Husband isn't on board
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Thanks everyone for your support and advice0
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Hey, i need some help with staying motivated. My husband likes me bigger for his own reasons, each to there own...but after six years of being over weight I'm over feeling unattractive and fat. Just finding it hard to stay focused knowing my husband's position on the subject... Any ideas??
You have to do it for YOU. it's your body do what makes you feel happy with yourself0 -
Yeah, you do for you, not him. My wife is not supportive either, and keeps reminding me that I don't have the will to lose weight. She said that 6 yrs ago about my smoking, and just out of spite, I haven't had a cigarette since then. You do what is best for you and he should support that.0
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It is a very unhealthy marriage if you are feeling obliged to do something you hate (and that is damaging your health) to keep your husband happy. Start working on weight loss and seek marriage counseling.
Right.
Because based upon a single, 3 line post on a fitness website, which contains practically no details, from a poster with no posting history - the marriage is very unhealthy, the woman's health is in jeapordy and shrinks need to get involved.
Never change MFP.
If you consider a marriage counselour a shrink and if you think that telling someone to get marriage counselling is an insult, this is your problem, not mine and not OPs.
OP said she is not feeling happy with her weight and attractive but her husband has his reasons to want her to stay this way. If this is not a reason for marriage counselling, I do not know what is.You were not bothered by the advice to tell him to leave the marriage, or the advice to recommend some fat lady porn to him, but you are bothered about advice that would help her and her husband better communicate?
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I am really confused here, I understand that a lot of men want a woman with a little "meat on their bones" over a "twig" If that is the difference we are talking about here, then forget the diet and make your man happy, after all "only dogs like bones"
But ... If you are seriously over weight, your husbands/boyfriends should love you enough to want you to be HEALTHY,not just now but in the future, If they don't It seems like you need to lose the hubby/BF 1st and the rest will be easy.0 -
lynnstrick01 wrote: »I am really confused here, I understand that a lot of men want a woman with a little "meat on their bones" over a "twig" If that is the difference we are talking about here, then forget the diet and make your man happy, after all "only dogs like bones"
But ... If you are seriously over weight, your husbands/boyfriends should love you enough to want you to be HEALTHY,not just now but in the future, If they don't It seems like you need to lose the hubby/BF 1st and the rest will be easy.
Can we not call women with smaller bodies "twigs" and say that only "dogs" will be attracted to them?0 -
I did not mean to offend, I was just quoting some comments that I have heard men make.
Many men, ( all of the ones I know) prefer a more "filled out" body over being "super thin"
I was just pointing out the difference, If your man does't want you "skinny" you may want to consider his likes and dislikes. But above his wants and preferences he should want his woman to be "HEALTHY" no matter what dress size she is or what her # is on the scale.0 -
lynnstrick01 wrote: »I did not mean to offend, I was just quoting some comments that I have heard men make.
Many men, ( all of the ones I know) prefer a more "filled out" body over being "super thin"
I was just pointing out the difference, If your man does't want you "skinny" you may want to consider his likes and dislikes. But above his wants and preferences he should want his woman to be "HEALTHY" no matter what dress size she is or what her # is on the scale.
While the preferences of a partner may be worth considering, I don't think the preferences of men -- in general -- are at all relevant when a woman is deciding what she wants *her* body to look like.
I think we can understand that derogatory and insulting language is used against women of all body types (fat, thin, in-between) without necessarily repeating it ourselves without a compelling reason.
