Have you mourned?
Replies
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No. When I get to feeling that way, I eat a maintenance for a few weeks, because my maintenance FEELS so much bigger than my deficit calories. So it satiates the need without over-indulging. And some days I just go over my calorie count and try not to fret.
Like many people on here, I'm not familiar with nor can I empathize with the feeling of being "not hungry". I don't even know what that means. Not hungry? Does that mean turning down delicious food because you don't actually desire it? I turn down delicious food because I want to lose weight. That's it. Of course I desire it. Of course I'd enjoy it. Crazy talk to say you don't want it, from my perspective. I'm "not hungry" when I'm actually ill with something.
When you're "hungry" (because I know it's not real) all the time, it becomes super easy to only eat when and how much you're supposed to. Cause familiarity doesn't breed contempt, it breeds understanding. I understand my hunger signals are LIARS. Makes it easier and easier to ignore them. Kind of like living with chronic, but not overwhelming, pain, you get used to it. And then when the big pains come around, they aren't as bad as they might be to someone who doesn't live with it all the time, because you've grown accustomed to that feeling. You know strategies to ignore it that they do not.6 -
I've been mourning the death of my husband for 1/1/2 years now. You don't have to be a mind reader to determine that I have drowned my pain in comfort food. Living in Louisiana is tough on the tummy. Not only are there good eats everywhere but loving to cook makes it even harder to stay away from food binges. In my many years of fighting overweight, I have tried it all but ironically I keep coming back to to Myfitnesspal.com. So I am thinking that it is the support and accountability that draw me here. NOT ENOUGH! This morning I have started a new approach. Asking God for help in dealing with my weight problem. It would be great if I could find others who are willing to try this and share their experience.5
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I used to over eat all the time. Eat until I can't eat anymore, but wait I still have room for that extra slice of cake!!!
Even though I know that I will not feel good afterwards, I did not care...
I know I have not completely "mourned" over eating. There are days I still want to go to a buffet restaurant (there's plenty where I live) and eat whatever I want.
But I have to focus because I want to live a long healthy life..0 -
endlessfall16 wrote: »OP, you surprise me that after years you still haven't come to the realization that we CAN eat completely freely the way you describe quite often. In fact 1 or 2 times a week for me.
Last week actually 3 times. I'm talking about really eating until I couldn't eat anymore!!! Beef for main courses, over a pint of ice cream with all the toppings, beef jerky, mac and cheese, you name it. After the three days my weight showed a 5 lbs gain. Then, one day with cutback and became a bit more active, the weight dropped 2 lbs.
During the these times I felt more energetic than ever and none of the food hang up.
It's definitely not possible, and right down stupid, for me to watch the calories everyday. Doing so would mean I have to forgo family gathering, friend hangout, my curiosity. It's not really necessary.
It's quite difficult to eat over 5000 calories (without feeling sick or still having an appetite). There are too many meals/days in between for us to cut back with. You are too dramatic with the "mourning".
And you surprised me too so I guess we're even
Maybe that works for you. I'm 4'11 tall and have had a lot of plateaus towards the last 10 lbs. the issue for me is overeating a few times a week keeps me in maintenance. I don't want to be in maintenance. I want to lose those last 10ish lbs. so no, I can't overeat on a regular basis any more. That's not dramatic, it's realistic.
My wife is 3" taller than you and she's taking up my approach. She enjoys eating all the stuffs she likes until she's full and happy. And she's losing weight.
We don't eat everyday like that. Like I said, just 2, 3 times a week and the rest are sensible meals -- far from starving. I guess I'm lucky that my body and mind do not crave anything that I want to eat all day everyday like someone above said.
I guess you don't like my message that we can eat one meal to our heart's content and it cannot "out run" the next 3, 4 sensible meals (practically 2, 3 days) + some decent activeness. You don't buy the fact that it's better than keeping the mind on, revolving around foods all the time due to hunger/cravings, forgetting the feeling of not hungry, fully indulged after years like many people on here indicated.
