Frustration when trying to help other dieters
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youngandaspiringxo wrote: »JenPass1977 wrote: »My work colleague who is sitting opposite me now has been doing a shake only diet since January 1st and has only lost 7 lbs! She keeps falling off the wagon because she is bored with only drinking shakes. She won't, however, give up the very expensive shakes and start eating healthier because she is lazy and doesn't want to cook. So frustrating!!
Why do you say only 7 lbs? That's pretty much just over 0.5 lbs a week. Whether their diet is healthy or not, their loss should not be spoken of as if it's nothing.
Anyway, in response to the question. It is frustrating, but you have to understand it's very easy to say what's right and wrong when you've already experienced success. When you're just starting out, everything is confusing and complicated. I've noticed a certain tone of superiority in people's responses to newbies about how well they've done, there's a bit of that on this thread as well. All of us who have succeeded have done so because we've had enough time to get it right and been told the correct way by other people who have succeeded. But imagine if when any of us started we got responses which basically seemed to be telling us off for not already knowing what they know. I think we'd all have been pretty put off by that. It is frustrating when you know better, but imagine how frustrating for them it is when what they thought they knew turns out to be wrong and they need to completely change their approach.
I think our frustration is more so with the laziness. Not from newbies not properly knowing how to diet. Yea there's a lot of trial and error that comes with figuring out a weight loss plan that works for you particularly, but it's frustrating to see them fail right off the bat by doing ridiculous things to try and lose weight just to get immediate results.
It might be laziness, but I think for many this is all just over whelming at first. People get to a point where they suddenly realise they don't like themselves, get depressed and are desperate to feel happier so the desire for a quick fix becomes a thing. At least when someone has taken the time to register on here, they've made some sort of first step that many wouldn't bother with. I just think back to beginning of my own process four years ago when everything seemed like a struggle at first and then eventually it got easier and now it seems like the simplest thing ever. But it means I need to remind myself when I speak to newbies how I felt when I was in their position, because it's so easy to forget from where I am now what it was like when I started.0 -
It is frustrating. I'm looking to lose 30+ lbs. and it's hard. I understand you got to eat healthy and workout. I think it's hard for bigger people cause they want to be skinny and healthy right that minute! But it does take time. I'm figuring that out now. It takes time for it to go away at a healthy pase and if you want it bad enough you'll keep it up and then Resutls will happen. It takes time!0
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Everyone seems to want the quick drop in weight at the start to "motivate" them to keep going and lose more. Or, like others have said, they just want an easy fix and don't want to work for it! I've been guilty of this myself, I didn't want to be hungry and miserable by "dieting" if there was an easier way! Now, though, I've learned that I don't have to be either hungry or miserable and I'm losing weight just fine.
There's an ad that keeps playing on the radio recently for weight loss, presumably targeting all those people who gave up on their New Year's resolutions - "lose 30lbs in 30 days, quickly and safely, with weight loss injections!". Yeah, right. What's "safe" about losing 1lb a day unless you're super-obese to begin with? And how's it going to stay off when you stop the injections? I'm half-tempted to go to their website just to see what they actually say, but I don't want to give them the hits.
I do think, though, that some folks just want to hear that it's hard or time-consuming so that they have an excuse not to do it. I'm almost glad I'm unemployed right now, so I don't have to deal with the co-workers who'd always known me as fat and would be bound to ask questions (even though I'm still fat, small changes are starting to show). Plus the WW leader in the next office would have tried to sign me up!0 -
I used to get annoyed. I was having a conversation one day about it with one of my bosses, who is very fit. I was expressing frustration at a mutual acquaintance who continually asked me for advice but didn't follow any of it. My boss replied to me "Not everyone is like you, you know. Not everyone has your drive". Not only did I take this as a huge compliment, but it made something click for me. Not everyone is at the same place in their journey, and not everyone has the same desire to lose weight at that exact moment. It will sometimes take a long time and a lot of questions before someone makes a move. I continue to give advice when asked but I no longer spend a lot of time on it. If even one person joins MFP and is able to get to their goal weight, great.0
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SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »I used to get annoyed. I was having a conversation one day about it with one of my bosses, who is very fit. I was expressing frustration at a mutual acquaintance who continually asked me for advice but didn't follow any of it. My boss replied to me "Not everyone is like you, you know. Not everyone has your drive". Not only did I take this as a huge compliment, but it made something click for me. Not everyone is at the same place in their journey, and not everyone has the same desire to lose weight at that exact moment. It will sometimes take a long time and a lot of questions before someone makes a move. I continue to give advice when asked but I no longer spend a lot of time on it. If even one person joins MFP and is able to get to their goal weight, great.
