids, the relationship falls apart.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
I did that to my mother growing up. If I didn't like him, she got rid of him. She finally remarried and my step dad is awesome, accepting myself and my sister (he doesn't have any kids)0 -
I think it just depends on the man. I have two kids, and have had several men pursue me even with the knowledge that I have kids. My single male friends don't automatically steer away from women with kids. This is just my personal experience.0
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What about women getting with men with kids? Now I have kids and I have enough kids I really wouldn't want anymore as I wouldn't want them to have less in life and have to share with more siblings. . Sooooo I really wouldn't want to take on a man with kids for this reason
It's not always men taking on women with kids?
But saying that I'd want some one to take me and my kids on so am I just being a *kitten* now or what :0
If your children are already supported by you & his by him, without you even knowing; that each other exists. How would your children and/or his, have less? I'd say that they'd have more because, they'd each have an extra adult; to turn to.0 -
Well I`m a father of two young girls they are 6-40
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If the woman has her act together and is a good role model , i see no problem. But if the woman is a wreck i would not date her .0
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I had my son when I was 23 and have been raising him on my own for the past 19 years. When I was in my 20's guys my age would run quickly in the other direction when I told them I was a mom. So when I was in my late 20's I started dating older men who had kids of their own. These guys were totally cool with me being a mom, but dating an older divorced man with kids came with it's own set of problems that I, still in my 20's, didn't want to deal with.
Now that I'm 42 and my son is in college, I don't think I'd get involved with someone who had little kids. But I guess it depends on the guy and the situation.0 -
I dated a woman who had a son before I met my wife. That little boy became a centerpiece in my life! In fact, I honestly believe that I stay with his mom for so long simply because I enjoyed spending time with him. Her on the other hand...was a different story...
Now that I have a son of my own, and if the marriage between my wife and I doesn't work out, I don't think that I would have any issues at all dating a woman with a kid(s), but I am at that stage in life where partying and social times are not the most important part of what I do. Spending time with my family and raising my son to be a good man is what I work on daily, sometimes successfully, sometimes not so much, but in the end if my son grows up to be the man that I hope he will be, my life will be fulfilled.0 -
My response is a little backwards. I don't mean this to be shallow at all. I am a mother of a three year old little girl. Personally I would not date for a long time until I really got to know this person. Out of pure fear for my daughter. I would hate to expose her to a stranger that does not plan on staying around. Or worse, one that does not have good intentions. Oddly that being said, I would date a man with kids as long as he is a good father with a healthy relationship with his ex. I think that is extremely important for the kids sake.0
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