Gym fear

littlemissmetalfit1

I'm to go to my gym induction tomorrow I'm so scared not just about induction but just gyming alone, I've no friends to gym with and find it generally hard to be around people.
I need gym as I'm really over weight almost 15st on a 5'4 frame, but not really intrested in just loosing weight I'm wanting to gain muscle. I can not afford personal trainer (can barely afford gym membership) I have brought new rules for lifting book.

Any advise on how I can gym with so much anxiety on doing it alone, do people laugh if your doing it all wrong?

bmb42

I decided to start lifting about two years ago at my university's gym, which is full of bros. I was terrified. But it really wasn't bad once I got past the thought of all eyes being on me. Honestly, nobody cares that you're in the gym. They're in the gym for the same reason you are--to better themselves. You can do this! Just blast your music and think positive thoughts. Also, just go. Don't sit and think about how nervous you are. JUST GO. I promise that it gets easier.

kpeterson539

First of all, getting a program to follow, such as "New Rules" was a great move. Secondly, people do not laugh. They are generally so involved with their own goals they aren't paying attention to anyone but themselves. Even if they were paying attention, people do not laugh. We have all started someplace.

I generally go to the gym alone, sometimes with my headphones on.....sometimes not. I get to chose what I'm concentrating on.

Please remember, you're doing this for YOU.....not for anyone else.

NJGamerChick

I gym alone myself. Headphones with music that pumps you up and has a good rhythm is the best, especially while lifting. Just do what you can. My goal is usually just to get into the door. I tell myself, I just need to walk in and scan in and then I can leave and it's usually enough to get me to stay and do something since I'm there. Next thing I know it's been an hour and my workout is done.

As for the anxiety, nobody is looking. I do some pretty weird stretches there and nobody bats an eye. People are there to do their own thing, just like you're there to do you. If someone happens to notice you're doing something wrong, they will usually just help you. Perks of being a lady. I love sometimes just going on a bike, setting it and just closing my eyes and just listening/peddling to whatever playlist I decided on. It's such a good break from life. Just don't forget your towel!

Fit4LifeAR

People don't pay attention to others at the gym, and if anything, you might get a few friendly smiles or a "hello" or two.

I used to feel like you, many years ago, but then I realized it was my own insecurities speaking to me.

I think the only time I have ever judged anyone at the gym, was the time two heavy set girls (I am big too), came in to the gym, sat on stationary bikes with ice coffees, and made fun of people for how badly they were sweating. Any real athlete (big or small), shoots for that kind of burn, and doesn't need that kind of negativity around. I wanted to go sweat all over their done up hair and face full of makeup lol.

socalkay

I'm right there with you! I joined a gym last month but was already doing Pulmonary Rehab three days a week so I didn't have the time or energy to try my new gym membership. That was my excuse last month, anyway... I also play chair volleyball 2 days a week and ride my stationary bike at home on days I didn't do one of the fore mentioned activities so it's not that I'm avoiding exercise - I'm clearly avoiding the gym. Well, Pulmonary Rehab is over and so is all of this Holiday nonsense (the season for excuses), so it's time to suck it up and march our sagging butts into the gym. Tomorrow.

"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right." ~ Henry Ford.

davert123

Just do it. I suffer from social anxiety and I know when I went down the first few times felt difficult. Most people won't even know you are there because they are on their own mission. Others will be feeling just like you as its January and the Gym will be ramp packed full of newbies. The only advice I can give you is to keep going and as people have suggested get a programme to follow. I would also get some music and listen to it. If you are feeling self concious just plug in a get into it :-) Really good luck. The very very sad thing I notice in Gyms is that 95% of those who are their in January are gone, never to re-appear in Feb. DON'T BE ONE OF THESE :-) Start slow and regular and keep going no matter what. Make your Gym time ring fenced and don't let anything at all interfere with it. You need to move from the apprehensive state you are in now to allowing the Gym to be part of your life. This takes time but it will happen if you stick at it. Make as many friends as you can on MFP - ask people that have been here for a while as well as newbees and talk with them as well daily - even if its just a "wtg" on the diary. The biggest thing I realised was that I had to change me - my attitude and what I do as a person. The Gym and people on here were (and still are) integral into my well being :-) Good luck.