+1
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SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »I used to get annoyed. I was having a conversation one day about it with one of my bosses, who is very fit. I was expressing frustration at a mutual acquaintance who continually asked me for advice but didn't follow any of it. My boss replied to me "Not everyone is like you, you know. Not everyone has your drive". Not only did I take this as a huge compliment, but it made something click for me. Not everyone is at the same place in their journey, and not everyone has the same desire to lose weight at that exact moment. It will sometimes take a long time and a lot of questions before someone makes a move. I continue to give advice when asked but I no longer spend a lot of time on it. If even one person joins MFP and is able to get to their goal weight, great.
That's a good point. I suppose if they really want to lose the weight they'll eventually get serious and do it the right way. We're just living in the age of instant gratification.0 -
Sorry I'm a newbie here and have another question. When you all say you should view diet as a long term thing, does that mean eating 1200 calories for the rest of your life? Or until you reach your goal weight?0
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laurenceHarris wrote: »Sorry I'm a newbie here and have another question. When you all say you should view diet as a long term thing, does that mean eating 1200 calories for the rest of your life? Or until you reach your goal weight?
No problem! That's just the amount I need to consume in order to lose weight. So once I hit my goal weight I'll eat more calories to maintain my weight.0 -
youngandaspiringxo wrote: »laurenceHarris wrote: »Sorry I'm a newbie here and have another question. When you all say you should view diet as a long term thing, does that mean eating 1200 calories for the rest of your life? Or until you reach your goal weight?
No problem! That's just the amount I need to consume in order to lose weight. So once I hit my goal weight I'll eat more calories to maintain my weight.
Thanks! So once you've lost the weight will you still count calories or just eat what feels like the right amount?0 -
laurenceHarris wrote: »youngandaspiringxo wrote: »laurenceHarris wrote: »Sorry I'm a newbie here and have another question. When you all say you should view diet as a long term thing, does that mean eating 1200 calories for the rest of your life? Or until you reach your goal weight?
No problem! That's just the amount I need to consume in order to lose weight. So once I hit my goal weight I'll eat more calories to maintain my weight.
Thanks! So once you've lost the weight will you still count calories or just eat what feels like the right amount?
I'm not sure yet. I suppose it depends on how good I get at mentally keeping track of my caloric intake. As of now I'm not too good at it so I track every single morsel I eat. You can message me with any more questions you have. I'm no expert but I can tell you what I've been doing that's been showing me consistent results, my goals, etc0 -
I understand. I'm not looking for a quick fix, but weighing/measuring everything and logging it seems like such a chore sometimes. I'm doing my best to change that mindset because CICO is the only thing that consistently works for me. When I try something like South Beach, I lose weight that comes right back as soon as I stop the diet. No good.0
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I think people want to make it so much more complicated than it really is also, so they can make excuses about how hard it is, and excuses to keep the weight on. I think it's also why people are always looking for the magic pill that will just make the fat go away instantly.
I'm also a very driven person. Once I decide to do something, I do it. It really is as simple as watching calories/portion sizes and moving more, to me, because in my mind that's what I finally realized. Once I came to the realization several years ago, it was easy.0 -
I have experience this over and over - they ask and await the "miracle" that you've discovered. Nope - no miracle. Just hard work and perseverance. You can literally watch them shut down as you tell them that you eat at a deficit and work out.0
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laurenceHarris wrote: »youngandaspiringxo wrote: »laurenceHarris wrote: »Sorry I'm a newbie here and have another question. When you all say you should view diet as a long term thing, does that mean eating 1200 calories for the rest of your life? Or until you reach your goal weight?
No problem! That's just the amount I need to consume in order to lose weight. So once I hit my goal weight I'll eat more calories to maintain my weight.
Thanks! So once you've lost the weight will you still count calories or just eat what feels like the right amount?
