Anyone have their kids use MFP? (not for weightloss)
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People, you can not have it both ways. Obesity in children has increased quite a bit. It may be going down slightly now, but it is still a huge problem. You have a father here that his concerned about his pre-teen daughter developing a weight problem. She is overeating, even healthier choices. I give him kudos for recognizing this becoming a problem for his child he loves. Looking for constructive solutions. Anyone that has had an 11 year old knows that they are not infants, looking to their parents for everything they need. They can/and do make decisions every day about a multitude of things. Yes they need guidance, but they are becoming independent human beings not totally dependent on their parents anymore. Denying food may very well have a huge negative affect, and lead to a lifelong issue with weight and food. It did for me, and I know quite a few other people with the same issues. For me, having either of my parents, just once, volunteering to do this with me, would have/ could have made all the difference in the world to the outcome of my lifelong issues with overeating and food. Just saying.5
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If she likes video games I'd suggest Just Dance or DDR. They can be highly addictive and good exercise.2
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Art is good for her.
Can you involve her to some degree in food planning, shopping, preparing, cooking, cleanup?
I was the oldest of four and certainly had a role in all of those when I was eleven.1 -
I feel you can't really do anything right in this situation.
When I was your daughter's age, I was already chubby. I was bullied for it and ate even more. My mum tried to restrict my calories but I bought treats in secret and ate them in my room and later snuck out the packaging. I started to feel ashamed of the amounts I ate. I felt ugly and unloved and only felt better while I was eating. We didn't really have a lot of sweets at home but I still managed to eat them and my mum often got cross about it. She signed me up for the aerobics class she and my sister were doing and I hated it with a passion.
Even today I still hate sports and I'm still overweight. When I was 15 I lost a lot of weight in a very unhealthy way that could easily have led into a full-blown eating disorder if I hadn't met my first boyfriend who reassured me that I was lovable at any weight.
By all means, try to find a type of sport she might enjoy. Maybe there's something she can do with friends. Do explain the nutritional value of food to her. And yes, I do think single-serve treats are a good idea, too. But please, don't start her on counting calories. If she's anything like most girls, she'll get obsessed with her weight soon enough. And that's not pleasant.
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You might not tease her about her weight, but making 'concerned' comments about her eating habits can be just as bad. Unless it becomes a genuine health issue, I really really really suggest you leave it alone and focus on finding some activities she likes. The world is a cruel enough place to girls as it is, and she needs to know that there's at least one guy in her life that won't judge her based on the size of her *kitten*. The only thing I can think of that might be helpful without specifically targeting her is to preportion snacks into baggies, presented as being helpful to you and the entire family, not just her.0
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I'm getting on board with the people saying no. First, she's still a kid -- and it's fine to be concerned, but to push her into keeping a calorie journal when she doesn't want one (which is a presumption on my part; you didn't specify if you were worried exclusively or if she had expressed interest) is just going to give her a complex. I started to gain weight fast when I was about 11, and let me tell you, everyone in my life let me know.
With my son, I do a bunch of stuff to try to keep his eating conscious and his activity fun. Keeping in mind -- he's just seven, so how I speak to him is different than how I'd talk to an 11-year-old.- I involve him in cooking dinner, and explain to him what each food offers in terms of flavor or texture or whatnot. (He brings home a lot of simplistic nutrition information from school, so we do a lot of "eating is for fuel and enjoyment, and as long as you're eating in moderation, it's okay.")
- We go for walks together, or I walk while he rides his bike.
- When I'm worried about his snacking. I ask once if he's hungry or bored. (Sometimes, I just tell him, "Go do something for 15 minutes. If you're still hungry, then you can eat," if it's like mid-day or he's just eaten or something.)
- We talk about, "Does that seem like the best choice?" if he wants to, like, eat a bowl full of Lucky Charms marshmallows.
I feel like there's a lot of ways we can talk to kids about food, without ever necessarily turning it into weight/fatness/etc. He knows I count my food, and he's dimly aware of the conversations we have about weight loss, but I try not to project my own history of messed up eating onto him.
Good luck! We can all only do our best. 0 -
tincanonastring wrote: »I really don't understand how your daughter is managing to do all of this on her own. When she reaches for the 3rd cheese stick, what do you do? When she's putting the dressing on the salad, what do you do? She's 11, not 16. You should be the one in control of what she eats. Have you tried, you know, stopping her?
