DID YOUR MOTHER MAKE YOU OVERWEIGHT?

pinkraynedropjacki

Did your mother make you overweight?

Ummmm no. I did.


We grew up poor, even in the 80s we were poor. Mum was a single mother of 2 with a mental problem that meant she could not work. An ex husband who paid her $100 a month for 2 kids & not much else. Shoes were xmas presents. Milk.... hell even milk I had to save up for when I got my own money. We ate very little & spent most time outside playing in order to not want to eat.


I made me fat, nobody else. Later in life, after my son was born.

Camera_BagintheUK

No my mum didn't make me overweight. But she did teach me to view food in a way that helped me make myself overweight.

I posted this in another thread yesterday, but my mum was of the wartime generation, and I was born in the 60s, but her wartime habits stuck with her, "waste not,want not" and so on, so it was a cardinal sin to waste food! I still have a lot of her kitchen habits, like if I make custard or gravy with powder, I save a bit of the milk or water to swill out the bowl I mix it in!

I've carried a sense of responsibility and obligation, and a real hangup about leaving food. So that's meant I'll always eat more than I needed to. I still struggle to leave food - either on my plate, or on the serving plate! Eating with friends is hard - at home I just cook my portions.

My mum was the opposite in fact - we never had much money, so couldn't afford much in the way of sweet treats. We'd have them on a Sunday only! And often home bakes, so not as exciting as shop bought. So on the rare occasion when we ate tea at an aunty's house, there would be all these wonderful goodies - Penguin or Club biscuits! Battenburg cake! Mr Kipling cakes! Mmmmm. But we knew we could take ONE and then no matter how much our aunty plied is with seconds, we knew we couldn't have another, on pain of death! And mum would be sitting there watching. So we politely declined, weeping inside. So when I got older, and could buy my own, that restriction wasn't there any more and I could sit and eat the whole packet if I wanted, and did. And gained weight!.

Also, I've copied my dad who used to put a thick layer of salt all over his food, and butter on his bread by the slice! - I've tried and tried, and I can't taste my food without adding salt and I can't eat bread or crackers or scones without a thick layer of butter. (so I eat very little of them now!)

I think we pick up things from our parents that they aren't trying to impart. My mum was trying to teach me good things about not wasting food - the flip side is that I've taken this sense of obligation that's caused me problems.

The other thing to remember is that in the war and post war years, food was totally different - no processed food, everything cooked from scratch, and much less unhealthy, and sugar after rationing was a luxury! Your mum couldn't conceive of a world like ours, where we're bombarded with sugar and fat! She was probably motivated by her experiences of privation in the war, not wanting you to be deprived and denied - we're looking with hindsight with our experience of overeating and overweight.

ed: Just thought too, I'm the one who piled the weight on. My sister has always been slim. Same mother, same experiences, different outcome!

Shetchncn1

As a kid...yes. Now I have no one to blame but myself.

Thank you reasonable person!

Christina8585

Oh definitely. She always doubled or tripped portion sizes. She always made me clean my plate and veggies always consisted of a half a plate of fried buttery veggies with sauces on them. I never had a chance growing up. And I never understood why other ppl could eat what appeared to be the same foods of me and not be fat while i was always bigger. Well, mainly portion control and yup, grew up poor and of course macaroni and cheese, cookies, granola bars, candy , chips, pop, tuna and mayo, all those things for sure made me fat. And when you don't understand portion control, it's almost impossible to properly diet.

Nutella91

My mom doesn't like food and doesn't enjoy eating and she made me feel that my love for food is somehow bad and shameful. I will spend thousands on therapists for my binge eating disorder that she created.

postrockandcats

As a child, I wasn't overweight until about 3rd grade. And that was due to my mother not saying "no" to me when I wanted more food, but didn't need it. Now, I took control of how I ate (somewhat) and became more active as a teenager and became healthier, so go me. But, I ballooned back up when I hit my mid 20s. I have no one to blame but myself for my former adulthood obesity. Yes, it was from learned habits I had from childhood, but I made the choice to not do anything about it.

kitsiekitty

I wouldn't blame my family completely, but a bit I would say? Our staple household food consisted of a lot of carbs (rice, potatoes, noodles. We would have stir fried noodles for breakfast!), plus we usually had 5 meals a day. Or I did anyway. My grandmother was the one who took care of me, and she seemed to think I would stave as a kid if I wasn't fed 5 meals a day. Even dinner, the dishes were caloric dense, or laden in oil. Plus, it doesn't help that not only do I have a major sweet tooth, I adore dairy products, cheese especially.