I'm losing weight fast, sometimes even too fast for my liking. I haven't skipped going to my favorite buffets. My approach is about knowing and controlling my eating behaviors (I eat or don't eat per I want) and the confidence in my active lifestyle. Nothing is forced.2 -
I've been on MFP for 3 years and I wish I could say that it gets better, but it really doesn't. It's still a struggle every day. And I still end up eating too much once a week because I just lose control (hormones, or just plainly fed up and I eat my emotions, or there's a special occasion and I want to enjoy it). I keep a bigger deficit the rest of the week to make up for it so I've managed to maintain my loss (more or less 3 pounds) but I'm not going to lie, it's hard and it sucks.
In my case it takes a lot of food before I start feeling too full unfortunately! My happy calorie intake is about 2500, but my maintenance is 2200, that's why it's a problem.2 -
Not really, but I didn't really gain weight from mindlessly overeating and have never really thought of that as pleasurable outside of those special occasions, holidays, and the like...and even then, I've always been one to cut myself off before I felt like I was going to burst.
While technically I overate to gain weight, the real issue was that I went from being very active and having a hard time holding onto my weight to being sedentary, but my eating habits didn't changed. I never deliberately overate or took any pleasure from eating too much...though I do find food to be pleasurable, particularly when paired with good company.1 -
I never deliberately overate either. I eat for good reasons, ... enjoyment, satisfaction, nutrition, good company, situation and good foods. It just happens that the amount of foods eaten is alot, good for 2, 3 meals. However, that amount and frequency doesn't withstand my discipline with other meals and my active lifestyle.
So, there's nothing to "mourn" or to move past.
The words of my trainer friend ring through my mind "I work hard, I eat hard". He was one of the most confident people I know.
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endlessfall16 wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »OP, you surprise me that after years you still haven't come to the realization that we CAN eat completely freely the way you describe quite often. In fact 1 or 2 times a week for me.
Last week actually 3 times. I'm talking about really eating until I couldn't eat anymore!!! Beef for main courses, over a pint of ice cream with all the toppings, beef jerky, mac and cheese, you name it. After the three days my weight showed a 5 lbs gain. Then, one day with cutback and became a bit more active, the weight dropped 2 lbs.
During the these times I felt more energetic than ever and none of the food hang up.
It's definitely not possible, and right down stupid, for me to watch the calories everyday. Doing so would mean I have to forgo family gathering, friend hangout, my curiosity. It's not really necessary.
It's quite difficult to eat over 5000 calories (without feeling sick or still having an appetite). There are too many meals/days in between for us to cut back with. You are too dramatic with the "mourning".
And you surprised me too so I guess we're even
Maybe that works for you. I'm 4'11 tall and have had a lot of plateaus towards the last 10 lbs. the issue for me is overeating a few times a week keeps me in maintenance. I don't want to be in maintenance. I want to lose those last 10ish lbs. so no, I can't overeat on a regular basis any more. That's not dramatic, it's realistic.
My wife is 3" taller than you and she's taking up my approach. She enjoys eating all the stuffs she likes until she's full and happy. And she's losing weight.
We don't eat everyday like that. Like I said, just 2, 3 times a week and the rest are sensible meals -- far from starving. I guess I'm lucky that my body and mind do not crave anything that I want to eat all day everyday like someone above said.
I guess you don't like my message that we can eat one meal to our heart's content and it cannot "out run" the next 3, 4 sensible meals (practically 2, 3 days) + some decent activeness. You don't buy the fact that it's better than keeping the mind on, revolving around foods all the time due to hunger/cravings, forgetting the feeling of not hungry, fully indulged after years like many people on here indicated.
I'm losing weight fast, sometimes even too fast for my liking. I haven't skipped going to my favorite buffets. My approach is about knowing and controlling my eating behaviors (I eat or don't eat per I want) and the confidence in my active lifestyle. Nothing is forced.
