I am an idiot

Isabelle_1929

I have been struggling all week not to go over my calories. Cravings almost made me cry every day, because it is so hard to take the f***ing food out of my head. It's so hard that I don't want top see or talk to anyone. Anyway - you can't socialize without having food involved - "Wanna lunch? wanna grab a drink ?" )
I have been constantly starving, with the headaches, and stomach pain and growling and difficulty sleeping and all, no matter the amount of proteins and whole food I eat.

But I am hanging on. Why ? Because TOM began yesterday. So I thought - this is why I feel like I am starving 24/7.

And I went on: I have been doing so well with my diet, let's see how things are going.

So this morning, I decide to STEP ON THE GODDAM SCALE.

Verdict: I gained 1.6 lbs since two days. This my friends, means one month of dieting for nothing.

FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU !!!!!

I am an idiot, A world class idiot. A month or so ago, I vowed no to weight myself unless I was CERTAIN that I lost weight, which means that I could actually feel and see it in my clothes. It's hard, because it can take a month to feel a difference.

So now, what I saw cannot be unseen. So I am wondering if it's fat, if it's fluid, or else, and if all I am doing is worth something. Just to lose these 1.6 lbs again will take me another month of having no life. Yeah, weight loss is not linear and blah blah, but 1.6 lbs is huge - this is something I will lose in three or for full weeks eating a struct 1100 to 1200 calories.

In the past, I have failed because of this: not because dieting is hard per se, but because it is so hard for almost no result. When I am in the process of losing weight, it consumes my life, as it has to be a constant concern. Always on my mind. But I know there is no easy and quick way to lose weight. I have to go trough that long and painful process.

Some people give up due to emotions, or stress, etc., but each time I have given up, it was due to stepping on the scale only to realize that I had suffered for a number of weeks with zero results. Or worst being bigger than before.

And how about making extra efforts ? I tried, but it does not work. I know that eating 1000 or 900 is not sustainable. I can't hold it for more than a week. So this is why I am trying again to lose weight, but this time I do not weight myself unless I know for certain I am lighter.

Except this morning. Jesus, someone kick me in the butt.

Ok guys, that was just a big ranting from a big idiot.
You don't have to show up to my pity party. Just had to write it down, in the hope that I will remember not to step on the goddam scale ever again !!

TavistockToad

Why would you weigh yourself when you have your period?

And why are you starving yourself on so few calories?

Isabelle_1929

TavistockToad wrote: »

Why would you weigh yourself when you have your period?

And why are you starving yourself on so few calories?

Because, as I said, I am a world class idiot.

And I needed some encouragement, it has been so hard ... It's like gambling now that I think of it. If the numbers had been down, I would have thought: well the pain is not for nothing. Keep going and hang in there.

To answer your question: If I eat more that 1200, I maintain (I am very short and 45 y-old woman). I know, I have tried. But usually 1200 cals is not easy but it is "comfortable" - not excruciating like this past 7 or 10 days.

TavistockToad

Isabelle_1929 wrote: »

TavistockToad wrote: »

Why would you weigh yourself when you have your period?

And why are you starving yourself on so few calories?

Because, as I said, I am a world class idiot.

And I needed some encouragement, it has been so hard ... It's like gambling now that I think of it. If the numbers had been down, I would have thought: well the pain is not for nothing. Keep going and hang in there.

If I eat more that 1200, I maintain (I am very short). I know, I have tried enough.

It's been so hard BECAUSE you're starving yourself....

Eat at a reasonable calorie deficit, lose weight, do some regular exercise for the health benefits... simple!

Rocknut53

Nice rant. Now move on. Get your mind where it needs to be to continue your journey. Beating yourself up doesn't work, so try something that does. Lecture over, consider your butt kicked. There are so many knowledgeable people on here that are more than willing to offer you good sound advice about how to make weight loss easier and sustainable for you. You just need to listen to them.

