Husband isn't on board
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Of_Monsters_and_Meat wrote: »Just let him look at some of his fetish porn on the internet to get it out of his system.
god i love you0 -
You are more than your husband's sexual plaything.
It's important to consider your spouse's feelings and needs, but they don't override you feeling healthy and happy about yourself.0 -
It is a very unhealthy marriage if you are feeling obliged to do something you hate (and that is damaging your health) to keep your husband happy. Start working on weight loss and seek marriage counseling.
Right.
Because based upon a single, 3 line post on a fitness website, which contains practically no details, from a poster with no posting history - the marriage is very unhealthy, the woman's health is in jeapordy and shrinks need to get involved.
Never change MFP.
If you consider a marriage counselour a shrink and if you think that telling someone to get marriage counselling is an insult, this is your problem, not mine and not OPs.
OP said she is not feeling happy with her weight and attractive but her husband has his reasons to want her to stay this way. If this is not a reason for marriage counselling, I do not know what is.You were not bothered by the advice to tell him to leave the marriage, or the advice to recommend some fat lady porn to him, but you are bothered about advice that would help her and her husband better communicate?0 -
Well, I think the above people have pretty well said it all. One question is does your husband stay in shape? Sometimes a spouse, besides all the other above reasons, doesn't like you to "get in shape" as it can be a constant reminder they aren't, and they don't like the way they look...of course, then all the other thoughts start. However, you need to do what is healthy and right for you. At your age, it is even more important as you can do it easier than if you were in your 40's and older. Try to get him to do it with you...but don't not do it because of him.0
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Gee it would be nice if he were on board. He definitely should not sabotage or diminish your efforts.
Talk it out. Would he change his shape to keep you happy? Does that sound fair and just to him?
How is he with the whole fitness aspect? My hubby wants to be fit and healthy well in to old age and on that score we agree.0 -
I can really relate with this. My husband is not on board with this either. He tells me that he knows I'm going to quit so why should I even bother starting. He is the cook in the family too so I really hate being rude and telling him that I need to make something else for my dinner. I am doing this. I need to do this.... it doesn't matter if he likes me like this, I don't and that is why I need a change.0
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I don't understand the logic why men like their women "chubby". Is there a clause in the marriage vows, "love, honor and stay chubby"...
Isn't our significant others supposed to always love, honor and cherish us even if we want to be a little smaller self?
Has anyone ever heard "happy wife, happy life". Don't get why anything of this nature could be construed by anyone including our spouses as being something negative or tragic.
Don't we all want to be better versions of our selves? I do that is why I do this stuff everyday..
My take, if I my husband is not on board (which he is totally), he can sleep in a different room...lol0 -
OP said she is not feeling happy with her weight and attractive but her husband has his reasons to want her to stay this way.
You mean she is not feeling happy about her weight and attractiveness?
In case that's what you meant, and considering all she's said is her husband has his reasons to want her to stay this way - I'll venture a guess. Now, it's a WILD GUESS, granted, based on the limited information.
But perhaps her husband finds her attractive, despite the fact that she is carrying some extra weight. He loves a chub. It happens. It's no tragedy.
Finding someone attractive DESPITE him/her being overweight means you do not care if this person loses weight or not. Wanting someone to stay overweight, it is not the same.
Are you sure you are talking about the OP and not letting out personal feelings here?0 -
It is a very unhealthy marriage if you are feeling obliged to do something you hate (and that is damaging your health) to keep your husband happy. Start working on weight loss and seek marriage counseling.
Right.
Because based upon a single, 3 line post on a fitness website, which contains practically no details, from a poster with no posting history - the marriage is very unhealthy, the woman's health is in jeapordy and shrinks need to get involved.
Never change MFP.
If you consider a marriage counselour a shrink and if you think that telling someone to get marriage counselling is an insult, this is your problem, not mine and not OPs.
OP said she is not feeling happy with her weight and attractive but her husband has his reasons to want her to stay this way. If this is not a reason for marriage counselling, I do not know what is.You were not bothered by the advice to tell him to leave the marriage, or the advice to recommend some fat lady porn to him, but you are bothered about advice that would help her and her husband better communicate?