You don't seem to relate and that's fine but don't act shocked that I can't relate to you. I'm not talking about loosening he reigns for an occasional meal. I'm talking about binges that are not a meal, not even when I'm hungry. I'm talking about mindlessly eating somethjg That's not even that yummy but doing it any way. Something not at all worthwhile. So much that it's impossible to accurately log it afterwards and it sabotages all of my effort. If you can't relate that's fine but please don't try to diminish my struggle. I've slowly lost almost all the weight by successfully managing a deficit. That doesn't mean I like it. Most days I'm pissed. Even with a nutritionally sound diet with lots of splurges. Even with a very modest deficit of only 250 calories a day.7 -
I think I will struggle with that forever...I was just talking about this. I have lost 60lbs and logged for over 480 days now. I know exactly how awful and self loathing I will feel afterwards. It still happens all too often. I have come to terms with my worst days (TMI - sorry - ovulation and the week leading up to my period). So basically I struggle like crazy for 2 weeks of every single month. It makes for an interesting mental health situation.peggymenard wrote: »I've been mourning the death of my husband for 1/1/2 years now. You don't have to be a mind reader to determine that I have drowned my pain in comfort food. Living in Louisiana is tough on the tummy. Not only are there good eats everywhere but loving to cook makes it even harder to stay away from food binges. In my many years of fighting overweight, I have tried it all but ironically I keep coming back to to Myfitnesspal.com. So I am thinking that it is the support and accountability that draw me here. NOT ENOUGH! This morning I have started a new approach. Asking God for help in dealing with my weight problem. It would be great if I could find others who are willing to try this and share their experience.
I am so sorry for your loss.0 -
endlessfall16 wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »OP, you surprise me that after years you still haven't come to the realization that we CAN eat completely freely the way you describe quite often. In fact 1 or 2 times a week for me.
Last week actually 3 times. I'm talking about really eating until I couldn't eat anymore!!! Beef for main courses, over a pint of ice cream with all the toppings, beef jerky, mac and cheese, you name it. After the three days my weight showed a 5 lbs gain. Then, one day with cutback and became a bit more active, the weight dropped 2 lbs.
During the these times I felt more energetic than ever and none of the food hang up.
It's definitely not possible, and right down stupid, for me to watch the calories everyday. Doing so would mean I have to forgo family gathering, friend hangout, my curiosity. It's not really necessary.
It's quite difficult to eat over 5000 calories (without feeling sick or still having an appetite). There are too many meals/days in between for us to cut back with. You are too dramatic with the "mourning".
And you surprised me too so I guess we're even
Maybe that works for you. I'm 4'11 tall and have had a lot of plateaus towards the last 10 lbs. the issue for me is overeating a few times a week keeps me in maintenance. I don't want to be in maintenance. I want to lose those last 10ish lbs. so no, I can't overeat on a regular basis any more. That's not dramatic, it's realistic.
My wife is 3" taller than you and she's taking up my approach. She enjoys eating all the stuffs she likes until she's full and happy. And she's losing weight.
We don't eat everyday like that. Like I said, just 2, 3 times a week and the rest are sensible meals -- far from starving. I guess I'm lucky that my body and mind do not crave anything that I want to eat all day everyday like someone above said.
I guess you don't like my message that we can eat one meal to our heart's content and it cannot "out run" the next 3, 4 sensible meals (practically 2, 3 days) + some decent activeness. You don't buy the fact that it's better than keeping the mind on, revolving around foods all the time due to hunger/cravings, forgetting the feeling of not hungry, fully indulged after years like many people on here indicated.
I'm losing weight fast, sometimes even too fast for my liking. I haven't skipped going to my favorite buffets. My approach is about knowing and controlling my eating behaviors (I eat or don't eat per I want) and the confidence in my active lifestyle. Nothing is forced.
You don't seem to relate and that's fine but don't act shocked that I can't relate to you. I'm not talking about loosening he reigns for an occasional meal. I'm talking about binges that are not a meal, not even when I'm hungry. I'm talking about mindlessly eating somethjg That's not even that yummy but doing it any way. Something not at all worthwhile. So much that it's impossible to accurately log it afterwards and it sabotages all of my effort. If you can't relate that's fine but please don't try to diminish my struggle. I've slowly lost almost all the weight by successfully managing a deficit. That doesn't mean I like it. Most days I'm pissed. Even with a nutritionally sound diet with lots of splurges. Even with a very modest deficit of only 250 calories a day.
