Has your friend circle changed?
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Not really. Me, being originally from India, food is the "center" of every meetings, parties & gatherings. Plus its always the wrong foods (aka.. oily, fatty, carb-loaded...etc.). So, now I eat less and make it a point to choose healthier options. Plus, most of my friends know about my weight-loss goal, they have been helpful too.0
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No, my friend circle has stayed the same. Maybe I make new friends easier now that I've lost weight and feel more confident? But my old friendships are still strong. I don't feel like any of my relationships were ever centered around food really. We had lots of common interests that are still present. Plus, my love of food hasn't changed one bit since losing the weight. So I still love to go out and get ice cream with a friend or joke about how much we love food. I can just moderate my food intake much better now.
The main thing that has changed for me is my activity level. I stayed with a best friend for a weekend who is (and always was) more sedentary. I asked her if she wanted to go for a walk around town with me during my stay and she really wasn't up for it, kept saying she was tired. But I know I probably used to be the same way when I was overweight and sedentary.0 -
My circle has definitely changed because I am very active and I no longer party much. Most of my friends before my life makeover were rather sedentary hard party peeps. I still like them, but I prefer to spend my free time doing outdoor activities, yoga, etc. so I find little in common to do with them if they don't want to be active. However, I have met a bunch of great people who do share common interests so it's been fun getting to know other people into lifting, hiking, yoga, etc.0
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My circle has definitely changed. Sitting around drinking and eating is not my thing anymore. Some friends understand however others want to see you fail. Those are the friends I no longer have...Ha Ha!0
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I know you weren't looking for advice, but what if you started making suggestions for things to do that didn't revolve around the junk food? It sounds like you are letting others control the events, so maybe plan one for the circle. Now that the weather is becoming more pleasant maybe you can plan a picnic at the park. Organize a walk, some games (like horseshoes or volleyball), and ask everyone to bring their healthiest snack. You can bring them into your world without forcing it on them, and without feelings of resentment. Maybe it will help inspire them to make healthier choice, maybe it won't. But at least you can feel good about your time with them.0
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I know you weren't looking for advice, but what if you started making suggestions for things to do that didn't revolve around the junk food? It sounds like you are letting others control the events, so maybe plan one for the circle. Now that the weather is becoming more pleasant maybe you can plan a picnic at the park. Organize a walk, some games (like horseshoes or volleyball), and ask everyone to bring their healthiest snack. You can bring them into your world without forcing it on them, and without feelings of resentment. Maybe it will help inspire them to make healthier choice, maybe it won't. But at least you can feel good about your time with them.
Its a family member and a few of our shared friends. We no longer live in the same city so I don't see them that often, maybe 2 weeks a year? If they buy food, I just get less, and healthier options. If they buy junkfood, I try to provide some healthier options and mostly eat that.0 -
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yes. your circle of friends will change depending on what you spend your time doing.
it was hard but I found more enjoyment in physical, outdoor activities. I started spending less time hanging out with my "play video games all night and get drunk" friends because I didn't want to do that. now I hang out way more with my "get up early and go hike a mountain" friends. Not that I don't like my old friends any more, but we have less in common and I only have so much time... I want to spend it doing things that get me where I want to go, not doing things that hold me back.
i was lucky nobody tried to drag me back into it, it was more of a slow realization that I had to make a choice; partying/gaming all night would ruin the next day and I wouldn't get to do the things I wanted to. As I started making that choice we hung out less and less. No hard feelings. Just growing apart.0 -
yes. your circle of friends will change depending on what you spend your time doing.
it was hard but I found more enjoyment in physical, outdoor activities. I started spending less time hanging out with my "play video games all night and get drunk" friends because I didn't want to do that. now I hang out way more with my "get up early and go hike a mountain" friends. Not that I don't like my old friends any more, but we have less in common and I only have so much time... I want to spend it doing things that get me where I want to go, not doing things that hold me back.
i was lucky nobody tried to drag me back into it, it was more of a slow realization that I had to make a choice; partying/gaming all night would ruin the next day and I wouldn't get to do the things I wanted to. As I started making that choice we hung out less and less. No hard feelings. Just growing apart.
That sounds very balanced and healthy.
