Being Brutally Honest with Myself

metalgearpanda

Hi all, don't know if this is the right place to put this but felt if I don't write it down, I wont and I'll fall back into the trap.

I have been on this WL journey for some time now (nearing about 6 years) it's taken a long time and a lot of frustration, the closer I think I'm getting to the best of me, the farther away it seems.

I have come to the point where I have been totally and utterly brutal with myself and realized that I self sabotage and cave in. My husband who I love dearly and absolutely is meant to be on this journey with me, but I don't think he is as committed as I am to it, and it is so easy to just bend when he asks "do you want a takeaway for tea" or "want a biscuit" I have some discipline but it wavers and falters at these exact moments.

I have now come the to the stark conclusion that this is no-one else's fault but my own. I got me here, I need to get me out of here, while I blame him for this, in reality it's my own head that is causing most of the issues. I need to start doing this for me! There is no time like now. I need to stop blaming everyone else and blaming everything else other than me. The buck stops with me.

I have a habit of catastrophising things and jumping to the worst conclusion possible which isn't helping things either but I'm slowly on the right track.

So from yesterday I have been exercising my discipline muscle and it's going well so far, I'm walking about with internal blinkers on so I cannot see all the temptation around me.

Sorry again if this is the wrong place to put this, move it if need be

size102b

You can't live not having treats like a takeaway or a biscuit just make wise careful choices I was like that I'd never have treats as if go off track so mines 28 years yoyoing
I'm strict 99.5% of the time but I have treats or I'll yoyo forever

metalgearpanda

Yeah I know that I can have the odd treat, which I will still do, just needing to reign it in and know that if I write it down in public then that way I have no come back! x

benzieboxx

Sounds like a solid plan! Don't they always say we are our own worst enemies? I mean no one is better at trash talking yourself then, well, yourself! I like to live by the general rule that if I'm telling myself something that I wouldn't say to someone else, I don't say it to myself. I don't deserve that kind of talk and negativity. I'm working hard and yes I do slip up, but I'm only human. Just a week ago I had a horrible week of take out and patchy logging, but I moved on. No sense in beating myself up.

positivepowers

Never allowing myself to have something extra now and then is a set up for failure for me. If I have it, I log it, make it fit my macros and move on.

I understand exactly what you mean by sabotaging myself. I am the Queen of Self-Sabotage. I would binge, then guilt over what I'd consumed lead to more binging and disaster!

Once I told myself there are no "bad" or "forbidden" foods, I can have what I want and make it fit, I became a happier (and now thinner) person!

Have the biscuit or the takeaway, make it fit into your program and move on. One way to deal with it might be to schedule takeaways and biscuits. Then, you can promise yourself a reward if you stick to your program most of the time.

Francl27

Yeah OP I hear you!

madammags

good on you for making that decision OP!

Just a comment on this

metalgearpanda wrote: »

I have been exercising my discipline muscle and it's going well so far, I'm walking about with internal blinkers on so I cannot see all the temptation around me.

You may already know, but research shows that our self-discipline is actually very like a muscle in the sense that you can exercise it, and it gets tired.
Meaning, fortunately, that you can get better at self-discipline, but also that it is a limited resource. So if, for example, you know in advance that yours will be tested at some point, you can help yourself by trying to re-arrange things to be easier at surrounding times (sort of like how you wouldn't train really heavy just before or after a sports competition).
I know this has helped me sometimes in not falling for temptation and also in not beating myself up if my self-discipline fails at a time when I'm really stressed or similar (again, similar to exercise: I don't beat myself up for not hitting a PB if I'm recovering from illness).

Lounmoun

It is true that you are responsible for what goes in your body.

I looked at your diary and you either are not logging food at all or you are undereating by hundreds of calories most days. You are supposed to eat all the calories MFP told you to eat. You might find it easier if you do that. If you are eating but not logging that is not helping you either. Work on these things and worry less about the type of food you are eating or being perfect every day.

