How do I get my husband moving?
blnorman29
Posts: 148 Member
I'm beyond frustrated with my husband right now. I've been focusing on better eating, exercising, and trying to get our family healthy. He's been pretty supportive throughout, but will make no effort on himself! He rides his bike to work most days, a fifteen minute mostly coasting trip, and wonders why he's not losing weight. He eats out for lunch every day and expresses total indifference to taking a lunch. He also scoffs in disgust at doing any other exercise. I had to beg him to come to the gym today. He's always had somewhat of a middle but it's gotten significant the last few months. I'm losing respect and attraction to him, not really because of weight but because of his denial and refusal to do anything about it. I'm literally trying to work my butt off so I can be healthy the rest of my life with him and our children and he won't join me! What can I or should I do? I feel like I should stage an intervention!
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He has to want it for himself, no amount of you hounding him about it is going to get him moving. Just be an example...0
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Exactly....My significant other will do what he wants when he wants....I am a great influence, but he will only do it when he is ready.0
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He has to want it for himself, no amount of you hounding him about it is going to get him moving. Just be an example...
Exactly!!!0 -
I think you're being WAYY too hard on him.
Most wives would be happy if their husband just stayed out of their way and didn't sabotage their diet (trying to her to eat out at restaurants, bring junk food in house, etc).
I say when he is ready, and you start looking more sexy and other dudes notice..he'll get off his duff.
Maybe.
But as was said before, this is an internal; thing. Intervention? Is his life in danger? no.0 -
To borrow from St Francis:
"Preach the Gospel at all times. If necessary, use words."
If he sees you doing... he might do. No amount of nagging/talking/encouraging on your part is going to make a *positive* difference.
Refrain from telling him what he should do. Nobody likes to be "should-on."0 -
My husband is about 60 lbs overweight. He's an ex smoker and there is cancer and heart disease in his family. His mother died of cancer, his uncle had a heart attack, his cousin dropped dead at 59 from a heart attack while line dancing.
Do I have a right to be worried about his health? YES. Do I have the right to harass him about it? NO. He's an adult.
He sees me working out regularly and eating right. He knows what he should do. It's up to him and him alone to do it.
I don't harass him or guilt him into eating better and exercising. And you shouldn't either.0 -
To be honest, I believe that a person has to WANT it in order to get everything they can out of it. If he's in denial, there will be a point where he will have a breakthrough, but there's no way to tell what or when it will be. I totally believe that there is a moment for everyone who goes through a weight loss journey where things just click. I wouldn't force him to come to the gym with you or push him into anything because that sounds to me like a recipe for resentment on both sides. But there might be ways where you can kind of trick him into exercising. Doing activities with the kids, or going on a date day where you walk around and get to talk. Just slowly getting him used to the idea of moving more without it feeling like work. I'm not saying baby him, but it's easy for a person to feel ambushed when he's forced into something because of someone else's choices. Being supportive is (in many cases) the best way to encourage healthier ways because then the person associates those changes with positivity. Maybe talking to his work and seeing if they want to have a softball team or some group activity would be fun too. It's great to get together with adults and be active.0
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My husband is trying, sometimes. I may not be able to make him exercise or eat better BUT I don't feed (feed, lol) into his choices. I make healthier and smaller meals. I am not going to help him make poor choices anymore! Hopefully one day it will rub off on him.0
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I agree with what others have said. He has to want to do it himself the more you push the more he will push back and that will just make matters worse. My husband was very in shape could blow pt test out of the water. Get up do PT in the morning come home work out more come home that night and still be on the go, well he got "relaxed" and gained a lot of weight. I cooked better, I was working out I was 60 lbs down and he still fought me on everything I tried to do. He now two years later of being to heavy for his build is now trying to lose the weight.0
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What they said. Just try your hardest to be an example. I have the same problem with my fiance. When I met him, he was chiseled, defined, and thin. We both have gained weight, but I am the only one doing anything about it. He asked me the uncomfortable question a few months ago "why have you stopped holding my arm when we go out". It just doesnt appeal to me anymore. (Im not in any way shallow, I just liked the feeling of his bicep
). I get him in spurts. There are periods where he wants to work out, eat awesome, etc and others where its just awful. I tend to cook all of the meals and I primarily make healthy things 500 calories or less. SO he is forced to eat relatively healthy. Now if he goes out and buys a pizza after Ive fed him, I just simply say "did you really need that?" I also intentionally pack his lunch for him and put cute notes in it that way he has a lunch with him and isnt tempted to go out. Now does he always eat it? NO. Does he sometimes eat it THEN go out for more food? Yes. You cant force someone to do something they are not/do not want to commit to. Pack a lunch for him and sneak little surprises in with it so he looks forward to it. In terms of exercising, maybe he just plain doesnt like the gym (I am like that). Look for activities to do that make you exert yourself (ie, hiking, rock climbing, skating, even playing friendly games of tennis or racquetball work). Find some middle ground, dont make it "my way or the highway". 
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He has to want it for himself, no amount of you hounding him about it is going to get him moving. Just be an example...
Unfortunately this is the truth. Change has to come from within. He has to want to do it.
