Boss's Wedding
denversillygoose
Posts: 708 Member
in Chit-Chat
My boss is getting married this weekend and on the invitation it suggested that they want cash for their honeymoon. Seeing as how he knows how much (or how little, rather) i make, should I just get him a small gift and ignore the money suggestion? Honestly, I don't like the idea of giving my boss money. Seems really tacky and inappropriate.
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Replies
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I would definitely go with a small gift0
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The request itself is tacky and inappropriate.3
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saramickeydee wrote: »The request itself is tacky and inappropriate.
Yes, but I'm not surprised by it at all.0 -
denversillygoose wrote: »saramickeydee wrote: »The request itself is tacky and inappropriate.
Yes, but I'm not surprised by it at all.
Well, the bar is set pretty low so pretty much whatever you decide will qualify as a class act compared to the invitation. Maybe a nice copy of Emily Post? 6 -
Maybe compromise and get a Visa Gift Card.0
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Yuck. I've had the cash gifts request on invitations. Sooo tacky. Things like that need to be spread around by word of mouth and when people ask. Makes me want to bring a toaster.
A gift is a gift and anyone should be happy at any gesture. Telling people what to give you is just tacky. I agree with a book by Emily Post.
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Give him money totaling the amount of one weeks' worth of your last raise.9
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If he is just a boss to you, I would do a card with no gift. If he is also a friend, I would probably give money. But, I agree that it is super tacky. Hard decision.0
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I've always been told that you give money equal to the value of the plate you are served at the wedding (usually between $60-100 per plate)
As for it being tacky to ask for money, I don't see it that way since I asked for money at my wedding since we didn't want gifts. We appreciated more people giving money that would help pay off the wedding and go towards the honeymoon then a new cutting board or blender.
As for it being your boss, I think he would understand if you gave him little since he knows how much you earn/tight your budget is. I've gone to my boss' wedding and my supervisors and they both understood why I couldn't give much (my wedding was a month after theirs) they were just happy I was there to celebrate with them (as they were at my wedding)0 -
How about a bottle of wine with a card about toasting to their happiness when they return from their fabulous honeymoon.... you can get a pretty decent bottle for what you would purchase small gift for...2
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Cameron_1969 wrote: »Give him money totaling the amount of one weeks' worth of your last raise.
HIGH FIVE!!!0 -
I've always been told that you give money equal to the value of the plate you are served at the wedding (usually between $60-100 per plate)
You must go to some fancy weddings. I would estimate the plates at $15 - $20 for the weddings that I have been to.
If you don't feel comfortable giving him money, then go with a small gift. I get the request for money, though. After paying for the wedding, you have the stress of paying for the honeymoon. Everything is so expensive and it adds up so quickly. Sometimes, people want to know what you want. That is the idea of a gift registry, right? So, suggesting that helping with the honeymoon would be the best gift is not that tacky in my opinion.0 -
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Okay, so I'm actually in the camp where I think this is fine -- because both buying and receiving gifts is awful, and even simple honeymoons are expensive. I also tend to give cash in cards for weddings, because I don't make a lot of money and would rather they use the small amount I can offer to go toward something larger than give the couple a gift they don't need or won't use.
About the only part of this that makes in weird to me is that this is your boss. Are you close to your boss? Are a lot of coworkers going? Do you feel like your boss is the sort to hold it against you if you give, say, $20 in a card?0 -
How so? My wife and I got married in CA, but at the time lived in VA where no family or relatives were. We asked for money in lieu of gifts due to the fact that gifts had to be flown back and we didn't want an issue with loss, damage or extra expense. We had a couple of gifts, but almost everyone gave us cash or a check.saramickeydee wrote: »The request itself is tacky and inappropriate.
Also, even with registry, some might not be able to afford for what's being asked for. I've seen lots of registries asking for items over $200.
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I don't find it tacky. often people are together for a while before they get married now.
my and mine don't need anything. we have it all. we've been together for 9 years. we have a honeyfund instead of the traditional registry for things we wouldn't need
give him a visa card. i think 25 dollars would be fine.
planning my wedding, plates were 20-65 dollars.0 -
I didn't find the request for cash all that tacky. I get it that they combined households and don't need a bunch of crap. I just feel weird giving cash in this situation. I like the idea of a nice bottle. I'll probably go with a local distillery since they're more cocktail drinkers than wine.
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How so? My wife and I got married in CA, but at the time lived in VA where no family or relatives were. We asked for money in lieu of gifts due to the fact that gifts had to be flown back and we didn't want an issue with loss, damage or extra expense. We had a couple of gifts, but almost everyone gave us cash or a check.saramickeydee wrote: »The request itself is tacky and inappropriate.
