Food Addict Looking for Support

Dargrohm

I could write a novel on just my issues with food, let alone my anxiety disorders. I've been trying, and failing, for well over a year now to lose weight and have had virtually zero success. I need to be held accountable. I have big issues with food, going all the way back to childhood, and I'm fighting like crazy right now to get this weight off of me. I've been miserable in my own skin for so long, and I'm tired of it. I've been yo-yo dieting for over a year now, and I'm so frustrated with everything. I've decided to get back on here and try to stick to 1200 calories every day. I'm 5'1", and I weigh 163 pounds right now. My ultimate goal is 110-115 pounds, but for now, I'm aiming for 130 (so my BMI will be in the normal range again). The trouble is, my self-esteem is rock-bottom, and I don't even like myself. I just need to be held accountable. My biggest issue right now is my addiction to fast food. It's more of an emotional attachment than anything. All my life, I have learned to associate fast food with happiness and comfort, and now I'm in a heck of a mess. It's honestly embarrassing... I'm trying to abstain from fast food/restaurants completely, because I literally can't control myself around it. One restaurant meal, and I am off track for weeks, and that's not an exaggeration. It's an addiction for me. I feel like I need it to be happy. Fast food isn't the only problem, though. I binge at home, too. I think it's a control issue. I tell myself I don't want to go over my calorie limit, and then I go stuff my face to the point of nausea, almost like I'm rebelling. I keep sabotaging my own efforts, and I don't know why I keep doing it. I know I need help, and I'm in the process of getting it. I'm back on my anti-anxiety/anti-depression medication, and I'm going to start therapy soon. In the meantime, however, I'm going to go completely against my stubborn, hermit nature and ask for support in this effort from the mfp community. I've tried countless times to go it alone, and I'm still at step one... I need help. I think I'll go now and make my diary public, to help feel more accountable for my actions.

sndrd49

Depression is anger turned inwards, oversimplified I know, but start with that idea. Then the self-sabotage makes more sense. I've been there and still struggle. Everyday that I am kind to myself, eat food that I need for fuel and do not eat anything that is harmful to my body.....high transfat, high sodium, high process sugar......I notice, I congratulate myself and I appreciate myself. Sounds corny, but it matters. Every little step that you take toward self care, make note of it. It will be harder to sabotage yourself when you find out that you can be caring and kind to yourself.

HamsterManV2

When you don't feel you are in control, and cannot stop something you want to stop, it is an addiction. I suggest you get professional help from someone who specializes in this. It's a problem that you want to and deserve to solve

KittiesGoMew

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling for a while now with your weight and especially the way you feel. Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom so to speak and it sounds like you have. We can only go up from there!

I'd also like to say that you've made a good move on opening your diary. I might just make you feel a little more accountable. Feel free to add me if you want and I'll be happy to support you with your journey!

Dargrohm

Thanks everyone. Very good advice, and I'll take it to heart.

coltsmama2015

I feel like I could have written this. Except I am currently 5'6 and 280 pounds. I am so ashamed with myself. I literally eat fast food twice a day. I don't feel "normal" until I've had breakfast and a giant diet coke from McDonalds. Every. Single. Day. I feel so disgusted with myself. I work 12 hours a day and use that as an excuse to not pack a lunch. Then I have to go buy a fast food lunch. Usually McDonalds again. I feel so good and happy while I'm eating it. Afterwards, I usually want more, even tho I feel guilty and exhausted. It doesn't matter if I'm super full, I still think about what I'm going to have for dinner. I've been seriously considering therapy as well... Pretty sure I need professional help.

Scamd83

Maybe ease up a bit on your calorie deficit so you can eat a little bit more and fit in something from McDonalds once a week? It might help if you know you've got something you really want to look forward to and help you avoid binging if the reward is you can eat a McDonalds meal and still meet your goals.

cnavarro002

@coltsmama2015 and dargrohm, I also feel like I could have written this post myself. It's not only embarrassing, but so difficult to face that I just don't have the self restraint to say no. I always tell myself that I will take left-overs from dinner to work the next day, but I NEVER do. I go out to eat and tell myself "I'll order the salad, I'll order the salad, I'll order the salad" then when they ask me what I am having my mouth opens up and a demon from deep inside my body speaks out "I'll have the burger" or whatever else I should not be having. I can hear myself say it, but have no power to stop it. I always regret it later.

