Trying to be Supportive
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What alternative is there?
No idea why it's such a problem for you that you need to create a thread about it. It's right up there with the big boned and genetically overweight people .
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Have you tried talking to your son about how his "preaching" makes you feel? If you aren't looking for advice from him, let him know.
It seems like your frustration with your son and your dislike for the tone of the forum are two different things. Both have potential solutions. When I have issues or concerns with a loved one, I try to talk it out. And when I dislike the tone of a forum, I find other places to hang out online.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »Have you tried talking to your son about how his "preaching" makes you feel? If you aren't looking for advice from him, let him know.
It seems like your frustration with your son and your dislike for the tone of the forum are two different things. Both have potential solutions. When I have issues or concerns with a loved one, I try to talk it out. And when I dislike the tone of a forum, I find other places to hang out online.
It seems like you being upset with the forums, may be due to your upset with your son. After all, you're his mother. Mother's don't like being told their sons know better. I speak from experience.0 -
Am I the only one who wants to know whose mother you are
Spill
C'mon
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Carlos_421 wrote: »simplyGigi wrote: »Carlos_421 wrote: »Excellent thread on this subject.
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1088600/dear-mean-people-of-mfp/p1
Hmmm. Yeah have already read that. Not at all motivating to me, I feel it justifies the behavior on the board.
It does explain the motives and justifies the passion with which frequent, well educated, experienced posters seek to educate others.
Many are here for no other reason than to share their knowledge. They are here to ensure that the blind are not leading the blind.
They aren't here to get help but to offer it to others. They have no questions and need no support yet they are here to lend support to others.
Is that support always warm and fuzzy? Nope.
Sometimes it comes in the form of telling someone that the lemon water they believe in so strongly is no more than a placebo or that overly restrictive zero-fat diet they want to try will make their hair fall out.
Why not leave these things alone?
Because it's important that people know the truth.
We have worked. We have learned. We have studied. We have researched. We have experienced.
We have armed ourselves with facts and knowledge about the human body, fitness and nutrition.
On this board are lifetimes of study and experience in fitness and nutrition.
We are here to help each other.
Blind support is no support.
We aren't here to sing kumbaya and encourage each other to try whatever fad/product/hoax/misguided diet they fancy.
We're here to help each other learn the truth about how the body, fitness and nutrition work.
I'd rather someone told me what would really work for me than to wish me good luck on a misguided effort.
So yes, sometimes we'll tell someone "no, that won't work" or "actually, science has shown that not to be true" or "no, don't do that because it's dangerous."
Sometimes it means we'll have a week long debate about whether or not the reputation added sugars have is deserved or whether some foods are bad or if there are only bad diets instead.
But the point is we're trying to help people. And not only are we trying to help those who post their questions but also the potentially hundreds of others who will read the responses.
Do some people get offended that we don't support their use of diet pills or because we correct them when they make claims about weight loss or fitness that have been proven wrong? Sure.
But would it be better if we kept our knowledge to ourselves and let people believe whatever they want to believe, even if those beliefs lead them into unhealthy actions, further weight loss struggles and disappointment?
No.snickerscharlie wrote: »+1000
I would also add that the vast majority of those trying to help others were once in the same place as those currently needing the help. There were people that helped me when I started, so now, having lost 75 lbs in a year and having learned TONS in the process, I try to pay it forward. We know what works and what doesn't because we've been there.
Congrats on your weight loss. Sounds like your best move would be to un-team with your son since his manner of achieving his goals obviously doesn't mesh with yours.simplyGigi wrote: »Since teaming up with my son I have been browsing these threads and find it alarming that he has the same attitude as many people who post on this board. There is only CICO. That is fine if that works for you but that mentality does not work for me. I have lost six pounds since Christmas and am feeling awesome.
But one thing you really need to get out of this thread is the fact that there really IS only CICO. And it's not a "mentality," - it's science. Regardless of how you choose to achieve the eat-less-than-you-burn ratio, without doing so you will not lose weight.
It's really that simple.
And that complex.
All of this0 -
Unless your kids are pond scum sucking amoebas, every parent gets to a point where their kids know more about certain things than they do. Doesn't mean that the rest of what a parent knows is useless - experience counts for a lot - but that the opportunity now exists to learn from your offspring, too, instead of just occupying the teaching role.Melwillbehealthy wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »Have you tried talking to your son about how his "preaching" makes you feel? If you aren't looking for advice from him, let him know.
It seems like your frustration with your son and your dislike for the tone of the forum are two different things. Both have potential solutions. When I have issues or concerns with a loved one, I try to talk it out. And when I dislike the tone of a forum, I find other places to hang out online.
It seems like you being upset with the forums, may be due to your upset with your son. After all, you're his mother. Mother's don't like being told their sons know better. I speak from experience.
I have learned SO much from my daughter, and happily seek her two cents worth on a lot of issues.
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booksandchocolate12 wrote: »
Not to mention starting a "mean people" thread.0 -
Let him do what works for him and you do what works for you. I personally use CICO, and others do as well.0
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Personally I love the boards and have learned a lot from them. I think that there are a lot of different dynamics that go on on these forums.
The science behind losing weight is CICO. That is how the body works. There are other factors that will come into play of course.
