Have you mourned?
jaga13
Posts: 1,149 Member
The great thing about counting calories is no particular food has to be off limits. I just have to not overeat each day. Most days I follow this rule, and been for overs year. But mentally it's a struggle every day. Even when I follow the plan, I still wish I could go crazy and eat recklessly. I'm not saying I do it (at least, not that often) but I WANT to. The habit of logging hasn't turned off the desire to overeat. I wish it would. I know overeating makes me feel awful and full in the short term, and obviously prevents my weight loss goals. But these desire is still there anyway.
Have you "mourned" overeating and completely moved past the desire to eat with no control? (I'm not talking about a yearly special holiday indulgence or occasionally saving up calories for a big weekend indulgence. I'm talking About the desire to just eat too much with no planning or control)
Have you "mourned" overeating and completely moved past the desire to eat with no control? (I'm not talking about a yearly special holiday indulgence or occasionally saving up calories for a big weekend indulgence. I'm talking About the desire to just eat too much with no planning or control)
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My days of wanting to do that are few and far between now. At this point I know I could do it for a day and have no lasting ill effects like weight gain but the temporary bloating and overall icky feeling make it not worth it to me. There's just no pull to do it anymore.4
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This is a great thought. I feel like people sometimes villify overeating when really it has been a great pleasure and comfort to people. Doesn't make it right or healthy but it is something I personally miss sometimes.12
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I have mourned but it is not food.3
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I think I will struggle with that forever...I was just talking about this. I have lost 60lbs and logged for over 480 days now. I know exactly how awful and self loathing I will feel afterwards. It still happens all too often. I have come to terms with my worst days (TMI - sorry - ovulation and the week leading up to my period). So basically I struggle like crazy for 2 weeks of every single month. It makes for an interesting mental health situation.
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I do miss being able to sit and eat half a bag of ruffles at one sitting
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For me it's a difference between desire and want - I still have an occasional desire to overeat, but I want to just eat what I need. I won't mourn something that isn't "me". I never liked overeating, and I always knew I shouldn't, it was more that I believed I couldn't stop, didn't have the power, it wouldn't make any difference (I was already fat, or, could never be thin, so why bother), or maybe because I'd already blown it, I could as well go on.0
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Overeating by a lot wasn't really something I wanted to do. Once I was aware of calorie counts of foods and correct portion sizes for me I just felt like things made sense finally. I don't feel sad but more relieved that I can say "this is all I need."4
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I can't say I've "mourned", but I'm definitely resigning myself to reality: I just can't overeat on a regular basis and expect to stay healthy.
Frankly, that sucks. I know overeating is not healthy, but it's pleasurable and it's unfortunate that I developed that habit and that means of finding pleasure. Now I have to work on changing it, I don't know if I ever truly will feel as though that is completely gone, but I have to try.9 -
No, it's not something I miss. There are days when I feel like I want to eat everything, but I almost never really want that. Once I eat something, that feeling tends to go away. What I think happens sometimes on those days is that I eat less nutritiously, but I don't go crazy overboard with how much I'm eating. I've also been really diligent about logging everything, which I do with a food scale, and it's pretty well impossible for me to eat without control and keep that up. I also think I have enough of those indulgent days that I feel totally satisfied - and I don't even "save up" calories for those days or reserve them for holidays only.1
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My desire to binge has become less frequent as time has gone on. It feels like a bit of an accomplishment to feel sated on less food than before. I've found new ways to deal with bad feelings other than burying them in food.
That being said, I still get days where I want to eat everything in sight. I let myself have an occasional cheat, but get back to work afterwards. Bearing oneself up does nothing but bad things for morale and willpower.5 -
For some things, but not for others. I do miss being able to eat 2-3 cups of mixed nuts a day in blissful ignorance, but my current portion of rice, which used to be 4 times bigger, is the new norm and I don't see myself wanting to eat more of it again.
I like the feeling of a full tummy. It's been 3 years and I have yet to honestly describe the feeling I get after an overindulging meal as "icky". It could be slightly uncomfortable, but the accompanying sense of relaxation and well-being more than makes up for it.
I have accepted that eating with abandon every day will never be an option, but my definition of "abandon" is vastly different from what it used to be and I'm physically incapable of consuming the same amounts of oil I used to consume without feeling sick.
