lack of support from loved ones

juliepaluscsak
juliepaluscsak Posts: 6 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm not one to ask for help for anything, but lately I think I need to. I've been on a strict eating and exercise program for two years now. For the last three months I've slowly stopped doing anything at all and have completely sabotaged most of my progress. I feel as though I've only gotten negative comments from family and friends when I was on my healthy eating and exercise program. I have heard you are too skinny, you shouldn't do that, nothing positive. Just negative feed back. I have really been mentally beaten down by people in my life who are suppose to be the most supportive. Also no one in my life is dedicated to a healthy life style of exercise and healthy eating. Since I've stopped exercising and eating healthy noone had batted an eye about my weight gain. It's almost like people around me are more comfortable with me being unhealthy. Idk what to do. I'm just so mentally beaten down and confused by the lack of support. I want to start my health planagain, but don't know if i can handle the mental abuse and negativity I've received before. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you ahead of time!

Replies

  • Expatmommy79
    Expatmommy79 Posts: 940 Member
    Can you describe your family a bit? Are you married? Kids?

    Who lives with you?
  • juliepaluscsak
    juliepaluscsak Posts: 6 Member
    Married. One child. I'm a sahm, I have no vehicle, so I'm with my two year old all day, until my husband gets home, which is usually really late. I have no control of finances. So if i want something specific i have to ask for it, and if it's a no, then that is it. It was such a struggle that i just couldn't continue. So the healthy eating and exercise is really important to me. It seems that was the only thing I did for myself.
  • fiddletime
    fiddletime Posts: 1,868 Member
    I think it's really important that you get back on track. Ignore the comments and just do your own thing. Or, request that "if you can't say something nice, then say nothing". And get $20 a week to spend on yourself, and save it. That way you can buy things for yourself like, say, a workout DVD and dumb bells!
  • juliepaluscsak
    juliepaluscsak Posts: 6 Member
    Thank you for the supportive advice! :)
  • Expatmommy79
    Expatmommy79 Posts: 940 Member
    juliepaluscsak wrote: »
    Married. One child. I'm a sahm, I have no vehicle, so I'm with my two year old all day, until my husband gets home, which is usually really late. I have no control of finances. So if i want something specific i have to ask for it, and if it's a no, then that is it. It was such a struggle that i just couldn't continue. So the healthy eating and exercise is really important to me. It seems that was the only thing I did for myself.

    I don't want to alarm you, but the way you describe your finances is a form of financial abuse. You husband not supporting you loosing weight also feels like he is worried you may run off without him. People like that are insecure and controlling and it is unhealthy in many ways.

    If you are up to it, please see the babycenter marriage and relationship board. Life should not be that difficult. Please consider getting some marriage counseling and individual counseling.

    The good news is you can loose weight without money. As long as you control what goes in your mouth you have all the power to get healthy. As a pp mentioned, online videos, are a great way to exercise from home. Waking is also good and will get you out of the house.

    I am a SAHM to 3 kids. My DH works. It is our money. I don't have to ask for permission so long as it fits into our budget which we agree together. If I need more money for extras he makes it happen. That now includes my protein shakes, gym membership, trainer, golf lessons...he is supportive of my goals. I'm not saying that our way is the only way, but just to illustrate the control he has on the money is a problem and not ok.

    Pm me if you need to chat.
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,178 Member
    juliepaluscsak wrote: »
    Married. One child. I'm a sahm, I have no vehicle, so I'm with my two year old all day, until my husband gets home, which is usually really late. I have no control of finances. So if i want something specific i have to ask for it, and if it's a no, then that is it. It was such a struggle that i just couldn't continue. So the healthy eating and exercise is really important to me. It seems that was the only thing I did for myself.

    Stop worrying about weight and exercise and start focusing on the big elephant in the living room. You being a SAHM is not working in your situation.
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,262 Member
    aggelikik wrote: »
    juliepaluscsak wrote: »
    Married. One child. I'm a sahm, I have no vehicle, so I'm with my two year old all day, until my husband gets home, which is usually really late. I have no control of finances. So if i want something specific i have to ask for it, and if it's a no, then that is it. It was such a struggle that i just couldn't continue. So the healthy eating and exercise is really important to me. It seems that was the only thing I did for myself.