Zombella

I am sorry that you are struggling. I also deal with anxiety and currently am having a tough time with not going to go eat more after just having had lunch. I also have a bad relationship with food but I know that it can be changed. You can add me if you would like! Also, I would like to add that I used to love fast food as well (it made me happy I thought) but after cutting myself off from it for awhile, it isn't satisfying to have it and usually tastes bad to me.

tinamarie6624

I too have battled the same issues for a long time. I've now lost 54 lbs since January and it's a struggle day to day. There is a difference in my attitude this time that I think is the reason that I am succeeding now when I have failed in the past. In January I decided that I was going to change my eating and exercise habits and get healthier. I still have a very very long way to go.

In my opinion, the difference is this. This time I have my head on straight. I went into this knowing that I was going to work at losing weight, however because of the long way I have to go, I also decided that I was not going to deny myself those things that I really want to eat. I knew I would just deal with the situations when they arose and not beat myself up mentally for it. I told my family not to nag me about what I was eating if I happened to want to have pizza or something and they've honored that wish.

Funny thing is that I haven't wanted to eat those items so it hasn't been an issue. I mentally gave myself permission and that changed everything.

The reason I had to add that permission was because I know I'm on a 2-3 year journey. Nothing happens overnight and I applaud myself for every step I make in the right direction. It is working and I'm grateful that I have had the ability to roll with the ups and downs and not let myself get down on myself which can quickly lead to the depression that leads to what I can the "what the hell" stage where I could possibly reverse all of the good done so far.

My little trick to not overeating is that I will plan my meals ahead of time and even bag the correct amount of food to eat. (Especially in the evening.) I will try to let my snacks (lately I have been eating raw almonds or fruit) last all night and just eat a little at a time which will fool the body into think it is getting more to eat than it is.

I hope this helps, good luck on your endeavor.

rccsinger

Please feel free to add me. We all are here because we have a love affair with food. It takes time to educate ourselves to make smarter food choices. When you feel the need to binge at home take a walk, take a shower, call a friend or I have even gone to bed to avoid eating. You may also want to purge your house of junk food and be sure to have healthy snacks on hand. Once you have resisted it gets easier each time. Find creative ways to make your meals interesting and fresh. Lots of great recipes on the Internet. Be sure to include foods you love in smaller portions so you won't be tempted to binge. If you mess up don't beat yourself up and start fresh the next day (or even the next meal). Remember who you are on the inside is what counts! Good luck on your Journey!

The_Changling

I think sometimes it's just baby steps. Take it one day at a time -that's what I need to do. By any means, I am not an expert, I just started my journey yesterday, but I am certain that the big picture will overwhelm me. I have 100 lbs to lose and that sounds like an impossible task.

Take it one day at a time, be nice and kind to yourself. I too need to be held accountable and I would love to support you if you have me.

rccsinger

Changling. Be sure to set small goals do you don't get too overwhelmed. It's also great to celebrate those victories along the way. Fell free to add me if you like

sew205

Dargrohm:
I'm glad you're starting therapy and getting back to medication. I bet that will be a huge help (especially once you find the right tools for you). Your post resonates for me because of the way you describe the loneliness, self-loathing, and self-sabotage, so even though I'm not struggling with quite the same things, I wanted to tell you that I'm with you. Thank you for your honesty and your courage.
Here's what works for me, for what it's worth:
1)Pre-log food as much as possible.This is the single most valuable thing about MFP for me, because it forces me to be intentional about what I eat. (I think there's some psychology there about imagining yourself eating the food, too, that makes you more likely to actually do it.) I pre-log expected heavy-calorie meals, too, and that helps me both adjust the rest of my food for the day to balance it out at least a little, AND helps me enjoy that food more because I get to anticipate it even more. It also helps me avoid going off the rails when I lose it and eat a bunch of cheese, because I've already planned the next meal and somehow that keeps me in line, though its not rational.
2) Set the calorie limit at a reasonable level. I love food, and a goal below 1400 is not something I can stick to. Keeping it below 1500 most of the time is a good place for me - hard but not awful. (I'm 5'3.5, started at 180lbs, and am now at 147.)
3) Start emphatically, and then ease up. This was helpful to me because I'm lazy and easily discouraged, so getting immediate results was important motivation. I cut out added sugar and white flour, and ate lowish carbs for the first two weeks, which of course made the water weight fly off. Seeing the number on the scale go down so immediately and satisfyingly was a huge emotional boost that helped me settle in for the long haul.
4) identify realistically what's going to keep you from your goals, and make a list. (For me it was my bad work lunch habits, and my poor evening supply of willpower.) Then figure out strategies to address every one of those barriers. If your strategies don't work, keep adjusting until it clicks. You're already doing this with identifying the need to address underlying emotional stuff.