One thing you can do is calculate what your calorie intake will need to be at your goal weight at a site like http://www.fat2fitradio.com/ and start eating that number of calories right now. Your weight loss will probably be slower than going on a weight loss diet, but you'll never have to go on a diet again. At first you'll probably need to weigh/measure and log everything, but over time you can probably log less often because eating like that will become second nature. Notice I said probably. For me, it seems to be second nature to eat like a starving horse, and I'm thinking I may have to weigh/measure/log at least several times per week to keep myself under control. Maybe. I'm at maintenance for my goal weight minus about 150 calories right now. I'm no longer in a hurry to lose weight because this time I want it to stay off. My aging bones and joints can't tolerate carrying this much weight around.0 -
Oh oh oh here's my favorite "If I could just get liposuction or do something to get the fat gone NOW, I can keep it off by eating less" Let's not mention that I won't bother changing my eating habits that got me overweight to begin with. There is no quick fix nor is there a reset button.0
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I hear you, I have a vegan girl and a cross fit dude in my office area, How do I know this?, because every 15 minutes they discuss how it's the "Only way" to lose. With the CICO method and 45 pounds down, I beg to differ. People ask how I am losing and I offer, they start genuinely seeming to want to lose then falter pretty quick, but then again so did I for a long time ;-)0
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youngandaspiringxo wrote: »And most times I don't even see this from newbies. It's from lazy people who have tried fad diet after fad diet and still wonder why they don't see permanent results.
A friend of mine who has failed to lose weight doing Slimming World for the last 4 years or so, still keeps trying to talk me into it!! She still "swears by it"!! On what basis is beyond me.... She will go ooon and oooon about green days and red days and free foods and fast free foods and syns and how you should NOT count calories etc etc etc. Then she talks about the meetings and the dramas of the weekly weigh ins and her "consultant"... She has totally absorbed the lingo and the process but still yoyos around the same handful of pounds and never really gets anywhere.
I lost 21lb since January, doing nothing other than CI/CO, no drama... nice and steady - about a pound a week, dropped a clothes size now (back from a UK14 into a UK12), lost 5 inches off my waist... but somehow in her mind I'm doing it all wrong. LOL
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youngandaspiringxo wrote: »Well according to an acquaintance of mine, all you have to do is take an itworks fat fighter pill that will prevent your body from absorbing all that bad fats and carbs, and you can eat whatever you want! Lolllll okay have fun wasting your money on that.
Well, there are few diet pills that prevent some of the fat from absorbing but if it doesn't get absorbed guess how it is going to come out? Oh yes, have fun with greasy diarrhea
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I'll tell you what I tell everyone else, treat diet and exercise the same as religion and politics. There are a rare few who will engage thoughtfully on the subject, but most won't.0
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sunnybeaches105 wrote: »I'll tell you what I tell everyone else, treat diet and exercise the same as religion and politics. There are a rare few who will engage thoughtfully on the subject, but most won't.
I think I love you0 -
I have a coworker who started to try to lose weight like me. She asked me my secret I said counting everything I eat. She was disappointed. She always talks about how "bad" she is when eating junk food. I stopped talking to her about weight loss. She always has an excuse why she can't cook or eat healthy.0
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I started using fitness pal in January and I have lost 30 lbs. so far. A couple people at work asked me what I was doing and I told them I log everything I eat, I'm eating healthy food, not ordering out like they do everyday from the soul food restaurant that delivers to our job. So they said they wanted to join fitness pal too so I told them to download the app. and friended them. Well you can guess how it's going. Everyday they are like, I'm going to start tomorrow, or I'm going to start on Monday. It's not going to work if you keep ordering the 6 piece chicken tenders with fries, or the smothered pork chops and cornbread every single day. I admit it's hard especially when the food is being delivered for hours on end because everyone is ordering at different times. I warm up my healthy lunch, eat my snacks and leave the office and head for a classroom. Out of sight out of mind.0
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JenPass1977 wrote: »My work colleague who is sitting opposite me now has been doing a shake only diet since January 1st and has only lost 7 lbs! She keeps falling off the wagon because she is bored with only drinking shakes. She won't, however, give up the very expensive shakes and start eating healthier because she is lazy and doesn't want to cook. So frustrating!!
Why do you say only 7 lbs? That's pretty much just over 0.5 lbs a week. Whether their diet is healthy or not, their loss should not be spoken of as if it's nothing.
Anyway, in response to the question. It is frustrating, but you have to understand it's very easy to say what's right and wrong when you've already experienced success. When you're just starting out, everything is confusing and complicated. I've noticed a certain tone of superiority in people's responses to newbies about how well they've done, there's a bit of that on this thread as well. All of us who have succeeded have done so because we've had enough time to get it right and been told the correct way by other people who have succeeded. But imagine if when any of us started we got responses which basically seemed to be telling us off for not already knowing what they know. I think we'd all have been pretty put off by that. It is frustrating when you know better, but imagine how frustrating for them it is when what they thought they knew turns out to be wrong and they need to completely change their approach.