I've found I haven't lost any friends, but I've gained some, and found new things in common with some old ones.0 -
Most of my friends are geographically very diverse, so it hasn't made a bit of difference. Mostly I meet up with people at gigs - sometimes there's a meal beforehand, but I don't remember there ever being a spotlight on what any one person is eating. A lot of people drink at the concerts we go to, but I was anaemic for so long that I would rarely have more than one anyway- everyone's used to me just drinking water. I actually have more issues with family. It seems that the healthier I get, the more certain family members try to become food pushers.0
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beautifulsparkles wrote: »At my heaviest weight, the main people I hung out with were obsessed with food. If we spent time together, we would stop by the bakery for lunch, buying at least three items each, or have kfc after walking the dog (or in other words, sitting down somewhere and throwing the ball for the dog, while he walked/ran), go to the movies and get a large drink and popcorn, meet up at each others houses and have a large bottle of soda each, a big bag of popcorn, a big bag of chips, chocolate etc. We would buy a lot of treats for ourselves so we shouldn't have to share so much. We were very food focused and not in a good way.
Now I find it annoying to hang out with these people. One of these people is a family member, and whenever I see her she always wants to ''get a treat'' but its not really a treat, because she gets that stuff like once a day. She says I need to treat myself whenever I'm with her, but it was too often, so it wasn't really a treat or reward because it ended up being a several times a week thing, but I turnt her down. I don't mind getting myself stuff when its just me, but when I'm with other people, and they are significantly overweight, and they keep binging and not see a problem with it, I can't help but get grossed out. Whats worse, is I was like that for two or three years and had no self awareness. I was worse than some of them as well.
I don't meet up with people that often, but I would like to think food is less of a focus. I've gone to a bible study group a few times and we've shared food, but its mostly been healthy and homemade. I would like to change the way I interact with people when we meet up, like go for a walk before we have food, or play sports instead of go to the cinemas, but I'm not quite there yet.
Now that you are at goal weight, do you hang out with the same people, or have some of your friends dropped off, because it was too hard to be around them?
Wow.....I do believe that circle of friends tend to change when our goals and ambitions vary. You are more self aware now that you are sober enough to see everything is clear detail. learning how to say no and sticking to your goals is a must if you decide to stay friends with them.
For me, it's so hard when you have a partner and family members that aren't willing to change their ways of eating for you. My partner has a sweet tooth, actually so does my mom, everything is sweet which is tempting. Trying to avoid sugar is the hardest for me. But I have to stay firm and speak up, because if I don't, none of them would stop me from eating things I really don't need. Hope this helps.
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SalubriousGyrl wrote: »it's so hard when you have a partner and family members that aren't willing to change their ways of eating for you.
I think it's reasonable to ask for some support from family and friends, but expecting other people to change for you is selfish and unrealistic. You and you alone are responsible for making your ambitions into reality. You need to find a way to exist in the world without everyone having to tiptoe around you.0 -
My friend circle hasnt changed at all. I still love to eat out and go for drinks. I now just choose different things and if it's a special occasion or we go somewhere really spectacular then I'll indulge. To be honest my friends don't pay much attention to what I am or am not eating/drinking
I've made new friends who I do fitness related stuff with. It's our mutual interest but that would be the same whatever new hobby i'd taken up. I have different friendship groups that I do different things with. I don't expect my friends who I have never done fitness things with to suddenly want to do them just because I do0 -
Most of my friends are fit, but I find people on fit apps give me more motivation. There are some dedicated people on mfp!0
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My circle of friends hasn't changed but I can completely relate to you and your feelings about your friends. I've always been fat but my friends are extremely overweight. I believe I've never gotten to their weight because I'm a yoyo dieter and I go through periods of weight loss and then just giving up and slowly creeping back up to my original weight. Recently I've lost 100 pounds and I'm currently at 150 pounds. A few weeks ago I went on a trip with my friends and I tried sticking to my healthy eating habits but it was very hard to do around them. I was good for the first few days but one night I just gave up and went crazy eating along with them. We had dinner at a restaurant and I ordered everything I wanted. I'm talking sampler plate, burger, fries, milkshake with alcohol, the works! Then when we got back to the hotel I spent about 20 bucks on candy and chips at the vending machine. I had over 11,000 calories in total (and I logged it all to hold myself accountable). That night I could barely sleep since I was feeling so sick from all the food. The next morning they wanted to continue the crazy eating but I didn't even want to look at food. We went to the Waffle House and all I had was water while they went all out on breakfast. As the day continued they kept buying food while I chose to keep drinking water and ate an apple when I started feeling a bit hungry. They kept trying to share their food with me but I just kept getting more annoyed and disgusted by their eating habits. I even started noticing the way they ate and how they looked when they walked. That was something I had never paid any attention to before. They are my good friends and I love them and I felt really guilty about having those negative thoughts about them. Eventually it was a little after lunch time and they were having their third sit down meal of the day and they kept insisting that I have some of their food. It was nachos and other fattening stuff and I flat out had to tell them that it was fine for me to go a little crazy with food once in a while but that I couldn't do it everyday. I worked really hard to lose the weight and I didn't want to gain it all back again. They understood and didn't bother me about food for the rest of the trip. We came back home and they've tried to invite me out to dinner a few times but I've turned down their invitations. I know I could just go along with them and have a Diet Coke with a side soup or salad just to accompany them but I don't really feel like putting myself through that. I have my meals planned out at home and I enjoy cooking for myself. I feel like I've sort of had to detach myself from them in order to stick to my new eating habits.0
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My friend circle has...shifted some. I'm still friends with most of them, but I'm closer with different people - and I haven't even lost much weight, I've just changed my lifestyle. I'm an emotional eater and it's very hard for me to be around people who push food or put an emotional spin on eating. The "you should treat yourself", "you deserve it", "enjoy yourself once in a while" types. This is a slippery slope for me. The last thing I need is to start feeling like overeating is being nice to myself. I mostly deal with this by meeting those sorts of people in controlled environments - restaurants where I already know they have low-cal delicious options, or better yet activities/places with no food at all.0
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Afterthought: You know, if one has the mental toughness for it, there can potentially be a bit of "reverse contagion" effect.