Well, I work and get home about 3 hours later than she does from school. The wife works as well and gets home about 2 hours after my daughter gets home from school.
Back when I was a stay at home father all food came through me, not so much anymore. And 11 is a fine time for kids to learn independence and to start getting skills to look after themselves. Making their meals and helping cooking is one of those things.
If I see her doing things like grabbing the entire box of cheese-its I say something, but I am not and will not be a helicopter parent that feels the need to control every second of their day.
Would it be possible to portion out a certain number of snacks on a weekend and then tell your child(ren) that they have been given all their snacks for the week and they have to plan accordingly to make them last the week (this is outside of regularly scheduled meals.) If you have more than one child then obv each should have a "snack box." this way if a child eats all their snacks in 2 days they will learn a lesson for the days when they aren't available and perhaps the next week they will be more careful with their snacking.0 -
In my personal opinion...
Establishing better habits for yourself, your wife, and her, will pay off a lot more than getting her worried about calories at this stage.
lay the foundation to a healthy life, and she'll never have to track
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Does the family sit down and eat together some evenings?
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jessicagrottanelli wrote: »tincanonastring wrote: »I really don't understand how your daughter is managing to do all of this on her own. When she reaches for the 3rd cheese stick, what do you do? When she's putting the dressing on the salad, what do you do? She's 11, not 16. You should be the one in control of what she eats. Have you tried, you know, stopping her?
Well, I work and get home about 3 hours later than she does from school. The wife works as well and gets home about 2 hours after my daughter gets home from school.
Back when I was a stay at home father all food came through me, not so much anymore. And 11 is a fine time for kids to learn independence and to start getting skills to look after themselves. Making their meals and helping cooking is one of those things.
If I see her doing things like grabbing the entire box of cheese-its I say something, but I am not and will not be a helicopter parent that feels the need to control every second of their day.
Would it be possible to portion out a certain number of snacks on a weekend and then tell your child(ren) that they have been given all their snacks for the week and they have to plan accordingly to make them last the week (this is outside of regularly scheduled meals.) If you have more than one child then obv each should have a "snack box." this way if a child eats all their snacks in 2 days they will learn a lesson for the days when they aren't available and perhaps the next week they will be more careful with their snacking.
For it to be a learning experience, she should be involved with coming up with and preparing the snack box.0 -
You can always just buy her a journal were she can write down what she eats and how much of it a day, and then she can calculate (if she wants) how many calories she taking in, just as a math thing. But never make it about her weight. It can do more harm than anything. Though best thing to do is just not to buy things like cheez-its anymore and put better things in the house so she has to snack on something healthier. (My favorite things are apples, grapes, and carrots.)
I found a baked chip by Herr's and it has no saturated fats, low in regular fat, and are generally not so bad for you and I really enjoy them, now in about 3 weeks, I only ate 1 single serving bag. But still healthier than regular ole potato chips (not to mention they were sour cream and onion - mmmm. I hate finding just regular salt flavor.)0 -
tincanonastring wrote: »I really don't understand how your daughter is managing to do all of this on her own. When she reaches for the 3rd cheese stick, what do you do? When she's putting the dressing on the salad, what do you do? She's 11, not 16. You should be the one in control of what she eats. Have you tried, you know, stopping her?
Well, I work and get home about 3 hours later than she does from school. The wife works as well and gets home about 2 hours after my daughter gets home from school.
Back when I was a stay at home father all food came through me, not so much anymore. And 11 is a fine time for kids to learn independence and to start getting skills to look after themselves. Making their meals and helping cooking is one of those things.
If I see her doing things like grabbing the entire box of cheese-its I say something, but I am not and will not be a helicopter parent that feels the need to control every second of their day.
I agree. And having a parent pile food is a recipe to encourage secret eating.0 -
tincanonastring wrote: »I really don't understand how your daughter is managing to do all of this on her own. When she reaches for the 3rd cheese stick, what do you do? When she's putting the dressing on the salad, what do you do? She's 11, not 16. You should be the one in control of what she eats. Have you tried, you know, stopping her?
Well, I work and get home about 3 hours later than she does from school. The wife works as well and gets home about 2 hours after my daughter gets home from school.
Back when I was a stay at home father all food came through me, not so much anymore. And 11 is a fine time for kids to learn independence and to start getting skills to look after themselves. Making their meals and helping cooking is one of those things.
If I see her doing things like grabbing the entire box of cheese-its I say something, but I am not and will not be a helicopter parent that feels the need to control every second of their day.
