lending friends money... and having to ask for it back? :(

DalekBrittany

This is why I never loan people money. I won't even loan family money. Possibly my parents but definitely not my fiance's parents. I also don't like owing people, either. A girl at work saw that I was scrounging around in my purse for a dollar for something to drink and she just pulled out a dollar and handed it to me. I came in the next day and carried a dollar around with me until I eventually ran into her. She didn't end up taking it, she was like OMG seriously? Don't even worry about it! But she was happy to know that I am true to my word, I think.

Tiffa0909

Tell her you need the money back and that you will be waiting at her doorstep on her next pay day.

She is either going to pay up or show her true colors , is simply not your problem her money issue.

SteelySunshine

I never ask for loans back. I don't loan more than I can afford so that way if it ends up being a gift I am ok with it. Yeah, it's awkward so I don''t ask. It hasn't come up much either.

But, if I was in your situation. I would go get my stuff and if she didn't give it, then I would call the police to have them assist in collection. Failing that small claims court.

veto1024

I try not to lend out too much money to people, but when I do, it's always under the assumption that I won't get it back. If it's too much for me to lose, I won't lend it. If I get it back, great, but I assume I won't. I would never allow money to come between me and a good friend. My advice to you is to think about how good of a friend she actually is if this can happen in the first place.

whierd

I never loan money. If a friend needs it and I have it, I give it to them. I know how money can affect friendships, so I don't even go there.

Phoenix24601

I loaned money to a friend once to pay for her bridesmaids dress. It wasn't cheap. Eh, in the end I just made it a gift. Money is just money.

TwinkieDong

do you need the money? do you value the money more than the friendship? Either way she is uncomfortable every time she sees you or talks to you. With that stated you have to either forget about the $ or ask for the $ and risk the friendship.

afreelandgti

Only one thing worse than lending money to a friend...lending to a family member

I either give it as a gift or a don't give it at all. No guilt or shame on my part regardless of what I decide.

taiyola

I cannot stand people like that!

I owe my friend a few hundred pounds, and because I've had crappy jobs and no money until I got this new job in October, he always used to say "oh don't worry, I don't need it, so just pay me back whenever you can". So I did.

I also have a laptop that he got on credit in his name and I've only ever skipped a payment twice, but then given him double the next month.

Until October I would give him a few quid here and there, then I started giving him £20 a month on top of the laptop payments. I got a tax rebate and gave him £150. Then my dog got sick, had surgery and cost me just under £1200, so I haven't paid him anything on top of the laptop money since.

I'm paying my dog off over 4 months, and once that is paid off, I will continue to pay every penny off.

If I lent someone money and they couldn't pay it all back in one go, I wouldn't mind... as long as they were making an effort to pay me when they could. It's principle.

taiyola

In regards to 'ruining the friendship' - I wouldn't class that kind of person a friend. That's not what people do to each other.

x311Tifa

My one experience with money lending was $300 for a friends vehicle after she crashed it. It took some time (she had legal issues with the bank since her grandfather passed and it was their account together), but I eventually got it all back.

My suggestion is press for it. If your friendship is that long/secure, then it should be fine. At least, I would hope. I know with my friends that it would eventually come back to me or they know it is hell to pay (because we are ALL like this). Unless it's my mother. That's a different story. She would steal from me then swear she would pay it back, but barely gave me any money for high school lunch (I didn't have a job at the time). Eventually, my grandma bought me a lockable jewelry box after I "lost" 6 good jewelry items and $500 USD. Still mad....

I digress... But I agree with the general consensus. If it's over $50 and you truly need the money and it is important to you, pester the he1l outta her!

Erikalynne18

So another update....

She did not show up on Friday and she has not messaged me back. I think we may have to go to her place and demand the items back.

I don't want to ruin the friendship, but I also am getting tired of being taken advantage of I did not want to sell my laptop but she pressured me to agree to sell it, then said she would begin paying me on her paydays. She has had the laptop since April and has not paid me anything

We only have 3 weeks left before we leave the province and need the money for our move. I'm not very impressed right now because it seems as if she is purposely avoiding me........ :frown:

Timshel_

Never do business with family or friends.

wolverine66

So another update....

She did not show up on Friday and she has not messaged me back. I think we may have to go to her place and demand the items back.

I don't want to ruin the friendship, but I also am getting tired of being taken advantage of I did not want to sell my laptop but she pressured me to agree to sell it, then said she would begin paying me on her paydays. She has had the laptop since April and has not paid me anything

We only have 3 weeks left before we leave the province and need the money for our move. I'm not very impressed right now because it seems as if she is purposely avoiding me........ :frown:

it appears to me that she is the one doing this, not you.

Erikalynne18

I just sent her a message on facebook saying that I need the items back since I didn't want to sell them in the first place and haven't received any money.

