Family won't eat healthy
KR226
Posts: 14 Member
I've been trying to get my family to eat healthy for almost two years now, but they just won't. Mom has type 1 diabetes, sister #1 is allergic to gluten, and sister #2 only hears me call her fat, even though that's not what I'm doing at all. Sister 1 has never eaten vegetables or fruit in her life, and has resorted to just bacon and eggs, nachos from a fast food place (which everyone says is "healthy" totally not.) ice cream, and processed meats. Mom had to watch carbs, and says eating vegetables and something else (mashed potatoes) is too much starch and carbs. But instead of getting vegetables, she's eats the unhealthy carbs, way too much processed meat and red meat, (hot dogs, cheeseburgers, which she says has vegetables, but I've only seen her put bacon on it,) and no fruit. They both call lettuce, bacon, croutons, and dressing a salad. No vegetables. Sister 2 wants to lose weight, but won't listen to me when I tell her she needs to cut her white carbs (cereal, giant meals she eats from her work that have no nutritional value) she eats more vegetables and fruit than sister 1 and mom, but not that much. Her meals are too sugary, and she refuses to see that. She also refuses to do cardio. Both sisters tell me the advice I'm giving them is wrong, and that I should just shut up, because they both think I have an eating disorder, (I don't, I'm just thin and I like to exercise.) I don't know what to do. But I don't want to sit back and watch them kill themselves, and I'm
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Replies
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You can't force others to do things they don't want to. They see it as an attack and possibly as you saying you are better than them. Take care of yourself, help provide healthier options when you get the chance, encourage them to join you for walks or easy activities (not exercise!).
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Let them do them and you do you. You can't change other people, they have to want to make the change themselves. Also, stop foisting your opinion and views of healthy and not healthy on them. They've already expressed your advice is unwanted and unsolicited, so stop. You're doing more damage than good. Focus on yourself and if they come to you with questions then answer them. Otherwise, butt out.0
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They are on their own journey, sad to say. Focus on yours. Support them when you can.0
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The more you insist, the worst people will dig in.0 -
You can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do. You've already told them what you think they should be doing, but ultimately they are adults and will make their own decisions. At this point the best thing you can do is take your sisters' advice and shut up. Constant negative reinforcement often just makes people want to do that activity even more, whilst also resenting you for it.0
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But it's not negative. I haven't forced anything on them, they've only asked, and I've answered. I haven't said my opinions of their food to their face, only on here.0
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And thank you for your opinions.0
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If they want to lose weight, suggest MFP to them, and then let the people here help them. That way they will get good info, and you're not involved.0
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"I tell her she needs to cut her white carbs"
- This criticism is wrong.0 -
I don't understand how that's wrong, can you explain, please?0
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Reading back through your first post I have to say that your help to them sets the bar too high for beginners.Sister 2 wants to lose weight, but won't listen to me when I tell her she needs to cut her white carbs (cereal, giant meals she eats from her work that have no nutritional value) she eats more vegetables and fruit than sister 1 and mom, but not that much. Her meals are too sugary, and she refuses to see that. She also refuses to do cardio. Both sisters tell me the advice I'm giving them is wrong
White carbs are not the devil and since you never mentioned sister 2 being diabetic or having other conditions maybe those foods will help keep her on track. Often telling people what they can't do makes them want to do it more. Cardio is not absolutely necessary for fat loss, so she can find other activities she enjoys that will do far more than avoiding exercise altogether.0 -
Well since some of your info is wrong like pointed out above, maybe they have a point? Please explain how white carbs would prevent sister #2 from losing weight ?
I've eaten plenty of carbs throughout my entire process of weight loss and maintaining for 2+ yrs so far and have had no issues whatsoever. I have visable abs and my doctor is impressed with me. Carbs or white carbs don't cause people to gain weight or prevent them from losing. A calorie surplus would .0 -
Sure.
First there is nothing wrong with white carbs, per se. It is about total amount of calories - often people that eat bread, for example, eat too much. But it doesn't mean that white carbs are bad. Just total calories.
Focusing on specific foods is a good way for people to push back advice.
Help them identify goals and identify FOR themselves how they are going to get to those goals. Not criticising their plate.0 -
Their right in that your advice is wrong. They don't have to cut sugar or carbs out, they just need to eat less than they burn.0
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Okay. But, I still don't know why it was wrong of me to say that. White carbs are the bad ones, right? The simple carbs. Shouldn't we be consuming less of those, and more of the complex?0
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I'd let them download mfp for themselves if they want and let them pick whatever foods they want.0
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Presumably they're adults so it's up to them what they want to eat, you just do you.0
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Okay. But, I still don't know why it was wrong of me to say that. White carbs are the bad ones, right? The simple carbs. Shouldn't we be consuming less of those, and more of the complex?