Also, even with registry, some might not be able to afford for what's being asked for. I've seen lots of registries asking for items over $200.
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Because asking for a gift is inappropriate. Because expecting a gift is tacky. Gifts are gifts, not expected payment for attending your event. If you want to share your event with someone you do it without expectation of getting something.
Specifying what kind of gift is acceptable makes it worse. Again, a gift is a gift. You've heard "don't look a gift horse in the mouth?" That's what it means - if something is a gift, you don't look to criticize it.
The boss/employee relationship just adds to the weirdness of the situation. You have someone in a position of power, and who pays the invitee a paycheck. It's just awkward.
ETA: a registry should not be included on an invitation. and it is a list of SUGGESTED gifts, not required gifts.2 -
I don't find it tacky. often people are together for a while before they get married now.
I completely agree with this, my sister is getting married this fall - her house is full, they've been living together for a while and have everything they could possible need. Money makes sense, a registry not so much.
Likewise my boyfriend and I have been together 8 years and own a house - I too would rather money than gifts if we got married, the last thing we need is more stuff cluttering up the house.
I agree that less than $100 is reasonable - I figure always try to give the amount that they spent on food for me to attend (or what you think is close)
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BTW, money is not a tacky gift. It's the asking that is tacky.3
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saramickeydee wrote: »The request itself is tacky and inappropriate.
no its not. not sure i have ever been to a wedding that didnt have a honeymoon fund
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HealthierRayne wrote: »I don't find it tacky. often people are together for a while before they get married now.
I completely agree with this, my sister is getting married this fall - her house is full, they've been living together for a while and have everything they could possible need. Money makes sense, a registry not so much.
Likewise my boyfriend and I have been together 8 years and own a house - I too would rather money than gifts if we got married, the last thing we need is more stuff cluttering up the house.
I agree that less than $100 is reasonable - I figure always try to give the amount that they spent on food for me to attend (or what you think is close)
Then, technically you don't really need anything to set up your household. Some might argue that a gift is completely unnecessary in that case.0 -
jessica22222 wrote: »Yuck. I've had the cash gifts request on invitations. Sooo tacky. Things like that need to be spread around by word of mouth and when people ask. Makes me want to bring a toaster.
A gift is a gift and anyone should be happy at any gesture. Telling people what to give you is just tacky. I agree with a book by Emily Post.
so you hate all registry's then?0 -
thats like a dinner at applebees
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I should have just titled this "Giving Money to My Boss is Weird".
I have my own opinions about weddings and gifts and all that nonsense, but it doesn't really matter. When it's my wedding, I'll do it my way. This is their way and I'll give them something appropriate.1 -
This is up to family custom/culture. Some groups give and expect only cash gifts at weddings. I have no problem giving approx the cost of the party, but any gift should be equally appreciated. No one wants to feel they're putting a burden on a guest, let alone an employee. Put a few bucks in and have a blast at the party!1
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I agree it's tacky.0
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Jthanmyfitnesspal wrote: »This is up to family custom/culture. Some groups give and expect only cash gifts at weddings. I have no problem giving approx the cost of the party, but any gift should be equally appreciated. No one wants to feel they're putting a burden on a guest, let alone an employee. Put a few bucks in and have a blast at the party!
Yeah, I think I agree with this.0 -
saramickeydee wrote: »
Because asking for a gift is inappropriate. Because expecting a gift is tacky. Gifts are gifts, not expected payment for attending your event. If you want to share your event with someone you do it without expectation of getting something.
You nailed it.
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jessica22222 wrote: »Yuck. I've had the cash gifts request on invitations. Sooo tacky. Things like that need to be spread around by word of mouth and when people ask. Makes me want to bring a toaster.
A gift is a gift and anyone should be happy at any gesture. Telling people what to give you is just tacky. I agree with a book by Emily Post.
Lol. When my husband and I were planning our wedding, we had a house full of second-hand and cheap stuff; you know, the just-starting-out kind. When the subject of gifts came up, some of my more opinionated relatives insisted I should put 'cash only' in the invites, while I insisted it was tacky. It got a bit heated; my now-husband's aunt got quite upset and yelled, "YOU'RE JUST GOING TO WIND UP WITH A TOASTER!!!"
At which point I yelled back "HAVE YOU SEEN MY KITCHEN? I NEED A TOASTER!!"
No joke, she got us a toaster. It was a really nice one. 4
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