13 yrs old Girl diet??!
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I don't have to try to be PC, I speak from my heart . sorry your definition of beauty isn't the same as mine.0
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I am sorry. I usually keep my opinions to myself and did not want to hurt anyone's feelings.nutmegoreo wrote: »
There is a difference between compassion and feeling sorry for someone. Big difference. When people are already feeling bad about who they are adding your opinion that fat people cannot be beautiful is insensitive and can add guilt and shame.
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thorsmom01 wrote: »sorry your definition of beauty isn't the same as mine.
Really? I always though it's great that different people have different tastes.0 -
perkymommy wrote: »Definitely be careful with what you say to your child. My mom said a lot of hurtful things while I was growing up, but one of the biggest ones that stuck out is when we were at the supermarket and she told me to stop slouching or something forward because I looked like pregnant.. I was 12. I had never really paid much attention to my body before that but after that I paid attention, and I have to say at 24 now I'm just (hopefully) starting to change the attitude I have towards my body. The last 12 years have been nothing but thinking I am fat/ugly and not worth any attention.
I agree. My husband's 8 year old daughter weighs around 110, give or take. But the problem is that she never loses weight and only gains and never goes back down. She's been to specialists and they are really no help at all. You have to be careful what you say for sure when a child has been overweight their whole life especially. We make sure when she's with us that she eats the right portion sizes, more veggies and fruits and water and gets more outdoors and activity in.
I was never overweight as a child. For my height I was fine. But my mom still said what she said. It stuck with me, and did more damage than any time she said I was pretty or anything. And because she said those things (among other emotional factors), I did become overweight.
Absolutely agree. Would never teach my kids that, especially since I do not think so.thorsmom01 wrote: »
It's sad when people subject their children to the " thin is beautiful" way of thinking . all to often those children become disordered adults in some way.
You say you never teach your kids that, but you also say they are very skinny and you tell them to eat less and move more. It seems to be while you may think you are saying thin isn't beautiful, you are sending the completely other message. But that's just my two cents, they're not my children, and I don't know how you actually talk to them.0 -
I am sorry. I usually keep my opinions to myself and did not want to hurt anyone's feelings.nutmegoreo wrote: »
There is a difference between compassion and feeling sorry for someone. Big difference. When people are already feeling bad about who they are adding your opinion that fat people cannot be beautiful is insensitive and can add guilt and shame.
Look, not everyone is going to have self-esteem issues. Something that is sorely lacking is the recognition that people who are carrying extra weight have value and contribute greatly to our society. That just because you personally don't think they are beautiful (physically), doesn't reduce their value as a person. I think that's where people were taking exception with the OP saying that she hopes her daughter will become thin and beautiful. My value isn't determined by my weight. Likewise, my weight doesn't determine my beauty. Let's be clear about not confusing all of these things.
What I took exception to in your first post was that you are placing so much emphasis on not getting fat to your kids while stating that fat =/= beauty, which is most likely going to color their perception of value. Unless you are taking the time to ensure that they know you are coming specifically from a health perspective, but the statement of fat not being beautiful makes it clear that you are not specifically speaking about the health impacts. I'm sure many people would agree that being overweight can increase health risks, but it is not the sole determining factor of health. And it is certainly not the sole determining factor in beauty.
At the risk of being insensitive myself, perhaps the sensitivity training offered by your employer may not be a bad idea.4 -
I agree with everyone else who's said to talk with the pediatrician.
She may be perfectly fine, and the doc can reassure you of that.
But if your daughter is unhealthfully fat, the doc can also help with a plan, maybe referrals
to other professionals such as a dietician & counselor.
Until you can get an appointment...
This page is on the Baylor College of Medicine site,
the heading says "Children's Nutrition Research Center",
so it's a source I'd trust.
It works for kids & adults, takes into account age, height, weight, and activity.
https://www.bcm.edu/cnrc-apps/healthyeatingcalculator/eatingCal.cfm
See if your daughter is in a healthy weight range already, or if not, what is a healthy weight
for her height and how many servings of which food groups she should be eating to stay at
a healthy weight.
Then take the info to your doctor's appointment.
Have you asked her how she feels, or wants to feel, or wants to look, or if she's just happy
being the her she already is?0 -
This is pretty straightforward. Who would argue with this?nutmegoreo wrote: »
Something that is sorely lacking is the recognition that people who are carrying extra weight have value and contribute greatly to our society. That just because you personally don't think they are beautiful (physically), doesn't reduce their value as a person. I think that's where people were taking exception with the OP saying that she hopes her daughter will become thin and beautiful. My value isn't determined by my weight. Likewise, my weight doesn't determine my beauty. Let's be clear about not confusing all of these things.
