Social Anxiety

noobletmcnugget

I'm 20 years old and have struggled with social anxiety for as long as I can remember. I'm only comfortable around close friends and family. I just can't escape the feeling that I'm being judged or embarrassing myself in pretty much all social interactions. I feel anxious and uncomfortable doing even simple things like walking across a crowded room or down a street. It's worst when meeting new people, in group situations, and in things like presentations and interviews. I find making eye contact difficult and often become quiet and reserved and my mind goes blank.

I feel like when I'm in public these worries occupy about 70% of my thoughts.

I've tried to battle it for so long, but feel like it's really not getting significantly better. I know rationally that it's ridiculous and that 99% of people aren't paying me the slightest bit of attention. And that even if they are judging me, it's completely inconsequential.

Just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat? Or has been in the past? Or if anyone has any advice or tips?

OneHundredToLose

I used to be socially awkward, until my work started requiring me to interface with customers. A couple years of that made it so that I just don't care anymore, and I can talk to anyone about anything. At the end of the day, most people want one of 3 things out of a conversation:

1) To wait for their turn to talk
2) To be seen as cool / impressive / interesting
3) To finish with the conversation so that they can go back to whatever they were doing

Once you realize that, it becomes really easy to talk to people. We're all just weird, sweating meat bags walking around on a giant rock that's flying through space at 100,000 miles per hour. Life's weird enough without being awkward with each other too.

noobletmcnugget

OneHundredToLose wrote: »

I used to be socially awkward, until my work started requiring me to interface with customers. A couple years of that made it so that I just don't care anymore, and I can talk to anyone about anything. At the end of the day, most people want one of 3 things out of a conversation:

1) To wait for their turn to talk
2) To be seen as cool / impressive / interesting
3) To finish with the conversation so that they can go back to whatever they were doing

Once you realize that, it becomes really easy to talk to people. We're all just weird, sweating meat bags walking around on a giant rock that's flying through space at 100,000 miles per hour. Life's weird enough without being awkward with each other too.

Thanks for the reply! I appreciate it!

I spend a lot of time thinking about how insignificant everything is like that, and trying to put things into perspective. But no matter how much I rationalise it to myself, I can't change the anxiety I feel when I'm actually in social situations.

Maybe it is just a case of exposure like it was for you!

boomshakalaka911

I'm going to tell you something that might help.

There are probably only 5 people in the world who truly care about you. Other people honestly just don't care. Therefore. Anyone that you meet honestly could give 2 sh**s what you do. People are too focused on number 1. They will forget about you in a matter of minutes. So just do you and don't worry about being judged. Give zero F***s and cruise on.

Hope this helps. Good luck

Unknown

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WWbuffydo

It depends whether you're talking about just being shy/ socially awkward or the actual mental illness that is SAD. I suffer from social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder and panic disorder so I can only speak from that perspective. If you haven't already seen someone for it, i would recommend that because it does help...but it's really hard to give advice because different things work for different people. For instance, When I feel very anxious i remind myself that I'm just as insignificant as an ant, which sounds weird but it does sometimes work for me. For others that might send them into an existential crisis. It's really just trial and error. There will always be good days and bad days, but with the right support system and therapist the good days get even better and the bad days get easier to manage.

noobletmcnugget

boomshakalaka911 wrote: »

I'm going to tell you something that might help.

There are probably only 5 people in the world who truly care about you. Other people honestly just don't care. Therefore. Anyone that you meet honestly could give 2 sh**s what you do. People are too focused on number 1. They will forget about you in a matter of minutes. So just do you and don't worry about being judged. Give zero F***s and cruise on.

Hope this helps. Good luck

Thanks for the reply! I really like that perspective. It's so true. I feel like for years I've been trying to give zero f***s though but it's so tough. I can't just switch off how anxious I automatically feel. I feel like by actively trying not to give a f*** I'm already giving too much of a f***.

boomshakalaka911

True. Well just realize that people honestly don't care. You'll be fine!

noobletmcnugget

WWbuffydo wrote: »

I suffer from social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder and panic disorder so I understand your pain. If you haven't already seen someone for it, i would recommend that because it does help...but it's really hard to give advice because different things work for different people. For instance, When I feel very anxious i remind myself that I'm just as insignificant as an ant, which sounds weird but it does sometimes work for me. For others that might send them into an existential crisis. It's really just trial and error. There will always be good days and bad days, but with the right support system and therapist the good days get even better and the bad days get easier to manage.