CollieFit

That's an awful lot of drama over a pound and a half of TOTM water retention.

rebeccamurphy12979

well no not simple, but Isabelle, you are not an idiot. Don't just grit through it, starving; how long could you keep that up? Also, your body's metabolism will adapt to the new caloric level. You don't mention exercise, and I wonder if you have talked to any kind of professional (your doctor, a nutritionist, a trainer) about food intake? Advice from a community forum can be confusing.

Isabelle_1929

Rocknut53 wrote: »

Nice rant. Now move on. Get your mind where it needs to be to continue your journey. Beating yourself up doesn't work, so try something that does. Lecture over, consider your butt kicked. There are so many knowledgeable people on here that are more than willing to offer you good sound advice about how to make weight loss easier and sustainable for you. You just need to listen to them.

I know people will tell me "to eat more so you will lose". I have tried that so many time, but to me, I lose weight only when I eat less. I know, I have a super weird metabolism .

So I can lose, but it is extremely slow. Like 1 lbs per month in average. The challenge is to keep the spirits, and to be patient.

And to that end, ranting once in while helps. I am not a whiner, so don't worry, you won't read those posts often !

michellemybelll

TavistockToad wrote: »

Isabelle_1929 wrote: »

TavistockToad wrote: »

Why would you weigh yourself when you have your period?

And why are you starving yourself on so few calories?

Because, as I said, I am a world class idiot.

And I needed some encouragement, it has been so hard ... It's like gambling now that I think of it. If the numbers had been down, I would have thought: well the pain is not for nothing. Keep going and hang in there.

If I eat more that 1200, I maintain (I am very short). I know, I have tried enough.

It's been so hard BECAUSE you're starving yourself....

Eat at a reasonable calorie deficit, lose weight, do some regular exercise for the health benefits... simple!

1200 cals/day may be a reasonable calorie deficit for OP. She's a self proclaimed short 45 yr old woman, and if not very active, 1200 might be where she's at. I'm 5'1 and 31 yr old, if I didn't work out like I do, I'd probably have to try to keep my cals around 1200 too for any sort of deficit and to see any weight loss with no activity.

ninerbuff

I'll just throw this out: if you look the way you want to look, fit the clothes you want to fit, and people basically give you commendations on your physique...........................................does it REALLY matter than much what the scale says? Do you go around with your weight displayed on your forehead for everyone to see?

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

PeachesNcreamgal

This was me 1 year ago. I still beat myself up for eating chocolate but i jog/walk to burn some of it off. Do you exercise? Can you exercise? Some moderate physical activity will do your mind and body some good. You can't do this thing overnight, so you need patience. Try developing healthy habits like a salad without dressing to go with your sandwich and fruits for desserts. You can do this just stick around and get as much support as you can.

kommodevaran

1) Either weigh every day, or once a month/cycle.
2) Figure out your (real) maintenance level and subtract a suitable amount from that (could be anything from 100 to 500 calories).
3) Track accurately. Weigh everything and check every entry you log.
4) Experiment with meal timing and diet composition. Protein and fat and fiber and water, in addtion to variety, tastiness and overall balance, seems to help many people feel more full.
5) Get used to not feeling full all the time. Learn to recognize what real hunger and satiety feels like, and learn to appreciate both.
6) Discover and suggest activities that don't involve eating.

Isabelle_1929

kommodevaran wrote: »

1) Either weigh every day, or once a month/cycle.
2) Figure out your (real) maintenance level and subtract a suitable amount from that (could be anything from 100 to 500 calories).
3) Track accurately. Weigh everything and check every entry you log.
4) Experiment with meal timing and diet composition. Protein and fat and fiber and water, in addtion to variety, tastiness and overall balance, seems to help many people feel more full.
5) Get used to not feeling full all the time. Learn to recognize what real hunger and satiety feels like, and learn to appreciate both.
6) Discover and suggest activities that don't involve eating.

Great list, I do it all - except this morning, item 1. Never again ...

BTW I am not into sport at all - but do walk and ride my bicycle a lot. I live downtown Montréal and never owned a car or lived with someone who did). I walk or ride my bike to work, so this means that I walk a minimum of 45 minutes per day (or 15 min of bike at a good pace) everyday. And on those days I could not walk or run my errands with my bike (due to weather, etc), I do 30 min of stationary bicycle in my apartment. That's the way I live.

