How do I get my husband moving?
Replies
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We ( My partner and I) Go to 3 day forest parties some times. The last one we went to, there was a lot of guys dancing or wandering around without shirts on (and they got away with it to say the least
) Anyway, My partner saw this was the case and the day we got home had decided to sign up with MFP and exercise his brains out!
He now has a six pack of ab's and does regular cardio and weight training :bigsmile: And I must say is truly addicted to MFP
I'm very proud of him. He has come so far.
Maybe you just need to get him wanting what other guys have....Good luck!0 -
Also it is an issue of not letting other guys get what I have (namely you) LolWe ( My partner and I) Go to 3 day forest parties some times. The last one we went to, there was a lot of guys dancing or wandering around without shirts on (and they got away with it to say the least) Anyway, My partner saw this was the case and the day we got home had decided to sign up with MFP and exercise his brains out!
He now has a six pack of ab's and does regular cardio and weight training :bigsmile: And I must say is truly addicted to MFP I'm very proud of him. He has come so far.
Maybe you just need to get him wanting what other guys have....Good luck!0 -
Well my hubby works tons and tons of hours, so doesn't have alot of time to workout. However, we both pick on each over and wrestle often... we invented a wrestling game of who can strip the others clothes off first(Sorry for the info but this is what we do). 30 minute workout right there! We both enjoy it, and get a sweat in. I'm happy because he's getting a workout without even knowing it. Hmmm just an idea. If he enjoys a workout he's more likely to do it.0
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Just lead by example I'm sure when u look sexy he would wanna try to look good too0
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Maybe try putting out more?0
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Leading by example didn't work so well in my case. It was when the doctor told my bf to do pilates for his back things started moving. I was the one that found the class and went along to keep him on track. Now that the class is on a break, I work out at home to keep my fitness level, he is back on the couch
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My husband was always smaller than me. Now it's the opposite. I worked hard for 510 days so far.... he's done only every now & then. He's bigger than he's ever been & eats worse than before despite my efforts to get him into things.
He does see where he eats wrong, and that he really does not exercise enough. But I don't feel any less love or attraction for him. He will do it when HE wants to. If I made him do it then he's not going to enjoy it like I do cause it's not cause he wanted to...but more that I nagged him into it. I'm never going to force something upon him....even that.0 -
He's a grown man. Let him make his own choices. Surely you expect and appreciate the same respect and consideration?0
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Withhold sex.
What? This is never good advice!
And besides, sex is a great way to burn calories. Have more sex. It's the one exercise regimen that most men can stick to. And your relationship will probably benefit from it.
win/win0 -
what the others said.I'm beyond frustrated with my husband right now. I've been focusing on better eating, exercising, and trying to get our family healthy. He's been pretty supportive throughout, but will make no effort on himself! He rides his bike to work most days, a fifteen minute mostly coasting trip, and wonders why he's not losing weight. He eats out for lunch every day and expresses total indifference to taking a lunch. He also scoffs in disgust at doing any other exercise. I had to beg him to come to the gym today. He's always had somewhat of a middle but it's gotten significant the last few months. I'm losing respect and attraction to him, not really because of weight but because of his denial and refusal to do anything about it. I'm literally trying to work my butt off so I can be healthy the rest of my life with him and our children and he won't join me! What can I or should I do? I feel like I should stage an intervention!
And let me ask you this - you say that YOU gained weight, spiraled out of control, etc till you hit 200+. I'm sure that didn't happen overnight and i'm sure that you didn't implement changes overnight. So now you are "losing respect" for him, for doing exactly what YOU were doing previously? for being overweight? doesn't make a lot of sense to me and certainly is no way to treat an adult.
you *know* how hard it is to get motivated, get moving, stay motivated. so why are you so down on him? he isn't living under a rock, he *knows* that he has gained weight. stop nagging, stop getting upset - often that helps.0 -
You can try talking to him but you married him the way he was, and for better or for worse that's what you signed up for. Your going through changes and maybe your feeling a little resentful that your making an effort that you will both reap the rewards of. Maybe you feel a little cheated because you want a slim and fit hot hubby, and that's normal.
The reality is though, that other ppl are right, this is your journey, and he has to want this type of thing for himself. You can't force him to change. Just because you decided to make personal lifestyle changes doesn't mean that he has to make fitness and health a personal priority for himself. Would it be fair if he left you for a skinny woman while you were gaining weight? No?
Well... try being supportive of him if he's willing to change. And talk to him about your issues. He may be willing to make "some" changes, but it's up to him to do that.
