Body image and intimacy

Options
2456

Replies

  • ups14
    ups14 Posts: 17 Member
    Options
    mdrichardsons wrote: »
    Also keep in mind we are fed super unrealistic expectations through media. The most beautiful women who have all the $$ in the world for every surgery, makeup, body care whatever's are flaunted in our faces all day long and they STILL PHOTOSHOP THEM!! it's crazy!

    Couldn't agree more! Nearly unattainable standards!
  • xbowhunter
    xbowhunter Posts: 999 Member
    Options
    No issues here. I did notice my testosterone level is off the charts now & it drives my wife crazy... :)
  • Veryana
    Veryana Posts: 122 Member
    Options
    I don't have any problem with these but other people seem to have problem with how I look. Sick and tired of getting called ugly and fat and not being good enough because of them :|
  • Beautiful_Warrior94
    Beautiful_Warrior94 Posts: 197 Member
    Options
    I use to feel this way.
    But am starting to drip from that. Sure I do want to get my body healthier and I'm at a good weight and have a fiancé who loves me no matter what. I could be overweight and he would love me the same. You just have to find someone who loves you no matter what size you are. Find someone who doesn't focus on your body but how you are inside, because that is what matters.
  • Beautiful_Warrior94
    Beautiful_Warrior94 Posts: 197 Member
    Options
    Veryana wrote: »
    I don't have any problem with these but other people seem to have problem with how I look. Sick and tired of getting called ugly and fat and not being good enough because of them :|

    Immaturity is disgusting. You are beautiful no matter what anyone says.
  • stmokomoko
    stmokomoko Posts: 98 Member
    Options
    Yep.

    Flirting and dates are okay, but when it's nearing time to seal the deal? PANIC MODE! ABORT! ABORT! I can never trust anyone when they say "I don't care what you look like", years of comparing myself against widely accepted standards of attractiveness has taken its toll.
  • ups14
    ups14 Posts: 17 Member
    edited March 2016
    Options
    stmokomoko wrote: »
    Yep.

    Flirting and dates are okay, but when it's nearing time to seal the deal? PANIC MODE! ABORT! ABORT! I can never trust anyone when they say "I don't care what you look like", years of comparing myself against widely accepted standards of attractiveness has taken its toll.

    Haha, this is EXACTLY what I do! Movie, dinner, etc; but when things go any further...I run like there's no tomorrow! What's worse is when they say that, I immediate think I'm about to get used and thats the most personal rejection. I know its not like that always, but as you said - when the standard of beauty has been widely disseminated and internalized, its hard to believe someone when they say they don't care.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    Options
    I am a married fifty-five and I call it Ugly People Sex. I'm all for it.
  • Queenmunchy
    Queenmunchy Posts: 3,380 Member
    Options
    arditarose wrote: »
    I never avoided it, but I used to be very uncomfortable being naked in front of someone with the lights on. Or I felt like I really couldn't let go when I wanted to be intimate. I know it's not the same...but I struggled with it and think it made my sex life not as good as it could have been.

    Losing weight has definitely helped.

    This. I didn't even lose much weight, but when I'm more active and feeling good about myself, my husband can definitely tell.
  • Meganthedogmom
    Meganthedogmom Posts: 1,639 Member
    Options
    In some ways I find myself more attractive since I've lost so much weight (i.e. when I'm wearing clothes). When I'm naked, it's a whole other story. I cannot stand the way my naked body looks. I think I have just as poor a body image if not worse now than I did 90lb ago. I am in this awkward place where I have both extra fat AND extra skin. Who wants to look at that?? It's hard for me to believe my boyfriend finds my naked body attractive. I just deal with it, though and try not to think about it when we're getting busy.
  • Isabelle_1929
    Isabelle_1929 Posts: 233 Member
    edited March 2016
    Options
    meganridenour wrote: »
    In some ways I find myself more attractive since I've lost so much weight (i.e. when I'm wearing clothes). When I'm naked, it's a whole other story. I cannot stand the way my naked body looks. I think I have just as poor a body image if not worse now than I did 90lb ago. I am in this awkward place where I have both extra fat AND extra skin. Who wants to look at that?? It's hard for me to believe my boyfriend finds my naked body attractive. I just deal with it, though and try not to think about it when we're getting busy.
    meganridenour wrote: »
    In some ways I find myself more attractive since I've lost so much weight (i.e. when I'm wearing clothes). When I'm naked, it's a whole other story. I cannot stand the way my naked body looks. I think I have just as poor a body image if not worse now than I did 90lb ago. I am in this awkward place where I have both extra fat AND extra skin. Who wants to look at that?? It's hard for me to believe my boyfriend finds my naked body attractive. I just deal with it, though and try not to think about it when we're getting busy.