Among the heavier groups of people I socialize with (such as my arts'n'crafts friends, among others), I've noticed that some of them seem as if they may be influenced by my experience, or example, or something. I don't evangelize; I only answer questions if people ask, or sometimes ask them about related things if I know they're working on improving eating & activity levels. But some heavier friends seem to be getting on a healthier track lately, for some reason, a few months after I started (and had visible success). . . .
(P.S., I'm not saying I have "mental toughness". What I do have is social involvement in groups where many people are overweight, but where the social focus is not primarily food-related, so I don't have to be tough.)0 -
Hmm..I have gained new friends since starting this journey 7 months ago...we maintain closer contact then my long term friends, as we share the same fitness interests and see each other weekly at the gym...Lately though I have started inviting my long term friends to attend exercise classes with me or go for walks so we are reconnecting that way. I am short on time quite often (married, working, lots of kids lol) so if we are to bond, I prefer it to be while I'm getting one of my workouts in and/or maybe a quick breakaway healthy lunch. They are very busy too and inspired by my fitness journey and results, so they are more than willing to meet me somewhere and work it out!0
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beautifulsparkles wrote: »At my heaviest weight, the main people I hung out with were obsessed with food. If we spent time together, we would stop by the bakery for lunch, buying at least three items each, or have kfc after walking the dog (or in other words, sitting down somewhere and throwing the ball for the dog, while he walked/ran), go to the movies and get a large drink and popcorn, meet up at each others houses and have a large bottle of soda each, a big bag of popcorn, a big bag of chips, chocolate etc. We would buy a lot of treats for ourselves so we shouldn't have to share so much. We were very food focused and not in a good way.
Now I find it annoying to hang out with these people. One of these people is a family member, and whenever I see her she always wants to ''get a treat'' but its not really a treat, because she gets that stuff like once a day. She says I need to treat myself whenever I'm with her, but it was too often, so it wasn't really a treat or reward because it ended up being a several times a week thing, but I turnt her down. I don't mind getting myself stuff when its just me, but when I'm with other people, and they are significantly overweight, and they keep binging and not see a problem with it, I can't help but get grossed out. Whats worse, is I was like that for two or three years and had no self awareness. I was worse than some of them as well.
I don't meet up with people that often, but I would like to think food is less of a focus. I've gone to a bible study group a few times and we've shared food, but its mostly been healthy and homemade. I would like to change the way I interact with people when we meet up, like go for a walk before we have food, or play sports instead of go to the cinemas, but I'm not quite there yet.
Now that you are at goal weight, do you hang out with the same people, or have some of your friends dropped off, because it was too hard to be around them?
Why do you find it hard to be around them now? I don't see what the big deal is. If going out to a restaurant or for an ice cream is something you would normally do with them, then order yourself a diet soda and stop being self righteous just because you lost weight. It doesn't give is the right to start being judgemental towards others and feel the need to shun people we have been close with. I also think it's sad for you to say you're grossed out by them. This is your issue more than theirs. Sorry.
I agree with this. What or how much my friends or family members eat has nothing to do with our friendship or my desire to be around them. If you plan to make sustainable long term changes to your health, you will have to find ways to make healthy decisions in a variety of circumstances, including when there is food around you might not otherwise prefer to eat.
I think it's unreasonable for you to lose interest in hanging out with people you were previously close with just because you've seen the light and are now eating healthily.0
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