I find pre-logging my food for the whole day really helpful. I plan better. I tend stick to what I already logged. If I need to make a change I check to see if the item is equivalent calories to something I haven't eaten yet and think about if that food is worth changing my log for the day.
Another thing is that we only eat out one meal a week. My dh and dd do not need to lose weight. They can eat a lot more spontaneously than me but we agreed to only have restaurant food once a week. I can plan for it. We often go to the same places so I know what stuff on the menu fits my goals pretty well. Talk to your dh about limiting these things.
I put food away. The only thing sitting out is a bowl of fruit.
Some of those things may help you.

Mangsney

That sounds a lot like me. I've also very recently taken a long hard look at myself and my attitude regarding my weight loss journey so far, and I'm trying hard to make changes. I have a very sedentary lifestyle (I work from home, so most days I really don't move around much) and I've been doing it all wrong, trying to eat less than my allocated calories to create a deficit, when really I must eat them all and earn that deficit through exercise. Oh and that's not even mentioning all the lies I've been telling myself ("One rich tea biscuit isn't going to hurt"... and then it turns into 4-5).

I managed to do this seriously once before, I know I can do it again. And so can you. Hope you don't mind me adding you, for extra support/motivation!

blues4miles

I tell myself I can have the "treat" I want later. Like, I don't need to have chocolate/ice cream/burrito/hamburger every single day. If it's Tuesday and I want something, I'll tell myself I can have it Saturday. Then I have something to look forward to. Obviously I still try to fit it in my calories, but since eating out increases the chances I will go over, I've at least limited the opportunities for that. For me at least that's the problem, that otherwise it will become an every day thing or every other day thing for me. And then wipe out all my hard work. Also increasing my exercise has helped with wiggle room for these things.

HappyHeart4U

I used to tell myself, "That will taste good tomorrow."

iecreamheadaches

metalgearpanda wrote: »

Hi all, don't know if this is the right place to put this but felt if I don't write it down, I wont and I'll fall back into the trap.

I have been on this WL journey for some time now (nearing about 6 years) it's taken a long time and a lot of frustration, the closer I think I'm getting to the best of me, the farther away it seems.

I have come to the point where I have been totally and utterly brutal with myself and realized that I self sabotage and cave in. My husband who I love dearly and absolutely is meant to be on this journey with me, but I don't think he is as committed as I am to it, and it is so easy to just bend when he asks "do you want a takeaway for tea" or "want a biscuit" I have some discipline but it wavers and falters at these exact moments.

I have now come the to the stark conclusion that this is no-one else's fault but my own. I got me here, I need to get me out of here, while I blame him for this, in reality it's my own head that is causing most of the issues. I need to start doing this for me! There is no time like now. I need to stop blaming everyone else and blaming everything else other than me. The buck stops with me.

I have a habit of catastrophising things and jumping to the worst conclusion possible which isn't helping things either but I'm slowly on the right track.

So from yesterday I have been exercising my discipline muscle and it's going well so far, I'm walking about with internal blinkers on so I cannot see all the temptation around me.

Sorry again if this is the wrong place to put this, move it if need be

all of the love for this.

I have seen way to many "well my S/O eats garbage/isnt commited like i am" bashing posts. Its refreshing to see someone taking accountability for their own actions

That being said.....a treat now and again will not harm you or your journey. Just don't over do it. If you're too hard on yourself it may backfire even harder and leave you feeling even worse.

Kitship

I feel you.

I've been here since 2011, have lost a total of 80lbs but only maintained about 50lbs loss. It's a daily struggle and I know it will be a struggle for the rest of my life. Sometimes it just comes down to a moment in time where you tell yourself no to something! Once that first 'no' happens, it seems to get easier and easier.

brb_2013

Just as one point of commonality, I also tend to make a big deal out of small mistakes. In the past it has been my undoing.

I had a goal to workout every MWF for two weeks and I missed the second Monday, And I wanted to cry and honestly give up, "ugh why can't I just DO IT!!?!?! I'm such a failure why even try...." and realized for the first time how silly it is. So I missed one day. Two months ago I was exercising zero days per week. And guess what else? Time doesn't stop at the end of my two week goal period. I get another chance! I decided to stick with the routine for the rest of this week and then be more attentive next week and get them all this time.