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lynnstrick01 wrote: »I am really confused here, I understand that a lot of men want a woman with a little "meat on their bones" over a "twig" If that is the difference we are talking about here, then forget the diet and make your man happy, after all "only dogs like bones"
What in god's name did I just read in the year 2016.0 -
can anybody just read the main POINT i was making.. "IF HE LOVES YOU HE WILL WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY"0
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lynnstrick01 wrote: »can anybody just read the main POINT i was making.. "IF HE LOVES YOU HE WILL WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY"
I read the main point you were making. I posted because I felt it was possible to make your main point without the insulting language.0 -
GOT IT and I did not mean to be insulting, sorry, sorry, sorry...0
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lynnstrick01 wrote: »can anybody just read the main POINT i was making.. "IF HE LOVES YOU HE WILL WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY"
The funny thing about horrifying backward misogyny is that it does tend to obscure whatever point you thought you were making. It's sort of like standing up at a party, letting out a long, enormous, foul-smelling belch, and then going "Oh, did anyone notice it's raining," and then complaining because people are staring at you in disgust and not talking about the weather.0 -
Hey, i need some help with staying motivated. My husband likes me bigger for his own reasons, each to there own...but after six years of being over weight I'm over feeling unattractive and fat. Just finding it hard to stay focused knowing my husband's position on the subject... Any ideas??
I kind of got into trouble with other posters here, so I am going to try a "better worded" approach.
If you are TRULY over weight, do what you need to do and if he isn't on board then the problem is HIM not YOU.
but the other point (this is where i got into trouble) is this .. We all have a certain place that I call my look good, feel good.. "happy place"...As an extremely tall woman 6ft, with a large frame, that happy place for me is about 160,,
I once tried to push it to the limits and go to 140, (high school weight) at that point my husband said STOP... I was way too tthin. and everyone knew it except me.
I think we should all aspire to be HEALTHY and this is not necessarily determined by a number on a scale or the size of our jeans.
some of FEEL, LOOK and ARE better with a little extra weight.
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lynnstrick01 wrote: »Hey, i need some help with staying motivated. My husband likes me bigger for his own reasons, each to there own...but after six years of being over weight I'm over feeling unattractive and fat. Just finding it hard to stay focused knowing my husband's position on the subject... Any ideas??
I kind of got into trouble with other posters here, so I am going to try a "better worded" approach.
If you are TRULY over weight, do what you need to do and if he isn't on board then the problem is HIM not YOU.
but the other point (this is where i got into trouble) is this .. We all have a certain place that I call my look good, feel good.. "happy place"...As an extremely tall woman 6ft, with a large frame, that happy place for me is about 160,,
I once tried to push it to the limits and go to 140, (high school weight) at that point my husband said STOP... I was way too tthin. and everyone knew it except me.
I think we should all aspire to be HEALTHY and this is not necessarily determined by a number on a scale or the size of our jeans.
some of FEEL, LOOK and ARE better with a little extra weight.
But if someone personally feels that they would feel, look, and are better at a certain weight, the preferences of their partner shouldn't automatically override that.
I love the way my husband looks with longer hair. But longer hair drives him crazy, so he cuts it short. And that's perfectly okay.
If two people are in disagreement about what weight makes an individual feel, look, and be better, the person who is inside the body gets to make the decision.0 -
YES as long as that person is making GOOD decisions. sometimes we can get so focused on a NUMBER that we are trying to achieve that it can become almost obsessive (like i did) and it takes the ones we love to point out that what we are doing is not necessarily what is best for us.
I am not saying the OP is being obsessive, I just hate the thought of a husband not being on board for HEALTHY changes (although i know it happens) So I just want her to be sure that she TRULY needs to do this and that it is not an unhealthy obsession.0 -
lynnstrick01 wrote: »YES as long as that person is making GOOD decisions. sometimes we can get so focused on a NUMBER that we are trying to achieve that it can become almost obsessive (like i did) and it takes the ones we love to point out that what we are doing is not necessarily what is best for us.
I am not saying the OP is being obsessive, I just hate the thought of a husband not being on board for HEALTHY changes (although i know it happens) So I just want her to be sure that she TRULY needs to do this and that it is not an unhealthy obsession.
