Family won't eat healthy
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Lettuce plus bacon and other stuff does sound like a salad to me
I mean what is allowed to be eaten by the time you're done with them, anyway?? That they actually like???
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Putting in my .02 as someone who has a lot of weight to lose (and succeeding at it so far)...
One of the fastest ways to get someone's defenses up, especially if they're fat, is for a thin person to scrutinize what's on their plate and offer unsolicited advice. ANYTHING you say, no matter how well meant, is going to sound to their ears like criticism and judgement. When it's family, it gets even more complicated. What they hear is "I would love you more if only you did this."
Find positive ways you can be an example without bringing diet into it. Stop making comments about their food choices. If they say they'd like to lose weight, suggest MFP. Help them set up accounts, show them how to use the food and exercise diaries, and then let them make their own choices.
I totally get you about the processed food concerns, and that you want to help them make healthier choices. It's your family, you love them and want them to be healthy. But if their eating habits are making them unhealthy, they are the ones who have to want to change. If all you offer is "helpful advice" that comes across as criticism to them, they're going to think, "Man, living on vegetables makes you crabby! I'd rather eat what I enjoy and be happy."0 -
Instead of explaining why your well meaning intentions have frequently backfired, I'll simply model an alternative conversation that is more likely to leave those that want to help themselves feeling supported and enabled:
Sister2: expresses desire to lose weight
You: affirm you love her and she has great qualities regardless of her weight, but if she wants to lose weight you support her
Sister2: expresses feelings of being overwhelmed or not sure what to do
You: you know she can do this, one mini goal at a time. Ask her what SHE thinks she's ready for.
Sister2: sets a goal
You: regardless of your opinion on the goal, you praise her for her efforts and say that is a great place to start.
You: depending, you could choose to indicate you keep track of your goals on MFP, there's people of all weights and goals - maybe it could help her track her goals to
Sister2 leaves conversation feeling empowered to change, higher self confidence and in charge of her own path - you leave feeling happy to have supported her, happy she is happy. Done. You don't mention it again unless she does, if she does join MFP treat her like any of your friends so your relationship with her in person doesn't become solely about weight and or arguing about the health merits of particular food choices.
And as for the rest of your family? If they don't ask for your advice or help, don't give it. You help them best by being their friend , family, support and having a positive relationship with them for when they are ready to change.0 -
Profile picture: that is my bed, and that is my mirror reflecting my bed. And that is my cat. The rod was from another room we were renovating, and those are my necklaces hanging on the wall. They don't give me cleaning advice, because I'm the one who cleans the house. Back to the original topic. I don't know why you're getting mad, Janei. I never said they couldn't eat those things. They'd like the food I make them if they'd eat it. As for your other question, they ask me what to do, I tell them what I think they should do. They don't like the option I gave them, and they get mad at me. The only thing I'm over stepping is that they should eat less ice cream and do just a bit more cardio. That's it. I only give my opinion if they ask.0
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Profile picture: that is my bed, and that is my mirror reflecting my bed. And that is my cat. The rod was from another room we were renovating, and those are my necklaces hanging on the wall. They don't give me cleaning advice, because I'm the one who cleans the house. Back to the original topic. I don't know why you're getting mad, Janei. I never said they couldn't eat those things. They'd like the food I make them if they'd eat it. As for your other question, they ask me what to do, I tell them what I think they should do. They don't like the option I gave them, and they get mad at me. The only thing I'm over stepping is that they should eat less ice cream and do just a bit more cardio. That's it. I only give my opinion if they ask.
I'm not, actually. Just giving you a dry run at how some of your input may be coming across
Okay, so you're the thin one, obviously successful at this diet and weight loss thing. Someone is trying to improve their health and get that way, too. They make a salad with lettuce and bacon and you judge it as not even being a salad. I don't know if you actually said that to them, but hey, communication is chiefly non-verbal, anyway. They probably sense it
I dunno. I guess my original question still stands. With so many restrictions, the remaining diet could seem a little sad. You probably make great food but with all the delicious things X'd out, I'd be a little slow to try the meals too, personally. As to whether or not they'd like it, you can't know that?
To lose weight they need to consume fewer calories than their bodies burn. Don't judge individual food items, they need to Make that decision for themselves. Heck, they need to decide whether the weight loss is worth giving up any portion of anything. For some people (even me at some point), doing even just something little to improve their health is still something that can be encouraging and motivating. Being told it's not enough could easily suck the life out of a person rather than nudge them to the next level. If you saying they should do "more" cardio, it sounds like they are doing something already(?), and their efforts should be recognized and commended, rather than being, nitpicked to do more and (IMO) discouraged
"Hey, quit stuffing your face with so much icecream and move your *kitten*!" That would go over like a lead balloon, no?
