Buying VD gifts with "married" money...

_John_
_John_ Posts: 8,646 Member
edited November 29 in Chit-Chat
Anybody else in the boat where all your accounts are merged since marriage and you both check them regularly? So any gift, you know exactly what was spent on the other...

I've resorted to paying my MIL back this year for something ordered off Amazon.

We usually analyze our finances and set a rough spending amount for each other (also done for mother's/father's day).

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Replies

  • kchuskey
    kchuskey Posts: 882 Member
    After 15 years, she pretty much just tells me what she's buying for herself..lol
  • _John_
    _John_ Posts: 8,646 Member
    edited February 2016
    kchuskey wrote: »
    After 15 years, she pretty much just tells me what she's buying for herself..lol

    Although I'm "easy" to buy for, I wish we did that sometimes. However, most of the stuff I "use" I buy/sell/trade a lot on the internet though message boards/ebay (golf/fishing equipment), so any big gifts she gets a little pissed (rightfully) if it ends up as trade bait.

    (that reminds me that I need to clean my Abu Morrum as its clutch sticks a bit)
  • Kali2024
    Kali2024 Posts: 73 Member
    You guys exchange? Damn I told my hubs not to buy me anything, not even a card, that goes for birthdays and our anniversary. I'm just not a sentimental type of gal.

    But if you're that concerned can you take out a bit each pay and stash it for the next Vday, bday or anniv?
  • kchuskey
    kchuskey Posts: 882 Member
    edited February 2016
    Kali2024 wrote: »
    You guys exchange? Damn I told my hubs not to buy me anything, not even a card, that goes for birthdays and our anniversary. I'm just not a sentimental type of gal.

    But if you're that concerned can you take out a bit each pay and stash it for the next Vday, bday or anniv?

    This. I mean that's what I do when I want to buy something for myself, so why not do it for her also. But TBH.. We really don't get to wrapped up in this sort of stuff.

    We spend more time making sure our kid has everything he needs for said Holidays.
  • Rachel0778
    Rachel0778 Posts: 1,701 Member
    kchuskey wrote: »
    After 15 years, she pretty much just tells me what she's buying for herself..lol

    This is what we do too. This way we always get what we want and we make a date out of "shopping for it" so it's still got a romantic component. Takes the stress entirely out of holidays.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Jan and I don't exchange gifts on Valentine's Day. Just cards. It's more about doing something together than giving gifts. This year I told her we can go anywhere she wants for dinner on Saturday, the 13th. She hasn't decided yet. On Sunday, I'll make her a nice Brunch and then we will go to a movie before I go play soccer that night.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    We don't do V-day, but for other occasions we usually do something small and thoughtful for each other to acknowledge the occasion but we tend to buy our own gifts for ourselves. Like for my birthday I bought myself a Specialized Roubaix Elite...I really didn't want her dropping any more coin on my birthday after that purchase...hell, I probably should have made that count for both birthday and Christmas. For Christmas I bought myself a nice Invicta watch that I had been eyeballing.
  • Shells918
    Shells918 Posts: 1,070 Member
    We don't buy much more than cards because we travel several times a year, so our trips are our gifts.
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  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
    In addition to our joint bill account, we each have our own play money accounts. That's what I use for this kind of thing, however, we don't Valentine's Day.
  • DaisyHamilton
    DaisyHamilton Posts: 575 Member
    We share an account, but I'm lucky enough that he doesn't check it frequently. Some sites only say the sellers name (IE Amazon Purchase, $x.xx) but if he did, and it were somewhere obvious like Zales, etc., I'd probably just draw cash and buy something in person.
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
    I would say gifts in general with joint accounts it is hard to surprise your SO.

    I tried to give my SO a surprise 50th bday party and I charged an expensive item and told them to not charge until the day of the party. They charged the account couple days b4 the party my husband who is very in tune with checking our accounts asked me about it. I lied and told him I bought some expensive designer shoes ($700) I am not a great liar. Needless to say he figured out what I was doing and it really wasn't much of a surprise.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    We don't like surprises so let the other know what we want for gifts. This VD all I want is sex and TWD.

    beeddaa6fe7f4aad8e22ad5bd9c9c0be.jpg


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  • SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage
    SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage Posts: 2,668 Member
    We don't really do V-day in our house either. I might go buy myself a new Pandora charm and tell him thanks ;)
  • chunky_pinup
    chunky_pinup Posts: 758 Member
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    We don't like surprises so let the other know what we want for gifts. This VD all I want is sex and TWD.

    beeddaa6fe7f4aad8e22ad5bd9c9c0be.jpg


    Yup. This.

  • Devol82
    Devol82 Posts: 80 Member
    My guy and I also share accounts. I bought him a diamond watch, put it on my credit card so he wouldn't know what it cost or what it was, then I just pay it off.
  • thegirlinbldg8
    thegirlinbldg8 Posts: 28 Member
    I always stash away some cash for emergencies and dip from there.
  • JayRuby84
    JayRuby84 Posts: 557 Member
    I told my girlfriend I'd just like to go out to a Sushi restaurant at the coast we have been to in the past. Let's forego the gift part and get some time together.
  • provencal73
    provencal73 Posts: 1,275 Member
    This is one reason we don't do the holiday gift thing. Personally, I prefer a date/movie/dinner we can both enjoy.
  • mkakids
    mkakids Posts: 1,913 Member
    Kali2024 wrote: »
    You guys exchange? Damn I told my hubs not to buy me anything, not even a card, that goes for birthdays and our anniversary. I'm just not a sentimental type of gal.

