It's pink shirt day. Were you bullied at school?

RedLipsRedDress

Today is anti-bullying day and I hope we can talk a little about that. If you were bullied at school, how has it affected your life or how did you manage that? What have you taught your children about this problem? I hope you have some thoughts to share.
I'll be honest. I was bullied mostly verbally during middle school. I was already fat,had short hair and I came from a poor family (no fancy clothes and stuff like that). I was a target for many kids at school and sometimes on the streets. It looked to me that everyone was aiming to offend me like they had nothing else to do. My classmates avoided me also because I had the highest grades in every subject. In highschool I had lost a lot of weight and tried to look more feminine with heels, makeup and so on but I was still an outsider because I already didn't know how to make friends and had zero social skills. The emo style was a trend at that time so I embraced it. Nobody dared to bother me anymore.
After 6 years in medical school I can say I'm confident with strangers around me and I can easily engage in conversation. Maybe I'm still geeky but I have a beautiful family and successful career. Yet, sometimes, when I go to sleep, it pops up in my mind. Those boys who doubted my gender, those who would pinch me just to check if fat people can feel pain, those who laughed at my clothes and many many others. My heart starts racing and I feel fear and pain.
What do I have to do so that this won't happen to my kid?
Can anyone relate to my story?

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_John_

I was a bit, but I had the ultimate male trump card on the bullies. I was "mr. perfect" in a small town though, and at times was an a-hole about it...

OldManOne

I use to beat up the bullies - it was a blast!! No pink shirt though, I'm a guy in black!

_incogNEATo_

Never bullied. A kid called my mom fat one time in the restroom at school trying to bully me when I was the new kid. He'd never seen my mom, but I popped his nose, made it bleed, and left the bathroom. He came back outside to P.E. and didn't tell. We're good friends now.

kchuskey

I started martial arts when I was 12. Not only was it good for the mind, but by the time I was 15 or 16, if anybody tried to bully me, I'd hit them so many times they'd think they were surrounded. Fast forward 27 years, and I can barely touch my toes.

phnxrth

I got bullied quite a bit in high school. My mom was seriously controlling when I was very young, less so as I got older, and I guess that created some vulnerability in me or something? Bullied some off and on after high school. At some point I hope to really not care what people think, to resist pack mentality, and to become a bit more thick skinned. Tough to try to balance that with remaining sensitive and compassionate.

JustMissTracy

I was always smaller than everyone in my class, and very quiet. The bullies saw me a mile away!!
I did get bullied by a few people thru the years. One girl I remember in particular (Joanne), in about grade 5; She was twice my size. She used to send me notes saying she and her gang were gonna "get" me after school. I'd spend the whole day in fear, and at 3pm I was usually in tears, afraid to leave. There were many days where I stayed in the library for an extra hour, just to avoid them. The girls actually did push me around a few times, until my big brother finally came and scared the crap out of them. It was a pretty bad time for me, and looking back, I can still remember how extremely terrified I was of these girls. Now, my granddaughter is 6, and tells me about a girl at school who punches her in the stomach when the teacher isn't looking. The teacher won't let Kodi tell, as she calls it "tattling". I'm ready to go and do what my big brother did. Hand that rocked the cradle had NOTHING on this Gramma.

[edited by MFP Moderator]

JustMissTracy

CircumcisedCokeCan wrote: »

got bullied same as anybody else when i was younger. my pops told me one time that i could either stand up and fight the bullies or i could fight him and learn the hard way. started fighting back instead and don't really regret it. i got beat up and beat other kids up. i started "bullying" too from time to time. it happens. i wouldn't change any of it.

as a guy, i think its something you just have to learn or else you grow up to be the same and get pushed around all the time. always going to be people looking to take something from you if you let them, no matter how old you get. wearing a shirt won't change that.

Same for us women....I heard it said about abuse, violence, bullying...When the victims get older, most of the men become warriors....and the women become worriers. Much truth to that.

singingflutelady

Yes as a student and even when I was an elementary teacher. The bullies like to try to bully the female staff.