I'm not sure how she is going to react but at least the fiancée will be there when I go get them.


Even if she had paid SOME of the money I wouldn't feel so bad, but she hasn't and I'm tired of having to ask I think the friendship is basically over after all of this

rungirl1973

I once paid my friend and her daughter's way to Las Vegas with me. Her part came out to just over $600.

She had been one of my best friends for about 10 years. I wish I had never asked for the money back.

She never had any extra money, then when she got her tax refund, she took her kids to Mexico. Yeah, I couldn't afford to take my kids to Mexico. When she got remarried, I didn't give her a gift. Spite? Perhaps.

At this point, that friendship is basically over. We had been friends for 10 years before that, and haven't spoken more than 3 or 4 times in the past 6 years. One of my biggest regrets in life, and I will never loan money to a friend again unless I assume it's a gift.

You have to write off the friend or write off the money. And don't let your boyfriend sway your decision.

Tangerine302

You could say you have someone else that wants it and has the cash. Also that you need the cash now since you are moving. If it comes to keeping it or giving it back, she might suddenly come up with the money.
It sounds like she is ruining the 10 year friendship. Hope she comes through with the money. Good luck!

amoymh

You said you've known this girl for 10 years... If she was a real friend you wouldn't have to ask her, she would come to you and offer something, maybe time to rethink if a friendship actually exists

Erikalynne18

to clarify, we were best friends in the beginning (in high school) but due to some things she said we did not speak for 2 years (she eventually apologized). I've given her a lot of chances and have always let the small "loans" pass by as gifts, but this time I am upset because she knew this was definitely NOT a gift and that we NEED the money for the move. I made sure she knew that and she said paying me back was her priority. I feel as though my trust in her is gone now

I won't be selling or loaning to friends again

NaomiJFoster

That really stinks. It sounds like you've been taken advantage of by a person who did not value your friendship nearly as much as you valued hers.

xstarxdustx

Hate doing that, so yeah try to avoid it as well.

MrsSenecal

Im sorry about your friend That sucks that she took advantage of your niceness! You arent doing anything wrong by getting your stuff back!

Kotuliak

I think you have to decide what's more important - keep a friend or get your money. In my view, a "friend" whom you cannot trust with basic stuff is probably not worth your friendship.

At the same time, I have a friend who I know is a flake, and when he asked to borrow money I did give me what he asked for. But it was a conscious decision to gift him the money when I knew he needed it, because I knew I wasn't getting it back.

Lyn1424

Ugh that is upsetting. She doesn't sound like a friend. Hope you can get your stuff back!

Erikalynne18

I think you have to decide what's more important - keep a friend or get your money. In my view, a "friend" whom you cannot trust with basic stuff is probably not worth your friendship.

At the same time, I have a friend who I know is a flake, and when he asked to borrow money I did give me what he asked for. But it was a conscious decision to gift him the money when I knew he needed it, because I knew I wasn't getting it back.

I just want to point out that if it was different circumstances I would not care. But I have asked for the money because I truly need it (and because it is owed to me). I have "gifted" her money many times in the past for small things: meals, bus fairs, even cloths, etc over the past 10 years. However we financially can't afford to "gift" such a large amount right now and we made that clear to her. Me and the boyfriend only make minimum wage, we don't have full time hours, we are moving to another province, and I am going back to school. I only agreed to sell her the laptop because I needed the money and she needed a laptop. I am obviously regretting that decision

I have asked her for the laptop back and hope that she gives them back (or pays for them).

Erikalynne18

Ugh that is upsetting. She doesn't sound like a friend. Hope you can get your stuff back!

Thank you, I hope so as well. If I can get the stuff back no problem (or the money, I don't care which), then we can move on from this

glennstoudt

never a lender or a borrower be is extremely difficult to navigate or accomplish.
but loaning money to friends is an easy way to lose friends. I suggest as other posters have suggested to
be very matter of fact or businesslike in demanding the money to be repaid. If it injures the friendship then
they weren't your friends in the first place.

katy84o

"hey so I actually need my laptop back...and since you haven't paid for it yet, I'm sure you understand, I'll come pick it up tomorrow". Then post it on craigslist.

Anytime I give someone something without getting the money first, I assume they won't pay me back...so then its a bonus if they do. I look at it as "if I am not ready to lose the money (if they don't pay up) then I shouldn't be giving it to them in the first place."

This is pretty much, exactly what I was going to write. Someone told me once, if you lend money don't expect it back. If you don't have it to 'give' then don't lend it.

NathanFronk

You didn't lend a friend money.

You sold a friend two items without A) a background check a credit check C) any written agreement on to when and how quickly the money would be repaid.

There are two ways to lose a friend: The first is to borrow money. The second is to lend a friend money.

My advice: ask for the money that is owed but be prepared to either forgive the debt and continue the friendship with eyes open, or to not get paid and to lose a friend.