Its a choice though, as I've learned. And now I'm changing my choices. I still indulge my sweet tooth, but i indulge it better. Instead of cakes and chocolate, i take fruits and only small amounts of chocolate. Cake is few and far in between. My grandmother still acts the same whenever I visit, plying me with tonnes and tonnes of food everytime I visit, especially since she knows it down to the book which are myf avorites. Sooooo I don't try to resist it. I just eat a small portion. Its just a choice.

getyourbeans

I am scarily like my mother. I don't recall her ever not being on a diet, and her weight fluctuated considerably throughout my life. I remember her trying to talk to me about my weight when I was about 16 (and way too sensitive to talk about that sort of thing!) and saying that it was killing her to watch me go through the exact same thing she had gone through. My weight has fluctuated constantly throughout my life, I'm also constantly "on a diet" and have been conscious of my weight since I was about 9 years old.

The funny thing is, I have two sisters (non identical twin and two years older) and they are both tiny and have never had a weight issue in their lives. In saying that, both of my sisters are petite, have small frames and are pretty narrow. By contrast, I have wide hips, shoulders and big feet. I have always felt bigger than I probably am because I was always surrounded by tiny people. My frame is more like my mothers though and we have so many similarities now - in mannerisms, our sense of humour etc. When I go home, I'm often referred to as her mini-me. So maybe a tendency towards certain eating habits is learned. I don't know why I'm so much like my mum and my sisters are so different though. My weight is totally down to me though and my tendency towards gluttony - we always had reasonably healthy food (rarely had chocolate or chips or soda in the house) but I remember binge eating - in secret - when I was in primary school.

I can't even imagine how it's a theory that could properly be tested as there are so many variables - and circumstances that disprove the rule.

helsbelshms

For me it's a no. I grew up a very active child, I was always outdoors doing something. As a teenager I was part of a trampolining club and then transitioned on to going to the gym 3 times a week. I was extremely fit and so was my mam (we went to the gym together). All meals were healthy, my mam always cooked healthy fresh meals and my favourite (and it still is) is home made vegetable soup. I did eat sweets and crisps daily, but I was active enough to burn off those calories. My problem came in my early to mid twenties when the gym closed down and at the same time I started studying again. Lack of exercise plus my semi healthy diet, meant the weight crept on and laziness set in. For me it has never been about eating too much or all of the wrong things, it's been about being too lazy to get out and about. I've always been capable of going from breakfast until tea without eating if I'm busy (I know that's not healthy, I'm just saying that food doesn't rule my life when I'm busy), when I've got spare time on my hands that's when I start to crave unhealthy food. So the moral of my story is to get off my lazy backside and keep active and busy

CrazyTrackLady

My mom was heavy for her height. She also was a heavy smoker. Somehow, only one of us six kids ended up with a weight problem in our teens-- my brother. He was a chubby, overeating baby and grew into a chubby, adolescent and teen. He got teased and bullied a lot for it (looking back, it was wrong of my dad and my brothers to call him "moose"), and ended up with an eating disorder.

I was just thinking about this topic the other day. My mom, despite her own weight issues, managed to sneak in healthy eating habits and food choices without our realizing it. Snacks were tomato slices with mayo (gross now, but yummy then), no pop in the house, and junk food was an occasional treat.

My mom and dad are depression era survivors. My mom came from a wealthy family, so she always had food to eat during the depression. One of my favorite stories from her childhood was the "Peanut Butter v Pork Roast" story. Her mother refused to allow peanut butter in the house, because that's "what poor people ate" during the depression. My mom LOVED the "forbidden fruit", and begged and pleaded for my grandmother to buy some for her. Since she wouldn't, mom got very clever. They would always have some big roast for Sunday, and mom would take pieces of roast into school and trade them for peanut butter sandwiches.