Ok, enough computer for now. I am going outside, weather's lovely for once.

Isabelle_1929

ninerbuff wrote: »

I'll just throw this out: if you look the way you want to look, fit the clothes you want to fit, and people basically give you commendations on your physique...........................................does it REALLY matter than much what the scale says? Do you go around with your weight displayed on your forehead for everyone to see?

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

I woudl agree with you, except ... hate the way I look, and no, I don't get compliments (my parents and gay friend don't count ;-).
In fact, I have to rely on my actual weight, because it is rational, and I am not.

CassidyScaglione

I can step on a scale in the am and a scale at afternoon and see 6-8 lbs of fluctuation. lol. So I think you are massively overthinking this.

1) you will retain water during your time of the month. I know this... Even you seem to know it... And yet you are still surprised that you are heavier.
2) You also know that weight loss is going to be nonlinear, you said so. But you're still freaking out about one weigh in.

Mentali

For the motivation and support forum, these responses are pretty un-motivational and unsupportive...

It is really hard when you've put in a lot of effort to not see the number go down, even if you know all the reasons why rationally. I've been at a plateau for a week or so and I know that it's nothing to do with what I'm doing since I'm doing it all right, but it's still hard to know that I had another day of counting and weighing and measuring for "nothing". It'll be okay Isabelle! You got this. I know it seems hopeless now, but that 1.6 will come right off. And you know what? One day you're going to suddenly feel lighter and LOSE 1.6 in two days! It happens! And I'm rooting for you

Latitude11Courtney

Isabelle_1929 wrote: »

ninerbuff wrote: »

I'll just throw this out: if you look the way you want to look, fit the clothes you want to fit, and people basically give you commendations on your physique...........................................does it REALLY matter than much what the scale says? Do you go around with your weight displayed on your forehead for everyone to see?

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

I woudl agree with you, except ... hate the way I look, and no, I don't get compliments (my parents and gay friend don't count ;-).
In fact, I have to rely on my actual weight, because it is rational, and I am not.

It sounds like your journey less about weight loss and more about loosing the negative perspective. It's like belittling a rose and expecting it to bloom. You may find that when you enbrace the positive aspects of your life and this process... The weight loss will follow.

I sent you a friend request

farmerpam1

You're not an idiot, just hormonal. And trying too hard. I don't know how tall you are, but it doesn't seem like you're eating enough. 1100 calories? No wonder you're always thinking about food. You need to fuel your body, especially if you're biking and walking everyday. Take a deep breath, slow down, eat more, move more, and most importantly, believe in yourself. You can do this! One day at a time, slow and steady wins the race, right?

Lounmoun

You've been doing this for only a month. It takes time.
1.6 lbs is normal weight fluctuation. It is not huge. Your efforts are not useless and you aren't an idiot. You do need to calm down. You have your period which equals water retention for many of us up to 5 lbs. It goes away. Drink water and watch your sodium intake. Eat at maintenance level for a couple of days and relax.
Maybe you would actually benefit from weighing more often than once a month so you could track and see the normal fluctuations and not feel devastated by a normal 1-2 lb change. Weigh at the same time of day on the same scale under the same conditions. You might also benefit from having other goals and measurements of progress to focus on other than the scale.
If you have been starving, headaches, stomach growling, difficulty sleeping then I'd say you need to up your calories to the recommended minimum of 1200 at least (maybe more) and be patient. Your current calorie goal is not sustainable or healthy and your body is telling you that.
Again, this takes time and patience not suffering.

Isabelle_1929

farmerpam1 wrote: »

You're not an idiot, just hormonal. And trying too hard. I don't know how tall you are, but it doesn't seem like you're eating enough. 1100 calories? No wonder you're always thinking about food. You need to fuel your body, especially if you're biking and walking everyday. Take a deep breath, slow down, eat more, move more, and most importantly, believe in yourself. You can do this! One day at a time, slow and steady wins the race, right?