You could try cooking healthy and yummy meals and see if you can get him on board with that. If the food is truly delicious, he will likely eat it. Otherwise I don't know what else to say other than it's not all about looks and you should appreciate your husband for the good qualities he does have and his personality and not focus on his weight.0 -
Make sure there are no rubbish snacks in the house - this worked for me - then I started reading such great comments on my wife's profile on MFP and realised that this could actually be fun.
Now I am doing incline training, weights, power walks and want very much to do Insanity training within the next year as I build up general fitness again.
Honestly it was seeing others here and watching my wife change shape that inspired me to start.
Nagging, withholding, etc would never ever have worked - not in a million years.0 -
Also it is an issue of not letting other guys get what I have (namely you) LolWe ( My partner and I) Go to 3 day forest parties some times. The last one we went to, there was a lot of guys dancing or wandering around without shirts on (and they got away with it to say the least) Anyway, My partner saw this was the case and the day we got home had decided to sign up with MFP and exercise his brains out!
He now has a six pack of ab's and does regular cardio and weight training :bigsmile: And I must say is truly addicted to MFP I'm very proud of him. He has come so far.
Maybe you just need to get him wanting what other guys have....Good luck!
haha! :laugh: It is good to keep you on your toes! 0 -
i am the opposite sort of my husband is skinny as a rake and 6' 2" tall he is the right weight but he is very supportive of me he went and got me some new runners the other day because i wore my other ones out but i agree with the others he has to want it for himself0
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I'd consider a higher life insurance policy though.My husband is about 60 lbs overweight. He's an ex smoker and there is cancer and heart disease in his family. His mother died of cancer, his uncle had a heart attack, his cousin dropped dead at 59 from a heart attack while line dancing.
Do I have a right to be worried about his health? YES. Do I have the right to harass him about it? NO. He's an adult.
He sees me working out regularly and eating right. He knows what he should do. It's up to him and him alone to do it.
I don't harass him or guilt him into eating better and exercising. And you shouldn't either.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
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Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
I know a women who went so far as to get a lot of travel brochures and spread them all out on the coffee table. When her husband asked what was she doing she replied, "I'll looking at all the places I can go off of your life insurance 'cause you're surely going to die soon if you don't start taking care of yourself.0 -
He'll either reach the point where he hates his body as it is, or he won't. If you're making good progress and having fun doing it, that will (first and foremost) help you, and could be a motivator for him.
My wife and I got into shape together and, yes, it's always easier when your partner is living the journey with you. She is an avid runner and I would do other forms of cardio workouts. I was never much into running and if she had told me "Steve, you should run," it wouldn't have been a motivator. After she completed her second half-marathon, I said to myself, "I can do that, so why don't I?" So, I started to run. I had knee problems in the past and wanted to get to where I could run and it wouldn't hurt. Along the way, I found it was fun. It made me feel young in my now 40-year-old body. I might do a half before the summer is out. It's not to keep pace with the wife, and I really don't care how fast I run it (safety first!). I just want to see if I can do it.0 -
Moving won't do anything anyway if his diet is junk. I'm in the same situation here. I figure there's nothing I can do until he's ready to do it.0
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I'm having a similar problem with my boyfriend. I've lost 33 lbs so far and I need to lose another 100. He probably has about 100 lbs to lose also. I try to lead him in the right direction but I can't make him do it. He has to want it for himself. In a year from now when I hopefully have shed most of my weight, he's probably going to be upset he didn't start when I did, but I'll be there to support him through it. It is very frustrating.0
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Unfortunately we can't force the ones we love to do what we want (most of the time). He will come around when he is ready. I am having the same problem with my husband, but I did get him to go to the gym with me the other day! It's a start! They have to be ready to do it for themselves. Hopefully he will come around!!0
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As long as he's not getting in your way, it's his life, and his body. Not your call.0
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I have told my wife repeatedly that if she ate right and exercised more her whole life would change.
She would be able to wear anything she wanted and people would look at her in a more positive light as she would be
more confident. .
She tries for a month or so and then slides back. I am not giving up though as some day it will click for her or
a doctor will put her on a strict diet.0 -
I agree with this. You didnt start at 190lbs, or 195lbs or 200lbs, you started at whatever point it was where you thought enough is enough, whatever that trigger was. So how can you be so ruthless about your husband?
I do agree that he probably needs to lose weight and get fit and healthy, and I would probably also be frustrated. I ahve wanted my hubby to lose a few pounds when I was slimmer and I knew I fancied him more when he is slimmer. Other than a few suggestions to exercise or choose somethng healthier over a takeaway, I didnt go on or do anything. But on the flip side, like others have said I have been your husband! Feeling fat, a bit rubbish about it, trying and failing, being 'good' for a week or two then going back to normal. If my husband stopped wanting to touch me and nagged me all the time, it is probably the least motivating thing ever, I would feel rubbish about myself that he didnt love me the way I was.