I do not find that it gets easier. I don't think I'll ever be a person who doesn't crave unhealthy food, or a person who can't wait to get out for that 5-mile run. But I keep adding tools that help me make better choices, and it does get easier to reach for those tools when I need them.

Please feel free to add me.

cnavarro002

@sew205 you brought up some great points that make me think. You said that you started out cutting out added sugar and white flour. My question is, did you just go all in? I too have such a love/hate relationship with food that I am attempting to cut out certain things one small step at a time to make it a habit, but I don't know that I could go all cold turkey at once. For example, I started by eliminating soft drinks - I don't do the diet stuff, I am hard core, so I've stopped the colas. Am I going nowhere slowly by not changing all my habits at once? This is hard.... props to those who have made significant changes in their lives, I am yet to be that disciplined. I say this as I am sipping my white mocha.... Ugh!!!!

Charlasek

What a great discussion. I just want to add that I've been in the same boat and last summer went to a therapist. He told me I'm a food addict flat out and suggested going to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting. I went grudgingly, but kept going back and have stayed in the program just about 9 months. I've lost about 60 pounds and I feel happier and more mentally stable than I can ever remember. My life doesn't revolve around food anymore. You're welcome to friend me, pm me, take a look at my diary if you want. I'm by no means perfect, but I've been at the bottom and don't intend to return to it.

sew205

cnavarro002 wrote: »

@sew205 you brought up some great points that make me think. You said that you started out cutting out added sugar and white flour. My question is, did you just go all in? I too have such a love/hate relationship with food that I am attempting to cut out certain things one small step at a time to make it a habit, but I don't know that I could go all cold turkey at once. For example, I started by eliminating soft drinks - I don't do the diet stuff, I am hard core, so I've stopped the colas. Am I going nowhere slowly by not changing all my habits at once? This is hard.... props to those who have made significant changes in their lives, I am yet to be that disciplined. I say this as I am sipping my white mocha.... Ugh!!!!

For me, cutting out sugar and cutting back carbs was pretty hard-core. I knew I wasn't going to keep doing it for very long, because I love sugar and carbs, but doing it for two weeks made me realize that I CAN go without them, and helped me identify a few places in my life where I didn't miss them.(And I did notice that my hunger level really evened out, so I never felt insanely ravenous like I do when there's more sugar in my life.) Otherwise, I switched to eating salads rather than sandwiches for lunch and generally exercising portion control. But I still ate lots of delicious things. Just not ALL of them. And I let added sugar back into my life, and I still continue to lose weight, though more slowly.

I don't know. I actually think the slow program might be wiser, because you can really groove in healthy habits as you go, and that could help you maintain once you get to your goal. But it could also make you lose momentum and stall out. I think you just try something and see if it works, and then adjust. And no matter what, cutting out soda is a good move!

embersoul0417

Hey, I'm one myself. I would love to join you on your weight loss journey. I have had a addiction to food, mine was sweets. I would eat nothing but Oreo's two family packs a day. Everyday. Plus other sweets through out the day. I'm sorry but my device is going dead. I will message you when it charges. I'm here for you to give you encouragement and support. My name is Shelia and I login under embersoul0417. You can do this. It's not always going to be easy, but you need to believe in yourself and know that you worth more than you may think. It's not even about the weight. It's a healthier way to live. Sorry going dead.

