DID YOUR MOTHER MAKE YOU OVERWEIGHT?

hookilau

For me, yes, my mom was definitely part of the problem. Add genes in there, and I was screwed. She passed her incredibly f'd-up relationship with food onto me. She watched everything I put in my mouth and when I was away from home she would grill me on every morsel I ate while gone. She made food and my weight a HUGE issue. I became a "secret eater"- basically binging when no one was looking. She knows this now and feels really pretty guilty because she didn't do it on purpose.

But now I'm an adult and it's time to take control and do what I need to do to help keep the weight off. Therapy has helped me a bunch. I haven't binged in 6 months.

Whew.

I know what you mean. Early on I rejected my mom's point of view on lots of things, I had much less trouble integrating into the world I was brought up in than my other 2 siblings.

Everyone my mom had influence on in their early years had very weird food issues. I noted this in my daughter (I was a single teen mom and my daughter spent much of her early years up till the age of about 5 with heavy influence from my parents) my little brother and older sister.

Things like binging for days on ONE particular food item. Eating that particular item until one vomited, then developing an aversion to that particular item. Eating in secret, lying about food to entice others to feel pity as to offer snack foods like cookies or potato chips. Rejecting meat because it was disgusting in it's raw state. My mom used to also hide candy (most notably gummy things) in her car, she had 4 different stashes in that location alone.

One day I borrowed her car and everywhere I looked, candy fell out. Glove compartment, side door compartment, visor, back seat, you name it.

Weird stuff I tell you. It's kind of complicated, but I never addressed her situation, she had a traumatic childhood and even at the age of 64 is still working through things. My now 24 yr old daughter has proven pretty resilient as she seems to have done a good job of 'filtering' now that she's had some years out in the world and has balanced out well....thank God.

goldmay

I became overweight as a child, and while I can't blame my parents entirely for my weight gain, I do think they were one of many factors. They grew up outside of the US in a poor area where portions were small and everything was cooked at home. They didn't gain weight until they immigrated here. The cheapest and quickest foods here are also the least healthy, so that's what we usually ate, and whenever I asked for larger portions I wasn't denied them. In school, and at home, I wasn't taught about proper nutrition and how to recognize when I was full.

RhonndaJ

Did my mother make me overweight?

No.

Was she responsible for my obesity as a child? Yes.
Is she responsible for my obesity as an adult? No.

Yeah, I learned unhealthy eating habits from my mom, but I also learned healthy ones as well during a stint in the 70s on weight watchers. The problem was the unhealthy habits were greater than the healthy ones and I didn't have the sense to take myself in hand when I became and adult and responsible for all my choices.

Iwishyouwell

My parents were responsible for my childhood fatness, yes. It was just all born out of complete ignorance.

I grew up during the 80's, the height of the "low fat" craze and the mega boom of processed food stuff. So much processed food, and it was all "normal". My mother was always on some low fat diet, complete with tons of processed foods. We were fed all the usual, typical SAD foods; white bread, snack pack chips for kids, processed luncheon meats, low quality "cheese", sugary "juice" and soda, canned veggies, margarine, insta-meals like Hamburger Helper, quasi-meat, etc. Those were our typical staples. My mother did not allow us to have a lot of sugary sweets, but didn't realize things like the typical, kids oriented breakfast cereal, huggie "juice", and over processed white bread is basically nothing but candy. Sweets were "treats", and usually given to us by our dad. We did eat fruit, but the "normal kinds" ; apples, oranges, peaches, and plums. We weren't the most active kids, but we also did play a lot, and still all three of us ended up fat. It was the food; poor quality and it turns out just horrendous for every person in my immediate family.

Even after my mother went to a nutritionist for help, she was prescribed the typical "low fat/high carb" weight loss plan for her family. Eat less fat, give them more starch. Did nothing to help her, or us, shed weight. I imagine that was frustrating for her as she followed the recommendations given by doctors.

I killed my own obesity in my late teens and early 20's by eating less and then eventually realizing that processed foods, sugars, and high carbohydrate intake is detrimental for me. I took my own responsibility and made my own choices, choices that often flew in the face of how I was raised. Every point I lost, and gained, as an adult was my own doing. My parents were not to blame at that point whatsoever because I did educate my own self about what did, and did not, work for me.

brower47

Nope, my love of food did. She tried to point out to me, as nicely as you can to an 11 year old, that I was gaining weight. I gained my weight when my grade school allowed 5th and 6th graders to eat seconds. So my mom started sending me to school with a sack lunch. It didn't matter. I would just ask the kids around me if I could eat the food they didn't want. The only time I ran away from home was because my mom didn't give me lunch when I wanted it, so I took a loaf of bread from the pantry, walked into an empty field next to our house, ate half the loaf, got bored and went home. The house was not filled with sweets. I made my own high calorie goodness such as old fashioned quaker oats, honey and peanut butter. I made this when she wasn't looking because I knew I wasn't supposed to eat it.

My mom tried. She informed me, taught me about calories and exercise but I just didn't have the right mindset as a preteen and teenager. To put it simply, I didn't care when I first got fat and then didn't have the disciple to lose what I'd gained when I did start to care (Jr High school kids can be pretty blunt about your weight).