What I do miss is the ignorance. I'm just too aware now. I would have a heavier day every now and then but I'm fully aware how heavy it is. It's just less spontaneous and my mind is actively engaged with the food types and amounts I'm consuming. I miss that kind of innocence and spontaneity.13 -
OP, you surprise me that after years you still haven't come to the realization that we CAN eat completely freely the way you describe quite often. In fact 1 or 2 times a week for me.
Last week actually 3 times. I'm talking about really eating until I couldn't eat anymore!!! Beef for main courses, over a pint of ice cream with all the toppings, beef jerky, mac and cheese, you name it. After the three days my weight showed a 5 lbs gain. Then, one day with cutback and became a bit more active, the weight dropped 2 lbs.
During the these times I felt more energetic than ever and none of the food hang up.
It's definitely not possible, and right down stupid, for me to watch the calories everyday. Doing so would mean I have to forgo family gathering, friend hangout, my curiosity. It's not really necessary.
It's quite difficult to eat over 5000 calories (without feeling sick or still having an appetite). There are too many meals/days in between for us to cut back with. You are too dramatic with the "mourning".
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Stuffing my face is more like an old friend that I grew up with but have since grown up and moved away from. I still visit every once in a while though.
I try to eat foods that really fill me up daily though, like a mountain of stir-fried or roasted veggies, or a big bowl of hot cereal with a cup of hot chocolate in the evening. There are a lot of foods you can get that "stuffed" feeling with with very reasonable amounts of calories.6 -
I had to learn to deal with m emotional issues with something other than food. That forced me to face some things I had been avoiding by self medicating with eating. Only once I dealt with those issues could I really begin to tackle the 200+ pounds I had packed on.5
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I wouldn't call it mourning...what I find is if I have set aside a day for "eating whatever I want in the qty I want" I can't...I am not comfortable physically doing that and the next day I have food hang overs if I "stuff" myself.
it can be a bit of a "disappointment" I guess but at the same time eh...I have other things to make me happy.1 -
endlessfall16 wrote: »OP, you surprise me that after years you still haven't come to the realization that we CAN eat completely freely the way you describe quite often. In fact 1 or 2 times a week for me.
Last week actually 3 times. I'm talking about really eating until I couldn't eat anymore!!! Beef for main courses, over a pint of ice cream with all the toppings, beef jerky, mac and cheese, you name it. After the three days my weight showed a 5 lbs gain. Then, one day with cutback and became a bit more active, the weight dropped 2 lbs.
During the these times I felt more energetic than ever and none of the food hang up.
It's definitely not possible, and right down stupid, for me to watch the calories everyday. Doing so would mean I have to forgo family gathering, friend hangout, my curiosity. It's not really necessary.
It's quite difficult to eat over 5000 calories (without feeling sick or still having an appetite). There are too many meals/days in between for us to cut back with. You are too dramatic with the "mourning".
And you surprised me too so I guess we're even
Maybe that works for you. I'm 4'11 tall and have had a lot of plateaus towards the last 10 lbs. the issue for me is overeating a few times a week keeps me in maintenance. I don't want to be in maintenance. I want to lose those last 10ish lbs. so no, I can't overeat on a regular basis any more. That's not dramatic, it's realistic.7 -
allenpriest wrote: »I had to learn to deal with m emotional issues with something other than food. That forced me to face some things I had been avoiding by self medicating with eating. Only once I dealt with those issues could I really begin to tackle the 200+ pounds I had packed on.
Honestly though, how do we do this? Counseling I suppose, but I hate that for an answer.
I've recently gone back on antidepressants because I'm having an incredibly difficult time with stress and I have to admit that I cannot do this thing called life like this! I'm either overeating or drinking way too much alcohol.1 -
I struggle with it too, I guess I'm still adjusting but really I am happy to be moving away from those behaviors. They never once made me happy, I was never once proud of buying a two pack of cake slices at a bakery and eating both in one sitting then following up with dinner as usual. It disgusted me and the behavior of mindless eating is what disgusts me. I'm working very hard to at least be present and mindful when I don't log what I eat but I'm planning to start logging even the junk on weekends this week. 4 weeks of awesome weekdays, and 4 weeks of unlogged weekends. That changes now, and I'm proud of it and what's to come.
What I did mourn was the body I had after losing 100lbs and then gaining half back. Not going to focus on a lack of stuffing myself mindlessly. If I need to stuff myself I'll eat my chicken stir fry plate. I was so full last night it was insane.3 -
Eating is not a big deal for me so but I haven't gotten past wanting to drink margaritas all day every day. For something that makes me feel so awful I sure do love it. It's how I gained all my weight and what I've had to mostly give up to lose it.1
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No. When I get to feeling that way, I eat a maintenance for a few weeks, because my maintenance FEELS so much bigger than my deficit calories. So it satiates the need without over-indulging. And some days I just go over my calorie count and try not to fret.