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Tigg_er

Just Once !

sadiebrawl

I was a bit. I also got spit on, and cornered on a bus once. they were always due to girls picking on me because I was "dating" a boy they liked. So, I ended up being rumored a slut, and I was quite the opposite. I've only had 3 partners my entire life, so it was a bummer having that rumor. I think boys liked me because I was down to earth, liked sports and video games, and didn't pressure them into fooling around. Go figure.

WickedPineapple

I was verbally bullied in grade/middle school for being fat (even though I wasn't particularly fat at the time, I was just less athletic than the rest of the class), being pale, and having bad skin. I also wasn't into the same things they were (basketball), so I think that made me a target. I was also quiet and small, so that probably didn't help. The bullying stopped in high school, I think because my attitude changed and I gained some self-confidence/love. I went from just ignoring them to dumping someone twice my size out of a desk. I still made friends, I just didn't put up with any BS anymore.

I'm still sensitive to that kind of behavior (I actually find it even more disconcerting in adults), though it rarely happens because of my default death stare. I was yelled at by a guy last week and it threw me off for the rest of the day (it sets off my anxiety), but I let it go because he was an a'hole and some people are just looking for an excuse to be like that.

You can't really prevent your child from being bullied anymore than you can prevent running into a'holes as an adult. All you can do is prepare them for what's out there. You can raise someone who stands up for themselves. So independence, self-confidence, and sympathy are good qualities to encourage to help defend themselves from bullies (and not become one themselves).

CassidyScaglione

The only time I was, we'd moved in next to a playground and the kids had all decided since i was the new kid i was fair game... I stood on someone until they decided otherwise... end of that.

GiddyupTim

Never bullied. (Unless you consider one, two-week period in second grade when a pair of sixth graders used to wait for me to walk home so they could push me in the bushes. Incredibly annoying, more than anything.) Bullying is not the normal way of things. Which means, we really could do something more about it if we tried.

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Just_J_Now

I wasn't bullied at school but was bullied in my neighborhood and I was afraid to go outside, like a fat little punk. My mom took care of that. She kicked the bully's mom's a$s for raising a pieceofshIt kid. Never had a problem again.

beagletracks

I was bullied a little bit, but it never really stuck because I wasn't a good target -- bigger worries than pesky little seventh graders calling me a freak, witch, lesbian. There was some semi-scary bullying I vaguely recall when I was in 5th grade and played the cello. My brother was beaten up a lot and suffered quite a bit of harassment for being gay when we were in school.

TheRoadDog

I got bullied a bit, because I had red hair and freckles. Until the 8th grade. I was playing softball during gym class and was up to bat. The guy that was always bullying me with his friends was the catcher for the other team. I took the opportunity to turn around and hit him across the face with the bat. Shocked everyone and got me suspended, but, when I came back to school he and his friends left me alone. That was the last time I was ever bullied.

PBWaffleCakes

I was bullied in middle school, it got so bad my doctor decided it would be better if he said I had mono and finished 8th grade at home. The school district decided to send me to a smaller high school for troubled students to get away from them. They never got in trouble and I was the one being punished just for existing. It made me an overly kind person who wants to help everyone and anyone but it also affected me in ways I'll never know. I missed out on a lot in high school because of it.

bootqueenmfp

From a small town and my dad is a politician...... I was a bit of a princess i did bully a little bit...(filled the smelly kids locker with deodorant) called this one chic bat lady Cuz she wore all black ........ Now I'm a teacher for kids with behavioral disorders..... How time changes u....

RedLipsRedDress

Thanks for the replies. I appreciate the advice, and I hope some of the people who replied would see this.
First of all, this was so not about pink shirts. Did I say anything about wearing pink except for pointing out the fact that this is what the day was called? Keep calm.
Then, I don't understand why I should feel guilty about being sensitive. Even my parents would offend me all the time before I even started going to school and this is how I started thinking I wasn't worthy. They say they wanted me to become strong and ambitious ... It was still bad parenting, and now I know there's nothing wrong with me.
To those who deal with problems by beating up others, I've got nothing to say.
And to those of you who said not to make my kid fat, I don't think that was offensive and I actually get it. I'm doing my best, and now that I am on this journey of eating healthy and being active, I wouldn't let anyone in my family get fat. I like the idea of martial art classes. Maybe we'll start going together when she's old enough. Martial arts not only teach you how to fight back but also how to control your anger and channel your emotions.
P.S. This topic was just moved to motivation and support and I had a hard time finding it