jenbean12

I'm a fast food addict too!! I love McDonald's more than anything! A couple years ago I lost 30 lbs with this app and here is what I found: don't starve yourself and you can't completely cut out the things you love. You can eat fast food just keep the portions smaller or pick healthier things off the menu. My rule with myself was I was going to keep it to 1200 calories and if I wanted more I had to burn the extra off with excercise! Soon that cheeseburger wasn't worth the hour of excercise. Keep small goals and remember if you slip tomorrow is always another day! Feel free to add me we can keep each other accountable!

lovemykiddos91

I completely understand where you are coming from. I have anxiety and depression and food has been my comfort/friend almost all of my life. That's all I ever think about. I so want to have that terrible drive through food, but I want to be confidant in my body more. Feel free to add me. we can be each others motivation/support.

lavazula

Oh girl you're speaking my language. as long as I can remember I have struggled with emotional compulsive overeating and food addiction. I too struggled with fast food and would often go to 3 different ones and get my favorite items and binge the freak out in my car, hide all the evidence and swear to start over the next day. just to wake up with a huge amount of self-loathing and shame over me. I hit bottom several years ago and started therapy as well as Overeaters Anonymous. I've also been through several inner healing sessions at my church that deal with root causes. I've been on an antianxiety/antidepressant (Effexor SR) which has seriously done wonders for me. I can say that all these avenues have helped me in some way. I've come so so far in learning to love and accept myself as I am no matter what size I am, and to nurture that little child within. do I have bad days, weak moments, and fall of the horse for weeks yes. but the feelings of self-loathing and shame are gone. I love myself back on the horse. I've also discovered a lot of new information about the brain and how our diets and what we put in our bodies effects our brain. I recently have implemented a ketogenic diet which is more of a way of life, plus or minus. it's seriously amazing to be able to eat a high amount of full fats, and very low carb (20-50 gm/day) and feel completely satisfied, have no more sugar cravings or highs and lows, and hunger virtually gone...even emotional eating is staved. Leptin is the hormone that's released in your brain that tells you you're satiated and full. this happens with increased fats. healthy whole fats. cut sugar, all whites, and processed foods and you'll be amazed. I'm on it now and just recently started back to working out and I honestly have zero cravings. anyway, I'm here for you on this path to freedom of health!! you are not alone, girl. more people than not struggle with food addiction. my therapist told me once "it's not your fault". and she's right. so stop beating yourself up. make a promise to yourself today. start to look at yourself as if you are the dearest person, friend, or child in your life...of whom you wouldn't dare abuse, harm, or loath. if you want more info about "keto" let me know or if you have any questions at all feel free to add me (lavazula). big hugs. and remember the very next minute is a brand new start! much love. laurie

lavazula

I failed to mention above that I am back on here to lose 50-60 lbs! I know tracking is key as much as I hate it. trying to keep it simple and look at the positive side of it which to me is seeing my daily goals of logging and staying under 1500-1600 cals a day, calories burned, and progress chart! the forums here are a huge plus as well. I'm 5'8" 220 lbs. first goal to reach "Onederland" (under 200)! we can do this!! #bam

"it's hard working out and eating right. it's also hard being overweight and self-defeated. pick your hard"

lavazula

lavazula wrote: »

I failed to mention above that I am back on here to lose 50-60 lbs! I know tracking is key as much as I hate it. trying to keep it simple and look at the positive side of it which to me is seeing my daily goals of logging and staying under 1500-1600 cals a day, calories burned, and progress chart! the forums here are a huge plus as well. I'm 5'8" 220 lbs. first goal to reach "Onederland" (under 200)! we can do this!! #bam

"it's hard working out and eating right. it's also hard being overweight and self-defeated. pick your hard"

luckylaw

I have a fast food and Dr. Pepper addiction. I used to eat it several meals a day but have cut that down. It's so hard because that's why I got on the forums this morning. I want a McDonald's breakfast. It's not even that I think fast food tastes good, because it doesn't! I have a healthy frozen breakfast I just need to heat up. That helps- having something ready to eat that is as convenient as rolling through a drive-thru. I'm going to stick with my healthy breakfast. Screw Mickie D!

Feel free to add me! I'm making a new start and trying hard. Would love to have/be support.