The "relate" thing is new to me. I wasn't looking to relate. I was pointing out what was possible and sharing my approach. I'm not talking about occasional meals either. I specifically said that we could eat 2, 3 times a week to our heart's contents.
You are indeed pissed and you took a lot of things I said wrong!
Consider... although logging is good, we should also have confidence to let that go sometimes. To preserve spontaneity, the natural flow of life. And Such confidence will also spread to other areas. That will only mean success.
Note that I said we eat to our heart's contents. That's not eating mindlessly or cautiously with the weight and calories nagging in your ears, or worse binging, eating "something not at all worthwhile". Have you tried embracing your enjoyment with present mind and after that get completely over it? Have you considered using the added energy from a big, hearty meal to do other enjoyful or productive activities?
If someone told me that I would have to count all my calories, forgo all the occasions with friends, family members, my own enjoyment with foods, so that I could have the weight I want, I would have told him that I would rather die fat and early. I do not want to be fit and pissed and mourn foods from afar, either. Cheers.
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I've been on MFP for 3 years and I wish I could say that it gets better, but it really doesn't. It's still a struggle every day. And I still end up eating too much once a week because I just lose control (hormones, or just plainly fed up and I eat my emotions, or there's a special occasion and I want to enjoy it). I keep a bigger deficit the rest of the week to make up for it so I've managed to maintain my loss (more or less 3 pounds) but I'm not going to lie, it's hard and it sucks.
In my case it takes a lot of food before I start feeling too full unfortunately! My happy calorie intake is about 2500, but my maintenance is 2200, that's why it's a problem.I've been on MFP for 3 years and I wish I could say that it gets better, but it really doesn't. It's still a struggle every day. And I still end up eating too much once a week because I just lose control (hormones, or just plainly fed up and I eat my emotions, or there's a special occasion and I want to enjoy it). I keep a bigger deficit the rest of the week to make up for it so I've managed to maintain my loss (more or less 3 pounds) but I'm not going to lie, it's hard and it sucks.
In my case it takes a lot of food before I start feeling too full unfortunately! My happy calorie intake is about 2500, but my maintenance is 2200, that's why it's a problem.I've been on MFP for 3 years and I wish I could say that it gets better, but it really doesn't. It's still a struggle every day. And I still end up eating too much once a week because I just lose control (hormones, or just plainly fed up and I eat my emotions, or there's a special occasion and I want to enjoy it). I keep a bigger deficit the rest of the week to make up for it so I've managed to maintain my loss (more or less 3 pounds) but I'm not going to lie, it's hard and it sucks.
In my case it takes a lot of food before I start feeling too full unfortunately! My happy calorie intake is about 2500, but my maintenance is 2200, that's why it's a problem.
Me too. I've also been on here for over three years. I would love to be able to mindlessly eat and not have to worry about my weight. Being a healthy weight is so much better though. But, I will always love my food lol.
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I still do binge at times. I still want to do it far more frequently. It just never helped, you know? The binge gives that full feeling, but it's always followed by feeling lousy for me. It was just a band-aid for whatever made me want that complete, full sensation. I used to be very thin in high school because it was the empty feeling that comes with eating almost nothing that was comforting at the time. None of it helped. I just try for moderation and pretend I don't have issues
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endlessfall16 wrote: »
The "relate" thing is new to me. I wasn't looking to relate. I was pointing out what was possible and sharing my approach. I'm not talking about occasional meals either. I specifically said that we could eat 2, 3 times a week to our heart's contents.
You are indeed pissed and you took a lot of things I said wrong!
Consider... although logging is good, we should also have confidence to let that go sometimes. To preserve spontaneity, the natural flow of life. And Such confidence will also spread to other areas. That will only mean success.
Note that I said we eat to our heart's contents. That's not eating mindlessly or cautiously with the weight and calories nagging in your ears, or worse binging, eating "something not at all worthwhile". Have you tried embracing your enjoyment with present mind and after that get completely over it? Have you considered using the added energy from a big, hearty meal to do other enjoyful or productive activities?
If someone told me that I would have to count all my calories, forgo all the occasions with friends, family members, my own enjoyment with foods, so that I could have the weight I want, I would have told him that I would rather die fat and early. I do not want to be fit and pissed and mourn foods from afar, either. Cheers.