But OP clearly stated that she is overweight and that her husband wants her this way for "his own reasons." Nothing about concern for her health or wellbeing. I understand your point, but I fail to see how it applies at all to this situation. A husband wanting his wife to carry more weight "for his own reasons" doesn't have anything in common with a husband speaking out in concern because he thinks his wife is obsessed with weight or overly focused on the scale.
Nothing in the post suggests that she has an unhealthy obsession. What is suggested is that we have a man who has prioritized his own, aesthetic, preferences over his wife's health and preferences. What's confusing to me is that you jump to the suggestion that something could be wrong with *her* when there is no indication this is the case. Your request that she look within isn't grounded in anything in the post, it seems to be based in your own past experiences.
Why should she have to justify her desire to lose weight to you? Or to anyone? Why should she have to "TRULY" need to lose weight in order to justify her journey for the body that she wants? If she doesn't "TRULY" need it, should her husband's preferences determine what her body look like? That's ridiculous.
We have no reason to think OP isn't making "GOOD decisions." It's disturbing your impulse is to attempt to detect a pathology in her thinking.
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We all respond to posts not know the "whole" story, yes the OP did say she is overweight, I have heard 100 lb anorexics say they are overweight, and I didn't ask her to justify anything to ME, and I never said she isn't making good decisions, I simply gave some food for thought, now get off my back0
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lynnstrick01 wrote: »We all respond to posts not know the "whole" story, yes the OP did say she is overweight, I have heard 100 lb anorexics say they are overweight, and I didn't ask her to justify anything to ME, and I never said she isn't making good decisions, I simply gave some food for thought, now get off my back
If you don't want people to respond to your posts, perhaps a public forum isn't the right place for you.0 -
Oh, I do love the HELP! My-Husband/Sex Partner/Live-In-Boyfriend-Isn't-Supporting-Me threads.
It brings the MFP ladies, from all walks of life, out to hash things out.
Thankfully there's always someone willing to step in and take passive aggressive shots at other posters without offering anything helpful themselves....
OP, I agree with those who are saying talk to him and frame it from the perspective of the positives that both of you will gain from it. Your confidence will be more attractive (will be a bonus in the bedroom too, since you will likely feel more attractive), your longevity and improved health as you age will ensure a longer happier life together. There are many great things about being healthier.0 -
nutmegoreo wrote: »Oh, I do love the HELP! My-Husband/Sex Partner/Live-In-Boyfriend-Isn't-Supporting-Me threads.
It brings the MFP ladies, from all walks of life, out to hash things out.
Thankfully there's always someone willing to step in and take passive aggressive shots at other posters without offering anything helpful themselves....
OP, I agree with those who are saying talk to him and frame it from the perspective of the positives that both of you will gain from it. Your confidence will be more attractive (will be a bonus in the bedroom too, since you will likely feel more attractive), your longevity and improved health as you age will ensure a longer happier life together. There are many great things about being healthier.
I apologize if you feel my comments were inappropriate. They came from genuine concern, but may not have come across the way I intended.0 -
nutmegoreo wrote: »Oh, I do love the HELP! My-Husband/Sex Partner/Live-In-Boyfriend-Isn't-Supporting-Me threads.
It brings the MFP ladies, from all walks of life, out to hash things out.
Thankfully there's always someone willing to step in and take passive aggressive shots at other posters without offering anything helpful themselves....
And as this virtuous contribution illustrates, it does get the conversation rolling. Even if passive aggressively
I apologize if you think my comments were not appropriate. Like I said to someone else, they did come from genuine concern. I'll remove myself from this thread.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »nutmegoreo wrote: »Oh, I do love the HELP! My-Husband/Sex Partner/Live-In-Boyfriend-Isn't-Supporting-Me threads.
It brings the MFP ladies, from all walks of life, out to hash things out.
Thankfully there's always someone willing to step in and take passive aggressive shots at other posters without offering anything helpful themselves....
OP, I agree with those who are saying talk to him and frame it from the perspective of the positives that both of you will gain from it. Your confidence will be more attractive (will be a bonus in the bedroom too, since you will likely feel more attractive), your longevity and improved health as you age will ensure a longer happier life together. There are many great things about being healthier.