    Well your BF does, so what is the problem?
  • ritzyswish
    ritzyswish Posts: 16 Member
    Options
    ctrygrldwn2erth wrote: »
    Yes. Find it harder to think I look the way he sees me. My husband sees me .... all I see is how much overweight I am. I want to feel what he says he sees.

    I wish! My boyfriend makes it very clear when he's not happy about my appearance. He says he would want me to tell him if he was gaining weight too. Not being funny but I'm a size 12 and 10st, 5 ft 3. I used to be a size 10 and 8 1/2 stone before I had a baby 2 yrs ago.

    I've had all sorts of precious compliments from him such as 'Don't you want to be attractive?'

    So yes I'm definitely avoiding intimacy because it's made me paranoid, and I'm mad at him too.

    I have told him I need someone who loves me for who I am, but he just doesn't get it...
  • Meganthedogmom
    Meganthedogmom Posts: 1,639 Member
    Options
    Isabelle_1929 wrote: »
    meganridenour wrote: »
    In some ways I find myself more attractive since I've lost so much weight (i.e. when I'm wearing clothes). When I'm naked, it's a whole other story. I cannot stand the way my naked body looks. I think I have just as poor a body image if not worse now than I did 90lb ago. I am in this awkward place where I have both extra fat AND extra skin. Who wants to look at that?? It's hard for me to believe my boyfriend finds my naked body attractive. I just deal with it, though and try not to think about it when we're getting busy.
    meganridenour wrote: »
    In some ways I find myself more attractive since I've lost so much weight (i.e. when I'm wearing clothes). When I'm naked, it's a whole other story. I cannot stand the way my naked body looks. I think I have just as poor a body image if not worse now than I did 90lb ago. I am in this awkward place where I have both extra fat AND extra skin. Who wants to look at that?? It's hard for me to believe my boyfriend finds my naked body attractive. I just deal with it, though and try not to think about it when we're getting busy.

    Well your BF does, so what is the problem?

    Clearly the problem is how I feel about my own body, and that I do not like the way it looks... So that's a problem because it lowers my self esteem every time I see myself without clothes.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    Options
    meganridenour wrote: »
    Isabelle_1929 wrote: »
    meganridenour wrote: »
    In some ways I find myself more attractive since I've lost so much weight (i.e. when I'm wearing clothes). When I'm naked, it's a whole other story. I cannot stand the way my naked body looks. I think I have just as poor a body image if not worse now than I did 90lb ago. I am in this awkward place where I have both extra fat AND extra skin. Who wants to look at that?? It's hard for me to believe my boyfriend finds my naked body attractive. I just deal with it, though and try not to think about it when we're getting busy.
    meganridenour wrote: »
    In some ways I find myself more attractive since I've lost so much weight (i.e. when I'm wearing clothes). When I'm naked, it's a whole other story. I cannot stand the way my naked body looks. I think I have just as poor a body image if not worse now than I did 90lb ago. I am in this awkward place where I have both extra fat AND extra skin. Who wants to look at that?? It's hard for me to believe my boyfriend finds my naked body attractive. I just deal with it, though and try not to think about it when we're getting busy.

    Well your BF does, so what is the problem?

    Clearly the problem is how I feel about my own body, and that I do not like the way it looks... So that's a problem because it lowers my self esteem every time I see myself without clothes.

    @meganridenour , I feel the same way. I'm fine clothed but cringe at my naked self. I was so good at just not looking at myself when I was heavier. Now I look in the mirror and try to see how far I've come but mostly just see how far I have to go. It feels very weird to be almost 40 and just now start having body image issues when I'm the healthiest/fittest I've ever been (fat or thin.)
  • courtmarrow
    courtmarrow Posts: 19 Member
    Options
    I think most people struggle with this in some way or another. For me, I always feel like I'm misleading. With clothes on I look pretty good and in shape, but take them off and you can see the reminders of my severely overweight life. For now, I'm still learning to be healthy, which includes loving my body with all its flaws.
  • Isabelle_1929
    Isabelle_1929 Posts: 233 Member
    edited March 2016
    Options
    meganridenour wrote: »
    Isabelle_1929 wrote: »
    meganridenour wrote: »
    In some ways I find myself more attractive since I've lost so much weight (i.e. when I'm wearing clothes). When I'm naked, it's a whole other story. I cannot stand the way my naked body looks. I think I have just as poor a body image if not worse now than I did 90lb ago. I am in this awkward place where I have both extra fat AND extra skin. Who wants to look at that?? It's hard for me to believe my boyfriend finds my naked body attractive. I just deal with it, though and try not to think about it when we're getting busy.
    meganridenour wrote: »
    In some ways I find myself more attractive since I've lost so much weight (i.e. when I'm wearing clothes). When I'm naked, it's a whole other story. I cannot stand the way my naked body looks. I think I have just as poor a body image if not worse now than I did 90lb ago. I am in this awkward place where I have both extra fat AND extra skin. Who wants to look at that?? It's hard for me to believe my boyfriend finds my naked body attractive. I just deal with it, though and try not to think about it when we're getting busy.

