Sexual Harassment

kirstinlee

I'm going to be straight up, and let you all know ahead of time that I'm not entirely sure what I'm asking for, if I am at all. It's just nice to know I have a group of people here who will be there for me when I need it, even if I've never personally known any of you.

I was sexually harassed and assaulted today in the middle of Safeway. He cornered me, grabbed me, and started telling me that he loved me. I was scared enough that I didn't even think about reacting or screaming for help... it was over as quick as it started. Now I feel like just peeling my skin off... or crying... or both.

My husband and I are living in separate states right now, and I'm living with my mom and helping her with my little brothers. I called my husband and he didn't answer, so I texted him to tell him what had just happened. Instead of asking if I was ok, or calling to console me, or acting concerned in general, he essentially blamed me for not getting physical with the guy and blew me off. I can't tell my mom, because she's paranoid as it is, and she would probably never let me go grocery shopping again... which means no more healthy food in the house.

I don't have any friends outside of coworker "friends," so I basically have zero support right now. I'm a resilient person, and it doesn't normally even phase me, but this is rough.

I feel like if I keep losing weight, it's going to get worse. I've noticed that the verbal harassment has gotten gradually worse over the last fifteen pounds, and now this. It's almost enough to make me stop losing weight purely to feel safer.

I do actually have a question, now that I think about it... does anyone have experience with tasers/stun guns? Are they practical to carry? Are they easy to accidentally stun yourself with? Even if I never have to use it, it would be nice to have the feeling of security of having one just in case.

JustMissTracy

I'd suggest taking a martial arts/self defense class before buying a tazer or anything of the sort. Better to be confident in your own abilities than to depend on something that may not react the way you expect.

kehahn

You should go talk to the store managers... They may be able to access security cameras so you can figure out who it was and report it. As far as tasers go, there are some pretty compact ones if you really feel the need to cary one. You might have better luck with a keychain type mace before you go for a taser through.

usmcmp

Call the police and report it. There will be video from the store. You most likely are not their first victim, help others by reporting it.

TheBeachgod

budk.com/Pepper-Spray-2980

amyk0202

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

JustMissTracy wrote: »

I'd suggest taking a martial arts/self defense class before buying a tazer or anything of the sort. Better to be confident in your own abilities than to depend on something that may not react the way you expect.

kehahn wrote: »

You should go talk to the store managers... They may be able to access security cameras so you can figure out who it was and report it.

I agree with these. I don't think a taser is the answer. The problem with relying on a device is that you just won't walk around carrying a taser or pepper spray in your hand for the rest of your life. When you are attacked it is sudden & you have your body to work with. You don't have time to dig out your defense. You can tell your mom that you are taking martial arts classes as exercise so as not to worry her.

angelamichelle_xo

first of all, do all the legal stuff. showering comes later! (evidence.)

anyways, i have pepper spray with tear gas mixed with a uv spray. i will mail it to you for free if you need it. (pm me.)
lastly, keep going with your goals. you will get stronger as you go. take up a self-defence class, or watch on youtube.

angelamichelle_xo

amyk0202 wrote: »

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

JustMissTracy wrote: »

I'd suggest taking a martial arts/self defense class before buying a tazer or anything of the sort. Better to be confident in your own abilities than to depend on something that may not react the way you expect.

kehahn wrote: »

You should go talk to the store managers... They may be able to access security cameras so you can figure out who it was and report it.

I agree with these. I don't think a taser is the answer. The problem with relying on a device is that you just won't walk around carrying a taser or pepper spray in your hand for the rest of your life. When you are attacked it is sudden & you have your body to work with. You don't have time to dig out your defense. You can tell your mom that you are taking martial arts classes as exercise so as not to worry her.

if i find myself alone away from a public area, in a neighborhood alone, i will carry my mace in-hand. don't *kitten* around. be prepared. this world is *kitten*!!!

jenilla1

usmcmp wrote: »

Call the police and report it. There will be video from the store. You most likely are not their first victim, help others by reporting it.

Lovee_Dove7

Call the police! They'll take a report. You may not feel like doing that, but do it!! Also tell the management in the store so that they are aware of this. Don't worry about the stupid reactions of others, they need to get a clue!
I am so sorry for what happened to you!

blakeym

Horrible. I would shop elsewhere immediately.

rankinsect

1. Agree this should be reported to police.
2. Before getting any weapon, look into self-defense training courses. You could carry an arsenal with you, but if you freeze up in panic it's all useless. The training will help with that. After you have the training, then add in the mace or taser or whatever if you think you need it.

bri170lb

Tell the store manager!!!!!! Call the police!!!!