YulieRN

Heyy! Im yulie and i can relate on many things you talked about, depression/anxiety, binge eating, family issues..... but I am starting on a journey where I want to reset my body...I have lost 40 pounds before on the keto diet but then gained it all back because of depression, alcohol...
We can defitnelty be of support to each other, if youd like.

mauimarie

Hi-
Thanks for your honesty. Food addiction is real.
I reach for food when i don't want to feel. Ok, I reach for sugar. I maul sugar, mostly at night. The last 3 weeks I cut out sugar, flour and eating after dinner. I just got tired of feeling sick and tired.
I've made my diary public -the mfp app -support and accountability are great tools.
Please feel free to add me so we can journey together!

Murphles1210

Please add me as well. I have given up dieting

louisepaul16

Wow, this post I could have written myself. I also have food addiction, compulsive overeating disorder. It
Is SO hard. I, like a lot of people on this thread, really love fast food and have gone into a restaurant at McDonald's before, had a menu, plus a cheeseburger and dips, then gone back and ordered 3 more cheeseburgers, a bigmac, chicken nuggets, a wrap, fries, ice cream and got it to take away, gone home and eaten the whole lot, to the point I felt sick. I can consume a huuuuuge amount of food even when I'm not hungry, and that's the problem, people say just eat when you're hungry, but it's not like that. Then of course you feel super guilty, disgusted with yourself, and say it will never happen again.
Right now I am nearly 2 weeks since my last binge (which was dominos pizza, which made my day into an over 4000 calorie day, Urgh)!


For me, I have yo-yo dieted so many times before but somehow this time feels different, I can't tell you what clicked, but I watched a documentary called "that sugar film" it's on YouTube and it's pretty shocking. I also did more research on sugar and wow! In my opinion it's the route of every eating problem..... No one gets hooked on broccoli do they? Soooo I took the decision to throw calorie counting out the window (within reason!) eat when I am hungry and only when it's actual hunger, and do not touch anything with added sugar in it (again within reason!) the other day I opened my cupboard and saw a bar of
Dark chocolate, ate far more than I intended too, and had to force myself to throw it into the trash whilst I was mid
Munch, then I proceeded to throw out Nutella, chips, more chocolate that I honestly though I had under control. Turns out I didn't. I have good days and bad days, and I'm nearly 4 weeks in. So far it is working so much better for
Me though. I nearly caved and had McDonald's last week, but didn't. I am losing weight, maybe in a few weeks I won't, but for the first time ever I feel this is sustainable, even with an eating disorder. I will have the odd day I overeat, but my sugar cravings are getting less and less and I don't CRAVE much these days So I can make a more informed decision about what to eat....

I would absolutely recommend seeing someone about it. I went a while ago and was told by a dr that's what I had, and referred me to a therapist. I never went....I didn't want to accept it, and it's really silly but I don't know why I didn't accept the help. I have since moved to another country and it wouldn't work, and I don't speak the language sooo well here so yeah, but I do feel like I am slowly overcoming it.

Sorry that turned into an essay, feel free to add me for some support when you want to.

AER1013

Hi all, I'm new to this. My doc just diagnosed me as a food addict (more specifically sugar addiction). She also recommended over eaters anonymous, but I haven't gone yet. I'm actually a little scared to go. Anyone have info on it? You can add me too. I'm struggling major. I managed to lose 8 pounds in a few weeks but have since gained it all back. Staying away from food is so hard. It's sad to say, but I envy my cousin who is now a year sober because we have to eat to survive, but you don't need drugs or alcohol to live.

dwatson925

I too was an anxious person. I had therapy with a counselor who taught me the ACT principles. It has really helped. It has taught it's okay to be anxious but it is not who I am. It is not the core me.

allison64cross

This is me to a T. In the mornings I am great! Healthy lunch, maybe even take a walk at lunch. Sometimes the addition slips into lunch and I want to drive down the street and get chinese food and usually I do. Once something slips into my mind like "I should get chinese for lunch" , there is literally no stopping me from getting up and gorging on it without another thought. I have been on a "diet" for the past year. I've gained about 15 pounds and lost 10 of that. and now I feel like I'm about to gain it back. 299.3 was my weight at the beginning of 2016. I've been able to stay under 300 but not that much. Have had bad vertigo and went to the doctor this morning and I have "high normal" blood pressure. I got blood work done last year and I'm basically insulin resistant. This SUCKS!