Anyone blow off an event due to embarrassment over weight?

Lounmoun

Do you enjoy going to weddings? Do you want to see any of the people at these events?

If the answer is yes then go. Don't worry about your weight and just concentrate on the positive.
If you really think you'll just be miserable and don't want to see these people then skip it.

Ninkyou

mell4now wrote: »

I had a feeling that the way I phrased this was going to bring a comment about not supposed to loose weight while pregnant. I probably should elaborate on the situation.... The problem is that I get extreme nausea with my pregnancies. Although these past 2 weeks the nausea has improved slightly, Now, most foods that I used to eat and love make me want to gag and sometimes even result in vomiting after consumption. I brought it up twice at my prenatal appointments and he doctor dismisses my concern and does not care that the nausea and food aversions ultimately cause me to loose weight. He probably does not care because I am obese. Whenever the nausea subsides for a few hours here and there I try to eat at least somewhat healthy for the baby but often it's a crap shoot as to if the meal is going to stay down. Last time it resulted in me loosing weight reducing blood pressure and being healthier for her birth which may have been why the doctor did not care that the scale did not go up. But either way the doctor still cares nothing about my nausea concern and the subsequent weight loss that came from it last time.

Thanks to everyone who was supportive especially those who understand what it feels like to be the only obese one in the family.

If your doctor is showing little care or concern for you during your appointments, it's time to find a new OBGYN

mtziontn75

I would respond to the veiled criticism.I put up with that for years, it's not healthy. As for your nausea during pregnancy, there is "morning sickness" that usually ceases at about 4-5 months. It isn't severe. Then there is a condition called "hyperemesis gravidarum". This condition can last the entire pregnancy, causes severe vomiting, dehydration and weight loss.I had it with each of my 4 pregnancies.With each I lost a lot of weight,and was hospitalized with dehydration.Research it and ask your doctor if you suspect you are experiencing it, there is help.

holly_roman

I concur to please not focus on losing weight while pregnant. It didn't seem like it with your second post but I just wanted to jump right out there and say it. You are growing a little you in there and that takes a lot of work not to mention good food .
Now to the wedding, I would personally go and if she grabs you again like that grab her cheeks and say 'my your getting old..look at those wrinkles'. lol that will stop her. Or you can brush it off with a simple, 'I am supposed to be fat, I am growing another person in here you know'. whatever you decide don't feel like you should miss it b/c others are a**holes. Be proud of you and your body. GL.

Adelynee

I like many, I can totally relate to what you are saying. I've skipped so many things because of my weight. And I'm not saying it's the best decision, it's what I felt was right for me in the company and context I was in at the time. Just remember that at family gatherings there are always some who are sooooo looking forward to catching up with you (regardless of your weight) as well and you them.

pootle1972

brb_2013 wrote: »

Yeah going against the current here... I skipped new years eve with friends I hadn't seen since the last new years eve. I'm 50lbs heavier and there was no way.

Currently sobbing on the floor wondering how to get out of my own wedding. So, I feel you sister, I really do. No answers or suggestions. Just yes, I have indeed felt that way and I feel it incredibly strong today.

Elope?

coalz

I have on more than one occasion and almost every time I regretted the decision to stay home. Maybe just say yes for now and see how you feel on the actual day. A lot can happen in a little amount of time & you may feel differently then.

WickedPineapple

I haven't avoided events because of weight, but I have avoided them because of anxiety. I missed out on my friend's bachelorette party because of this and I regret it. I don't regret ditching events I didn't want to do to begin with.

If you want to go and weight is the only thing holding you back, then go. Avoid your grandmother and/or don't hug her (feel free to tell her she gave up that privilege the last time you saw her). If she comments on your weight, walk away.

1cand0it2

I was in your situation last year, in fact it was a big motivator to lose weight. However, I went to the wedding (all 340 pounds of me) because, in the end, that wedding was not about me. (and I had a good time, admittedly a little self-consious, but I owned it!)

I had a cousin who skipped my own wedding because she "felt too fat" and it hurt my feelings that she did not care enough about me to get out of her own way and celebrate my day with me. I really didn't care about her appearance, I just wanted her there.

I agree with others here, there is no need to apologize for yourself. Be your charming self, focus on others (they all want to talk about themselves anyway!) and have a good time!

brb_2013

Ninkyou wrote: »

mell4now wrote: »

I had a feeling that the way I phrased this was going to bring a comment about not supposed to loose weight while pregnant. I probably should elaborate on the situation.... The problem is that I get extreme nausea with my pregnancies. Although these past 2 weeks the nausea has improved slightly, Now, most foods that I used to eat and love make me want to gag and sometimes even result in vomiting after consumption. I brought it up twice at my prenatal appointments and he doctor dismisses my concern and does not care that the nausea and food aversions ultimately cause me to loose weight. He probably does not care because I am obese. Whenever the nausea subsides for a few hours here and there I try to eat at least somewhat healthy for the baby but often it's a crap shoot as to if the meal is going to stay down. Last time it resulted in me loosing weight reducing blood pressure and being healthier for her birth which may have been why the doctor did not care that the scale did not go up. But either way the doctor still cares nothing about my nausea concern and the subsequent weight loss that came from it last time.

