Getting over shame of large weight gain -anyone else?

rodriguezbc

I feel that part of my battle in the early stages of weight loss is the discouragement and shame of how much I gained to begin with. I gained about 60 pounds (translates to 6 pants sizes) in one year, and I am a 5'3" female. Sometimes I get very anxious when I am going to see someone I haven't seen in a long time, to the point that I try to avoid it if I can. Has anyone else been through this?

ravenlyn01

I didn't gain that much, but I gained back the whole 20 lbs I lost last year, which puts me over my "I look okay" zone. I'm embarrassed that people have watched the whole thing. I suppose not everyone notices things like that, but it's still embarrassing and discouraging.

Odiaa

If people can not accept you the way you are then they weren't your friends anyway.

shadow2soul

I was ashamed and disappointed with myself. It wasn't how other people would see me, but how I saw and felt about myself.

For me something about working out made me feel better. It wasn't instant, but after about a month or two of regular exercise how I saw myself began to change. I'm still a little critical of myself for that time in my life, but that's because as I see it I put my life and that of my oldest son at risk; I did not do everything I could have to lower the risks in that pregnancy. I won't go into details other to say I was foolish.

youngandaspiringxo

Yes! I gained about 60 pounds when I was pregnant and I'm also 5'3. I feel like when I see people who haven't seen me since before I got pregnant they're thinking "wow she got fat!" I actually avoid those people if I can until I get back to my normal weight. I'm 30 pounds away from that.

Vanessalookingood

A year and a half ago I lost 60 lbs over an 8 month period then within the same amount of time I put it all back on plus 20 more. Yep I felt foolish as well. I bet this is far more common than we think. Besides most people on some level struggle with keeping their weight at a level where they feel happy. Accept yourself and move on with loving kindness to yourself. If you beat yourself up over it, it will just make things worse.

2Kelli5

I was 165lbs, and due to a medication I was prescribed I gained significant weight rapidly. Within a year and a half I gained 100lbs. I was embarrassed, discouraged, also my personality changed as if I was a completely different person. I no longer wanted to go out with my friends, my self confidence disappeared and I literally just hid from the world. But I have changed my mentality and have set short term goals so I don't overwhelm myself to the point of wanting to quit. So I thought to myself if I never start somewhere then nothing will ever change those horrible feelings about myself. Learning to self motivate is key no one can do it for you, but the support of friends and having a work out buddy definitely helps get passed those humps of wanting to give up. I work at a gym now and it's probably the best push to keep going.

victoria_1024

Yes. I lost a lot of weight in college and then gained it back over the next few years due to stress from grad school, pregnancies, etc. It was hard seeing people again who I hadn't seen in a while. Eventually I just got over it though. Now I'm even thinner than I was in college and I hope to keep it that way!

VegasFit

Yes, it happened to me. I lost a bunch of weight but had a rough patch in life and slowly fell off track. I kept working out but my eating went to crap and the intensity of my workouts changed. So of course it was embarrassing to see people I hadn't seen in awhile and I never approved FB pics. Lol. I had a wide range of sizes to which made it easier to gauge my progress in addition to the scale. Sounds like you do too. I don't think people judge others as harshly as we judge ourselves.

MommyL2015

Your family and true friends will love you no matter what. Everyone else doesn't matter.

AmeliaTyson2016

I gained a lot of weight as well. About 80 lbs. That's over 5.5 years but still I feel horrible and cry sometimes. We can encourage each other through this. At least we are trying to make changes.