TheChrissyT

I started going to the gym a few months ago. I don't know how much a stone is, but I can tell you that I've lost 110lbs from my biggest and probably have 80 to go. I was terribly insecure. I thought everyone would be judging me. I hated that there were mirrors everywhere and I didn't NOT want to see what I looked like when I was a redfaced sweaty warthog. I felt like I was "taking someone elses spot" when I used a machine, and that everyone could tell I didn't know what I was doing when I wasn't.

Instead of dreading these things, when I felt like I didn't know what I was doing, I just did research when I got home and made sure that the next time I'd have a better idea. I did careful observation of the people who are at the fitness level I want to be at, and took notes on what they were doing and decided that I would be that person one day. That one day, I'd notice a heavy girl out of the corner of my eye watching me and using what I was doing to inspire herself. I want to be my own inspiration. Caring too much about what others think of us is often times a lot of the reason we get to be overweight in the first place. Thinking that others will think negatively of us is a reflection of the critical eyes we look at ourselves with. Along with working out, work on forgiving yourself for not being perfect or getting to this point, and love yourself enough to make sure that the critical voice is no longer allowed to dominate your mind. Talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend on this journey.

littlemissmetalfit1

Thanks for all your reassurance. It is very difficult to try to be stronger than my social anxiety.
Exactly that I don't want to be the January goer and let my anxiety win and fade away from it.
It's really important to me. I had baby no.4 in November and 4th c- section so couldn't join before had to make sure I recovered.
I'm trying to watch you tube videos learn what stuff I should be doing... I'm nervous about going in weights area but I know it's the area i need to be in to get best results.

blankiefinder

Every time you go it will get easier and feel less uncomfortable. So just go, and keep going.

sunnybeaches105

I've been seriously overweight and rather fit. I've had several gym memberships over the years and worked out in many on vacation. The funny this is I've pretty much been treated exactly the same in both instances and in every gym, mostly ignored. Focus on your workout, make sure you record your progress and just keep at it. The gym is there for you, make it work the way you need it to work. If you're not social or are shy then put the ear buds in and listen to music and hide inside your own head. As you get more comfortable, that may change and you may find the same people are consistently in the gym. At some point, it may be worth extending a hand and saying "hi". Then again, you may not. The important thing is that you keep at it. It can take a very long time to get into truly great shape, and most people give up at some point. Don't be that person.

zoeysasha37

Great job picking nrol !!! That's so great ! And I don't notice others in the gym , so can't really help with that part. But I do know that it is not as bad as you think it will be.

DawnEmbers

Pretty much what is already stated above. I joined over a year ago and weighed nearly 200 lbs (after losing a little with just calorie deficit and walking), which is rather obese for 4'11.5". Honestly, in the last year the number of times I've been noticed or approached is a mere handful. Most of which was "are you using that?" or "how many sets do you have left?" and that's it. Okay, one guy tried giving advice on how to do wrist curls... but yeah, for the most part, not really approached or noticed at all.

Even if they laugh, chances are it's at something in their head, something a friend said, or they are listening to comedy. Might get a few odd looks on occasion cause not everyone knows all of the lifts and NROLFW does have some one leg type stuff where balance can be tricky, but in the end none of that really matters. And it's not anything against you, just hard to know everything that people can do. I know I stared a little confused at the guys sitting on dumbbells using the seated row cable, but found out later from youtube the reasoning. It happens. Plus you can get some fun "gym stories" to share with others (like how I managed to hit my head with the bar in grit strength class cause I'm talented).