Like many people on here, I'm not familiar with nor can I empathize with the feeling of being "not hungry". I don't even know what that means. Not hungry? Does that mean turning down delicious food because you don't actually desire it? I turn down delicious food because I want to lose weight. That's it. Of course I desire it. Of course I'd enjoy it. Crazy talk to say you don't want it, from my perspective. I'm "not hungry" when I'm actually ill with something.
When you're "hungry" (because I know it's not real) all the time, it becomes super easy to only eat when and how much you're supposed to. Cause familiarity doesn't breed contempt, it breeds understanding. I understand my hunger signals are LIARS. Makes it easier and easier to ignore them. Kind of like living with chronic, but not overwhelming, pain, you get used to it. And then when the big pains come around, they aren't as bad as they might be to someone who doesn't live with it all the time, because you've grown accustomed to that feeling. You know strategies to ignore it that they do not.6 -
I've been mourning the death of my husband for 1/1/2 years now. You don't have to be a mind reader to determine that I have drowned my pain in comfort food. Living in Louisiana is tough on the tummy. Not only are there good eats everywhere but loving to cook makes it even harder to stay away from food binges. In my many years of fighting overweight, I have tried it all but ironically I keep coming back to to Myfitnesspal.com. So I am thinking that it is the support and accountability that draw me here. NOT ENOUGH! This morning I have started a new approach. Asking God for help in dealing with my weight problem. It would be great if I could find others who are willing to try this and share their experience.5
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I used to over eat all the time. Eat until I can't eat anymore, but wait I still have room for that extra slice of cake!!!
Even though I know that I will not feel good afterwards, I did not care...
I know I have not completely "mourned" over eating. There are days I still want to go to a buffet restaurant (there's plenty where I live) and eat whatever I want.
But I have to focus because I want to live a long healthy life..0 -
endlessfall16 wrote: »OP, you surprise me that after years you still haven't come to the realization that we CAN eat completely freely the way you describe quite often. In fact 1 or 2 times a week for me.
Last week actually 3 times. I'm talking about really eating until I couldn't eat anymore!!! Beef for main courses, over a pint of ice cream with all the toppings, beef jerky, mac and cheese, you name it. After the three days my weight showed a 5 lbs gain. Then, one day with cutback and became a bit more active, the weight dropped 2 lbs.
During the these times I felt more energetic than ever and none of the food hang up.
It's definitely not possible, and right down stupid, for me to watch the calories everyday. Doing so would mean I have to forgo family gathering, friend hangout, my curiosity. It's not really necessary.
It's quite difficult to eat over 5000 calories (without feeling sick or still having an appetite). There are too many meals/days in between for us to cut back with. You are too dramatic with the "mourning".
And you surprised me too so I guess we're even
Maybe that works for you. I'm 4'11 tall and have had a lot of plateaus towards the last 10 lbs. the issue for me is overeating a few times a week keeps me in maintenance. I don't want to be in maintenance. I want to lose those last 10ish lbs. so no, I can't overeat on a regular basis any more. That's not dramatic, it's realistic.
My wife is 3" taller than you and she's taking up my approach. She enjoys eating all the stuffs she likes until she's full and happy. And she's losing weight.
We don't eat everyday like that. Like I said, just 2, 3 times a week and the rest are sensible meals -- far from starving. I guess I'm lucky that my body and mind do not crave anything that I want to eat all day everyday like someone above said.
I guess you don't like my message that we can eat one meal to our heart's content and it cannot "out run" the next 3, 4 sensible meals (practically 2, 3 days) + some decent activeness. You don't buy the fact that it's better than keeping the mind on, revolving around foods all the time due to hunger/cravings, forgetting the feeling of not hungry, fully indulged after years like many people on here indicated.
I'm losing weight fast, sometimes even too fast for my liking. I haven't skipped going to my favorite buffets. My approach is about knowing and controlling my eating behaviors (I eat or don't eat per I want) and the confidence in my active lifestyle. Nothing is forced.2 -
I've been on MFP for 3 years and I wish I could say that it gets better, but it really doesn't. It's still a struggle every day. And I still end up eating too much once a week because I just lose control (hormones, or just plainly fed up and I eat my emotions, or there's a special occasion and I want to enjoy it). I keep a bigger deficit the rest of the week to make up for it so I've managed to maintain my loss (more or less 3 pounds) but I'm not going to lie, it's hard and it sucks.