Hey! I'm really sorry to hear that you struggle with all of this! I think I'm similar to you. Being insignificant is a reassurance to me. I know a lot of people who find it distressing though. I've been to a doctor before about it and they just gave me a self-help booklet, which hasn't really helped. I'm reluctant to go back through because I feel like I'd be taking away NHS mental support from someone else in much greater need.

noobletmcnugget

boomshakalaka911 wrote: »

True. Well just realize that people honestly don't care. You'll be fine!

The problem is that I already know they don't care though. I've known it for years. But no matter how long I spend rationalising it in my head, it doesn't reduce the anxiety I feel when I'm actually in social situations.

ThatFatAsianNerd

OneHundredToLose wrote: »

I used to be socially awkward, until my work started requiring me to interface with customers. A couple years of that made it so that I just don't care anymore, and I can talk to anyone about anything. At the end of the day, most people want one of 3 things out of a conversation:

1) To wait for their turn to talk
2) To be seen as cool / impressive / interesting
3) To finish with the conversation so that they can go back to whatever they were doing

Once you realize that, it becomes really easy to talk to people. We're all just weird, sweating meat bags walking around on a giant rock that's flying through space at 100,000 miles per hour. Life's weird enough without being awkward with each other too.

+ 1 billion. Great post.

WWbuffydo

noobletmcnugget wrote: »

WWbuffydo wrote: »

I suffer from social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder and panic disorder so I understand your pain. If you haven't already seen someone for it, i would recommend that because it does help...but it's really hard to give advice because different things work for different people. For instance, When I feel very anxious i remind myself that I'm just as insignificant as an ant, which sounds weird but it does sometimes work for me. For others that might send them into an existential crisis. It's really just trial and error. There will always be good days and bad days, but with the right support system and therapist the good days get even better and the bad days get easier to manage.

Hey! I'm really sorry to hear that you struggle with all of this! I think I'm similar to you. Being insignificant is a reassurance to me. I know a lot of people who find it distressing though. I've been to a doctor before about it and they just gave me a self-help booklet, which hasn't really helped. I'm reluctant to go back through because I feel like I'd be taking away NHS mental support from someone else in much greater need.

well, there will always someone out there who has it worse, but that doesn't mean that you should have to struggle. You wouldn't avoid going to the doctor for a broken leg, just because some else out there has cancer (at least I'd hope not) .Mental health is the same. It sucks about your doctor though, I would probably suggest seeing a new one if you can, some doctors really don't take these kinds of problems seriously. Otherwise, I know there are lots of free online resources available and talking through your anxieties always helps..

Also, I think some of the people replying are confusing an actual mental illness with being shy...sorry if I seem overly passionate or kind preachy but I just get sick of how people confuse having depression with being depressed, or having SAD with being shy and then offer solutions that actually aren't helpful and are sometimes even condescending. Thinking positive doesn't help clinical depression and being told to 'there's nothing to worry about' doesn't help anxiety. Anyway, i've gone of topic and I don't mean to attack anyone. Also, I'm not saying you necessarily have social anxiety, you may just actually be shy, but if you're worried, then definitely seek help because it's always better to know.

kbmnurse

Get to a mental health professional.

noobletmcnugget

WWbuffydo wrote: »

noobletmcnugget wrote: »

WWbuffydo wrote: »

I suffer from social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder and panic disorder so I understand your pain. If you haven't already seen someone for it, i would recommend that because it does help...but it's really hard to give advice because different things work for different people. For instance, When I feel very anxious i remind myself that I'm just as insignificant as an ant, which sounds weird but it does sometimes work for me. For others that might send them into an existential crisis. It's really just trial and error. There will always be good days and bad days, but with the right support system and therapist the good days get even better and the bad days get easier to manage.

Hey! I'm really sorry to hear that you struggle with all of this! I think I'm similar to you. Being insignificant is a reassurance to me. I know a lot of people who find it distressing though. I've been to a doctor before about it and they just gave me a self-help booklet, which hasn't really helped. I'm reluctant to go back through because I feel like I'd be taking away NHS mental support from someone else in much greater need.

well, there will always someone out there who has it worse, but that doesn't mean that you should have to struggle. You wouldn't avoid going to the doctor for a broken leg, just because some else out there has cancer (at least I'd hope not) .Mental health is the same. It sucks about your doctor though, I would probably suggest seeing a new one if you can, some doctors really don't take these kinds of problems seriously. Otherwise, I know there are lots of free online resources available and talking through your anxieties always helps..