I am glad you both feel strongly. However I have a good relationship with my husband and we communicate very well. Don'tIbeachlover wrote: »Well, I think the above people have pretty well said it all. One question is does your husband stay in shape? Sometimes a spouse, besides all the other above reasons, doesn't like you to "get in shape" as it can be a constant reminder they aren't, and they don't like the way they look...of course, then all the other thoughts start. However, you need to do what is healthy and right for you. At your age, it is even more important as you can do it easier than if you were in your 40's and older. Try to get him to do it with you...but don't not do it because of him.
Yeah he does... Works out daily...0 -
I heard a really appropriate quote the other day
"When a woman is happy with her body, her husband will know it"
My husband likes me fitter but has no issue with me bigger either. He knows if I am more secure in my appearance he will be the one to reap the rewards... Maybe explain it to him like that?0 -
Thanks everyone for your support and advice0
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Hey, i need some help with staying motivated. My husband likes me bigger for his own reasons, each to there own...but after six years of being over weight I'm over feeling unattractive and fat. Just finding it hard to stay focused knowing my husband's position on the subject... Any ideas??
You have to do it for YOU. it's your body do what makes you feel happy with yourself0 -
Yeah, you do for you, not him. My wife is not supportive either, and keeps reminding me that I don't have the will to lose weight. She said that 6 yrs ago about my smoking, and just out of spite, I haven't had a cigarette since then. You do what is best for you and he should support that.0
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It is a very unhealthy marriage if you are feeling obliged to do something you hate (and that is damaging your health) to keep your husband happy. Start working on weight loss and seek marriage counseling.
Right.
Because based upon a single, 3 line post on a fitness website, which contains practically no details, from a poster with no posting history - the marriage is very unhealthy, the woman's health is in jeapordy and shrinks need to get involved.
Never change MFP.
If you consider a marriage counselour a shrink and if you think that telling someone to get marriage counselling is an insult, this is your problem, not mine and not OPs.
OP said she is not feeling happy with her weight and attractive but her husband has his reasons to want her to stay this way. If this is not a reason for marriage counselling, I do not know what is.You were not bothered by the advice to tell him to leave the marriage, or the advice to recommend some fat lady porn to him, but you are bothered about advice that would help her and her husband better communicate?
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I am really confused here, I understand that a lot of men want a woman with a little "meat on their bones" over a "twig" If that is the difference we are talking about here, then forget the diet and make your man happy, after all "only dogs like bones"
But ... If you are seriously over weight, your husbands/boyfriends should love you enough to want you to be HEALTHY,not just now but in the future, If they don't It seems like you need to lose the hubby/BF 1st and the rest will be easy.0 -
lynnstrick01 wrote: »I am really confused here, I understand that a lot of men want a woman with a little "meat on their bones" over a "twig" If that is the difference we are talking about here, then forget the diet and make your man happy, after all "only dogs like bones"
But ... If you are seriously over weight, your husbands/boyfriends should love you enough to want you to be HEALTHY,not just now but in the future, If they don't It seems like you need to lose the hubby/BF 1st and the rest will be easy.
Can we not call women with smaller bodies "twigs" and say that only "dogs" will be attracted to them?0 -
I did not mean to offend, I was just quoting some comments that I have heard men make.
Many men, ( all of the ones I know) prefer a more "filled out" body over being "super thin"
I was just pointing out the difference, If your man does't want you "skinny" you may want to consider his likes and dislikes. But above his wants and preferences he should want his woman to be "HEALTHY" no matter what dress size she is or what her # is on the scale.0 -
lynnstrick01 wrote: »I did not mean to offend, I was just quoting some comments that I have heard men make.
Many men, ( all of the ones I know) prefer a more "filled out" body over being "super thin"
I was just pointing out the difference, If your man does't want you "skinny" you may want to consider his likes and dislikes. But above his wants and preferences he should want his woman to be "HEALTHY" no matter what dress size she is or what her # is on the scale.
While the preferences of a partner may be worth considering, I don't think the preferences of men -- in general -- are at all relevant when a woman is deciding what she wants *her* body to look like.
I think we can understand that derogatory and insulting language is used against women of all body types (fat, thin, in-between) without necessarily repeating it ourselves without a compelling reason.
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lynnstrick01 wrote: »I am really confused here, I understand that a lot of men want a woman with a little "meat on their bones" over a "twig" If that is the difference we are talking about here, then forget the diet and make your man happy, after all "only dogs like bones"
What in god's name did I just read in the year 2016.0 -
can anybody just read the main POINT i was making.. "IF HE LOVES YOU HE WILL WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY"0
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