In my case it takes a lot of food before I start feeling too full unfortunately! My happy calorie intake is about 2500, but my maintenance is 2200, that's why it's a problem.2 -
Not really, but I didn't really gain weight from mindlessly overeating and have never really thought of that as pleasurable outside of those special occasions, holidays, and the like...and even then, I've always been one to cut myself off before I felt like I was going to burst.
While technically I overate to gain weight, the real issue was that I went from being very active and having a hard time holding onto my weight to being sedentary, but my eating habits didn't changed. I never deliberately overate or took any pleasure from eating too much...though I do find food to be pleasurable, particularly when paired with good company.1 -
I never deliberately overate either. I eat for good reasons, ... enjoyment, satisfaction, nutrition, good company, situation and good foods. It just happens that the amount of foods eaten is alot, good for 2, 3 meals. However, that amount and frequency doesn't withstand my discipline with other meals and my active lifestyle.
So, there's nothing to "mourn" or to move past.
The words of my trainer friend ring through my mind "I work hard, I eat hard". He was one of the most confident people I know.
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endlessfall16 wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »OP, you surprise me that after years you still haven't come to the realization that we CAN eat completely freely the way you describe quite often. In fact 1 or 2 times a week for me.
Last week actually 3 times. I'm talking about really eating until I couldn't eat anymore!!! Beef for main courses, over a pint of ice cream with all the toppings, beef jerky, mac and cheese, you name it. After the three days my weight showed a 5 lbs gain. Then, one day with cutback and became a bit more active, the weight dropped 2 lbs.
During the these times I felt more energetic than ever and none of the food hang up.
It's definitely not possible, and right down stupid, for me to watch the calories everyday. Doing so would mean I have to forgo family gathering, friend hangout, my curiosity. It's not really necessary.
It's quite difficult to eat over 5000 calories (without feeling sick or still having an appetite). There are too many meals/days in between for us to cut back with. You are too dramatic with the "mourning".
And you surprised me too so I guess we're even
Maybe that works for you. I'm 4'11 tall and have had a lot of plateaus towards the last 10 lbs. the issue for me is overeating a few times a week keeps me in maintenance. I don't want to be in maintenance. I want to lose those last 10ish lbs. so no, I can't overeat on a regular basis any more. That's not dramatic, it's realistic.
My wife is 3" taller than you and she's taking up my approach. She enjoys eating all the stuffs she likes until she's full and happy. And she's losing weight.
We don't eat everyday like that. Like I said, just 2, 3 times a week and the rest are sensible meals -- far from starving. I guess I'm lucky that my body and mind do not crave anything that I want to eat all day everyday like someone above said.
I guess you don't like my message that we can eat one meal to our heart's content and it cannot "out run" the next 3, 4 sensible meals (practically 2, 3 days) + some decent activeness. You don't buy the fact that it's better than keeping the mind on, revolving around foods all the time due to hunger/cravings, forgetting the feeling of not hungry, fully indulged after years like many people on here indicated.
I'm losing weight fast, sometimes even too fast for my liking. I haven't skipped going to my favorite buffets. My approach is about knowing and controlling my eating behaviors (I eat or don't eat per I want) and the confidence in my active lifestyle. Nothing is forced.
You don't seem to relate and that's fine but don't act shocked that I can't relate to you. I'm not talking about loosening he reigns for an occasional meal. I'm talking about binges that are not a meal, not even when I'm hungry. I'm talking about mindlessly eating somethjg That's not even that yummy but doing it any way. Something not at all worthwhile. So much that it's impossible to accurately log it afterwards and it sabotages all of my effort. If you can't relate that's fine but please don't try to diminish my struggle. I've slowly lost almost all the weight by successfully managing a deficit. That doesn't mean I like it. Most days I'm pissed. Even with a nutritionally sound diet with lots of splurges. Even with a very modest deficit of only 250 calories a day.7 -
I think I will struggle with that forever...I was just talking about this. I have lost 60lbs and logged for over 480 days now. I know exactly how awful and self loathing I will feel afterwards. It still happens all too often. I have come to terms with my worst days (TMI - sorry - ovulation and the week leading up to my period). So basically I struggle like crazy for 2 weeks of every single month. It makes for an interesting mental health situation.peggymenard wrote: »I've been mourning the death of my husband for 1/1/2 years now. You don't have to be a mind reader to determine that I have drowned my pain in comfort food. Living in Louisiana is tough on the tummy. Not only are there good eats everywhere but loving to cook makes it even harder to stay away from food binges. In my many years of fighting overweight, I have tried it all but ironically I keep coming back to to Myfitnesspal.com. So I am thinking that it is the support and accountability that draw me here. NOT ENOUGH! This morning I have started a new approach. Asking God for help in dealing with my weight problem. It would be great if I could find others who are willing to try this and share their experience.