My daughter is a grocery store manager and believe me, they take security and customer and employee safety VERY SERIOUSLY!

This person needs to be stopped before something even worse happens and they probably have cameras everywhere. They may even already know who the guy is. There could have been other women who were assulted.

The idea of reporting it is probably nearly as frightening as the incident, but YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE SAFE AT YOUR LOCAL STORE, PERIOD, NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK OR WHO YOU ARE!!!!

JoRocka

1.) file a report
2.) call the store and tell them
3.) take some self defense classes
4.) don't let yourself get cornered
5.) KICK SOME BALLS.

Seriously- just kick his balls. in.

Don't take that ish from anyone. Don't let some *kitten* stop you from getting to your goals. Find a new way to walk and stand loud and proud- shoulders back- people are less likely to mess with you if they dont' see you as a target (unfortunate but true).

Obviously parking your vehicle in a safe well lite place- and asking if one of the baggers will walk you to your car.

sheermomentum

You need to call the police. I imagine they will communicate with the store management, but you should also do that. I promise you this guy was caught on a security camera. He may or may not have been caught in the act on camera, but there's a good chance you can identify him coming in or going out of the store, at least. The store will want to be on watch for him and so should the police, if they aren't already.

As for the rest of it, I would recommend a self-defense class over a taser for making you feel better, and also for any similar incidents, if there should happen to ever be any. If you didn't feel comfortable kicking him in the fork or screaming when he assaulted you, are you really going to feel comfortable fumbling in your bag for a weapon?

Sabine_Stroehm

usmcmp wrote: »

Call the police and report it. There will be video from the store. You most likely are not their first victim, help others by reporting it.

+1
If he touched you, without permission it's beyond harassment and is battery (and assault). Call the police and report it.

FemmeFireRL

First off, I am so sorry that happened to you. What occurred has nothing to do with your size. There are bad/sick people out there. They don't necessarily assault people because of their size/race/religion. Sometimes they are just bad people. Don't let it deter you from reaching your weight loss goals. Take this terrible experience and use it to strengthen your resolve, go further with your training and perhaps look into self defense classes. Staying scared and hiding out allows him to win. Don't let him win. He's not worth it. YOU are worthy of a happy, healthy life. I am a police dispatcher and will tell you right now, tasers are illegal and won't make you feel any safer. *I hope you reported it* Hugs!

brb_2013

sheermomentum wrote: »

You need to call the police. I imagine they will communicate with the store management, but you should also do that. I promise you this guy was caught on a security camera. He may or may not have been caught in the act on camera, but there's a good chance you can identify him coming in or going out of the store, at least. The store will want to be on watch for him and so should the police, if they aren't already.

As for the rest of it, I would recommend a self-defense class over a taser for making you feel better, and also for any similar incidents, if there should happen to ever be any. If you didn't feel comfortable kicking him in the fork or screaming when he assaulted you, are you really going to feel comfortable fumbling in your bag for a weapon?

I agree with this last line most. You need to feel confident in your ability to defend yourself, I highly recommend a self defense course! It teaches you how to push through fear and act in self preservation. You were in public, but won't always be!

Spitgray

What city do you live in??? I don't mine punching a creep in the face...

OyGeeBiv

The others have given you great advice, so I won't repeat it. I'm going to focus on another aspect of what you wrote. The assault had nothing to do with your size, it was ALL about power. People who behave the way that guy did do it because it makes them feel powerful. Take away his power to influence you in your weight loss and health journey. Don't let him derail you!

While you're at it, don't let your mother or your husband have the power to derail you either. Reporting what happened is the smart and right thing to do. You did nothing wrong, don't let people treat you as if you did. When you report it to the police, ask them if they give self-defense classes.

BinaryPulsar

I'm glad I am not the only one that wanted to tell you to report it. I spent my whole life letting every single sexual assault go (even from a chiropractor when I was 19). I didn't know I could report. I just grew up thinking sexual assault was a normal part of life that we all deal with. Not anymore. I report everything that I can now. No, I never over react. I report situations in which people actually cross the line in a way that is not open to interpretation. I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sorry you don't have support because people will flip out. I'm sorry that your husband reacted that way! He doesn't understand. ♥