People come to the forums all the time with misinformation about how to go about weight loss. A lot of this misinformation is from companies trying to sell weight loss products that do not really work, but their advertisements offer a "miracle". The people on the boards who have been really researching and looking at scientific studies that prove these products do not work are trying to help people. However, a lot of time their remarks and knowledge is frowned upon, or people get angry that they are not being told their way is best. So many times I see people post a question and they are looking for a specific answer - one that supports what they are doing. When they don't get that answer, they complain about negativity. Giving someone honesty and telling the facts is not negativity. It just does not work that way.
People fall for the many misconceptions about weight loss and there are many people who are here trying to help them. Unfortunately, it is seen as negative when people speak out about diet supplements, MLM companies, detoxes, etc. But, if you really research you will find that the scientific articles debunk a lot of the "celebrity hype".
If your issues is with the behavior on the boards, than don't read the boards! The "program" of MFP is to simply use the app to track your calories to make sure you are eating less than you burn. The boards are just an added layer.
No offense, but it almost sounds like your issue is really with your son and the fact that they way he is losing weight is different from yours.0 -
simplyGigi wrote: »Wanted to add that this program is working great for him. JUst not for me.
then dont do it?
im not sure what the issue is, but whatever....0 -
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Don't visit the boards if you don't like them. I don't go into the Chit Chat subforum because the threads don't interest me. I don't play basketball because it doesn't interest me. I don't read dystopian novels because they don't interest me. I don't follow people on Instagram because it doesn't interest me. We're all adults. We can choose not to do millions of things and we are never required to post threads explaining that we have made those choices.0
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I'm sorry I have to laugh, I find it really funny that I think the first responder to the original poster @simplyGigi did EXACTLY what she was talking about. Being really militant about CICO and unempathetic.
Simplygigi- the fact that your son is passionate about something, and so you are coming on here to try it, even though it's not quite " your thing " shows to me that you are one really cool mom, neat that you are trying to build empathy between you and your son.
While I follow CICO, and don't try to say much else on these boards outside of that - I have found focusing on high protein intake and fruits and vegetables helps me lose weight. I totally understand why someone would not want to pursue calorie counting even if the end goal is that they are eating less.
I will state that there is something about food, something about weight loss, something about weight gain, that for me, all speaks to my obsessive tendencies, so I don't think finding obsessive tendencies here is surprising.
Finally, I say, take MFP, and see if you can use it in a way that works for you. I use it to log my food and make sure I'm eating enough protein. I also have really appreciated the support from friends, and like to hear about fellow weight lifters workouts. There are threads I ignore, people I ignore, and aspects that I simply just don't like. So take what you want and leave the rest!0 -
I'm going to basically be rude here, but in the end, what was your motive for posting this? Are you expecting people to agree with you? Because when methods such as CICO are scientifically proven, you will not see much deviation. And it's not just woo science like the classic "it worked for me" argument.
You claim that the forums are not for you, so in posting this, it's almost like you are trying to stir the pot out of boredom. All I can say, like others have, is stay off the forums and do what works for you, if it's working (assuming it is safe).0 -
I'm still waiting to hear about the weight loss program that doesn't involve CICO....0
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booksandchocolate12 wrote: »I'm still waiting to hear about the weight loss program that doesn't involve CICO....
Same. It's the reason I've been lurking.0 -
Can we run a book on whose mom this is?0
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booksandchocolate12 wrote: »
Maybe my wording was wrong!
Maybe her idea of how weight loss should work is different from her sons idea.
That's better. 0 -
Can we run a book on whose mom this is?
maybe @ndj1979
i dont know why, thats just the name that keeps popping in my head. though, i think hes my age and it would be disturbing if his mom was still that involved in his life at this point in time (but hey most people arent like me who pretends their mother doesnt exist LOL) 0 -
callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »Can we run a book on whose mom this is?
maybe @ndj1979
i dont know why, thats just the name that keeps popping in my head. though, i think hes my age and it would be disturbing if his mom was still that involved in his life at this point in time (but hey most people arent like me who pretends their mother doesnt exist LOL)
lol. I'm gonna die.
He's been so supportive lately too!0 -
callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »Can we run a book on whose mom this is?
maybe @ndj1979
i dont know why, thats just the name that keeps popping in my head. though, i think hes my age and it would be disturbing if his mom was still that involved in his life at this point in time (but hey most people arent like me who pretends their mother doesnt exist LOL)
Laughed so hard I snorted.0 -
hes gonna kill me.... lololol :P0
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I keep thinking it's niner0
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Stick around. Eventually you will develop an extra thick layer of skin. You might even thrive.0
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I guess I'm lost. Your son seems to be doing pretty well by himself losing weight and enjoying the community, but you teamed up with him to support him, even though you yourself would like to lose some weight? Or just for fun? So now you're not having the same fun he is and this is an announcement sharing why? I'm just not very clear what you hoped to get out of making your post.
It's like you're reading my mind! haha.
@simplyGigi - I'm not really sure what you're looking for, but my suggestion is to stay off the forums. Maybe search some of the groups and join the ones that speak to you. They tend to be more friendly. Yes, there are "different" ways to lose weight, but at the end of the day, the one thing they all have in common is they are burning more calories than taking in. For some people, the act of counting calories is very stressful. And that's ok and there are "alternatives" where you don't count calories BUT, if you're not losing on those alternatives, it's because you're taking in more calories than you burn. That really is the bottom line. But if you can lose weight doing whatever you are doing and not count calories and feel good about that, then good for you. But just know that you are losing weight because you are burning more than you're eating.0 -
I keep thinking it's niner
lololamusedmonkey wrote: »Stick around. Eventually you will develop an extra thick layer of skin. You might even thrive.
its a requirement to be here long ..... LOL0
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