spouse/significant other changes attitude with weight loss?
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I feel really grateful for my husband because he has been super supportive of me. He is very thin himself, at the ideal 22 BMI. He always monitors his weight and regulates what he eats. His parents taught him how to live a healthy lifestyle and he has never had a problem.
I, on the other hand, come from a family that has a lot of health problems from being obese, and I was at my heaviest when we started dating and eventually got married. He would always tell me how beautiful I am. He would also say that given my family's history with health problems that he was worried that I would have health problems as well, and at my most recent physical, my blood work showed that my triglycerides were really high. So I started my dieting, and he would go on walks with me every night after work (even though he already biked ten miles to go to and from work). He also helps me make healthy choices for food. I am so happy that he is here supporting me, it does make it easier to have someone giving you the love and support you need.
He always says that that I am going to become even hotter and find some hot, rich guy. But I already have a hot rich guy lol. Silly husband.0 -
Last month he decides, he wants to lose weight. He is a good 75 lbs over weight. He goes on the HCG diet, drops 24 lbs, and now tells me this morning he wants to have sex this weekend. He hasn't romantically touched me 18 months and I am supposed to be overjoyed that he is showing interest in me again? Don't think so...:grumble:
Well this tells you that it was about him, not about you, so that should make you feel better. I know you didn't ask advice, but I think you should rekindle the spark. If you want to have a good marriage that is.
Damn you for being a clear voice of reason!:laugh: In theory, I know you are right. It's just hard. I do want a good marriage which is why I didn't rebuff him this morning when he made the suggestion, but its still hard to let go of wounded pride.0 -
honestly, my hubby is supportive to an extent, but he finds the whole gym and eating right thing annoying. He always says he doesn't really see the problem with how I look anyway.
in fairness I have never been ginormous or anything but it really bothers me when I am bigger. I have no confidence and just feel like crap. so he does support me because he knows how I feel about it but I know he finds it annoying and difficult when I won't have a takeaway or have a few glasses of wine etc.
I know I could but I don't want to, I want to stay focused and really attack it. I;m kinda an all or nothing person, that's just my personality and I guess I can get a bit obsessive but I;m the same in all aspects of life.
I honestly don't think he cares if I;m fat or thin, he never changes in any way towards me when I am either.0 -
No support here. If anything it brought out his own insecurities and became very possessive and jealous over me. Did NOT like my going to the gym alone if my gym buddy couldn't make it. Not a good experience.0
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My husband is so supportive, he was always sweet and told me i was beautiful but now it is a lot. He is one of those people who can eat everything and drop 5 pounds some how, but he has even started working out with me every so often. He tells me he feels guilty for how much more attracted he is to me now, but i just tell him its a good thing.
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My husband is not really supportive. I workout in the AM and he complains because he wakes up when I'm leaving the room and he can't get back to sleep. He never tells me I look nice or anything....you know....I want to hear every now and then that I look nice. Or maybe he really thinks I don't look nice. Everyone else makes comments to me...it would be really nice if he would say something.0
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i think its true. I've been married 9 years. OUr kids are older now (age 5 and 7), I'm in my 30s and its time to focus a little bit on me. Husband notices and I think is more loving because of it. He's supportive. He's not RUDE when I've been heavier, but he is more affectionate when he knows I'm working on ME for my health, for our family and for him
That's pretty much my situation. My husband is tactful when I'm overweight (pretty much always after pregnancy), but he makes nice comments when I'm losing, and he appreciates me being fit and trim. So it's worth it.
Too bad I'm too sick to exercise today!0 -
Last month he decides, he wants to lose weight. He is a good 75 lbs over weight. He goes on the HCG diet, drops 24 lbs, and now tells me this morning he wants to have sex this weekend. He hasn't romantically touched me 18 months and I am supposed to be overjoyed that he is showing interest in me again? Don't think so...:grumble:
Well this tells you that it was about him, not about you, so that should make you feel better. I know you didn't ask advice, but I think you should rekindle the spark. If you want to have a good marriage that is.
Damn you for being a clear voice of reason!:laugh: In theory, I know you are right. It's just hard. I do want a good marriage which is why I didn't rebuff him this morning when he made the suggestion, but its still hard to let go of wounded pride.