The other funny story here is what my mom used to say to me regarding junk food: "You better watch what you eat, because when you're 25, your metabolism is going to come to a screeching halt and you won't be able to eat so much of it anymore without gaining weight" (I was a VERY skinny, gawky, kid. One day, I grew tired of hearing her lecture, and I called her out on it. I said, "Mom, I'll stop going to Burger King when you take that cigarette out of your mouth as you lecture me about poor health habits". That shut her up.

SweetestLibby

I posted this in another thread yesterday, but my mum was of the wartime generation, and I was born in the 60s, but her wartime habits stuck with her, "waste not,want not" and so on, so it was a cardinal sin to waste food! I still have a lot of her kitchen habits, like if I make custard or gravy with powder, I save a bit of the milk or water to swill out the bowl I mix it in!

My mom was born in the 50s and my dad was born in the 40s - that combined with depression era grandparents meant that we had that same mine set. Waste not, want not. Use every last bit. Keep the fridge, pantry, and spare deep freezer stocked for times when you can't get more. However growning up we were very active - I played 4 sports every year, we weren't allowed more than 3 hours of TV per week, and we did not own video games. I did carry around an extra 5/10 pounds in high school but that was when I started droppping sports to focus on academics. It wasn't until I took control of my life that I became excessively overweight.

ChristinaR720

Absolutely not. I made myself overweight. It would be unfair to blame someone else for my poor choices.

Workinonit123

One brother is 6 feet 4 inches, weighs 160, one brother is 6 feet 2 inches, weighs 160, sister is 5 feet 7 inches, weighs 111. Same mom, same dad, so don't know how I could blame mom or dad.

WendyTerry420

I will say that my mother (and father) are both obese. They taught me horrible habits. That being said, I was never overweight as a child because I played hard, year-round. I became obese when I was still eating 3000+ calories a day and then sat on my *kitten* all day. That was *me* being lazy. Now I am trying to inspire my mom to eat right and exercise.

roxierachael

Sounds to me like she had different priorities. She gave you foods like bread and jam that you were happy to eat and did not waste.

Kat5343

I can inherently only blame myself for my weight problems but I think my mother AND my ex-husband have played a pretty big role in this also. I was raised that you clean your plate. It is VERY hard for me to push away from the table, even when I am full, without cleaning my plate. My ex-husband would always question what I was eating, "Do you think you should be eating that?" or he would put away ding dongs and twinkies for his lunch for work and forbid me to eat them. So, when he went to work, so did I. I would eat at least one every day just to show him I could. Then when we separated and finally divorced, I ate whatever I wanted. Yeah, I really showed him, didn't I?

xLexa

I was a very skinny child. Mom and Dad always home cooked, independence, fast food and laziness made me fat.

nilbogger

I feel like my parents and my grandmother have something to do with my appetite now. When I was a kid I wasn't as picky as my brother and sister (especially my sister) and I would usually eat all my food. This lead to much praise from my family and I was held up as an example of a "good eater". I was a good deal younger than my siblings so I couldn't really be smarter than they were, and I never had any activities growing up (if I asked to do something my mom would briefly express enthusiasm and then forget about it) so it felt like that was about the only thing I could be "good" at. So I'd finish my food, eat seconds and even thirds... I just got used to that and now it takes a lot for me to be full.

SJVZEE

Nope.

Growing up we were very poor (think dumpster diving/food pantry poor). We ate a LOT of crap-cheap, processed foods. I actually have a huge aversion to peanut butter as an adult because we used to eat it all.the.time. on white bread. Same thing with hot dogs, cannot eat the darn things as an adult. Anyways, while the food options were not very healthy, we did get it regularly (no skipped meals/rationing). My dad (who's family were all thin), me and my siblings were all thin while I was growing up. This is in spite of the food options and my mom being obese (her whole family is).

I was thin all the way up until had my third child, in my late 20's. I didn't change my eating habits, but my body started reacting differently to what I was eating/the quantity. Within a couple years I gained almost 50lbs, eating the same way I had eaten for years, while thin.

