should i switch to maintenance to combat medication?
i'm not sure if this is even the right place to be asking, but i'm in a very tough spot right now and i could use advice.
i've been in the process of a lean bulk for about 5 months now. i've been gaining about a pound a month pretty consistently (102 -> 107). since i'm also recovering from roughly a decade with binge-purge type anorexia as well, i'm trying to focus less on precise measurement of everything i eat and more on increasing physical strength. that's been a huge motivator in my recovery.
here's where it's getting 10 levels harder.
i've been recently diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder by my therapist, and he's sending me to a psychiatrist to be put on anti-psychotics. i don't put any kind of medication in me without doing my research, and between the people i've talked to on forums and the things i've read, i'm pretty much doomed to gain weight. a lot of weight.
it's been a battle to even get myself to seek out any of his referrals knowing this. i'm really becoming aware of how flimsy my recovery really is. recovering from the eating disorder was entirely self-started and maintained. professional treatment has been out of the question because of money. the only reason i'm able to see my therapist is that he's fascinated by my case and does it for free, and i'm in the admissions process for using low cost behavioral health center services in the city. even with a full time job i still fall well below the poverty line.
so, backstory out of the way, let's say i do get put on the APs. most of the ones on my insurance seem to list "increased appetite; weight gain" as an almost-guaranteed side effect. should i attempt to cut back to maintenance calories to offset the damage it might do? or should i just keep bulking, go 200% harder at the gym and hope that going in with a good amount of muscle mass will offset any overeating? i feel like i'd probably make myself sick backing out cold turkey if i gained too much too fast. lived through withdrawals before, would not like to relive the experience. i'm also open to measuring everything again but i have a bad feeling it would become obsessive again.
i'd be interested in hearing anyone's experiences with medications and weight gain. gaining seems to be a universal truth among the people i talk to on more mental health related boards.