I agree with previous poster this sounds like maybe he was self conscious so maybe give him a break this time?0 -
My husband is not really supportive. I workout in the AM and he complains because he wakes up when I'm leaving the room and he can't get back to sleep. He never tells me I look nice or anything....you know....I want to hear every now and then that I look nice. Or maybe he really thinks I don't.
You're beautiful! I'm sorry he isn't very supportive. Mine isn't/wasn't either. Keep doing it for you girl! You look great!0 -
mine has his good days and then bad, he says things like " your working out again" or i like you looking normal" ) i dunno what that means?) thats his bad days and then he will buy me new runners or watch our bubba so i can work out. Who knows.. if he is supportive. he think my fitness is a hobby and it not so important but ive just been newly certified as fitness instructor and we have not celebrated yet:(0
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My wife lost weight with me two+ years ago- we both lost 45+ pounds each, but we have both gained it back since then. We've tried multiple times to get 'back on the wagon' together over the two years.. she's never been able to, and I had sone good attempts and was criticized over the 'time away from her'.. I FINALLY got back into the swing of things in February- I've logged around 140 days straight, I'm down 45 pounds, and multiple inches from all over my body. She is not supportive, she is discouraging, attempts to guilt me into staying home from the gym or a run, criticizes the few vitamins and supplements I take, and overall just isn't really okay with me being happier and losing weight. I hope YOUR experiences are more positive than this.
I am so sorry!! That is terrible! My husband is supportive in ways. He tells me that I look great which boosts my self esteem, but I would love for him to work out with me, because he also has a few lbs to lose, but he never does. His diet is also terrible. Every night, before bed, we watch a little tv together and he eats ice cream, chips, rice cakes, whatever is available. Thankfully, my willpower is strong so I don't slip, but still it bothers me to an extent. Ive lost almost 40 lbs and feel great, but I just wish he was mentally there. He doesn't ever complain about me working out, thankfully!!, but I can relate in some ways. Hang in there! Props to you for getting healthier!! 0 -
I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 1/2 years and I find a drastic improvement when we workout and get in shape together. Both him and I were working out at different points in our relationship when the other wasn't and it put a bit of a strain on us in terms of how we look at each other. I would sometimes think he was getting lazy and vice versa. Now we're on the same page and really motivate each other.0
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I feel so bad for everyone with unsupportive SOs. I understand some guys just like curves better but there is no reason to be mean or do things like compare you to someone else! Eek.
With my husband, it has been -slightly- rocky, though it's not his fault.
When he met me, I was quite slim and he LOVED it. I had never been on birth control before and I got on the depo shot shortly after we met. Unfortunately, I was among that percentage that responds with weight gain and I gained 30 lbs. It was awful; I ate to the point of stomach pain but I still felt hungry! I just had these incredible cravings. My husband admitted that he found me less attractive but he still loved me and absolutely wanted to be with me. I was so sad that I had lost attractiveness in his eyes; I struggle with depression and anxiety which tends to manifest itself in punishment-avoidant, rather than pleasure-seeking behaviors and I felt like the joy of being able to lose the weight had been robbed from me knowing that I would not be doing it for myself but to avoid feeling like I was not attractive. It took me a long time to overcome these feelings.
However, things have gotten a lot better. It's taken me a while to understand that regardless of the fact that I am slightly less attractive at my weight, my husband still would pick me over anyone else. With that in mind I was able to go for the weight loss - for myself! For my happiness and my health. I am just starting out and I told him about it. He is so supportive (but not TOO supportive in a way that would make me feel like he's jumping up & down waiting for me to lose weight) and has been helping out by measuring everything when he cooks so I can easily enter it into the tracker.