Also, I think some of the people replying are confusing an actual mental illness with being shy...sorry if I seem overly passionate or kind preachy but I just get sick of how people confuse having depression with being depressed, or having SAD with being shy and then offer solutions that actually aren't helpful and are sometimes even condescending. Thinking positive doesn't help clinical depression and being told to 'there's nothing to worry about' doesn't help anxiety. Anyway, i've gone of topic and I don't mean to attack anyone. Also, I'm not saying you necessarily have social anxiety, you may just actually be shy, but if you're worried, then definitely seek help because it's always better to know.

I guess you're right. I think I might go and see a different doctor at some point in the new year. At the moment my main coping mechanism in lots of social situations is to get drunk. I feel like that's the only time really don't feel anxious around others (excluding family and best friends). I don't want for that to be the case for the rest of my life.

And yeah, I think there is a lot of misunderstanding of the difference between normal shyness and diagnosable social anxiety. I don't know whether what I experience is severe enough to be diagnosable but I guess it's something I can find out. How do they diagnose you? Do they make you fill out a questionnaire or something?

headofphat

Just picture in your head that everyone you see is naked. Might help.

noobletmcnugget

headofphat wrote: »

Just picture in your head that everyone you see is naked. Might help.

Hahaha it's worth a shot.

Marqiiz

I went thru the exact same thing. What helped me was losing weight. I felt more comfortable & confident about myself so my worries got put on the back burner. Its not completely gone but most of it is.
Time will help you heal as long as you push yourself. Dont stay home, go out & have fun.

pie_eyes

I used to be worse but the only thing I have a problem with at this point is approaching people.

LiftingRiot

I would recommend not going to mental health professional but just utilizing the advice you get from MFP. Also, I would limit my interactions with people strictly to on MFP. That way you never have to be around anyone in real life and everyone on MFP is an expert... don't you know? lol

Sorry to hear about your problem. I feel the same way around a lot of people. Be goofy, be yourself, and don't worry about everyone else. Face your fears and don't let them consume you. Professional help is always good like people have said... Not a fan of medication though. that just masks problems.

Marqiiz

LiftingRiot wrote: »

I would recommend not going to mental health professional but just utilizing the advice you get from MFP. Also, I would limit my interactions with people strictly to on MFP. That way you never have to be around anyone in real life and everyone on MFP is an expert... don't you know? lol

Sorry to hear about your problem. I feel the same way around a lot of people. Be goofy, be yourself, and don't worry about everyone else. Face your fears and don't let them consume you. Professional help is always good like people have said... Not a fan of medication though. that just masks problems.

Years ago I took medication for it & I regretted it. I got every single side effect that was listed. I felt terrible. I highly recommend not taking medication.

noobletmcnugget

LiftingRiot wrote: »

I would recommend not going to mental health professional but just utilizing the advice you get from MFP. Also, I would limit my interactions with people strictly to on MFP. That way you never have to be around anyone in real life and everyone on MFP is an expert... don't you know? lol

Sorry to hear about your problem. I feel the same way around a lot of people. Be goofy, be yourself, and don't worry about everyone else. Face your fears and don't let them consume you. Professional help is always good like people have said... Not a fan of medication though. that just masks problems.

Haha sounds like the perfect solution

Yeah, I might see my GP about it. Yeah, I wouldn't want to go down the medication route. I feel like it doesn't actually solve the problem. Plus I couldn't be dealing with any side effects from them.

headofphat

The real answer is to just get drunk. Say bye bye to inhibitions.

noobletmcnugget

headofphat wrote: »

The real answer is to just get drunk. Say bye bye to inhibitions.

That's my current coping strategy for parties. But since I don't particularly want to go down the road of day time drinking, it's not a good solution for 90% of social interactions.

pie_eyes

headofphat wrote: »

The real answer is to just get drunk. Say bye bye to inhibitions.

Most definitely when I'm drinking I can talk to anybody lol

abetterluke

I actually have the same issue and feel the same way -- the weird thing for me though is that it's a relatively recent issue. I'm fine at work with people I know and with clients but in outside social situations where I don't know people I'm extremely uncomfortable and clam up. I never had that issue until a few years ago. I was always extremely social.

noobletmcnugget

abetterluke wrote: »

I actually have the same issue and feel the same way -- the weird thing for me though is that it's a relatively recent issue. I'm fine at work with people I know and with clients but in outside social situations where I don't know people I'm extremely uncomfortable and clam up. I never had that issue until a few years ago. I was always extremely social.