Lounmoun

Yes. I've had that feeling. I got to the point where I was 80 lbs heavier than I was in college. I had always been the thinnest one back then so it felt embarrasing to have gained so much and see people who hadn't ever seen me heavy.
I think somewhere along the line I realized that we all have something. Lots of people gain weight or lose hair or have a bad relationship or have a troubled kid or are underemployed and they aren't thinking about my weight much at all. I'm still me. They are still them.
I'm overweight but I'm working on it and I'm not going to avoid people until I am at my goal weight so they'll just have to get over it.

hiker583

Same story here. I was overweight all my life, then in college lost all the extra weight and was in perfect shape for about couple of years. Then things changed and I gained all the weight plus some more over next 5 years. After that I was really embarrassed to meet anyone who knew me back in college, and mostly avoided them. Still struggling with weight and hoping every day to be free of this guilt. So what you are feeling is not that uncommon.

mrsroban

I have totally been there and it is a horrible feeling I promised never to let my weight lock me in a prison cell again

snowflake930

I have been there too. I think it is a pretty common feeling for some people to have.
Try to focus on your ultimate goal, being at the weight you will eventually get to. You are not alone, having this type of feeling. I have been on maintenance for over 2 years now, and there is no reason anymore to avoid those awkward situations, so, the feelings of shame will pass.

msf74

I think that feeling is very, very common.

It's like many people like in a state of unconscious blindness to their weight until something causes the scales to fall from their eyes and they look at themselves in horror and think "Mon dieu - how did I get this fat?"

Unfortunately what many people tend to do is exactly the opposite of what they should do. In their desire to get the weight off as quickly as possible to relieve the psychological stress they get desperate and fall for all sorts of nonsense.

Don't be that person.

Assess your situation calmly and rationally. You'll be good.

motivatedsister

I've been there! I started putting on a lot weight in grad school and post grad school. And now unfortunately for people I met during that time, this is the version of me they've always known. So now that I'm losing weight I feel like those people are going to be like oh wow you lost a lot of weight...when in all actuality I'm just getting back to the size I always was up until grad school. I don't want the attention, because then it just reminds me that yea people notice how big I am or was. If that makes any sense!

And for people who knew me pre-grad school they can't believe how much weight I've gained. I was always athletic, did sports throughout high school, always in the gym or some type of class in college (I.e. Karate, step class, etc.), and once I graduated I was the kind of person who still went to the gym religiously and spent tons of money on like specialized yoga classes and personal training. They don't understand how that person who was so physically active turned into this.

It's hard...because I don't think I'm the same person now that I was then. A lot of that has to do with just growing up, but some of it has to do with I'm just not as confident as I was before. I used to love to dance, now I'm like embarrassed to do it because I'm not comfortable with my size. I used to be able to put on anything and know I look good, whereas now all I see are the flaws. I dread seeing people who knew me when I small, because I don't want to have the conversation of oh what happened.

But I'm slowly losing the weight, I'm already getting more confident in my appearance. So I'm just gonna keep working!

blues4miles

Maybe think about people you know that put on weight. Do you necessarily judge them harshly? We tend to think a lot less about the people around us than we do ourselves. Will some people be secretly thinking mean thoughts? Possibly. But they are the ones that will think mean thoughts regardless. Plenty of others have regained some weight in the past and will be sympathetic without saying anything.

I did basically the same as you, gained 50 lbs in probably 8 months. Luckily there was no one I hadn't seen in a while or anything like that, unluckily all my friends/acquaintances watched me regain the weight over that time.

KJSmarelli

I'm in the same boat. I'm 5'2 used to be 110lbs and now I'm in the 160s. Really depressing, I totally know what you mean about not wanting to see people you know because it's embarrasing. Since I had my kids (2 in a row) I just gained so much weight and it feels impossible to get all of it off I'm used to eating what I want and I feel like life would suck if I can't have chocolate lol

Debwiththecoolhair

Yes! Last year I lost 40lbs only to gain all of it back. In the same year! It took me 4 months to lose it and 6 months to gain it back. And what's worse is that I was loud and proud about losing it. Now I'm so embarrassed its hard to have the motivation to lose it again.