Here's to hoping it all works out 0 -
I gained over 100 pounds while we have been together, we were married at my heaviest. He still loves me the same....he his a bit more grabby now lol. He always says that he's been there through thick and thin. 0
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mine says I look fine now. I fit a uk size 10 jeans/us 6 and look alot better. But he buys pizza, apple pies, custard, doughnuts and sweets/chocolates and things I used to love. Then I get annoyed because he doesnt think that the temptation could be too much for me. When I workout he says I dont need to or Im wasting my time0
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My husband is thinks I'm beautiful whatever I do, which is nice, but he has said objectively in the past (when asked outright and pushed for an honest answer) that maybe I wasn't as fit (as in healthy) as I could be. I haven't been massively overweight, probably carrying an extra 10-15 lbs, and while I haven't lost masses I've toned up and improved my health. He's not really into appearances at all, but I know for a fact he finds me most attractive when I feel and act confident, which is improved by me feeling better and stronger, plus I think he appreciates that I value my self and my health enough to put in the time and effort, so yes he is supportive.0
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My fiance loved me and treated me wonderfully when I was fatter. Now that I'm more in shape, he tells me that the biggest difference is that I am so much more confident and happy, and that that's what matters to him. He is nowhere near as driven as I am in terms of athleticism but has taken up working out and eating healthier (most of the time) as well. Part of the reason why I stay healthy is to try to live a longer life, and seeing him do the same makes me feel more loved.0
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However supportive my other half has been over the past 3 years my weight has many a times been used in an argument when it gets nasty. But recently since the last 15lbs has come off he is more supportive, tells me how better I look, and tells me when he thinks my body needs a rest. But my weight is never used in nasty bickering anymore and he is defiantly more attracted to me0
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Sadly my boyfriend is not supportive at all. I love him to death but he never says anything encouraging - and has recently starting making random hurtful comments. The latest and greatest was last night - when I was getting changed to do my exercise he says "Your butt has changed, it isn't as nice anymore, it's getting too small" I brushed this off and went about my business. Then, he proceeds to actually point out the girls in my Turbo Fire DVD that have good butts. "See! This is a nice butt" That is honestly what he said. WHILE I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF MY EXERCISE.
It really upsets me that he is not only not supporting me but is now trying to discourage me or make me feel bad for trying to be healthier and get into shape.
I took pics yesterday for my "Before and After" 30 Day Shred and he says to me "Well, there is alittle difference - nothing drastic"
WTF??? This was a HUGE accomplishment for me - that included 6.6 more lbs lost and 11 inches!!
Ok - sorry - RANT over
Can you tell I am alittle upset :-( lol
Everyone that has a supportive other half - please dont take them for granted!!
I kind of know your feeling there... When I lost a stone my other half said I didn't really show I am like "wtf?"
But keep going for yourself. Forget what he is like we will keep you motivated you have done so well0 -
My husband is great. Some days if he's not in the best mood he can be snappy & when I go to workout he will ask "you done yet" or "you almost finished" in a kinda snarky way... but I just say not yet & keep going. He loves the new me, well the old me with a new body & attitude. He never compliments me, but then never has. He's always loved me regardless of what I looked like. He's no more hands on than he was before, we've always been good in that dept. He knows I did it all for me cause he saw how upset that 'photo' got me...the one that started me here. He knows that I'm doing this so I can be here with him & our son for longer, he knows I was not healthy.
I do kinda wish he'd be more into it like me, but then I was not into it at all at the start of 2012. It took me over 36 years to get into it. I can wait for him to catch up.0 -
I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 1/2 years and I find a drastic improvement when we workout and get in shape together. Both him and I were working out at different points in our relationship when the other wasn't and it put a bit of a strain on us in terms of how we look at each other. I would sometimes think he was getting lazy and vice versa. Now we're on the same page and really motivate each other.
Im 4 and half years with my partner - he met me at my heaviest and lost over the years while he gained. Was sooooo hard as start of us going out i didn't want to eat out fear of being bad and then as I lost a lot he started gaining and quite a bit. We now only training together and starting to appreciate what the other one going through and he looks amazing. Last night at a family do just stared him out as he looked fantastic and my family commenting how well he doing as we all battle with easy weight gain.
I love that we are finally getting into a grove - we don't live together so when we finally do we already have our routines - we must be one of few couples who don't have need for eating in evenings in front of the TV.
And we openly talk about how our kids may be battling food like we have had to and we doing this for any future ones that come along.0 -
Mine can be a tricky one as we're both female. She joined the gym before me and proposed we both try to lose weight. She works an awful lot of hours, and I'm a 9-5'er, so I easily overtook as I have way more time to workout and can better plan my meals. She's since given up and goes from the extreme of being very, very supportive and compliments me, and sometimes can't keep her hands off. Then sometimes, rarely, but sometimes, she'll get jealous and be discouraging, but only because she's disappointed in herself.