I am so sorry for your loss.0 -
endlessfall16 wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »OP, you surprise me that after years you still haven't come to the realization that we CAN eat completely freely the way you describe quite often. In fact 1 or 2 times a week for me.
Last week actually 3 times. I'm talking about really eating until I couldn't eat anymore!!! Beef for main courses, over a pint of ice cream with all the toppings, beef jerky, mac and cheese, you name it. After the three days my weight showed a 5 lbs gain. Then, one day with cutback and became a bit more active, the weight dropped 2 lbs.
During the these times I felt more energetic than ever and none of the food hang up.
It's definitely not possible, and right down stupid, for me to watch the calories everyday. Doing so would mean I have to forgo family gathering, friend hangout, my curiosity. It's not really necessary.
It's quite difficult to eat over 5000 calories (without feeling sick or still having an appetite). There are too many meals/days in between for us to cut back with. You are too dramatic with the "mourning".
And you surprised me too so I guess we're even
Maybe that works for you. I'm 4'11 tall and have had a lot of plateaus towards the last 10 lbs. the issue for me is overeating a few times a week keeps me in maintenance. I don't want to be in maintenance. I want to lose those last 10ish lbs. so no, I can't overeat on a regular basis any more. That's not dramatic, it's realistic.
My wife is 3" taller than you and she's taking up my approach. She enjoys eating all the stuffs she likes until she's full and happy. And she's losing weight.
We don't eat everyday like that. Like I said, just 2, 3 times a week and the rest are sensible meals -- far from starving. I guess I'm lucky that my body and mind do not crave anything that I want to eat all day everyday like someone above said.
I guess you don't like my message that we can eat one meal to our heart's content and it cannot "out run" the next 3, 4 sensible meals (practically 2, 3 days) + some decent activeness. You don't buy the fact that it's better than keeping the mind on, revolving around foods all the time due to hunger/cravings, forgetting the feeling of not hungry, fully indulged after years like many people on here indicated.
I'm losing weight fast, sometimes even too fast for my liking. I haven't skipped going to my favorite buffets. My approach is about knowing and controlling my eating behaviors (I eat or don't eat per I want) and the confidence in my active lifestyle. Nothing is forced.
You don't seem to relate and that's fine but don't act shocked that I can't relate to you. I'm not talking about loosening he reigns for an occasional meal. I'm talking about binges that are not a meal, not even when I'm hungry. I'm talking about mindlessly eating somethjg That's not even that yummy but doing it any way. Something not at all worthwhile. So much that it's impossible to accurately log it afterwards and it sabotages all of my effort. If you can't relate that's fine but please don't try to diminish my struggle. I've slowly lost almost all the weight by successfully managing a deficit. That doesn't mean I like it. Most days I'm pissed. Even with a nutritionally sound diet with lots of splurges. Even with a very modest deficit of only 250 calories a day.
The "relate" thing is new to me. I wasn't looking to relate. I was pointing out what was possible and sharing my approach. I'm not talking about occasional meals either. I specifically said that we could eat 2, 3 times a week to our heart's contents.
You are indeed pissed and you took a lot of things I said wrong!
Consider... although logging is good, we should also have confidence to let that go sometimes. To preserve spontaneity, the natural flow of life. And Such confidence will also spread to other areas. That will only mean success.
Note that I said we eat to our heart's contents. That's not eating mindlessly or cautiously with the weight and calories nagging in your ears, or worse binging, eating "something not at all worthwhile". Have you tried embracing your enjoyment with present mind and after that get completely over it? Have you considered using the added energy from a big, hearty meal to do other enjoyful or productive activities?
If someone told me that I would have to count all my calories, forgo all the occasions with friends, family members, my own enjoyment with foods, so that I could have the weight I want, I would have told him that I would rather die fat and early. I do not want to be fit and pissed and mourn foods from afar, either. Cheers.
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