Just go in despite the anxiety and fake it until you get accustomed to it, then you won't notice it either.

AllanMisner

Congratulations for making this step (and a good choice of a book to get you going)! What you’re feeling is very common. We all start out not knowing our way around. I’ll share a few points below:
1) Nobody will be laughing at you. We’re all there to get healthy and fit.
2) Use the book, watch some videos on Youtube, ask here in the forums (or PM me) and you’ll have all you need to be sure you’re doing it right. Form is important to reduce the risk of injury. Start with low weights and slowly progress.
3) Follow basic gym etiquette - Don’t hog equipment (aka let people work in if need be); Put equipment back when you’re finished with it; and wipe down equipment you’ve used.
4) If you need help, ask. Most folks are more than willing to offer advice, provide a spot, etc.
5) Making friends at the gym can help you be even more successful. See someone like yourself? Offer them encouragement and you might get a workout buddy in the process.
6) Enjoy! Weight lifting can be very good for your health and spirit.

You’ve got this!

Allan Misner
NASM Certified Personal Trainer (Corrective Exercise Specialist, Fitness Nutrition Specialist)
Host of the 40+ Fitness Podcast

lauraloo66

It may be better to gym it alone then to potentially get dragged down by a "buddy" whose motivation is not as strong as your own.

kshama2001

littlemissmetalfit1 wrote: »

I'm to go to my gym induction tomorrow I'm so scared not just about induction but just gyming alone, I've no friends to gym with and find it generally hard to be around people.
I need gym as I'm really over weight almost 15st on a 5'4 frame, but not really intrested in just loosing weight I'm wanting to gain muscle. I can not afford personal trainer (can barely afford gym membership) I have brought new rules for lifting book.

Any advise on how I can gym with so much anxiety on doing it alone, do people laugh if your doing it all wrong?

I get anxious when I go someplace for the first time too

What's a gym induction - like an orientation? Maybe prepare for this by familiarizing yourself with the workouts in New Rules of Lifting for Women so you can ask specific questions about where the equipment for those routines are and have the person orienting you walk you through them and check your form.

I've been gyming alone since 1988 and prefer it that way. I go the the gym at off peak hours like the hour before close so there are less people.

JoRocka

Think of this... what's the ABSOLUTE worse that can happen.
You fall and someone laughs?
you get sweaty and smell and people look at you?

think to yourself- so what.

so what does this mean for me? absolutely nothing. It does NOT directly impact your path to your goal to get awesome and kick *kitten* and be more fabulous.

Do not EVER let anyone get in the way of your goal- no matter how small you think that is- keep your eyes on the goal and stay focused- then the anxiety of what's going on around you should be trivial.

speeno

everyone in that gym is there to improve themselves, just like you, they may be further along their particular journey and you are just starting yours....but you are all there for the same reason, go and do the gym work and look forward to the results, as you travel along your journey you will see people starting theirs....just like you did.

davert123

lauraloo66 wrote: »

It may be better to gym it alone then to potentially get dragged down by a "buddy" whose motivation is not as strong as your own.

For me this is important too. Its great to get friends who are just as motivated but if your motivation depends upon others turning up it can run into difficulty when they don't. I train alone most of the time. You can get friends on here who will keep you accountable and I am sure you will bump into some people time and time again who you will get to know :-) Really good luck

littlemissmetalfit1

Thanks all, I turned up at gym and was heart broken when no one turned up for induction and I couldn't find anyone around who even worked at the gym.
Spoke to a few gym goers and they also couldn't understand why no one turned up.
My anxieties kicked in over drive and almost past out 30 mind I stood around looking like a clown I even cried at one point.
So I'm considering leaving that gym and looking for another.
I never want to feel like that again!
It took all my strength to go there, tell myself I can do this I need to do this, then bam I was let down by the simplest of customer service.
Altho I'm going to look into another gym this has really knocked me back 10 paces.
Altho' extremely scared I was looking forward to the results I set myself a target each week and had an vision of me 4 months from now.
Some people may think it's just an induction but for someone with my social anxiety going there telling myself I can do this, when all I wanted to do was hide, is a big step all because I know ti get the results I want I need the gym and weights, not just physically but mentally to.

huango

I'm sorry that you had a hard time today.