CharlieBeansmomTracey

I didnt care, I gained weight,lost weight and gained again. most of the people I talked to noticed what I went through but never said anything. I still dont care.I dont care how others see me either.I stopped worrying about what others think a long time ago.I stopped being embarrassed and just go on about my business.I worried about how I felt and decided to so something about it almost 4 years ago and Im still going. Im still overweight but not by a lot,I dont worry about it people look,stare,etc. I had people staring at me a few weeks ago when I was running but I just kept going.I figure if I provided some form of entertainment for them then I did my job lol

chocolate_owl

From the other side of this: I met up with a friend I hadn't seen in nearly a year, and he had gained a large amount of weight from a mobility-limiting injury. I was surprised when he walked in, but I didn't say anything. (I know some people WOULD comment, and that's unfortunate.) We enjoyed a couple of drinks and caught up on life, and we had a great time. He was still him, and the weight gain didn't change that. We had a fun night, and it would have been a shame to miss that just because he was embarrassed he was heavier.

As years go by, you're going to see people around you gain weight and lose weight and gain weight again and... It happens. Life can't stop just because of some extra adipose tissue.

cate320

Yes. I live far from home, and my mom recently visited after nearly 2 years of not seeing each other. I think I gained about 30 lbs in that time, so I stressed for weeks before she got here that she would say something, and we'd have a big mother daughter fight and ruin her trip.

It didn't happen, thankfully, but the fear is real. I am going home to visit in a few months and going to see the *rest* of my family, and so I still get to worry. Hoping I can shed the excess weight before then. I still won't be skinny, or even healthy, but at least won't shock them.

unawind

rodriguezbc wrote: »

I feel that part of my battle in the early stages of weight loss is the discouragement and shame of how much I gained to begin with. I gained about 60 pounds (translates to 6 pants sizes) in one year, and I am a 5'3" female. Sometimes I get very anxious when I am going to see someone I haven't seen in a long time, to the point that I try to avoid it if I can. Has anyone else been through this?

Absolutely. I feel you. I've gained 40 lbs over 10 years and I'm still disappointed in myself. I don't want to see people I went to college with because I'm ashamed. I used to be 125-130 and fit. Now I'm 158 (down from 165) and look like a cheese curd.

Seffell

Yes, I gained about 40lbs in 2 years and I'm very embarrassed about it. I live in a different country at the moment and when I get back I don't call any of my friends out of shame. I can't imagine them seeing me like this.

OhMsDiva

I never was small, but I did lose quite a bit of weight after being sick for a while and I gained it back, plus some. I never really knew what size I was until I look back at my pics now. The thing I work on is forgiving myself for allowing myself to get in the condition that I was in. Sometimes I think that strangers look at me and think how big I am, but I know how far I have come so I hold my head up high.

RWClary

Odiaa wrote: »

If people can not accept you the way you are then they weren't your friends anyway.

And the opposite is ytue as well. Some of my old friends resented me after I lost the fat.
Human nature is a strange ointment...

rodriguezbc

Thank you everyone so much for sharing your experiences. I really appreciate it!

rodriguezbc

RWClary wrote: »

Odiaa wrote: »

If people can not accept you the way you are then they weren't your friends anyway.

And the opposite is ytue as well. Some of my old friends resented me after I lost the fat.
Human nature is a strange ointment...

yes, You are right about that. When I lost weight the first time, I was looking good and certain people gave me those envious dirty looks.

Rocknut53

Back in the 80's, (the dark ages), I did dance aerobics for many years with this instructor. We're the same age and she has always been "model" thin. A couple years ago when I was at my heaviest I was waiting for my flight to take off and she came down the aisle. I hadn't seen her since I had put on over 50 pounds and rather than saying hello I turned away so she wouldn't see me. I'm guessing that she wouldn't have even recognized me and I was too embarrassed to find out. She was still thin of course and looked years younger than I thought I looked.

missgamer84

I lost a good bit last summer and was comfortable. Then I became pregnant and lost it and gained weight. After that, had to be prescribed some steroids for my Lupus and gained about 40lbs all last fall I joined the gym 2 months ago and have been going 3-5 days a week and can tell a small difference in my body, yet the number on the scale hasn't moved. It's very discouraging and I have cried a lot. It's nice to see I am not alone at least, and I will not stop what I am doing. I am going to try and see a Weight Loss Doctor hopefully soon, I have never been this down.