spouse/significant other changes attitude with weight loss?

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SteveStedge1
SteveStedge1 Posts: 149 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm just curious I would like to hear from men and women if their spouse/significant other has changed their attitude/behavior when you lose/gain weight?

I know as a single guy I was invisible to women until I got in shape. I know I feel more amorous to my wife when she is working out as it makes me feel like she isn't taking me for granted...

Please share...
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Replies

  • hetx2mommy
    hetx2mommy Posts: 26
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    i think its true. I've been married 9 years. OUr kids are older now (age 5 and 7), I'm in my 30s and its time to focus a little bit on me. Husband notices and I think is more loving because of it. He's supportive. He's not RUDE when I've been heavier, but he is more affectionate when he knows I'm working on ME for my health, for our family and for him :)
  • Lysander666
    Lysander666 Posts: 275 Member
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    My wife is definitely more attracted to me. She makes no secret of it.
  • theecatt
    theecatt Posts: 31 Member
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    My wife was never rude about my weight to begin with, but she has definitely made positive and supportive comments about me losing weight, being healthier, and being in better shape overall. And I generally feel better about my body and more willing to wear better clothes, etc.
  • Songbirdcw
    Songbirdcw Posts: 320 Member
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    My husband is encouraging. Loves the changes to my body. He's also getting back in shape now too, and I can't wait to see his progress.
  • maroonmango211
    maroonmango211 Posts: 908 Member
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    This is actually my second time losing the weight, as after my first time getting to goal I immediately became pregnant again! That being said I think it had a tremendous effect on our physical relationship as well as emotion in some ways. I don't think it had anything to do with simply my physical appearance to him but more how I felt about myself more confident and more willing to show a little more skin. Now working on it the second time around he isn't anxious for me to fit into my pre pregnancy clothes or look the same he's just begging for the confidence to come back.

    Being happy with one's self is extremely important in being seen as attractive, at least from what I've experienced it makes a whole lot more difference than 10-20 lbs to someone that cares about you.
  • waltzingaround11
    waltzingaround11 Posts: 20 Member
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    My husband and I are both getting in shape sometimes together and sometimes separate and we've definitely become closer because of it and we JUST started.
  • waltzingaround11
    waltzingaround11 Posts: 20 Member
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    Same here, just got done my second pregnancy in a row. And with an active healthy body comes an active healthy mind comes confidence, fun, etc... works both ways too! My husband definitely got some pregnancy weight on and he's working on it too. Its been fun.
  • die2fat4love
    die2fat4love Posts: 149 Member
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    My boyfriend has always been vocally supportive of my weightloss but about 6 months ago he lost that "loving feeling". He definitely has a thing for curvy girls and I am not as curvy as I once was. He rarely makes mention of my looks and only ever compliments my parenting skills. It sure makes keeping up the motivation a challenge. I thought he would have like a bit 'less' of me to love and that maybe we would love a bit more often. Alas no. We have 4 kids together so the idea was not always so repulsive to him.
  • dyevine
    dyevine Posts: 26 Member
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    My partner doesn't seem to really care that I'm doing this- he hasn't in the past and I don't expect him to now. I sometimes have a hard time not asking him why he won't eat the same foods or exercise with me, but he brushes off any guilt I might lay on him by saying that his metabolism is so high he can afford to eat a whole 10 inch pizza for dinner.

    While it's true that weight wise he doesnt have a problem (he's 5'8" and 135lbs) it bothers me that he's always pale and doesn't exercise or eat veggies.