brb_2013

I had several mean boys in my life, from grade school to high school. I can remember so clearly the first time they made me cry, I can remember the days I just wanted to die rather than continue to be in my body that these guys hated so much. I wasn't even that overweight at the time, but that didn't matter. Biggest (tall and chubby) girl in class, got boobs before all the other girls, and in high school it was bandwagon boys being absolutely awful at the back of the bus. Even if I sat in the front they'd holler from the back. Only once did I get the satisfaction of an apology and the only reason is because the boy had made me cry on the bus and I basically yelled at the driver until she let me off (totally against the rules, she wasn't legally allowed to let me off away from my stop) and she'd noted the ring leader and spoken to his dad- a teacher at our school. It was a hand written note delivered to me via the driver. I can't say I ever actually believed it to be sincere. That boy never bothered me again but that didn't stop his friends.

My best defense was being as withdrawn as possible. I made an art out of being unnoticed. It has absolutely carried into my adult life, these experiences are a key to how I see myself and how I feel about myself. I can know they were just being cruel, but I still know they were right. Their voices are the voices in my head.

RedLipsRedDress

@brb_2013 why do you think they were right? I'm so sorry to what happened to you

cwolfman13

I was bullied for a bit as a freshman in high school by a couple of older guys on the varsity football team. They'd steal my lunch on two-a-day practices and de-pants me and shove me in lockers and whatnot. One day I had enough and when they came after me in the locker room I took a folding chair over the head and across the face of one of them...that was pretty much the end of that...and I got my PB&J back too.

emdeesea

I never really got bullied but I was always the outcast. My parents moved around a LOT when I was growing up and I was always the new kid in school. Add to this that I was already overweight, wore glasses, and my parents were poor and I got better grades in general and read at a higher level. I never really had friends until l left school.

But it's okay now because I see several people occasionally who gave me a hard time and they're all working crap jobs and are overweight and I've got a pretty good career making a good salary and have lost lots of weight. What goes around and all that.

backontheattack

@brb_2013 your post saddens me. However I can relate..

I was bullied when I was younger for having cancer, I was in grade 5. It continued until I moved Cities. Then I was bullied for being bigger, or having short hair, or dating a guy. I would get on the bus and it would start. I would get off the bus then it continues at home. From hearing I wish the cancer killed me, to being a slut, fat or ugly. So I can relate how being withdrawn was a good option. I use to hide in my room when my parents had friends over so my dad wouldn't make fun of me in front of people.

The point is, they were not right then nor are they right now. Every person has worth and is important. I am stronger and more stubborn then ever. Going through that experience in my past made my present stronger and brighter. It took me a long time and a lot of counselling to get like that.

Don't give up on yourself, see your worth and value.

brb_2013

helenapanda wrote: »

@brb_2013 why do you think they were right? I'm so sorry to what happened to you

Well l I was chubby and only ever got fatter. Their words were never inaccurate only cruel. To this day I can't pass a mirror without a few of their words crossing my mind. I'm still working on healing myself.

It's a huge reason why I don't use Facebook. I was their lone target so seeing that they so easily moved on with life is incredibly disheartening.

Its interesting to see how many girls get bullied by girls, I never did experience that. It was only ever the boys. The girls weren't my friends, but at least they weren't mean about it. Until I started my period, had one crappy run in with the more popular girls in the bathroom. You can't really cover up the sound of opening and applying a maxi pad.

xbowhunter

Where I grew up bullying was a common everyday event. The teachers turned a blind eye to the whole thing & that didn't help matters. I too had a father that told me & my bro to suck it up buttercup & defend yourself. You had to make a choice stand-up or get pushed around constantly. Unfortunately the bullies would gang up on you like 3 to 1. I had to wait & catch up with them one @ a time. Once they felt my fist in there face slowly but surely they got the message. Sad but true...