Thanks to everyone who was supportive especially those who understand what it feels like to be the only obese one in the family.

If your doctor is showing little care or concern for you during your appointments, it's time to find a new OBGYN

It can be perfectly safe to lose weight while pregnant, but yes rthe doctor should be concerned about your nutrition during pregnancy.

DearestWinter

hamptontom wrote: »

i'm gonna step up and shoulder the brutally honest burden, here...because you need to consider that your grandmother, much as you may love her for whatever reason, is an *kitten*.

kind people, people with good hearts, people who have other people's best interests in mind, don't do $h!t like walk up to their own flesh and blood, grab them by their midsection, and go "jiggle, jiggle, jiggle".

i'm willing to bet that there are people in your life who'd love you at twice your current weight, and the challenge you should be undertaking is finding ways to involve THEM in your life more, at the expense of people who'd say some $h!t like that to you.

of course, someone will ultimately say, "but they're just making a joke...they're just trying to be funny...."

sure, they are. but that ain't how it's done.

life's too short to seek the approval of d0ucheb@gs. i bet you'd be amazed at how much psychological weight you'd shed if you managed to cut them loose.

^^ This. Just because grandma is old doesn't mean we have to let her be a b#%!

What she did was awful. Maybe that's her means of "gently" encouraging you to lose weight but it's never too late for her to learn it's inappropriate. If it happens again I hope you can tell her "Do not touch me like that. When you make a mocking comment about my weight it is offensive and makes me feel like you don't respect me and you don't enjoy my presence."

I also don't place any stock in the opinions of people who lack fundamental respect for others. What they think is completely irrelevant until they demonstrate some compassion.

azulvioleta6

holly_roman wrote: »

I concur to please not focus on losing weight while pregnant. It didn't seem like it with your second post but I just wanted to jump right out there and say it. You are growing a little you in there and that takes a lot of work not to mention good food .
Now to the wedding, I would personally go and if she grabs you again like that grab her cheeks and say 'my your getting old..look at those wrinkles'. lol that will stop her. Or you can brush it off with a simple, 'I am supposed to be fat, I am growing another person in here you know'. whatever you decide don't feel like you should miss it b/c others are a**holes. Be proud of you and your body. GL.

It does not, however, require consuming a lot of extra calories. The calorie increase is only 200/day, and that does not start until the second trimester.

There are several new studies out showing that obese women can safely maintain their weight or even lose a bit while pregnant. Not every pregnant woman should be gaining weight.

The idea that it is an excuse to eat more is NOT scientifically correct.

I agree that a new OB-GYN is in order--this one is not meeting a basic standard of care.

LemonadeCandy_

I have skipped events and get-togethers because of my weight and regret it every time, although a lot of my shame comes from my ED.

Go to the shower. You'll have a great time surrounded by people who care about you and you can support your loved one!

mell4now

I love my grandmother, I just hate her obsession with body images. She is an extremely generous person as well and spends close to $800/yr on each or her 6 grandchildren between the holidays and birthday. Because she is so generous I do feel as if I should not retaliate by returning her criticizing with criticizim. I did however tell her that I will never be as thin as any of my cousins, and in sorry that I do not live up to her standard of beauty. So she eased up on directly criticizing me, but makes a point of criticizing herself (and her normal weight and heathy diet) saying that she is sooo mad when she gains a pound, and that she looks so fat etc etc...

missspooky9

If you hide yourself away from functions, you can set yourself into an isolation depression....and with depression comes eating, well with me it does. To be honest I was at my heaviest and then got pregnant. In a way it was kind of nice, because ppl say "oh well she's pregnant" and judge you less for your eating habits. While you shouldnt try and go on a diet, you can def carb count a little. I gained 11 lbs with my pregnancy, which is insane, but i had gest diabetes, so i had to carb count big time. Then after I had my baby I weighed 10 lbs less. Of course I gained it back, so Im here But yes, enjoy yourself!!!

justBreathe33

Yep. Too ashamed to go to my high school reunion.

mell4now

Thanks for all the feedback.

Bromat2015

The most important thing is taking care of your babies and their mama! I skipped my cousins wedding a few years back for the same reason. I had a lot of guilt and anxiety over not going. I weighed my options but the thought of going was more difficult for me. i had just lost my dad and was in a vulnerable place with two babies. At that time in my life I know I made the best choice for myself. And, I have no regrets. Today I'm in a much better place and know that we are all much more than a number on a scale. Ive since been to many family functions (with my weight going up and down), Your worth is much greater than your weight Best to you...