Husband texting his ex
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This is definitely a hard situation and I am so sorry you are going through it. I am all for working it out, especially when children are involved. Unless it gets to the point that it is a terrible environment for them too. If divorce is the path you choose, then I would sneak into his phone while he is showering or something and take pictures of the messages with his ex and see what your lawyer says. While going through that process I would look for work as well. He sounds controlling, keeping you at home, talking down to you, and talking to his ex. You deserve better. Good luck, hun.0
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Post this on Facebook and spread gossip about your relationship. Then talk to all your friends about how much of a jerk he is. That helps end friendships along with the relationship. Definitely don't try to work it out in private or maturely address any problems you may have. Don't ever use a marriage counsellor because a counsellor may be able to actually address root problems, give you both honest feedback, and help you either re-commit or agree to split and move on with your lives. And yes, hire a lawyer and try to take him for everything he is worth, because lawyers aren't expensive, and it's far better to fight this out in court and have both of you end up worse off . . .
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I hope you will talk to a lawyer. Any divorce lawyer. Get advice on how to proceed, learn your rights and what to expect based on the law, and identify resources to support you and your kids through the process.0
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I just saw that you said he has gotten physical. Please don't settle for that. I have been there and stayed because I thought I loved him, thought that it was me that needed to improve, thought that we can work through it. Once it happens it will happen again. It is not you it is him! He is abusing you on all levels, physical, emotional, and mental. Someone better is out there and will treat you like a queen!0
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If he is physical, you cannot take that! And if it happens again, you need to have him arrested and charged. If you have any hard evidence of past physical abuse, use that. NO ONE should stay with a person who is physically abusive. Working in law enforcement for a time, I saw too much of that, and once someone starts abusing, they do not stop. You are better than that and deserve much more.0
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Thanks everyone. I'm sure there is a free lawyer place around here somewhere that I can contact.0
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If you live in the states, there should be a legal aid society that can help. Also, you might contact a local shelter for abuse victims. They might be able to help, or point you in the right direction.0
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I just saw that you said he has gotten physical. Please don't settle for that. I have been there and stayed because I thought I loved him, thought that it was me that needed to improve, thought that we can work through it. Once it happens it will happen again. It is not you it is him! He is abusing you on all levels, physical, emotional, and mental. Someone better is out there and will treat you like a queen!
I was in a long relationship before him that resulted in my two older boys. He was seriously abusive. Like broke my nose abusive. I wasn't allowed to talk to my family or let them know my number or where I lived. I think that since my husband isn't as bad as that, I've always justified it that it could be worse...was worse. I know that logically that is complete *kitten*. I'm just afraid to be alone and I don't have a support net to help. It's scary.0 -
If he is physical, you cannot take that! And if it happens again, you need to have him arrested and charged. If you have any hard evidence of past physical abuse, use that. NO ONE should stay with a person who is physically abusive. Working in law enforcement for a time, I saw too much of that, and once someone starts abusing, they do not stop. You are better than that and deserve much more.
I did have him arrested a few years back for it. I took him right back like a dumb *kitten*.0 -
prncesschic wrote: »If he is physical, you cannot take that! And if it happens again, you need to have him arrested and charged. If you have any hard evidence of past physical abuse, use that. NO ONE should stay with a person who is physically abusive. Working in law enforcement for a time, I saw too much of that, and once someone starts abusing, they do not stop. You are better than that and deserve much more.
I did have him arrested a few years back for it. I took him right back like a dumb *kitten*.
Yeah, well you seem to have smartened up. You say you are afraid to be alone, but I can tell you that you are better off alone than dead. I have seen it escalate to that several times. DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. He will continue. I don't care what kind of counseling he can get or what, he is not going to change and you cannot take the chance of it escalating. I have never understood why a woman would take back a guy who is physically or mentally abusive. There are support groups out there who can help you get a start. You seem like a very sharp and nice person (not to mention easy on the eyes), so you will do just fine without him. And in the long run you will 1) find yourself a better life, and 2) not be dead.0 -
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PlaydohPants wrote: »1-800-787-3224 Call the DV hotline they can help you with an exit strategy. Have police there to escort you when you leave. Stay with a trusted friend or family member. Do it if not for you then for your kids.
Good advice0 -
Wow. Really sorry to hear that you've gone through all this.