I apologize if you feel my comments were inappropriate. They came from genuine concern, but may not have come across the way I intended.
My passive aggressive comment was certainly NOT regarding anything you have said. I have always found you delightful.0 -
nutmegoreo wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »nutmegoreo wrote: »Oh, I do love the HELP! My-Husband/Sex Partner/Live-In-Boyfriend-Isn't-Supporting-Me threads.
It brings the MFP ladies, from all walks of life, out to hash things out.
Thankfully there's always someone willing to step in and take passive aggressive shots at other posters without offering anything helpful themselves....
OP, I agree with those who are saying talk to him and frame it from the perspective of the positives that both of you will gain from it. Your confidence will be more attractive (will be a bonus in the bedroom too, since you will likely feel more attractive), your longevity and improved health as you age will ensure a longer happier life together. There are many great things about being healthier.
I apologize if you feel my comments were inappropriate. They came from genuine concern, but may not have come across the way I intended.
My passive aggressive comment was certainly NOT regarding anything you have said. I have always found you delightful.janejellyroll wrote: »nutmegoreo wrote: »Oh, I do love the HELP! My-Husband/Sex Partner/Live-In-Boyfriend-Isn't-Supporting-Me threads.
It brings the MFP ladies, from all walks of life, out to hash things out.
Thankfully there's always someone willing to step in and take passive aggressive shots at other posters without offering anything helpful themselves....
And as this virtuous contribution illustrates, it does get the conversation rolling. Even if passive aggressively
I apologize if you think my comments were not appropriate. Like I said to someone else, they did come from genuine concern. I'll remove myself from this thread.
Not at all. I always enjoy your posts.
Well, I can't comprehend for anything today. I'll blame it on waking up at 4 AM.
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janejellyroll wrote: »nutmegoreo wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »nutmegoreo wrote: »Oh, I do love the HELP! My-Husband/Sex Partner/Live-In-Boyfriend-Isn't-Supporting-Me threads.
It brings the MFP ladies, from all walks of life, out to hash things out.
Thankfully there's always someone willing to step in and take passive aggressive shots at other posters without offering anything helpful themselves....
OP, I agree with those who are saying talk to him and frame it from the perspective of the positives that both of you will gain from it. Your confidence will be more attractive (will be a bonus in the bedroom too, since you will likely feel more attractive), your longevity and improved health as you age will ensure a longer happier life together. There are many great things about being healthier.
I apologize if you feel my comments were inappropriate. They came from genuine concern, but may not have come across the way I intended.
My passive aggressive comment was certainly NOT regarding anything you have said. I have always found you delightful.janejellyroll wrote: »nutmegoreo wrote: »Oh, I do love the HELP! My-Husband/Sex Partner/Live-In-Boyfriend-Isn't-Supporting-Me threads.
It brings the MFP ladies, from all walks of life, out to hash things out.
Thankfully there's always someone willing to step in and take passive aggressive shots at other posters without offering anything helpful themselves....
And as this virtuous contribution illustrates, it does get the conversation rolling. Even if passive aggressively
I apologize if you think my comments were not appropriate. Like I said to someone else, they did come from genuine concern. I'll remove myself from this thread.
Not at all. I always enjoy your posts.
Well, I can't comprehend for anything today. I'll blame it on waking up at 4 AM.
I'm still not awake yet. Need to start making some caffeine 0 -
If your husband loves you, he'll love you when you've lost weight too. He'll get over it.
That, or fat lady porn.
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Okay... Let me just say. That though my husband isn't openly supportive of my loosing all my extra weight. He is not unsupportive either. He has made it very clear that he loves me for what's in the inside and doesn't really care either way. He just doesn't care and because he isn't supportive I need the extra motivation. It's not that he like me super fat or skinny.. it's just that he doesn't care if I am either way.0
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