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Profile picture: that is my bed, and that is my mirror reflecting my bed. And that is my cat. The rod was from another room we were renovating, and those are my necklaces hanging on the wall. They don't give me cleaning advice, because I'm the one who cleans the house. Back to the original topic. I don't know why you're getting mad, Janei. I never said they couldn't eat those things. They'd like the food I make them if they'd eat it. As for your other question, they ask me what to do, I tell them what I think they should do. They don't like the option I gave them, and they get mad at me. The only thing I'm over stepping is that they should eat less ice cream and do just a bit more cardio. That's it. I only give my opinion if they ask.
Then this is the point at which you start saying "Look, you keep asking me for advice and then getting mad at me when I give it. Let's just have a time out where you do you and I'll do me, and if and when you decide what steps you want to take toward losing weight, I'll support you." And then hold up your end of the bargain.
I know you want your family to do what you think is best for them, but if they're reacting badly, leave them alone. If I did everything that everyone in my family thought was best for me I'd be a pot-smoking bisexual evangelical Christian, married with four children and three doctorates and living simultaneously in two parts of the United States, one Canadian province, and a small nation in Europe.0 -
Oh, I'm sorry! I assumed you were because of the angry face. xD I see what you're saying though. I thought about it a bit more, and yeah, I only know a little of what they'd actually eat. And making that all the time would get boring. Thank you! I'll ask before I assume next time (:
And I don't know, the small nation in Europe sounds okay haha.
I'll back off, and just answer their questions to the best of my ability. Thanks, everyone. (:0 -
It sounds like you have good intentions, but the advice isn't welcome. As others have stated, they have their own journeys to make, just as you have yours. If they've asked for advice and then don't like what they hear, then maybe it's best to just step back and make a general recommendation that they try MFP or seeing a dietician/nutritionist for help (only if they ASK for help; if they're just expressing that they want to lose weight without asking for advice, then say nothing - it's not your place). Sometimes people can learn better from strangers than they can from their own family; there may be underlying issues that prevent them from hearing you. Strangers don't come with that baggage.
I know that you're speaking from a place of caring and their health worries you. But ultimately, you can't change their behaviours - only they can. Lead by example and eat the way you feel is right. If they really do want to make changes, they will follow your example or seek help elsewhere. If not, then they may not be ready to take action. Hang in there!0 -
Oh, I'm sorry! I assumed you were because of the angry face. xD I see what you're saying though. I thought about it a bit more, and yeah, I only know a little of what they'd actually eat. And making that all the time would get boring. Thank you! I'll ask before I assume next time (:
And I don't know, the small nation in Europe sounds okay haha.
I'll back off, and just answer their questions to the best of my ability. Thanks, everyone. (:
If it were me, the main advice I would give them if they asked, would be simply that they need to be in a deficit. It's up to them how they get there.0 -
I'm gonna agree with them. You need to shut up.-2
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Oh, I'm sorry! I assumed you were because of the angry face. xD I see what you're saying though. I thought about it a bit more, and yeah, I only know a little of what they'd actually eat. And making that all the time would get boring. Thank you! I'll ask before I assume next time (:
And I don't know, the small nation in Europe sounds okay haha.
I'll back off, and just answer their questions to the best of my ability. Thanks, everyone. (:
I'm not going to lie, I do favor the small nation in Europe.
For what it's worth, I know how you feel. My mother straight-up ate herself to death. She wasn't a stupid woman, but she was a prideful and angry one; she let magazines and "fat-positive" groups convince her that there was nothing unhealthy about being so obese she was barely mobile, and anyone who said otherwise was just a jealous, bitter hater. She wouldn't hear advice from anyone, and she particularly wouldn't hear it from me, because she was so angry with me for never having gotten fat like she always told me I would.
So I know that keeping your opinions to yourself while someone close to you is harming their own health out of ignorance is much easier said than done. But there are penalties to being the person who's never been obese, and one of them is that obese family members often think you don't know what you're talking about, or they get angry because something that's easy for you to do isn't easy for them, or they get defensive because they think you're just being shallow and wanting them to look a certain way.
Do you have a relative who's been obese and lost the weight? Maybe a better idea would be to recruit that person to the cause.0 -
It's really hard to watch people we love make poor choices (food or otherwise). All we can do is set a good example for them, answer questions only when asked and with sensitivity. I don't know if you've ever been overweight, or if you've always been thin, but try to put yourself in their shoes. No one likes to change or be told they need to change. Food is a really intimate part of our lives and it can be scary thinking about it changing.0
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Seems like everybody is kind of scolding you about the whole white carbs comment, although they are not necessarily wrong,, I do see what you are saying.. when you say "white carbs" that is just another way of saying "bad carbs" rice, white bread, pasta... and if there are too many of those and no balance with other more healthy staples in the diet then YES that is very unhealthy . Many people tend to get MORE carbs from these than they do from fruit and Veg ( I used to). But If a person is eating the White Carbs or Bad Carbs in moderation and they are only a reasonable part of an overall diet, then there shouldn't be a problem.