For diabetics it's often good to know which carbs are complex to help control or boost insulin levels. For most other people it's largely irrelevant. Calorie intake versus the amount of calories the body needs is the most important factor to weight loss.0 -
Okay. But, I still don't know why it was wrong of me to say that. White carbs are the bad ones, right? The simple carbs. Shouldn't we be consuming less of those, and more of the complex?
So bread like baguette? White right? Simple or complex?
(It's complex.)
A lot of pasta is complex.
Potatoes? Oatmeal?
Both white. Both complex.
You can still eat too much of anything.
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Don't worry, in a family everybody watches everybody. You don't have to say a thing, just pull out your digital scale, log what you eat, keep exercising. Anybody asks, you just say MFP. They are all adults and have to find their own way. I'm sure they think you think you are superior, and hate it. Try being attentive and loving, complimenting each one on something as often as you can. Family is family whatever their defects. You can only take charge of your own life, and maybe lead by example.0
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Okay. But, I still don't know why it was wrong of me to say that. White carbs are the bad ones, right? The simple carbs. Shouldn't we be consuming less of those, and more of the complex?
There are no bad carbs or bad foods.
There are foods that are more nutrient dense than others and yes the majority of our diet should come from those for all over health.
It causes no harm though to fill in the rest of the calories with a nice crusty bread roll with butter or an ice cream etc.
One food or food group doesn't make a diet.0 -
Okay. But, I still don't know why it was wrong of me to say that. White carbs are the bad ones, right? The simple carbs. Shouldn't we be consuming less of those, and more of the complex?
Eh. Maybe. Eh? Eh. That's really minor stuff, and sort of an outdated perspective.
Point being, when you go about giving detailed advice like this, it's easier to pick it apart, decide it's questionable in accuracy, and then end up throwing away your actual point ("You guys are unhealthy, I want you to be healthy.").
* Mom is gonna eat what she wants.
* "sister #1 is allergic to gluten": is she really, or just thinks she is? Either way, she's gonna eat what she wants.
* "Sister 2 wants to lose weight": then just stick to discussing caloric balance. The more details you throw out there, the less likely anything positive's gonna happen. She'll have to figure out her own details. If she really cares, she'll be all over it anyways. People like to talk a lot more than they like to do anything, so try not to frustrate yourself.
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Leave them alone. Some of your advice is completely wrong. Bacon is sometimes better for a diabetic than fruit.I've been trying to get my family to eat healthy for almost two years now, but they just won't. Mom has type 1 diabetes, sister #1 is allergic to gluten, and sister #2 only hears me call her fat, even though that's not what I'm doing at all. Sister 1 has never eaten vegetables or fruit in her life, and has resorted to just bacon and eggs, nachos from a fast food place (which everyone says is "healthy" totally not.) ice cream, and processed meats. Mom had to watch carbs, and says eating vegetables and something else (mashed potatoes) is too much starch and carbs. But instead of getting vegetables, she's eats the unhealthy carbs, way too much processed meat and red meat, (hot dogs, cheeseburgers, which she says has vegetables, but I've only seen her put bacon on it,) and no fruit. They both call lettuce, bacon, croutons, and dressing a salad. No vegetables. Sister 2 wants to lose weight, but won't listen to me when I tell her she needs to cut her white carbs (cereal, giant meals she eats from her work that have no nutritional value) she eats more vegetables and fruit than sister 1 and mom, but not that much. Her meals are too sugary, and she refuses to see that. She also refuses to do cardio. Both sisters tell me the advice I'm giving them is wrong, and that I should just shut up, because they both think I have an eating disorder, (I don't, I'm just thin and I like to exercise.) I don't know what to do. But I don't want to sit back and watch them kill themselves, and I'm0 -
I thought it'd be a simple start, the whole white carb thing. It's still rocky in my mind, but I'm getting a better understanding. Thanks guys. (:0
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You can't change anyone. as others have said. I also have a fat family. What they do is what they do. What I do is what I do. It is none of my business how they eat. Am I concerned that they are all between 250 - 350 pounds? Sure. But it's none of my business.0
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How are they asking for advice but also telling you to shut up? That's not adding up. Are you going on and on? Criticizing? Over stepping?
Perhaps you and Mom can take on cooking together kind of like a hobby. You could explain your choices and how you make the food taste great, etc. That is, if you two can do that while keeping the peace!!0
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