Now I've lost the weight and I eat healthier than I used to, but I also still eat fast food on a regular basis, some processed foods etc. For me, it turns out it really is all about the calories now-who knew

lilbearzmom

For me, yes, my mom was definitely part of the problem. Add genes in there, and I was screwed. She passed her incredibly f'd-up relationship with food onto me. She watched everything I put in my mouth and when I was away from home she would grill me on every morsel I ate while gone. She made food and my weight a HUGE issue. I became a "secret eater"- basically binging when no one was looking. She knows this now and feels really pretty guilty because she didn't do it on purpose.

But now I'm an adult and it's time to take control and do what I need to do to help keep the weight off. Therapy has helped me a bunch. I haven't binged in 6 months.

Whew.

Ohnoes

my mom is super fit! she is in her fifties and has been working out daily since her twenties... aerobics, jazzercise, bootcamps, etc. she taught me how to love salad and steamed broccoli. she cooks from scratch. she has never been overweight. she does not have a sweet tooth.

beer made me fat. and having babies.

abbyrae1

Parents may dictate what you eat as a child, but it doesn't influence the choices you make as an adult. It may have put you in a bad position, not taught you about balancing out your diet, etc. but ultimately the choices you make on a daily basis are your own, not your mother's, father's, society's, etc.

Too often I think people are looking for someone or something to be their scapegoat. You are ultimately responsible for the way you are, you can make a choice to change, improve, be healthier, or you can choose not to. It really is that simple. Obviously there are different things that happen in life that can contribute to weight gain (or loss) but for the most part, its the daily choices we make.

hookilau

I was a child born of the post 1939-45 conflict.
During my childhood, there was rationing, and some foods were not available on the market. My mother fed me generally well, but my staple diet was bread and jam - toast and jam at breakfast, sandwiches for lunch, usually cheese,pr more jam and a meat and three veg dinner at night, followed by a pudding with custard sauce. My mother and father worked very hard, and of course, they were slim. As a child, I lived in an urban house with very little interaction with other children so I didnt play a lot, or run around, because our house fronted a busy road and I wasnt allowed out there. I grew up with a sweet tooth, because most of my food was sweet, and to this day, I still have that sweet tooth - one biscuit or one chocolate is not an option, because it leads to a binge, so I dont eat them any more, not to say that I dont crave them, I just know where they will lead.
My question is this - did your mom bring you up loving a particular food that may have led to your weight problems? Is obesity "taught" and not genetic. I think it may well be.

Absolutely. Your observation sounds dead on.
This is not the case with me, but my FIL was about your age and also grew up during the same years.
He was a Jewish kid born and raised in Brooklyn.

He had a sweet tooth very much like you describe. My MIL also talks of the influences of rationing as she grew up also during the same years, born and raised in France.

There were lots of things they told us about their childhood that shaped their views on food, and as a student of human behavior, I find it really interesting.

hookilau

Parents may dictate what you eat as a child, but it doesn't influence the choices you make as an adult. It may have put you in a bad position, not taught you about balancing out your diet, etc. but ultimately the choices you make on a daily basis are your own, not your mother's, father's, society's, etc.

Too often I think people are looking for someone or something to be their scapegoat. You are ultimately responsible for the way you are, you can make a choice to change, improve, be healthier, or you can choose not to. It really is that simple. Obviously there are different things that happen in life that can contribute to weight gain (or loss) but for the most part, its the daily choices we make.

While I appreciate your point of view for myself, (as in that's the way I feel for me personally) but taking into consideration what I know about how my in-laws describe their childhoods, children were not taught to question their parents like they are today.

Obedience was what parents wanted from their children, not thought provoking open minded point & counter-point conversation. It's important to note it was a different time
I always imagine it in black & white :blushing:

dandelyon

No, and my father didn't make me overweight either, even though he makes awesome pancakes.

CrazyTrackLady

Parents may dictate what you eat as a child, but it doesn't influence the choices you make as an adult. It may have put you in a bad position, not taught you about balancing out your diet, etc. but ultimately the choices you make on a daily basis are your own, not your mother's, father's, society's, etc.