Are there additional things she could have done? Maybe. Did she know exactly what to do? No and I don't think any parent does.

Regardless of how I got fat, even if my mom had been a feeder that wasn't concerned about my being overweight, ever since I moved out at 18, my weight and fitness have been entirely in my court. I could never blame anyone for my own poor choices because it is NO ONE ELSE'S FAULT. It's not the medias fault, any corporation's fault or any other person's fault. I've known how to correct it for a long time but only recently have I made the concerted effort to make the change I should have a long time ago.

chandanista

I can track many of my bad habits to childhood, and more to teenage hood. However, I have only recently started looking into proper nutrition and healthy lifestyles; that's on me. I've had the internet at my fingers all my adult life; why I didn't use it to research before is entirely on me.

Yes, I grew up on hamburger helper and yes I snuck food into my room whenever possible as my family increased in numbers but the food on the dinner table didn't increase so much. I had a hidey hole under the bottom drawer of my desk in my room. One of my most shameful food memories is of borrowing the toaster and a stick of margarine from the kitchen and eating half a loaf of Wonderbread in my room.

When I got a job I would buy and consume as much cheap food as I could because I was always hungry. I never joined teams at school, though I look at myself now and then and I had a ton of potential; working after school and getting/spending money was too important to me. That was on me, too; I could have rearranged my schedule, my boss worked with the other teens.

I encourage my kids to eat when they are hungry, even between meals. I try to buy healthier options and help guide them into choosing a healthier option between meals. If they've eaten a reasonable amount, but not cleaned their plates, that's OK with me. I had two aunts who were quite peeved if we didn't clean our plates; that one never affected me, but I can see how it would. I can definitely see how both nature and nurture can affect obesity and health in a person's life.

ImperfektAngel

Unfortunately she did! She doesnt know the first thing about eating healthy. Her food is delicious but full of bad carbs and fats! Today though, I can not blame her, I know what I need to eat and how much, being overweight these days is completely my fault

BarbieAS

She may have made me overweight as a child, and laid the groundwork for my adult size, but at my age there's no one to blame but myself. I should know better by now.

My mom followed a typical 70's "diet" of Diet Pepsi and cigarettes before my brother and I were born. After that, she put on quite a bit of weight. My mom's a smart lady. I know she knows how to be healthy. But, she has an emotional relationship with food that she definitely passed on to me.

When we were younger, and even to this day, the way my mom shows that she loves us is through food. She generally made very healthy meals for us - we always ate 3 squares, always had fruits and vegetables, etc - but the way she "treated" us was through fast food and restaurant meals and other unhealthy snacks. The more the better. If my dad went out of town, the way she bonded with us was by taking us to Taco Bell (which my dad refused to eat). Baking cookies, whatever you can think of. It was like that was the only way she knew how to communicate that she loved us was by treating us to foods we loved. It taught me to turn to those same foods when I was otherwise feeling unloved, even into my adult life.

Now, I have a twofold struggle. First, to repair my own relationship with food - to learn to treat it as nourishment, as a way to celebrate life and relationships with friends and family, but NOT as a way to cope of feel better - and second to make sure I don't pass down these same habits to my kids. While I also generally feed them quite healthily, I've caught myself considering, for example, taking them to McDonald's for fries or something just because I'm alone with them and I want to bond and I want them to be happy, and I see myself doing the SAME things that my mom did that lead me to this place. I do it occasionally but more often than not I have to stop myself and think of something better to do.

DCruz83

To a certain point, no, but at the same time my mom has never been thin since she gave birth to my sister and it's not very surprising. I never ate much fruit or veggies growing up, I've lived on sugar nearly all my life, as long as I can remember I always loved cookies, pastries, ice cream... I was never overweight as a kid, that kind of came with puberty for me, that's around the time when I started putting on weight because I have never been active and by then I already had the habit of having all sorts of bad food, at any time, just like my mom does and she's roughly 260 lbs by now.

Plus we're of central american decent, where a lot of the food is fried, so add fat to the sugar high diet I got used to and a sedentary lifestyle... I guess it was a matter of time before I gained weight. Now, I don't blame her for how much I weight now, but she certainly never taught me good habits, nor pushed me to like sports or any kind of physical activity. Today, I blame myself for not changing sooner but what's done is done.

shadow2soul

For me, the answer is no. Yes she took me out to eat at fast food about once a week. Yes there was always junk food in the house and a lot of it. Yet at the same time, I still found myself reaching for fruits, lean meats, and veggies more often then junk food. I'm not saying I didn't eat junk food, I did, just not as often as my mom and brother. I was also very active and even signed up for a weight training class during high school. I grew up thin.