I'm going to be blunt here. Unfortunately these problems will continue no matter how many guys you go through in your life. Based on how you were able to accept these guys back despite all the abuse, it's more than just that these guys are abusive to you. As you put it yourself, that you're such a doormat and that's because you truly don't love yourself. Once you truly figure out how to love yourself and accept you for who you are, you will then be able to stop repeating these nightmares and put a stop to it for once and for all. I know easier said than done, I'm no psychologist. That's why I would highly recommend that you seek counseling, and for once in your lifetime make yourself a priority @prncesschic . I wish you all the best
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Thanks everyone. Keep me motivated to leave. Today is Saturday and I don't wanna loose my nerve by Monday.0
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prncesschic wrote: »Thanks everyone. Keep me motivated to leave. Today is Saturday and I don't wanna loose my nerve by Monday.
Don't wait till monday0 -
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So OP, did you leave today as you were planning?0
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prncesschic wrote: »I just saw that you said he has gotten physical. Please don't settle for that. I have been there and stayed because I thought I loved him, thought that it was me that needed to improve, thought that we can work through it. Once it happens it will happen again. It is not you it is him! He is abusing you on all levels, physical, emotional, and mental. Someone better is out there and will treat you like a queen!
I was in a long relationship before him that resulted in my two older boys. He was seriously abusive. Like broke my nose abusive. I wasn't allowed to talk to my family or let them know my number or where I lived. I think that since my husband isn't as bad as that, I've always justified it that it could be worse...was worse. I know that logically that is complete *kitten*. I'm just afraid to be alone and I don't have a support net to help. It's scary.
I'm sure you know this already and many have commented on it too. I'm quite familiar with the situation you're in. Took me a while to realize what it was doing to me and how it was affecting my kiddo. Please do what's best for you and your kids and GTFO from that relationship. Divorce sucks a s s and coparenting will suck too. But you'll get some relief that you don't have to deal with daily BS that you are dealing with now. If you don't have a support system at home, there are hotlines and free counseling for women in abusive relationships. Strangers like myself can also be some support as well. Income I understand is a problem, but if you can take the steps to figure out your options, you may see that it'll be hard, but not impossible. As long as you take time to figure out what you want for yourself in life and for your kids, it will help provide some clarity. And please don't compare one abusive relationship to another regardless of who that relationship is with (significant others/family/friends/any goddamn person) - I've done that and I realize now that it is utterly foolish. Abuse no matter what form - physical/verbal is damaging to you and to your kids because they are seeing examples of how a partner treats another.
You're self-worth is important. Stay strong and do it for yourself and then for your kids. A happy you will help you be the best mother/friend/daughter anyone can have in their life. Best wishes.
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Peter_Brady wrote: »So OP, did you leave today as you were planning?
Not yet. I have to get all my ducks in a row before I make a move.
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prncesschic wrote: »Peter_Brady wrote: »So OP, did you leave today as you were planning?
Not yet. I have to get all my ducks in a row before I make a move.
Did you contact the DV Helpline for advice? If you haven't, please do. Be aware that leaving someone who is abusive is statistically the most dangerous time in the relationship. It is not uncommon for there to be an escalation of violence, far beyond what has previously been displayed. PLEASE talk to a DV Helpline in your local area so that they can do a safety plan with you and help you leave in a way that minimizes risk and increases the likelihood that that you stay away safely.0 -
It's real hard starting again I've done it twice
Husband 16 years together was an alcoholic left with a 3&7 year old moved back home
Meet
A cheating control freak 9 years and a child together made me realise my self worth
I walked away from him my home my business it took years as I loved him but he never changed
Then I spent a while on my own meet my now husband & it's so much better
Walking away hurts and is stressful I had no money when I left no job but he wasn't a good man.
You can do it your beautiful & he doesnt deserve you0 -
Do they have kids together? If not, there is no reason to ever talk to an ex again.
I would meet with every divorce attorney in your area, b/c when you do get a divorce; not a single lawyer will be able to consult with him, b/c you already have. My neighbor did it...it was genius.0 -
Don't put up with his *kitten*. Show him the door.prncesschic wrote: »He probably isn't. He treats me like dirt. Talks down to me. Yada yada
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No one will ever do or say anything to you that you don't invite them to do . People that don't stand up for themselves and put up with physical , mental , emotional abuse etc, are only inviting the abuser to do the same again . Always leave toxic people behind . Its your birthright to have an amazing life . Do not waste your life with losers. Leave that tosspot behind and find a real alpha male awesome man.0
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If there is abuse involved, get out. Get out as quickly as you can while still being safe. There are organizations that can help you do that. I stayed in an abusive relationship for 13 years. I know how scary it is. Care about yourself enough to know that you deserve better.0
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prncesschic wrote: »besee_2000 wrote: »I have no money or back up.
Self-respect is free. The rest you can work for once you leave.0
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