I agree. And having a parent police food is a recipe to encourage secret eating.
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When I was a kid, I was like that - I hated sports, loved computers/sedentary pursuits, and could mindlessly eat all day. My mom just continually made things harder and harder for me to "grab" and eventually I stopped doing so. When it's a pain to eat 1000 calories in cheezits and easy to eat 300 calories in a premade snack, the premade snack was always what I jumped for in my laziness. 0
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I think it could be useful if, and this is a big if, it is approached with sensitivity and in a certain way.
Calorie counting can descend into overwhelming thoughts of restriction and deprivation in adults. It can also take emphasis away from suitable nutrition as well. These are things that should be avoided for children who are clearly more vulnerable.
If it could be made into some kind of fun game to see how the puzzle fits together and without judgment and so on then it could be beneficial.
Personally, I think leading by example so they can mimic good behaviours shown by parents and rewarding this, keeping portion sizes reasonable and so on would carry less risk however.0 -
does she have an activity tracker? maybe a fitbit would spark her interest and she could see her activity levels and then you can use the calories burned thing as a teaching tool? i try to discuss calories and how they equal an energy unit that your body needs with my 8 and 11 year olds when it comes up, laying the ground work for how that works, knowledge that i never really had myself.
i'm fortunate in that my two are both very active and play multiple sports, etc, but they also both like to eat lots of junk if left up to themselves. as a parent it can def be tough finding a balance between encouraging healthy eating while also not completely denying/restricting the sweet stuff! for example, my 11 yo son will eat 2 apples, a clementine, 2 small bags of chips (think the ones for lunch boxes) in one sitting and then want me to make him "a snack"
(i must add he plays on a club soccer team year round and then tackle football and basketball during those respective seasons as well as town recreational soccer teams in the spring and fall. yes, we are busy and he needs a lot of calories!) 0 -
The Terms of Service state that all users must be 18 or older. Setting your daughter up with an account would be a violation of these terms and could result in having both of your accounts deleted.
I don't know what they did about the age limit, but when my OH's nephew was a sophomore in high school, his Health class used MFP for a semester to help them learn about portion sizes.0 -
So much is a judgment call based on the kid. E.g.:
- I agree responsibility/accountability lies with parent even though kids can eat a lot of stuff the parent never knows about (at school, friends', helping themselves in the pantry). What you choose to keep in the house just depends on the kids. On the one hand you want them to learn moderation (you do not have to eat the whole box of cheezits at once just because it is there) but you probably don't want to have obvious trigger foods around, either. When tweens, my 3 girls asked for snack foods (pretzels, m&m's, peanuts, goldfish), and I bought what they asked for. They could make a bag of m&m's last a whole week, sharing it. That blew my mind. At that age, I would have eaten (and hidden) the whole thing, couldn't have moderated myself. (They are much better teenagers now than I was, too.) If they fought over m&m's or ate them all at once, I would have stopped buying them.
- I also agree asking growing kids to track risks future disordered eating/attitudes. However, kids who see parents use a kitchen scale to weigh portions several times a day are well aware of the idea of tracking. My most athletic daughter asked me how to eat to get 6-pack abs when she was about 13. She had an athletic classmate with visible abs. I told her it was more about exercise than diet, and that it wasn't appropriate to try to lose weight while she was still growing. I said I'd help her when the time was appropriate, and her first step might be counting protein to get enough. She found MFP on her own to count protein. It's how I found out about MFP! I think the key considerations were (1) she asked, and (2) it was about giving her body enough of what it needs, not restricting. She's a competitive rock climber, a sport where every pound counts, and at one point her coach did encourage her to change her diet to lean out. Over time she did, and she lost weight from 16 to 17. Despite intense exercise, she is not an "eat anything you want and never gain" kind of kid. She is conscientious about balancing.
Fortunately or unfortunately, the example parents set matters more than anything they say. After my husband lost 35 pounds, he briefly became "evangelical" kind of like an ex-smoker, offering uninvited advice about what the girls were eating. It was decidedly unhelpful, especially for the one with the biggest BF% (his most frequent target). It encouraged secret eating (and oddly, secret exercise, as if to hide that she was doing what he wanted). They trust me, though, because they see daily workouts (whether I'm in the mood or not) and weighing portions result in maintaining my weight as long as they've been alive. So they know (without my saying anything) it takes effort but it works when you make the effort.
You know your kid best. Best to both of you!0
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