Hey, I've read around online quite a lot about social anxiety. For a lot of people it can have a sudden onset like you described, and for others (like me) it's just always been an issue.

Good luck getting over it! I hope we both manage to.

salembambi

many people especially young people deal with this a lot

i for sure do i find xanax and marijuana help

also not caring can help a lot too ..and seeking some therapy and support

LiftingRiot

headofphat wrote: »

The real answer is to just get drunk. Say bye bye to inhibitions.

Quite honestly this is how I deal with my social anxiety and I really don't like that. I don't drink that much except when I go out. I am not comfortable unless im smashing a drink too. Been trying to change that lately.

ThatFatAsianNerd

noobletmcnugget wrote: »

headofphat wrote: »

The real answer is to just get drunk. Say bye bye to inhibitions.

That's my current coping strategy for parties. But since I don't particularly want to go down the road of day time drinking, it's not a good solution for 90% of social interactions.

It may seem like it it'll work for some time as long as you don't get out of hand with it, but eventually you might. I'm not entirely against the use of medications but it can be a blessing once you find something that works for you. Be aware though that if it's a scheduled narcotic of any kind like benzodiazepines (Alprazolam/Clonazepam/etc.), the risk of mental/physical dependency and eventually abuse will be there, thus a strict regimen under great medical supervision/monitoring is a MUST.

Now with meds, it is imperative to know that TALK therapy and such are just as important, if not more, to your well-being in the long run. Whether it's CBT/DBT-based, psych-dynamics, or a combination of many other types of talk therapy/exercises you can explore out there with a great trained professional, I can't stress how important these things are towards reaching your specific goal(s) of overcoming your anxiety and whatever else you may be having trouble with at this time. You'll learn much, much more effective coping mechanisms you can always utilize, because again, that Grey Goose mixed inside your Minute Made orange juice bottle there only worsens things in the long run.

It's likely that you will have breakthroughs and you're going to discover things (triggers/events/etc.) and uncover past matters you may have forgotten (PTSD and such) and some of that is going to hurt a bit, or more than a bit, but look at it as a "necessary" hurt or pain or wound that you found out was never healed in the first place, and is now being properly treated.

I don't care how strong your walls are that you've put up for yourself after whatever it is you may have gone through, but you've got to realize that you're not exactly "protecting" yourself from the harm that's out there, rather you're more like keeping whatever talents and unique gifts you have from being discovered and shared with people out there -- people who will love you for you.

OP, you look really young so it's important to know that at your age, these things are far more common than many of us care to believe. As you age, it's highly likely that you'll feel more comfortable with yourself. You'll be ok with how things are and KNOW that that beast they call self-criticism with its hand and sharp fingernails always crawling up the back of your spine for seemingly every second out of the day you're out there in public, WILL eventually subside. That comes with age.

From a personal standpoint, my anxiety issues culminated from being too self-critical. Whenever I'd make mistakes, I'd keep beating myself up for it. It was (and still is) hard for me to let go of things and mistakes I've made in the past, but I'm learning to cope with these matters better -- to accept that hey, maybe these matters and those mistakes were things I was supposed to make to become me. A better version of myself. And I'm totally good with that. These days, I'm less self-critical. I honestly do NOT give a flying Martha Stewart confetti fart fawk about what others may say or believe or think about me these days anymore, unless it's something that's going to interfere with my profession/family/etc. I'll act like a fool and a dumba$$ as long as it's all in good fun. I'm no longer as angry as I used to be as well, and trust me it WAS horrible back in the day. I beat the F out a dude (one of these "internet tough guys/bullies" who hide behind computer screens and project themselves unto others) and nearly broke his spine and I lost so much and paid so much in life for it at the time. That was years ago though. I've more than "paid my dues" and redeemed/proven myself for well... not only only everyone that I love, but most importantly myself since then.

The alcoholism lingered on for years though, because even though I may have done well in other areas in my life, I still did not have the right tools to deal/cope with all of the guilt and anger and regret and all of these emotional entanglements I had within me from incidents that happened in the past. It was just too hard for me to stop thinking about that "what ifs" and the "could have been this or that" matters. But yeah, that's all water under the bridge now.

And oh yeah, having an awesome family/support system is most important.

OP, you'll start to learn to love yourself. It's sort of like untangling a knotted rope and tying it up a tree and instead of tying the bottom end of it it around your neck, why not just grab on to that rope with your bare hands and swing and go "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

That's life for me these days