You have no idea what some of our "heart's contents" are. For me, in one day I could easily erase more than 6 days of deficit, even with my deficit being 1,000 calories/day.
I manage to count calories on most of the occasions with friends and family members just fine - I certainly don't let it interfere with my life or anything. My calorie needs are high enough that it's not hard. I eat a big, hearty dinner most days. And even when I don't count calories on really special occasions, I still don't eat like I once did.
What I don't do - and what I occasionally still wish I could do - is eat like I used to eat before. If I were really to eat ice cream to my heart's content, it would be measured in gallons, not pints. It would be fifteen pieces of cake, not two or three.13 -
rankinsect,
Eating "gallons" of ice cream is enjoyment? I'm feeling stomach ache and tooth pain just imagining it.
For me, 2 pints in one seating while leaving room for other goodies are good. I was going for something that's far more reasonable and realistic. But sure I got your point that everyone's freaky eating is different. Is it even possible for a stomach to physically house 2 gallons?
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OP, this is a very thought-provoking question. I think I have been in "mourning" as you coin it, this whole time, wishing I could eat as much as I wanted without needing to weigh every.last.drop of every.last.food. I suppose I will battle the desire to overeat for the rest of my life, but as long as I need to lose weight I will do whatever it takes to become healthy again.
And...@endlessfall16 I'm very happy that you've found a way of eating that suits you and your wife. Please understand that that way of eating will not work for everyone, and even after OP has basically told you "that's great, that doesn't work for me but you do you," you ignored her, and accused her of not liking your message about eating to your heart's content. Well, like rankinsect said, you have no idea what everyone's heart's content is. You don't seem to struggle with overeating like myself and others in this thread do. And that's great. But she's not looking for your advice. She asked a question about people's experiences with moving past overeating, something you don't seem to have issues with.5 -
No.
Here's how I approached it at first:
At first, I said: I'm an adult, the kids in my life are sitting around eating fries, and pizza pockets and what not, and they were also playing games.
I'm the adult. I was doing laundry, doing the shopping, flossing, planning for our retirement etc.
I was the grownup.
Later I realized: oh hell, I AM the grown up! And grownups think about something other than just big mac value meals. They think about the future, their lives, their families, their life after children, their GOALS.
I was the adult. I needed to fuel my body. I needed to eat FOR MY BODY. I needed to exercise for my HEALTH.
For my future.
And from then, it was easy to stay on track.
That was 14+ years ago.
Life means more than a value meal.
Do I splurge? HELL YEAH. But I do it mindfully now.
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I believe that we mourn for our old predictable selves. Change is hard, can't go forward or back. I like MFP because it helps me stabilize my emotions. My emotions will take me where they want to go but it is easier and healthier to have a stable plan to follow. Weight loss has brought a lot of feelings to the surface and I have to say the haven't always been comfortable but I have a plan and a goal to be healthy so it's ok. I'm lost but making good time.3
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endlessfall16 wrote: »rankinsect,
Eating "gallons" of ice cream is enjoyment? I'm feeling stomach ache and tooth pain just imagining it.
For me, 2 pints in one seating while leaving room for other goodies are good. I was going for something that's far more reasonable and realistic. But sure I got your point that everyone's freaky eating is different. Is it even possible for a stomach to physically house 2 gallons?
Not at once, but with a little time between bowls? Sure. Although I don't think I ever ate a full 2 gallons, because I wouldn't have bought that much at once. I couldn't eat so much in a single sitting, I tend to just be hungry again after a half hour or so.
I don't actually think I've ever felt true stomach pain from overeating. At least I can't ever recall having done so, not even when I've eaten to the point of feeling very full.0 -
I mourn my ability to overeat every. Single. Day. It's the worst part of me but it is a part of me. I have tried to eat my former customary amounts but just can't do it anymore. Strange that I miss it . . .0
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I am new to this whole recording food and consciously trying to shed some weight. It. Is. Hard.
And it is super annoying to see those red numbers with the minus in front.
So yeah, I mourn, I mourn hard.
I really hope it gets easier0
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