    Either way, he's not super supportive, but he doesn't shove unhealthy food in my face. If I decide to spend 160 of my calories on processed tater-tots, its my own doing, not his!
  • benum21121
    benum21121 Posts: 200
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    My wife lost weight with me two+ years ago- we both lost 45+ pounds each, but we have both gained it back since then. We've tried multiple times to get 'back on the wagon' together over the two years.. she's never been able to, and I had sone good attempts and was criticized over the 'time away from her'.. I FINALLY got back into the swing of things in February- I've logged around 140 days straight, I'm down 45 pounds, and multiple inches from all over my body. She is not supportive, she is discouraging, attempts to guilt me into staying home from the gym or a run, criticizes the few vitamins and supplements I take, and overall just isn't really okay with me being happier and losing weight. I hope YOUR experiences are more positive than this.
  • SteveStedge1
    SteveStedge1 Posts: 149 Member
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    My wife lost weight with me two+ years ago- we both lost 45+ pounds each, but we have both gained it back since then. We've tried multiple times to get 'back on the wagon' together over the two years.. she's never been able to, and I had sone good attempts and was criticized over the 'time away from her'.. I FINALLY got back into the swing of things in February- I've logged around 140 days straight, I'm down 45 pounds, and multiple inches from all over my body. She is not supportive, she is discouraging, attempts to guilt me into staying home from the gym or a run, criticizes the few vitamins and supplements I take, and overall just isn't really okay with me being happier and losing weight. I hope YOUR experiences are more positive than this.

    Dude, that sucks. I've noticed couples often gain/lose weight together it only makes sense. This is the person youre cooking dinner with (or going out to eat with) it makes sense one impacts the other. im a little shocked at her actions with respect to your weight loss and I truly feel sorry for your situation. Hopefully she will come around but I dont know what it will take. Congratulations on your awesome work though. it's even more amazing you did it without support from the one person who should always have you back.

    You must be feeling pretty alone in this deal and that's not good. Being a married person can sometimes be the lonliest place you can be.
  • SteveStedge1
    SteveStedge1 Posts: 149 Member
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    ...about 6 months ago he lost that "loving feeling". He definitely has a thing for curvy girls and I am not as curvy as I once was.

    I can't process this. Is he so insecure that he wants you to be unattractive to other men? You are a very pretty women.
  • Jess830409
    Jess830409 Posts: 285 Member
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    Sadly my boyfriend is not supportive at all. I love him to death but he never says anything encouraging - and has recently starting making random hurtful comments. The latest and greatest was last night - when I was getting changed to do my exercise he says "Your butt has changed, it isn't as nice anymore, it's getting too small" I brushed this off and went about my business. Then, he proceeds to actually point out the girls in my Turbo Fire DVD that have good butts. "See! This is a nice butt" That is honestly what he said. WHILE I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF MY EXERCISE.

    It really upsets me that he is not only not supporting me but is now trying to discourage me or make me feel bad for trying to be healthier and get into shape.

    I took pics yesterday for my "Before and After" 30 Day Shred and he says to me "Well, there is alittle difference - nothing drastic"
    WTF??? This was a HUGE accomplishment for me - that included 6.6 more lbs lost and 11 inches!!

    Ok - sorry - RANT over

    Can you tell I am alittle upset :-( lol

    Everyone that has a supportive other half - please dont take them for granted!!
  • georgann1114
    georgann1114 Posts: 30 Member
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    Totally agree with the post above. My boyfriend is non supportive to the core. I think that is one of the many reasons why we have a rift in our relationship.
    Every night it was, "You are working out again?" or he would order pizza and I would get offended and run off crying to my room because I was like how can anyone be so heartless. Now a days it doesn't bother me as much, still pisses me off that he has never said one encouraging word but as I tell myself, I am doing this for me. No one else, and I am so much happier then when I started. Don't let them get you down!
  • RonnieLodge
    RonnieLodge Posts: 665 Member
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    Husband and I have known each other for 14 years. Over that time I lost the puppy fat and but after we got married 3 years ago we both of us put a bit on that I have since lost. He lost some for a year and then regained it.

    He can be pretty sensitive about it and I see he is is self conscious. He has put on some muscle as well thanks to heavy lifting, but still eats too much rubbish and has substantial weight gain around his waist.

    He seems appreciative that I keep myself in shape and will sometimes express an interest in following my diet and work out routine as well but doesn't adhere to it for more than a week or two which I found really frustrating for a while.

    The most annoying moment being at a bbq he told everyone I had him doing Atkins while he ate bread rolls!

    We will agree to not having various things in the house but he generally brings them in within a couple of days.

    It can be frustrating for me because I don't want junk food in the house, but I don't want to push him into hiding food or secretive eating.

    Although I know that he does do that too.

    Overall it is a constantly learning process - how best to broach the subject of diet with him, nice ways of telling him I don't want to be tempted by certain foods in the house so would appreciate him not buying them and walking a very fine line of me not wanting to sound like a bore or a nag.