I really don't understand those with partners who actively say horrible things. There's being insecure in yourself and trying to stop your partner from working out/eating right because it comforts them, and then there's just plain arrogance.0 -
My husband is also very supportive to me with my weight loss he has noticed the difference in my body and likes what he sees. I cant wit to get to my goal weight to see how good i will look then i have some outfits i want to wear0
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My boyfriend is incredibly supportive of my attempt to lose weight and get fit, he is even a little TOO supportive sometimes (scolds me when I bunk off from exercise or eat badly etc)... but I know the reason for this isn't because he minds what size I am, but because he is a very motivated, strong-willed person (he always achieves what he sets out to, without b*tching and moaning, he just gets *kitten* done all the time) and he wants to help me actually ACHIEVE my goals, rather than just continually setting them, flaking out on them, and continuing to feel dissatisfied with a side-order of dissapointment and failure. He'd be the same if I had set myself a goal of writing a novel in a year or whatever - he praises me when I do well, ticks me off when I don't, reminds me why I'm doing it and sets me a great example by fulfilling his own goals.
As it happens, he's one of those annoying people who is just in efortlessly great shape (grrr!), and has no issues around food, so I don't think he always understands how hard it sometimes is for me, or why; but in a way, that's a good thing - I don't need any more excuses and coddling than i give myself already, I need someone to kick me up the *kitten* :P0 -
Also, I don't have kids, so probably don't know what I'm on about - but to all the gym-going ladies who mention that their husband 'helps you out' by watching their kids so you can exercise... surely that should be flipping standard! They're his flipping kids too, it's hardly some great concession that he mind them now and again!0
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"I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the unsupportive husband/boyfriend thing...
To me it seems when a woman works out and gets healthy, its a total win for her man. He gets a hotter girl, with more energy, more sex drive, who feels more confident about her body and that leads to better sex. That confidence spills over to all parts of her life, personal and professional. Seems like a total win..lady upgrade!."
This!!
My husband is thoroughly enjoying my weight loss. :-) But then again, he has always loved me regardless of the shape I was in. I think what he likes about my weight loss isn't the inches gone but the confidence gained. When I feel good about myself I stand taller, dress better and in general project happiness. What's not to love?
It's very sad to read about the lack of support that some of you are getting from your significant others. At least if you're just dealing with a boyfriend/girlfriend you can move on and find someone that will love you regardless of how you look.0 -
No change in husband's attitude at all. Loved me then, loves me now, no difference. If I make a point of telling him I've lost x more pounds he gives me a thumb's-up.0
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My husband is not doing this with me but he is supportive. Though he has admitted that he loves me at any size the best thing he has ever said to me is, "I'll love you no matter what you weigh. You have to do this for yourself if it's what you want."
He doesn't try to to sabotage me (though he does ask me if I want the rest of his food on occasion - he forgets). He even asks me on occasion if eating out or eating this or that is "what I really want to do..."
Some times it's frustrating - I sometime wish he were more encouraging (Like - "you go woman, go for that walk!") But he's very pragmatic and the little things are what I have to take and hold on to with him. But I've known this for 13 years. 0 -
"I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the unsupportive husband/boyfriend thing...
To me it seems when a woman works out and gets healthy, its a total win for her man. He gets a hotter girl, with more energy, more sex drive, who feels more confident about her body and that leads to better sex. That confidence spills over to all parts of her life, personal and professional. Seems like a total win..lady upgrade!."
This is exactly the problem though - an insecure spouse sees their formerly un-confident, unhappy partner becoming happier, more confident and sexier to boot, and they start wondering if this newfound attractiveness will make their partner more attractive to other people too - essentially, if their partner is going to outgrow them as they grow themselves. It's not big and it's not clever, but I think we can all relate to that not-very-worthy feeling - "why would they choose me when they've got so much going for them? How can our relationship stay the same when they're changing so much?" - and some not-so-nice people will respond to this fear and uncertainty by lashing out.
Also, not to be hypersensitive or anything, but 'lady upgrade'? She's not a smartphone! :P0 -
My hubby fell in love with who I am not because of my size. He thinks I am beautiful (tells me everyday) and I am certain that will not change when I lose weight.0
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