Absolutely this. We ALL have/had to start somewhere and showing a bit of apathy and perhaps less frustration may help that other person out more than you will know.0 -
Maybe I can shed some light on the subject because I was one of the super annoying people.;) It actually wasn't the slow weight loss that turned me off it was what I thought they were saying. So Ok when some told me to "change my life style." What I heard was "eat salad all day nothing fun like bread or mayo or...anything worth living for. Fruits and veggies 24/7 Never eat fast food or something from a box." ". No this no that blah blah blah and exercise your life away... Just change your lifestyle oh and by the way in order to be healthy you need to go slow so you'll only loose like a half a pound a week this entire time you are being tortured." I still don't really like the term because I haven't really changed my lifestyle I still eat the types of food I used to eat with people I used to eat them with. I go to the same places. I am more active so I see that part of my life changing. But that was a slow process. I didn't start working out 2 hours a day overnight. It was a little walking and a Zumba class. Nothing crazy. I think the media is really good at convincing people these things are true. Never ever did it cross my mind that people were just out there saying crap that isn't true for money. I know I'm naive but I'm not the only one. I actually had never even heard of cico. I remember thinking why do people even talk about calories what does that have to do with anything. Lol when I first heard people on mfp saying they ate what they wanted I thought they were ridiculous. There is no way you can have ice cream and still expect to loose weight. It sounds too good to be true. All the talk of preservatives and gluten and chemical toxins everywhere when someone comes up and says hey just worry about the calories it sounds crazy. Idk just my experience.0
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Fat people eat too much. Some people just deserve to be fat.0
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I agree with OP!!!! This is what I get all the time. I get tired of trying to educate some folks about calories in versus calories out!! They feel they must be using deprivation in order to lose weight. Nope!!! That's not a long lasting or healthy way to lose weight. But people want quick fixes and don't want to listen to reality. So, I just do my own thing and keep it moving!! Some will jot believe that you've lost the weight with hard work and dedication, but just keep doing your own thing.0
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Certainly not looking for a quick fix here been there done that twice and I've gained it back because it didn't become my lifestyle and I wasn't able to maintain the strictness of what I was on..2lbs a week would be fantastic, but I also know that's not going to happen weekly and I'll stall some weeks and that's ok!0
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I started using fitness pal in January and I have lost 30 lbs. so far. A couple people at work asked me what I was doing and I told them I log everything I eat, I'm eating healthy food, not ordering out like they do everyday from the soul food restaurant that delivers to our job. So they said they wanted to join fitness pal too so I told them to download the app. and friended them. Well you can guess how it's going. Everyday they are like, I'm going to start tomorrow, or I'm going to start on Monday. It's not going to work if you keep ordering the 6 piece chicken tenders with fries, or the smothered pork chops and cornbread every single day. I admit it's hard especially when the food is being delivered for hours on end because everyone is ordering at different times. I warm up my healthy lunch, eat my snacks and leave the office and head for a classroom. Out of sight out of mind.
I recommend myfitnesspal too and people seem to just ignore that. Yea it's kind of annoying at first to have to type in every single thing you eat, but wow it is effective to actually see the numbers. I'm sure if your coworkers logged the calories from the soul food place they would be appalled and maybe think twice about eating there so often. You really don't realize how much you're consuming until you write it down. For fun I calculated the calories of a normal day of eating for me before I started my weight loss journey. It was horrifying! I was like dang, no wonder I gained 60 pounds!! Definitely can be a reality check.0 -
sunnybeaches105 wrote: »I'll tell you what I tell everyone else, treat diet and exercise the same as religion and politics. There are a rare few who will engage thoughtfully on the subject, but most won't.
THIS. I've learned that when it comes to weight loss, it's best to keep your mouth shut about methods. As with politics and religion, everyone's convinced that their way is the right way.
I get into with my mom ALL the time about weight loss. She's constantly starting/stopping that stupid Fast Metabolism diet, but remains convinced that it's the only answer. Even when I point out the constant cycle of lose/gain that she goes through, she insists that if she could just get through the whole 30 days she'll be good to go. It never happens, because the diet doesn't promote a sustainable lifestyle! I'm hoping one day she'll see the light, but until then, I've given up trying to help.
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I love it when people ask what you're doing and you tell them MFP and CI/CO and they say "Oh I might try that but I can't give up my diet coke" or they go out to eat fast food 3 - 4 times a week and telling you maybe they'll start next week. Then ask you to join them at McDonalds for lunch. I just smile and say no thanks. Everyone has to figure it out on their own I guess
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