Can you please clarify what you wanted/needed today?
- a staff member/trainer to start you on a routine?
- an exercise class, such as Zumba or yoga?
- A group of friends you know from somewhere else?

I started out at the gym 6years ago and I always headed straight to the classes, such as kickboxing or Zumba or Pilates.
It took many many classes before I started to chat hello, etc, to a few regular students.
Just 2 years ago, I switched to lifting weights. After watching StrongLift 5x5 videos on youtube, I got the courage to go to the lifting room, and started on the Smith machine (since I didn't have anyone to spot me).
After all these years, I've gain quite some confidence, even though I don't really have any friends at the gym.
In fact, my whine sometimes is how no one says hi to me (must be my "back-off" sweaty face).

My suggestion to you is to find a work-out class that you like to try.
Get to the class early, so that you can find a spot: towards the back, but near the middle, so that you can see the instructor.
Take the class(es) several times to build up your confidence.

You are doing this for yourself, and no one else.
You need to depend on yourself, and no one else.
You can do this.
One day at a time.

Good luck.
Amanda

devil_in_a_blue_dress

You'll be fine.

The only people I notice/eye roll at my gym are the people who make GIANT messes and/or take up 5/6 stations at a time or the people being trained by a friend (typically a boyfriend) incorrectly. And I don't laugh at these people -- I eye roll and work in with the former and cringe for the latter.

But people there just doing their thing? Those people I don't watch or pay attention to unless they talk to me. I'm always happy to see people there just TRYING.

AllanMisner

littlemissmetalfit1 wrote: »

Thanks all, I turned up at gym and was heart broken when no one turned up for induction and I couldn't find anyone around who even worked at the gym.
Spoke to a few gym goers and they also couldn't understand why no one turned up.
My anxieties kicked in over drive and almost past out 30 mind I stood around looking like a clown I even cried at one point.
So I'm considering leaving that gym and looking for another.
I never want to feel like that again!
It took all my strength to go there, tell myself I can do this I need to do this, then bam I was let down by the simplest of customer service.
Altho I'm going to look into another gym this has really knocked me back 10 paces.
Altho' extremely scared I was looking forward to the results I set myself a target each week and had an vision of me 4 months from now.
Some people may think it's just an induction but for someone with my social anxiety going there telling myself I can do this, when all I wanted to do was hide, is a big step all because I know ti get the results I want I need the gym and weights, not just physically but mentally to.

I am so sorry you were put in that situation. Not acceptable on any level. You are worthy and should never let the actions/thoughts of others define you. Prove something to yourself by getting in on this, for you!

goddessheatherr

I cannot believe the first experience you had! How horrifying. I can only imagine what you went through. I myself have high social anxiety and a slew of other anxiety so I am on Zoloft and it works amazing! Today was my first time EVER to go to a gym. In my mind I was nervous about it being packed full of people. I didn't want to workout next to someone and look like a *kitten* basically. But there was like 12 people in the whole gym! So I worked myself up for no reason. The staff at my gym thankfully does what they are getting paid to do and helped me. I couldn't even figure out the simplest thing like starting the elliptical. Apparently you just get on and go for 20 seconds and it turns on. I'm standing there pressing all these buttons like an idiot and then I just went and asked how the hell do you start it! Lol same thing with all their machines I guess. They have TV's. I had my phone which I listened to music but you can plug your phone into the machines its really cool. As far as being over weight and people giving a rats *kitten*, they don't! The only thing I thought was funny was the funny looking buff guy who kept looking at himself in the mirror like a horse that just got a shot! LOL There was a girl tanning by the pool in a bikini about size 22. I was like I am impressed! That's how chill the atmosphere was. I cant wait to go back tomorrow. I hope you call and complain about your experience and give your gym a second time. Oh all the strength machines have a picture with explanations of how to do it and its real easy. Good luck!

tammylrivera

Hi,
I'm new to lifting and would love to be friends to other females that lift. Please add me.