Despite needing to lose weight and knowing I can do that, and that I need to do that, that I am heavy and feel unattractive, my husband still thinks I am amazing and says he thinks I am gorgeous. Debatable but at least he is supportive!xx
what the others said.I'm beyond frustrated with my husband right now. I've been focusing on better eating, exercising, and trying to get our family healthy. He's been pretty supportive throughout, but will make no effort on himself! He rides his bike to work most days, a fifteen minute mostly coasting trip, and wonders why he's not losing weight. He eats out for lunch every day and expresses total indifference to taking a lunch. He also scoffs in disgust at doing any other exercise. I had to beg him to come to the gym today. He's always had somewhat of a middle but it's gotten significant the last few months. I'm losing respect and attraction to him, not really because of weight but because of his denial and refusal to do anything about it. I'm literally trying to work my butt off so I can be healthy the rest of my life with him and our children and he won't join me! What can I or should I do? I feel like I should stage an intervention!
And let me ask you this - you say that YOU gained weight, spiraled out of control, etc till you hit 200+. I'm sure that didn't happen overnight and i'm sure that you didn't implement changes overnight. So now you are "losing respect" for him, for doing exactly what YOU were doing previously? for being overweight? doesn't make a lot of sense to me and certainly is no way to treat an adult.
you *know* how hard it is to get motivated, get moving, stay motivated. so why are you so down on him? he isn't living under a rock, he *knows* that he has gained weight. stop nagging, stop getting upset - often that helps.0 -
He's not your child - it's not your job to run his life for him.
The approach you're taking at the moment - as you're already finding out - is most likely to have only a negative effect on your relationship.0 -
I'm beyond frustrated with my husband right now. I've been focusing on better eating, exercising, and trying to get our family healthy. He's been pretty supportive throughout, but will make no effort on himself! He rides his bike to work most days, a fifteen minute mostly coasting trip, and wonders why he's not losing weight. He eats out for lunch every day and expresses total indifference to taking a lunch. He also scoffs in disgust at doing any other exercise. I had to beg him to come to the gym today. He's always had somewhat of a middle but it's gotten significant the last few months. I'm losing respect and attraction to him, not really because of weight but because of his denial and refusal to do anything about it. I'm literally trying to work my butt off so I can be healthy the rest of my life with him and our children and he won't join me! What can I or should I do? I feel like I should stage an intervention!
I keep being reminded of this story I heard once: A hound dog is laying on the porch just bellowing. The owner's neighbor comes over and asks what's wrong with the dog. Owner says he's laying on a nail. Neighbor asks why the dog doesn't just move. Owner replies that it doesn't hurt bad enough.
You CAN'T make people want to lose weight. Trust me - he knows he's not where he wants to be, and it bothers him that he isn't where you want him to be either. He will do something when he's ready....when something happens that makes him so uncomfortable that it makes it worth the effort to change. PLEASE don't do an intervention. The only person who can change this is him, and he knows that. It could be denial, but it's probably more likely to be fear driven - afraid he'll fail. Something's got to affect him strongly enough for him to want to become uncomfortable enough that surpasses the fear of failure. The only thing you can do is love him for who he is and where he is, and be supportive whether he decides to go forth and conquer that demon or not.
My parents badgered me ALL MY LIFE. Literally since I was about 10 years old. The older I got, the more they badgered. I've just turned 47, and within the last 2 years, lost about 130 pounds without any sort of lap-band or gastric bypass surgery. Notice, that time frame...not once in 37 years did I ever start this path because they badgered me. What got me finally on this path was NOT their badgering. It was going to a school event with my daughter, and I could hardly walk. I started this path in April 2011. It wasn't until December 2011 that my husband started eating better and exercising too. Stay on your course. Don't let him not being ready derail you from getting to where you want to be with your health. He could just be watching to see how committed you are to this path before he jumps in - it may be just that simple!
For what it's worth....0 -
Withhold sex.
This comes from my "truly terrible advice column," which should never be taken seriously.
Adults have the right to make their own decisions. Well adjusted adults respect that right.0 -
This also made me think. I have a friend who I love who wants to lose weight for her health, great. Her boyfriend has made embarrasing remarks about her being overweight or looking pregnant or when she eats something she shouldnt, all in front of other people. This is to help her lose weight and she says he is trying to help. Embarrassing and humiliating someone or making them feel bad, is not being supportive or motivating and its worth bareing in mind what motivated or helped you start your weight loss journey, and how others behaviour or comments made you feel.0
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