    But if you're that concerned can you take out a bit each pay and stash it for the next Vday, bday or anniv?

    This is me. I dont want a card, or present or flowers. We dont exchange gifts regularly. We are lucky enough that if there is something we want....we have the means to buy it. And if i want something....i want exactly what i need. I dont like to have excess around the house....very minimalistic. And i dont see the point of telling him to buy me exactly this item...ill just buy it myself.

    That being said....there are times when i want to surprise DH with something. His 35th bday is coming up and i know he wants a new phone. He doesnt NEED one, so i know he wont buy one for himself.

    i plan on buying one off Amazon, so everytime i go to walmart or someplace, i buy a $25 amazon gift card and stash it. He doesnt know that i didnt spend that $25 on shampoo, soap or diapers. I just label it as 'household' in quicken when i reconcile the account.

    Also, i am a stay at home mom. Dh's income is 'our' only money. Sometimes i want to get him simething that he didnt have to pay for...ya know? So i try to sell something or earn some extra cash via swagbucks. He doesnt care....all money is 'our' money, but sometimes it matters to me.
  • MommysLittleMeatball
    MommysLittleMeatball Posts: 2,064 Member
    The joint account thing always makes holidays and birthdays not so secret. Our birthdays are close to Christmas (mine before and his after), so we just give each other a list. When I buy something off the list I use Amazon; he doesn't use my Amazon prime account and doesn't know what it will be.

    As far as Vday, we don't typically do much. He's a total Ron Swanson about "hallmark holidays", plus it's right after our bdays, Christmas, and right before our anniversary so I'd rather save the money. We've both been dying to see Deadpool and that comes out Vday weekend, so we have unintentional Vday plans.

    Taking out cash is a good plan. Helps keep a budget on spending too.
  • mkakids
    mkakids Posts: 1,913 Member
    CircumcisedCokeCan wrote: »
    i've always kept separate accounts personally, but if you share accounts and she does actually check it, just hit up the ATM and then buy whatever with cash. plus you can always take significantly more out too and make yourself look better.

    like $400 or something and only spend $20-30 (long as its something that *looks* expensive). then you can pocket the rest and just use it for day to day stuff till its gone. then she'll think you spent a lot on her next time she checks the account. even better if she didn't spend that much on you and she'll feel bad. its a win-win.

    Lying and making her feel bad = a win?

    If she cares that much about the purchase price there is an issue.
  • Meganthedogmom
    Meganthedogmom Posts: 1,639 Member
    I am not huge on Valentine's Day, but my boyfriend enjoys getting me things. The only thing is, he tends to buy me roses which I'm not really into and I find to be a waste of money (especially the around v-day, woah expensive). I don't have a nice way of telling him this without hurting his feelings, so it just continues to happen. Don't get me wrong, I really think it's sweet and it's the thought that counts! But flowers just die... D:
  • TeraGC
    TeraGC Posts: 40 Member
    My dh and I switch years, this years its my turn to plan. We don't usually do gifts for VD but we go and do something. We are starting at a local brewery(which he loves) then dinner and painting
  • srv524
    srv524 Posts: 1,363 Member
    Vday is stupid for us. If you need a separate day to love your SO more than the other days, your relationship/marriage is going to fail. We love each other the same each year and we know it's a *kitten*, made-up corporate holiday that only idiots fall for.
    That being said - we have joint money accounts so it would be stupid to buy her a gift since she's theoretically paying for that gift herself too. And we have a kid due in a few weeks so money is tight and we need to save as much as possible.
  • leosmith66
    leosmith66 Posts: 69 Member
    VD is the gift that keeps on giving. Who would need anything else?
  • TripZeros
    TripZeros Posts: 144 Member
    My husband and I don't really do V-Day gifts. We did just splurge on some overland gear for our truck, sooo I guess we could count that :smiley: He will probably bring me home some coffee and cupcakes, and I'll bring him home pizza and beer!
  • yayamom3
    yayamom3 Posts: 939 Member
    meganridenour wrote: »
    I am not huge on Valentine's Day, but my boyfriend enjoys getting me things. The only thing is, he tends to buy me roses which I'm not really into and I find to be a waste of money (especially the around v-day, woah expensive). I don't have a nice way of telling him this without hurting his feelings, so it just continues to happen. Don't get me wrong, I really think it's sweet and it's the thought that counts! But flowers just die... D:

    I have the same issue. Red roses are so ridiculously overpriced. And honestly, after 26 Valentine's Days, I'd really enjoy just a mixed bouquet (which would be much cheaper!). Something different. But I can't think of a way to tell DH this without hurting his feelings and sounding ungrateful. So I will just continue to thank him for being so sweet and thoughtful. I know there are a lot of wives who would love to be in my shoes.
  • time2cutnow
    time2cutnow Posts: 150 Member
    Use cash.. my husband somehow took money out of our account little by little without me noticing to buy my engagement ring.
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