Moxie42

littlemissmetalfit1 wrote: »

Thanks all, I turned up at gym and was heart broken when no one turned up for induction and I couldn't find anyone around who even worked at the gym.
Spoke to a few gym goers and they also couldn't understand why no one turned up.
My anxieties kicked in over drive and almost past out 30 mind I stood around looking like a clown I even cried at one point.
So I'm considering leaving that gym and looking for another.
I never want to feel like that again!
It took all my strength to go there, tell myself I can do this I need to do this, then bam I was let down by the simplest of customer service.
Altho I'm going to look into another gym this has really knocked me back 10 paces.
Altho' extremely scared I was looking forward to the results I set myself a target each week and had an vision of me 4 months from now.
Some people may think it's just an induction but for someone with my social anxiety going there telling myself I can do this, when all I wanted to do was hide, is a big step all because I know ti get the results I want I need the gym and weights, not just physically but mentally to.

So sorry you had to go through that! But you know what? You got through it. Not only that but you didn't use it as an excuse to immediately turn around and leave and swear to never try a gym again. Instead you stayed, waited, and are considering looking for a different gym instead. That takes strength and courage, and have more of it than you think! Whatever you decide- whether it's to give the current gym another shot, or find a different one, just don't give up. Personally, I'd give the current gym one more shot only because, having anxiety myself, I know how scary new places can be and having to show up to a brand new one would be just as hard as it was to go to this gym the first time. At least going back to the same places gives you a little tiny bit of familiarity. Everyone is different of course but that might be one thing to take into consideration as you make your decision

Congrats on taking that first step, and for not using it as an excuse to give up. You CAN do this.

woofer00

Getting into the gym, any gym, is a big and awesome first step. You're ahead of the curve vs staying at home.

If you can muster the courage for it, it's worth chatting with the "gym bros" to get tips on how to do exercises with proper form. Many are more than willing to show off how much they know (being a little sarcastic there) but it's better than trying something new blindly and sustaining an injury when you're learning a new strength exercise. And there's nothing better than filling rest time between sets than finding someone willing to chat. If you look around, in most places people who are lifting are also bonding, but cardio time tends be to solo zone out time (speaking from experience on both ends. I cardio to watch Netflix, and lift with friends to hang out)

The only people I judge at the gym are jerks who are rude to new members. Those people are jerks in and out of the gym. Everyone was new and learning at one point. Even Olympic lifters have coaches.

kirstyvdk1

Well done to you and poor form by that gym! I have been at many gyms for many years and I am sorry you had to experience that. Nobody will judge you for not being familiar with the environment - everybody had to start sometime. I now teach group fitness classes and try to talk to new members before a class to give them a heads up on what they are about to experience. I'm not sure where you live or what gym you attend but a good instructor should go out of their way to prepare you for what you will experience. I teach Les Mills classes and there is the option for new members to leave the class after 4 tracks (songs) if they feel they have had enough at that stage. Les Mills educates all instructors on how to best cater for new participants so if you try a class, arrive 5 - 10 minutes early and tell the instructor it is your first class. I hope you receive better service on your next gym visit.

47Jacqueline

It's really hard to start something new. Congratulations for showing up even if your program didn't happen.. If you think It was because of bad gym management, maybe it's not a well run place, but maybe someone got sick otherwise.

I've been on the injured list for three months and just got cleared to start my activities again. I put a commitment on my calendar to start this morning, but here I am instead. My next step will be to get my stuff together the night before. Lol

I do have physical therapy this afternoon, so it's not a complete wash.