    Well your BF does, so what is the problem?

    Clearly the problem is how I feel about my own body, and that I do not like the way it looks... So that's a problem because it lowers my self esteem every time I see myself without clothes.

    Well I understand it would be great if you liked what you saw in the mirror, but that body of yours allows you to have love, and companionship, and a sexual life, and eventually have a family if you wish. I know physical attraction is not all, but it's essential. Men can't fake it, even if they wanted.

    So don't take it for granted.

    I am sure it would help your self-esteem to recognize this, and to be grateful for it, next time you pass a mirror.

    You see, I am grateful for being healthy. Sounds cheesy, I know. But when I look at my body, which I hate and makes my life so lonely, I try to remind myself that it is strong, and took me to 45 years-old without a single serious illness or injury. Not one. It's significant, and it helps to change the way I look at myself.
  • courtniekrebs
    courtniekrebs Posts: 79 Member
    Options
    I've openly said on MFP that my bf hates the way I look and has set an ultimatum. It's hard and it hurts every day. Especially when I've struggled with self image/esteem problems my whole life. Ive decided this is for me and not him. Keep your chin up
  • senecarr
    senecarr Posts: 5,377 Member
    Options
    Isabelle_1929 wrote: »
    meganridenour wrote: »
    Isabelle_1929 wrote: »
    meganridenour wrote: »
    In some ways I find myself more attractive since I've lost so much weight (i.e. when I'm wearing clothes). When I'm naked, it's a whole other story. I cannot stand the way my naked body looks. I think I have just as poor a body image if not worse now than I did 90lb ago. I am in this awkward place where I have both extra fat AND extra skin. Who wants to look at that?? It's hard for me to believe my boyfriend finds my naked body attractive. I just deal with it, though and try not to think about it when we're getting busy.
    meganridenour wrote: »
    In some ways I find myself more attractive since I've lost so much weight (i.e. when I'm wearing clothes). When I'm naked, it's a whole other story. I cannot stand the way my naked body looks. I think I have just as poor a body image if not worse now than I did 90lb ago. I am in this awkward place where I have both extra fat AND extra skin. Who wants to look at that?? It's hard for me to believe my boyfriend finds my naked body attractive. I just deal with it, though and try not to think about it when we're getting busy.

    Well your BF does, so what is the problem?

    Clearly the problem is how I feel about my own body, and that I do not like the way it looks... So that's a problem because it lowers my self esteem every time I see myself without clothes.

    Well I understand it would be great if you liked what you saw in the mirror, but that body of yours allows you to have love, and companionship, and a sexual life, and eventually have a family if you wish. I know physical attraction is not all, but it's essential. Men can't fake it, even if they wanted.

    So don't take it for granted.

    I am sure it would help your self-esteem to recognize this, and to be grateful for it, next time you pass a mirror.

    You see, I am grateful for being healthy. Sounds cheesy, I know. But when I look at my body, which I hate and makes my life so lonely, I try to remind myself that it is strong, and took me to 45 years-old without a single serious illness or injury. Not one. It's significant, and it helps to change the way I look at myself.
    Some people (some of whom are men) don't ever have a sense of physical attraction. It can be one form of the asexual spectrum, such as people that are demisexual.
  • debmom2boyz
    debmom2boyz Posts: 86 Member
    Options
    I know it affected my marriage. My ex NEVER said a cruel word to me about my weight...nor did he say I was beautiful, pretty, sexy.

    I am no where near my ideal weight, however I am learning to become more comfortable.... I know I am sexy and will only gain more confidence as I reach goals.

    Communication with SO is key. And if he/she makes you feel uncomfortable.... Well they should be encouraging/suportative. JMHO
  • brb_2013
    brb_2013 Posts: 1,197 Member
    Options
    When I initially lost weight, I finally felt confident enough to seek out relationships. When I met my partner I was about where I am now, down from my highest but still plenty heavy. With him I lost a lot more, but have gained it back (about half of what I lost initially is back). Less so about my body, and more so about my mental health about a month or two ago I suddenly kind of REALIZED (silly as is sounds that I hadn't noticed before...) I'd gained so much back and it hit me all at once. I was no longer feeling good in my skin and our intimate life definitely suffered. He loves me big, he loves me small, but if I don't love me there is no love happening. It was crazy the way the mood shifted in our relationship.

    I have NOT lost the weight. But I have accepted that this body is my place to live and hating it doesn't make it different. And it REALLY deeply intensely hurt him to see me so pained, to see me hate something he absolutely loves. I couldn't hurt him or myself like that anymore.

Categories