If I eat a little more, I maintain (i know by experience) and if a eat even more, I will gain weight (I also know that by experience).

Look, what I need is to learn how to deal with physical discomfort and pain - like those of you who workout do - and be patient. It will be very long to lose those 10 pounds, maybe a year, but will not last forever. I have to hang on to that idea: after a year, that will be over.

I suppose also that now that I am in pre-menopause my SPM will last 10 to 15 days, and not just two or three days like it was until very recently. This is a change and I have to adapt.

kommodevaran

Isabelle_1929 wrote: »

farmerpam1 wrote: »

You're not an idiot, just hormonal. And trying too hard. I don't know how tall you are, but it doesn't seem like you're eating enough. 1100 calories? No wonder you're always thinking about food. You need to fuel your body, especially if you're biking and walking everyday. Take a deep breath, slow down, eat more, move more, and most importantly, believe in yourself. You can do this! One day at a time, slow and steady wins the race, right?

If I eat a little more, I maintain (i know by experience) and if a eat even more, I will gain weight (I also know that by experience).

Look, what I need is to learn how to deal with physical discomfort and pain - like those of you who workout do - and be patient. It will be very long to lose those 10 pounds, maybe a year, but will not last forever. I have to hang on to that idea: after a year, that will be over.

I suppose also that now that I am in pre-menopause my SPM will last 10 to 15 days, and not just two or three days like it was until very recently. This is a change and I have to adapt.

But 10 pounds in one year equals 87 grams per week or a deficit of 87 calories per day - if that were true, you wouldn't notice any difference when you enter maintenance, and if you think it's "over" after a year, you're in for a surprise

Isabelle_1929

kommodevaran wrote: »

Isabelle_1929 wrote: »

farmerpam1 wrote: »

You're not an idiot, just hormonal. And trying too hard. I don't know how tall you are, but it doesn't seem like you're eating enough. 1100 calories? No wonder you're always thinking about food. You need to fuel your body, especially if you're biking and walking everyday. Take a deep breath, slow down, eat more, move more, and most importantly, believe in yourself. You can do this! One day at a time, slow and steady wins the race, right?

If I eat a little more, I maintain (i know by experience) and if a eat even more, I will gain weight (I also know that by experience).

Look, what I need is to learn how to deal with physical discomfort and pain - like those of you who workout do - and be patient. It will be very long to lose those 10 pounds, maybe a year, but will not last forever. I have to hang on to that idea: after a year, that will be over.

I suppose also that now that I am in pre-menopause my SPM will last 10 to 15 days, and not just two or three days like it was until very recently. This is a change and I have to adapt.

But 10 pounds in one year equals 87 grams per week or a deficit of 87 calories per day - if that were true, you wouldn't notice any difference when you enter maintenance, and if you think it's "over" after a year, you're in for a surprise

Not sure I understand ... But one thing I know, is that once I rrach the weight of 125 lbs, if I eat 1300 cals per day, I do not lose a single gram.

At 1200, I barely lose, so I aim to eat 1100 cals when I can. Therefore, at 1150 - 1200 cal per day, once I reach 125 lbs, I lose an average of 1lb per month. And it's not linear.

And I know it will not "over" in 10 months, as there is always the chance of gaining again, and having to diet again. I know that. But I try for the moment not to think about it. It's hard enough as it is. Please let me be in denial and believe that this time, I will not gain the weight back and be able to maintain.

leahkathleen13

Sorry you are feeling down. I also get exremely discouraged by the wickedness of the scale and the difficulty of living in a calorie deficit. Great job making it through the week. Just keep going! Never surrender the ship no matter what happens. If you fall get up again. All your efforts will surprise you one day with success. It's math. And it does work! We all have had these moments and if I could I would give you a hug right now!

mmmx392076

Go on the web and look up the Venus factor diet. I started it cause I was in the same boat as you. I have been doing it for 8 weeks now and there hasn't been a week that I have gained. There might have been a week of not lost anything but no gaining. In 8 weeks I have lost 8.5 inches and 10lbs in 8 weeks. I love it. I'm 40 years old and a mom of 3 so I know how hard it is to loss the weight. Best of luck to you. But dont give up

imogene912

ninerbuff wrote: »

I'll just throw this out: if you look the way you want to look, fit the clothes you want to fit, and people basically give you commendations on your physique...........................................does it REALLY matter than much what the scale says? Do you go around with your weight displayed on your forehead for everyone to see?