You have all sorts of tools to use, keep on trying and learning! You'll get there!!

kshama2001

metalgearpanda wrote: »

Hi all, don't know if this is the right place to put this but felt if I don't write it down, I wont and I'll fall back into the trap.

I have been on this WL journey for some time now (nearing about 6 years) it's taken a long time and a lot of frustration, the closer I think I'm getting to the best of me, the farther away it seems.

I have come to the point where I have been totally and utterly brutal with myself and realized that I self sabotage and cave in. My husband who I love dearly and absolutely is meant to be on this journey with me, but I don't think he is as committed as I am to it, and it is so easy to just bend when he asks "do you want a takeaway for tea" or "want a biscuit" I have some discipline but it wavers and falters at these exact moments.

I have now come the to the stark conclusion that this is no-one else's fault but my own. I got me here, I need to get me out of here, while I blame him for this, in reality it's my own head that is causing most of the issues. I need to start doing this for me! There is no time like now. I need to stop blaming everyone else and blaming everything else other than me. The buck stops with me.

I have a habit of catastrophising things and jumping to the worst conclusion possible which isn't helping things either but I'm slowly on the right track.

So from yesterday I have been exercising my discipline muscle and it's going well so far, I'm walking about with internal blinkers on so I cannot see all the temptation around me.

Sorry again if this is the wrong place to put this, move it if need be

With us it was going out for ice cream. First I told him I didn't have the calories for it, and then I starting stocking the 4 ounce mini cups, which satiate me for less than half of a "small" at the ice cream stand.

cate320

While it's definitely ultimately up to you to determine what you put in your body, it wouldn't kill your husband to be more supportive.

It's great that you are determined to get back on the right track, but is it possible for you to have a serious conversation with him about how important it is to you that he not suggest takeaways or other junk?

I honestly would be in the same boat as you if my boyfriend was doing that. I have no willpower with food, which is why I am fat in the first place. The fact that he is so supportive (He's at a healthy weight but doing my diet just for me) is a huge help. He even talks me down when I start audibly fantasizing about ice cream.

peterbuller8

I used to blame my wife for cooking me far too much for dinner etc and working nights i found that i was eating way more than i should.
My wife decided to help me by not cooking me anything that showed me.
For the first few weeks i just put down what i ate not worrying the calorie intake so i had a baseline to work on.
Now i eat half what i did and some days like today i've had to eat more than i felt like to make the 1000 min.
Tomorrow i'm out for a big family meal so i'm going to the gym at 6am and again at 3pm this will allow me to eat what i want and still stay under my goal.
Dont beat yourself up if you have a bad day log it then make sure you have a few extra good days.

positivepowers

Kitship wrote: »

I feel you.

I've been here since 2011, have lost a total of 80lbs but only maintained about 50lbs loss. It's a daily struggle and I know it will be a struggle for the rest of my life. Sometimes it just comes down to a moment in time where you tell yourself no to something! Once that first 'no' happens, it seems to get easier and easier.

You know, a maintained 50 lb weight loss is nothing to sneeze at. I think that's enviable.

TheLegendaryBrandonHarris

I believe in you!

lorrpb

@metalgearpanda Great perspective, OP! We all have had to come to that point, we just do it in different ways and at different times. Keep it going!

Afura

Every now and again I have to have the 'Come to cheesus' talk with myself to get myself back on goals, so yay for doing that! Best of luck now that you're recommitted.

metalgearpanda

Thank you so much for all your support, it means a lot that I have somewhere to go!!. I am feeling better about my journey and have managed a few days with being focused. I have made room for treats with exercise and things and realised I am human and not a machine. (would be easier if I were a Robot haha!)

The husband is supportive to an extent, he's needing a little guidance for the weight loss journey for himself. He lost a lot of weight when he was younger as he was up about 23 stone and went down to 14 stone but he has crept up to 17 stone due to usual, life, marriage and being happy it makes it spread out a bit. Now I'm kicking myself into gear he seems to be dragging his heels a little. But I'm focused to do this for me to the point I'm actually learning to cook as he is the cook in our house and makes my meals, I think this is something to do with my issue as he is 6'2 and can eat a lot while I'm only 5'4 so shouldnt be eating the same as him!!.

Thanks again all for the support and love xxxx