    As someone has said above of their partner, the self confidence is what I miss and care about more than the clothes that don't fit anymore or the double chin.

    He is happier and more confident when he is slimmer.
  • dellaquilaa
    dellaquilaa Posts: 230 Member
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    I lost over 50 pounds in the past, and I was engaged at the time - my fiance was incredibly unsupportive. He would give me smack for going to the gym because it left him home alone. He'd accuse me of losing weight to be more attractive to other men, and he'd sabotage all my efforts by making me feel guilty if he made a large meal and I only ate an appropriate portion of it.

    Obviously in retrospect, I can see that the lack of support for my dietary choices was only the very tip of that iceberg lol But of course, it hard to see those things while they're happening.

    But anyway, my current boyfriend has been wonderfully supportive<3
    He's a thin guy, so he's never needed to worry about his weight - but he does worry about all the junk that he eats. So we've been getting healthy together so that we can be in tip-top shape before starting a family :)
    And it makes a HUGE difference in motivation. I don't know that I would have stuck with it even this long if he hadn't been there, nudging me to put the chopsticks down.
  • SteveStedge1
    SteveStedge1 Posts: 149 Member
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    I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the unsupportive husband/boyfriend thing...

    To me it seems when a woman works out and gets healthy, its a total win for her man. He gets a hotter girl, with more energy, more sex drive, who feels more confident about her body and that leads to better sex. That confidence spills over to all parts of her life, personal and professional. Seems like a total win..lady upgrade!.

    Oh, boo-hoo she spends time in the gym to get hotter. What the hell guys..seriously? Unless she is actively cheating on you, constantly flirting with other guys, or has a actual disorder I can't see the downside....
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    My S/O is very supportive and encouraging. He helped me set up my home gym, found his old weight equipment in the barn and added it to my collection, and plans things around my workout schedule. At first he was doubtful about me lifting, but when he saw that I was serious about it, he was fully on board.
  • nika_bolinhos
    nika_bolinhos Posts: 42
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    My husband is lovely, and he insists that he never even noticed that I gained so much weight. Since we started our relationship I gained 20 kg and lost 15kg since I realised I had gained 20kg and that it was not right.
    However he is always very supportive and my motivation was always to be healthier, so he never had any problems with me wanting to be a healthier fitter person. We both enjoy hiking and climbing together, he gained a bit of wight but since I started to be healthier he has been healthier as well. He is the sort of person who like to feel healthy, so we never had any real problems. He complained a bit when I had a crazy couple of months that I was going to dance classes every night, but only by asking how I felt about cutting back a bit, to something like 1 or 2 a week on night time exercise and maybe getting more into my power walking habit while he was still at work so we could spend more time together.
    He still claims he can't see much of a difference, but since we see each other everyday it's hard to take notice unless we look at pictures, but he also he says my bum looks hotter. He just asked me not to become crazy with it since he likes to have something to grab, and since I am quite tall and big boned I agree with him that a moderate layer of meat to cover my bones is desirable. Only 5kg to reach my goal :)
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
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    Sadly my boyfriend is not supportive at all. I love him to death but he never says anything encouraging - and has recently starting making random hurtful comments. The latest and greatest was last night - when I was getting changed to do my exercise he says "Your butt has changed, it isn't as nice anymore, it's getting too small" I brushed this off and went about my business. Then, he proceeds to actually point out the girls in my Turbo Fire DVD that have good butts. "See! This is a nice butt" That is honestly what he said. WHILE I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF MY EXERCISE.

    It really upsets me that he is not only not supporting me but is now trying to discourage me or make me feel bad for trying to be healthier and get into shape.

    I took pics yesterday for my "Before and After" 30 Day Shred and he says to me "Well, there is alittle difference - nothing drastic"
    WTF??? This was a HUGE accomplishment for me - that included 6.6 more lbs lost and 11 inches!!

    Ok - sorry - RANT over

    Can you tell I am alittle upset :-( lol

    Everyone that has a supportive other half - please dont take them for granted!!

    why would u be with someone like that?

    I think ur SO should be the most supportive person in your lifestyle change. that's just me.

    I wouldn't like anyone to criticize me for my diet/exercise. especially not if i'm trying to improve myself.

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