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Good point.
Also, I'd like to point out that you aren't an idiot, but do what I have done and put the scale away...or like on a train track or a busy highway (kidding!). I have mine tucked in a cute little corner in the guest bathroom under the sink, behind a bunch of things I'd have to move out of the way to get to it.

RunawayCurves

Don't panic Wednesday last week I was 299lb, then I was so thirsty and just could not seem to drink enough to make thirst stop for days, This Monday I was 310lb !! but it was day 1 of my period. I have been peeing crazy amounts all week. Today I am 296 lb. It sounds crazy but I promise this is true and normal for me. Some of us just get crazy fluid retention around period. So it temporarily appeared I had a huge weight gain but it was all fluid, in reality I was still losing weight. I too have bad habit of looking at scales all the time but I only count and log the weight change every 2-4 weeks. Also my weight loss from past diets was never consistent. Eventually I learned that if you just stick at it the weight does come off just not evenly or consistently.

hunkofmexican

I had a similar experience and it turned out i was not eating enough , as well as not enough protein ... But i was not exercising as much as i should have , so my weight loss slowed down . then stopped and hit the dreaded Plato . After a while of eating only 1200 cals the body shuts down ... To get out of this start eating more balanced meals and exercise more starting with just walking ... Try to consume more meat and less carbs if you eat a lot of breads/crackers and not veges ... I cant tell cause your profile is private ... If you can call yourself an Idiot in public , then why not open your profile for others to look into you and maybe make a better assessment of you .... FEEL Better Isabelle ...... this is just a phase your having ... start eating all your cals and every 3 days eat till your full healthy stuff with no worries that your body will unlock and start losing weight again .... Nick.

EvgeniZyntx

Eating 1000 calories and you feel like you are starving?
Yeah, that is likely true.

Gaining weight during TOM is normal.
Stop panicking, eat more. Use a reasonable cut and don't try to starve yourself.

Adherence works when we work with reasonable objectives and actions.

hunkofmexican

Rocknut53 wrote: »

Nice rant. Now move on. Get your mind where it needs to be to continue your journey. Beating yourself up doesn't work, so try something that does. Lecture over, consider your butt kicked. There are so many knowledgeable people on here that are more than willing to offer you good sound advice about how to make weight loss easier and sustainable for you. You just need to listen to them.

Whale said ..... Thanks for kicking some *kitten* ...

Rocknut53

hunkofmexican wrote: »

Rocknut53 wrote: »

Nice rant. Now move on. Get your mind where it needs to be to continue your journey. Beating yourself up doesn't work, so try something that does. Lecture over, consider your butt kicked. There are so many knowledgeable people on here that are more than willing to offer you good sound advice about how to make weight loss easier and sustainable for you. You just need to listen to them.

Whale said ..... Thanks for kicking some *kitten* ...

The "butt kicking" was from her original statement, I just ran with it.

Isabelle_1929

hunkofmexican wrote: »

Rocknut53 wrote: »

Nice rant. Now move on. Get your mind where it needs to be to continue your journey. Beating yourself up doesn't work, so try something that does. Lecture over, consider your butt kicked. There are so many knowledgeable people on here that are more than willing to offer you good sound advice about how to make weight loss easier and sustainable for you. You just need to listen to them.

Whale said ..... Thanks for kicking some *kitten* ...

Hey ! Are you talking to me ?

;-)

I am back from errands and now have $100 worth of Lindt chocolate in my home, all for my brother and nieces and parents. Talk about willpower. To be honest I have a headache and the last thing I want is chocolate. So the bunnies are safe with me.

Thanks everyone for letting me rant a bit. It does feel better. I can't talk about this (food, diet, my weight, etc.) to anyone, so it's so helpful to have this place to let the steam out.