    Stop worrying about weight and exercise and start focusing on the big elephant in the living room. You being a SAHM is not working in your situation.

    Agreed with this
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
    Some marriages go through difficult times and then modulate to something better. In the meantime, there are tons of exercises available on dvd and YouTube and elsewhere.
    Also, start researching community options for day care so that you can get job training / part time job by the time your child is 3 or 4.

  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    Who in your family has made comments?
  • headofphat
    headofphat Posts: 1,597 Member
    Tell your family to shut up and find new friends. Problem solved.
  • kissedbythesunshine
    kissedbythesunshine Posts: 416 Member
    Sahm here as well. Husband is the only one working and he also gets home really late. I can relate to you on those things. As far as the budget goes... you should have some say so with that. I try not to touch on other's marriage issues because the truth is no one's marriage is perfect. We all have issues sometimes. The money situation shouldn't be one that only he makes decisions on though. I would have a sit down talk with him and see if room can be made for the items that you are wanting. If he is hell bent on you not having any say so than maybe it's time for you to look at other options. I don't mean a separation or divorce....I mean counseling (Google free marriage counseling), a part time job for you during the day while a family member watches the baby, etc. Good luck and feel free to add me or inbox me if you ever need to vent.
  • kissedbythesunshine
    kissedbythesunshine Posts: 416 Member
    And yes...when others are unhealthy, eating everything that's not nailed down and lazy, they want YOU to be that way as well. Yes they will give nothing but negative comments because you doing something to better your health makes them uncomfortable. I'm not surprised that you said they haven't batted a eye since you went back to your old ways. So typical of people. You're going to have to learn to ignore negativity. I know it's hard but you have to just learn to not listen to it. I have had people have a conversation with me and I can't tell you half of what they said. I have become just that good at ignoring silly Billy's lol.
  • kbmnurse
    kbmnurse Posts: 2,484 Member
    Why enable them to treat you like that? Stay away.
  • DragonShoe_GCole
    DragonShoe_GCole Posts: 137 Member
    kissedbythesunshine wrote: »
    when others are unhealthy, eating everything that's not nailed down and lazy, they want YOU to be that way as well
    aggelikik wrote: »
    Stop worrying about weight and exercise and start focusing on the big elephant in the living room. You being a SAHM is not working in your situation.

    /THREAD

  • rankinsect
    rankinsect Posts: 2,238 Member
    edited December 2015
    juliepaluscsak wrote: »
    I'm not one to ask for help for anything, but lately I think I need to. I've been on a strict eating and exercise program for two years now. For the last three months I've slowly stopped doing anything at all and have completely sabotaged most of my progress. I feel as though I've only gotten negative comments from family and friends when I was on my healthy eating and exercise program. I have heard you are too skinny, you shouldn't do that, nothing positive. Just negative feed back. I have really been mentally beaten down by people in my life who are suppose to be the most supportive. Also no one in my life is dedicated to a healthy life style of exercise and healthy eating. Since I've stopped exercising and eating healthy noone had batted an eye about my weight gain. It's almost like people around me are more comfortable with me being unhealthy. Idk what to do. I'm just so mentally beaten down and confused by the lack of support. I want to start my health planagain, but don't know if i can handle the mental abuse and negativity I've received before. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you ahead of time!

    First off - is there a chance they were right in some way? Some people being negative is not at all unusual, because some people can be jerks or insecure about themselves, but if everyone says it, particularly people who are otherwise reasonable and supportive, then it might be that they have concerns with your approach that you just don't see. Many people in their quest to get healthy end up taking a good thing too far, to the point that healthy living becomes a very unhealthy obsession.

    What was your lowest BMI - was it within a healthy weight range? Were you successfully balancing diet and exercise with all the rest of your life, or were they taking over your life?

    The choices also aren't between "strict" and "nothing" - that's a false dichotomy. There are all sorts of degrees to which you can manage your diet or exercise, and you can be a very healthy person without needing to be all that strict.

Categories