HOWEVER: As a man I can tell you this--no man wants to be left behind. I can tell you with confidence that the fear of los is always going to be a stronger motivator than the prospect of gain. As long as YOU keep leading by example and stay the course (and believe me he is secretly hoping that you derail and go back to the old ways so he will be off the hook) he is eventually going to feel that he's being left behind. That's going to be a big hit to his ego and probably a strong enough motivator to get him to change.
You HAVE to stay the course that you have chosen, and make sure that you don't do or say little things that make him feel bad/guilty along your journey. Continue to love him and encourage him. Tell him that you are proud of him whenever you see him do something good for his health. Ask him if there's anything you can do to help him to eat better. Don't TELL HIM he need to eat better. Don't tell him he needs to exercise more.
Just try to see it as if the roles were reversed. If he was the one who was going for it and you just couldn't get the motivation to join him, how would you want him to treat you? What kind of things would you want him to say to you? How could he help you?
That's really all you can do. He will follow you, but his motivation to do so will have to come from within him.0 -
I took a picture of my husband and used it on his birthday party invitation. He said that picture was what motivated him to take action. Now we are both on a program together. It's awesome. But the others are right. He has to decide to do it for himself. Maybe you can help find something that motivates him. My husband wants to wear a "speedo" again. Hmmmm, we'll see about that. What does that commercial say? "Perhaps these were intended for a younger man..." But whatever motivates him!0
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Dangle a carrot in front of him. A carrot with double D's and a bikini. I bet he'll follow.Topic: How do I get my husband moving?0 -
I got my boyfriend to do the strong lifts routine with me because I said I needed a workout buddy and a spotter I also have control over at least his dinner because I cook and serve it... He's not in it 100%, but with the small things I have influence over he's losing Actually losing easier than me lol
edit: now that he's seeing a noticable difference both on scale and off, he's motivating himself more 0 -
He has to want it first...I didn't make progress until I wanted it for myself. One day, the desire will come but until then, continue showing him the way.
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three ways, stick attached to his butt with as string in front of him:
Place beer on string
Place remote on string
Place super bowls tickets on string
These are hard and fast methods, results vary, but guaranteed to move his *kitten*!!0 -
He has to want it for himself, no amount of you hounding him about it is going to get him moving. Just be an example...
I agree with the above. Everyone is different and there are some motivating factors that may get somebody to want it themselves. However, I've tried every psychological game in 15 years to get my wife going and it hasn't happened yet. The 2 times she did "want it", she said it was her finally deciding to try to change and not me.
Of course she lost a ton of weight and gained it back again so that's another story.
In the meantime, when he gets pizza, you go exercise....that what I did just yesterday. :grumble:0 -
Withhold sex.0
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withhold taxes, NEVER withhold sex..argh!!!0
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withhold taxes, NEVER withhold sex..argh!!!
withhold withholding. don't you think sex would qualify as moving?0 -
You don't. If he doesn't want it don't bother.. Sucks to say, seems like you're on your own, for now at least.0
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I was that husband when my wife lost her weight. I came around, eventually. Here's how she did it:
- did not pester me about working out
- did not force me to eat healthy food
- did not lose respect for me
- did not stop being attracted to me
- did not stop loving me
In short, she just kept being an amazing wife who realized she couldn't force me to do something I didn't want to do, and so she didn't try. She just did her thing, was steadfast about what she ate and how much she exercised, no compromises, and I saw it work for her. I looked up to her for her accomplishment, and it inspired me. It still took me several years afterwards, but she stuck by me the whole time, and here I am now, working my way down, over 100lbs gone so far, of my own motivation.
Stupidest idea ever...Withhold sex.0 -
Plenty of people have already said it so well... do what you want with your own exercise, be nice about it, and leave him alone. He will exercise if and when he wants. You can't make other adults do what's best for them.... they have to choose it for themselves in their own time.
One thing you can do.... if the two of you enjoy going out for walks to look at the sunset, walk for coffee, walk to window shop in antique stores or classic car shows or anything that involves walking, invite him to go with you for that.0 -
When you work it out then please let me know! I have the same issue.0
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THIS. It would end up like nagging and of course men love that...........................He has to want it for himself, no amount of you hounding him about it is going to get him moving. Just be an example...
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
I'd consider a higher life insurance policy though.My husband is about 60 lbs overweight. He's an ex smoker and there is cancer and heart disease in his family. His mother died of cancer, his uncle had a heart attack, his cousin dropped dead at 59 from a heart attack while line dancing.
Do I have a right to be worried about his health? YES. Do I have the right to harass him about it? NO. He's an adult.
He sees me working out regularly and eating right. He knows what he should do. It's up to him and him alone to do it.
I don't harass him or guilt him into eating better and exercising. And you shouldn't either.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Lol, what if he ain't gettin' it now anyway?:laugh:Withhold sex.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
He will do it when he's ready no amount of 'nagging' will make him do it, it will in fact probably make him do the opposite.0
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you're not the boss of him.0
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You're acting like his mother. Stop treating him like a child. Respect him enough to let him decide what is best for him. Stop trying to control him. Finally, it's just rude to think you know more than he does. He's quite capable of making a decision to workout, eat healthy. etc. *SMH*0
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