My mom decided to move to Australia shortly after I graduated, so I moved in with my boyfriend at the time (now my husband). All he would drink was Mountain Dew and eventually I started doing the same. We spent more money on Mountain Dew than we did on food. There were days I'd eat maybe 1 or 2 meals, but I was drinking almost a full 24 case of Mountain Dew. 12 cans of Mountain Dew is about 2040 calories. So I was drinking at least 2040 calories, sitting on my ***, and eating very little. I could blame my husband, but it isn't his fault that I picked up on his bad habit. I have no one to blame but myself. I still drink Mountain Dew (regular not diet) on occasion when we go out, but over all I have opted for water, tea's, and diet sodas. My husband just recently started counting calories with me and has decided to my surprise to cut back on his Mountain Dew intake as well.

ldrosophila

Sure it's a multifaceted disease process with many things contributing and among those are genetics and upbringing.

zenalasca

I look a few bad habits from my family life (I don't blame my parents, just the situation). Like eating treats for fear of getting spoiled or taken (the open lolly bags in the cupboard, the ice cream, the doughnuts, etc all had to be eaten right away). Now that all the children have grown up it's not so bad, but I have often ate large amounts of food just because I had this fear of wasting it.

psykins

No, she didn't. Although she, my dad, and my younger sister and one of my younger brothers were overweight, the other brother and I never were. I do think that I didn't learn proper portion control - I remember being a teen and serving ice cream to a friend and having her not be able to finish because I gave her WAY too much. I don't think I ever got enough food in the mornings/afternoons, either - I would come home from school and scarf down a whole row of Ritz crackers, which didn't serve me well when I starting eating a good breakfast and lunch. What really screwed me up, I think, was a combination of ROTC and moving in with my husband. ROTC taught me to eat everything on my plate as quickly as possible - I was constantly busy, and never knew when I'd have time to eat again. When I started eating meals with my husband, we would divide the meal evenly - bad idea when he's 6'4 and I'm 5'6! We're both slowly starting to get back on track weight and fitness-wise, but I think those two things rather than family-of-origin eating habits contributed to my current overweight status.

MelissaL582

I wouldn't completely put the blame on my mom. She cooked well and made enough for two families. She grew up in a family of 9, so I guess she was used to seeing a big pot of food. My mom did bring in junk food but I would say that it was because she never had it and wanted to give her kids some sweets. I do remember in middle school she would tell me to lose weight, but it was only til my dad's parents were diagnosed with diabetes.

My husband jokingly blames my mom for making him gain weight when we used to live close to them..but I have to remind him that she didn't pin him down and shove food down his throat.

Lupercalia

Definitely not. My family was really healthy and active--my parents were both in great shape, they were competitive master's athletes when I was growing up. We ate really healthily and we were always doing something active together during weekends and vacations.

My mom was the catalyst for a lot of body and food avoidance issues I had as a young person, but that was well in advance of my big weight gain, and I feel I had resolved all that stuff by then. I wasn't even slightly fat until about 8 years after I'd had my son--in my early-mid 30s--the big gain had nothing to do with my mother, but everything to do with totally screwed up hormones and PCOS, specifically.

corgicake

Genetics-wise, I get my dad's blood work and my mom's size. On my mom's side of the family, slim is how you describe in-laws and people who got surgery. You can diet some of it down, but mostly it's a decision of what you want your size to be made of.

Lifestyle-wise, it was pretty much a free for all growing up. I learned to cook at an age that would probably make a few of the moms on here shudder. The only class I could've taken that went over nutrition in depth was child care, but that wasn't until high school and I likely would've been the token male of the classroom. So with nothing but one example of what doesn't work from my mom, I became able to make a Thanksgiving turkey and yet nearly helpless when it came to portioning.

Nope, she didn't make me overweight. She didn't do much of anything.

hookilau

Holy moley this is the most compelling thread I've seen to date since joining mfp.
:drinker:

TheLadyRaw

As a child, you are not capable of making your own food decisions. So, if you are overweight as a child it is your parent's fault. They overfed you, plain and simple.

However, once you are allowed your own food choices, genetics aside, everyone's capable of being at a healthy weight. I don't care if your whole family exercises and weighs 400 pounds.. if that's your healthy set point, and your bloodwork looks good, then YES that is your healthy and natural weight.

Coming from a Native Hawaiian family, where our set point is usually 180 pounds for females and 230 pounds for males, I'm struggling to keep a 150 pound frame on. I put on weight like insanity.
Once you make your own choices, you have to be conscious of what the healthy one is, and WANT to make that healthy choice.

ZyheeMoongazer

I believe that parents can contribute to children developing bad eating habits, many habits continue into adulthood and can be a struggle to break. However once you are an adult, living outside your parent house, you are responsible for yourself.

I chose to eat unhealthy foods, I chose to not exercise regularly, I chose to ignore the weight gain for years... Me! not my mother, not my father, sister, brother, uncle, 3rd cousin twice removed, ME!

crevices

my dad usually made my meals and honestly, they were probably suitable for a baby cow. the amount of food he'd buy and make is ridiculous, and i'd feel bad if i didn't eat all of what was in front of me. so naturally, i had a huge appetite and stomach and honestly it didn't hit me until high school, where i stopped growing horizontally (5'11 now lol) and it impacted my body vertically. the amount of sweets and junk my family used to buy also stemmed my weight gain tremendously and gave me that super sweet tooth.