Too often I think people are looking for someone or something to be their scapegoat. You are ultimately responsible for the way you are, you can make a choice to change, improve, be healthier, or you can choose not to. It really is that simple. Obviously there are different things that happen in life that can contribute to weight gain (or loss) but for the most part, its the daily choices we make.

No, it isn't as simple as "you're an adult now, so you should know better". Why do you think there are so many cases of child abuse, molestation, spousal abuse, etc? Because the adults learned that from their parents. Adults learn what they are taught as children. They are constantly bombarded with lessons through living. If a child is raised with poor eating habits, they will not know how to change those habits until they are retrained as an adult.

Who we are and what we become are definitely influenced by how we were raised as children. There is absolutely no debating this issue.

jennibear22

I am not sure she made me fat - I think I did that all by myself!

But what she did do was give me a very poor relationship with food and give me a very limited food range. My mother is a very fussy eater and there are lots of things she would never eat. Therefore she did not give us any of these foods because she didn't like to be around them. Because of that there are lots of foods I was never introduced to as a child and grew up to think they were horrible or disgusting because she said they were. For example I have never ever eaten fish. I have never tasted tuna or lamb or sea food or lots of others things. I would love to try fish and be able to eat it because of the health benefits but I do believe that we are conditioned as children to eat certain things and when something has always been gross in your mind it is very difficult to overcome. I have successfully managed to eat mushrooms and eggs this year - so hoping I can keep going and try more foods.

hookilau

Parents may dictate what you eat as a child, but it doesn't influence the choices you make as an adult. It may have put you in a bad position, not taught you about balancing out your diet, etc. but ultimately the choices you make on a daily basis are your own, not your mother's, father's, society's, etc.

Too often I think people are looking for someone or something to be their scapegoat. You are ultimately responsible for the way you are, you can make a choice to change, improve, be healthier, or you can choose not to. It really is that simple. Obviously there are different things that happen in life that can contribute to weight gain (or loss) but for the most part, its the daily choices we make.

No, it isn't as simple as "you're an adult now, so you should know better". Why do you think there are so many cases of child abuse, molestation, spousal abuse, etc? Because the adults learned that from their parents. Adults learn what they are taught as children. They are constantly bombarded with lessons through living. If a child is raised with poor eating habits, they will not know how to change those habits until they are retrained as an adult.

Who we are and what we become are definitely influenced by how we were raised as children. There is absolutely no debating this issue.

I'll agree with you on that as well.
It takes a great deal of courage to reject one's upbringing, to question and challenge what one has been taught.

Consider the concept of prejudice being taught and along with that, consider that the era the OP speaks of as being most influential in this context, that children were taught 'to be seen, not heard'.

Mom & dad's version of the world was often absolute. Many people didn't question LOTS of things in those days.

MizTerry

OP, I know you mean well in your post, but when are we as a society going to quit blaming our mothers (or other people for that matter) and take responsibility for the fact that we made ourselves fat?

I had all that myself, but it was ME who in my later years sat on the couch and fed myself fistfulls of doritos, and finished up my kids meals for them. Me me me.

Flab2fitfi

Parents may dictate what you eat as a child, but it doesn't influence the choices you make as an adult. It may have put you in a bad position, not taught you about balancing out your diet, etc. but ultimately the choices you make on a daily basis are your own, not your mother's, father's, society's, etc.

Too often I think people are looking for someone or something to be their scapegoat. You are ultimately responsible for the way you are, you can make a choice to change, improve, be healthier, or you can choose not to. It really is that simple. Obviously there are different things that happen in life that can contribute to weight gain (or loss) but for the most part, its the daily choices we make.

As I posted earlier I do have a bad relationship with food due to parental abuse but I have also had lots of counselling and this has allowed me to see why I have these issues. I know that I will always have issues but instead of using them as excuse I plan around them - but there will always be part of me that will overeat as I' spent 11 years wondering when the next meal would come from ( or if it was edible).

I know that if there are treats in the house or spare food going I''ll eat it so I just don't buy it. However it has taken over 20 years and lots of support to get there so it not as easy as the choices we make as an adult and many of us are still influenced by our childhoods.