I am amazed at how you are reading between the lines. I though I was clear in what I tell my kids: "I remind them to move more and eat less otherwise they'll get fat = unhealthy. " I did not say "fat=ugly", "fat=stupid", or "fat=mean". I hope we are done discussing my parenting skills?nutmegoreo wrote: »What I took exception to in your first post was that you are placing so much emphasis on not getting fat to your kids while stating that fat =/= beauty, which is most likely going to color their perception of value. Unless you are taking the time to ensure that they know you are coming specifically from a health perspective, but the statement of fat not being beautiful makes it clear that you are not specifically speaking about the health impacts. I'm sure many people would agree that being overweight can increase health risks, but it is not the sole determining factor of health. And it is certainly not the sole determining factor in beauty.
I understand that my perception of physical beauty (which is quite mainstream, by the way) upset some people here and already apologized for allowing myself to express it.
Perhaps. We'll never know as I missed the opportunity...nutmegoreo wrote: »At the risk of being insensitive myself, perhaps the sensitivity training offered by your employer may not be a bad idea.
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nutmegoreo wrote: »
I am sorry. I usually keep my opinions to myself and did not want to hurt anyone's feelings.nutmegoreo wrote: »
There is a difference between compassion and feeling sorry for someone. Big difference. When people are already feeling bad about who they are adding your opinion that fat people cannot be beautiful is insensitive and can add guilt and shame.
Look, not everyone is going to have self-esteem issues. Something that is sorely lacking is the recognition that people who are carrying extra weight have value and contribute greatly to our society. That just because you personally don't think they are beautiful (physically), doesn't reduce their value as a person. I think that's where people were taking exception with the OP saying that she hopes her daughter will become thin and beautiful. My value isn't determined by my weight. Likewise, my weight doesn't determine my beauty. Let's be clear about not confusing all of these things.
What I took exception to in your first post was that you are placing so much emphasis on not getting fat to your kids while stating that fat =/= beauty, which is most likely going to color their perception of value. Unless you are taking the time to ensure that they know you are coming specifically from a health perspective, but the statement of fat not being beautiful makes it clear that you are not specifically speaking about the health impacts. I'm sure many people would agree that being overweight can increase health risks, but it is not the sole determining factor of health. And it is certainly not the sole determining factor in beauty.
At the risk of being insensitive myself, perhaps the sensitivity training offered by your employer may not be a bad idea.
@nutmegoreo your awesome if there was a love button I would hit it 0 -
This is pretty straightforward. Who would argue with this?nutmegoreo wrote: »
Something that is sorely lacking is the recognition that people who are carrying extra weight have value and contribute greatly to our society. That just because you personally don't think they are beautiful (physically), doesn't reduce their value as a person. I think that's where people were taking exception with the OP saying that she hopes her daughter will become thin and beautiful. My value isn't determined by my weight. Likewise, my weight doesn't determine my beauty. Let's be clear about not confusing all of these things.
I am amazed at how you are reading between the lines. I though I was clear in what I tell my kids: "I remind them to move more and eat less otherwise they'll get fat = unhealthy. " I did not say "fat=ugly", "fat=stupid", or "fat=mean". I hope we are done discussing my parenting skills?nutmegoreo wrote: »What I took exception to in your first post was that you are placing so much emphasis on not getting fat to your kids while stating that fat =/= beauty, which is most likely going to color their perception of value. Unless you are taking the time to ensure that they know you are coming specifically from a health perspective, but the statement of fat not being beautiful makes it clear that you are not specifically speaking about the health impacts. I'm sure many people would agree that being overweight can increase health risks, but it is not the sole determining factor of health. And it is certainly not the sole determining factor in beauty.
I understand that my perception of physical beauty (which is quite mainstream, by the way) upset some people here and already apologized for allowing myself to express it.
Perhaps. We'll never know as I missed the opportunity...nutmegoreo wrote: »At the risk of being insensitive myself, perhaps the sensitivity training offered by your employer may not be a bad idea.
I wasn't saying that you were saying these things to your kids. I am saying that they are very smart little beings, and if you think that fat is ugly, they will pick up on it without your direct statement of such.
Yes, I do believe that being done here is a good plan.1 -
6502programmer wrote: »lynn_glenmont wrote: »6502programmer wrote: »So I'll offer an alternative perspective.. I've largely given my wife broad discretion in raising my stepdaughter.
?!?!
You've "given" your wife "broad discretion" in raising her daughter? What else do you "give" her discretion to do? Vote?
You sound like someone who's never been a step-parent.. *plonk*
What does *plonk* mean? Are you insulting me? Is that one of MFP's substitute euphemisms (like *kitten*) for some coarse insult?0
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