I think that your concern over your families health could be backfiring on you. No matter how well intended you are, after a while all of your concern just sounds like "harping" to your family. All you can do is :"lead by example" If you are living a healthy lifestyle you don't need to TELL people, they will SEE it and eventually some of it will (hopefully) rub off.0 -
They'd like the food I make them if they'd eat it. As for your other question, they ask me what to do, I tell them what I think they should do. They don't like the option I gave them, and they get mad at me. The only thing I'm over stepping is that they should eat less ice cream and do just a bit more cardio. That's it. I only give my opinion if they ask.
How do you know they'd like it? They obviously don't eat it, because it doesn't look appetizing to them. Also, you keep saying they ask you, but get mad... It's very obvious that in your mind comments about eating better is being translated to "please give me advice". STOP GIVING ADVICE! Because they are right, your advice is not accurate! Do your own research, get educated about health and nutrition before advising others. And then walk a mile in their shoes. How do you feel when they attack you about having an eating disorder? You don't like it and you said so. They feel the same way!
Take a step back and if they are truly asking you for advice, don't suggest ANYTHING except MFP. Let them know about the great tracking and community support. And then shut up!!! You are not a qualified Nutritionist, Athletic Trainer, Personal Trainer or MD. So keep all your very well intentioned advice to herself and only suggest the app and leave it be!
Someone above gave you a beautiful way to encourage and to take a positive spin on things, take that info to heart, stop focusing on what they eat and help them focus on how to obtain their goals by using MFP!!! KISS (Keep it simple silly)!0 -
Okay, no, I can see how it would be harping and get annoying. I'll take your guys' advice. (:
I do the research before I tell them. It's apparently outdated, though. And it's more of the ingredients I put in the things I make. They like my dinner-type food, but my muffins and cookies they're reluctant to try because I replace the white flour with wheat, and all that. And no, that's not what's going on in my mind at all. I do know how to listen, and I listen to them.
Example: the other day (before I made the post, I probably should have titled it venting now that I think about it), my sister kept asking me if 140 was a good goal weight, and I told her I thought it was a little too low for her body type, (she's very pear shaped, like, she's almost shaped exactly like Marilyn Monroe, but taller) and then I said, "Let's look up a good goal weight." We found that for her it'd be around 155/160. Then we started talking about shoes. I only talked to her about what she asked, nothing else. It's a little more stressful when she asks me what I think she should eat more/less of.
But, I am going to follow all of your advice, and I'll work on recognizing when either me or my sisters and mom get agitated.0 -
What do you mean by "I'm just thin" Have you never been overweight?0
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No. I've been struggling with being underweight my entire life due to a couple of autoimmune diseases. My doctor said I've had one of them since I was born, and the other he said something about it popping up recently (PCOS. So, like, only two/three years. Blood test for both.) Both diseases normally make the person overweight and struggle with losing it. But, for a very small few, about 0.5% of women with both diseases, end up being underweight, and struggle to gain it.
There's almost no research on why both diseases would cause a person to be underweight, but both parties (over/underweight) have a higher risk of diabetes, so I can't eat whatever I want, like most people think.
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It took 50 years and a diagnosis of high blood pressure for my older sister to stop eating so much fast food and start eating vegetables. (Turns out she's a super-taster, so all vegetables taste nasty to her. She had to learn to cook them in ways that they tasted okay.) They have to figure it out for themselves, and nothing you say or do is going to change them. You have to live for yourself, love them for who they are, and let the rest go.
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Okay, no, I can see how it would be harping and get annoying. I'll take your guys' advice. (:
I do the research before I tell them. It's apparently outdated, though. And it's more of the ingredients I put in the things I make. They like my dinner-type food, but my muffins and cookies they're reluctant to try because I replace the white flour with wheat, and all that. And no, that's not what's going on in my mind at all. I do know how to listen, and I listen to them.
Example: the other day (before I made the post, I probably should have titled it venting now that I think about it), my sister kept asking me if 140 was a good goal weight, and I told her I thought it was a little too low for her body type, (she's very pear shaped, like, she's almost shaped exactly like Marilyn Monroe, but taller) and then I said, "Let's look up a good goal weight." We found that for her it'd be around 155/160. Then we started talking about shoes. I only talked to her about what she asked, nothing else. It's a little more stressful when she asks me what I think she should eat more/less of.
But, I am going to follow all of your advice, and I'll work on recognizing when either me or my sisters and mom get agitated.
White flour and whole wheat flour are almost the same nutritionally. The important difference is taste.
It makes sense to cook foods that people are going to like.
Instead of answering your sister when she has a question like that about her goal weigh, ask her to talk to her doctor.
Let your family members take responsibility (or not) for themselves.
Make things easier (and more pleasant) for your interactions with them.
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