Long distance relationships?

faithan84

I'm thinking about the logistics and possibility of starting a long distance relationship. I'm in Georgia, he's in Texas. I work a lot, 6-7 days/week, and I know I'd have to cut back to make it work.

Anyone have a long distance relationship success story? Any tips?

Thanks in advance!

AskTracyAnnK28

I think if both people are willing to put in the travel time and the work to maintain the relationship then why not?

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yusaku02

I was in one for 5 years. Minnesota and London.
Things went well for about 3 of those 5 years and we both tried too hard to make it work when it was obviously falling apart. She also had trust issues even though I never gave her any reason to worry.
I think it's a lot easier to make work when you are older and more established. Trust and good communication are key, more so in LDRs than other relationships.
If you are going to pursue it then I think there should be a plan to eventually be together, otherwise you're just going to be slowly torturing yourself with the distance. It's difficult to put into words how painful it is and how helpless you feel when your partner has had something awful happen and you can't even give them a hug to help comfort them.

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TheRoadDog

It won't work. Someone else will come along. He'll betray you or you will betray him.

Shy_1114

They suck.

ew_david

It may work in the beginning, but at some point the distance will break one of you, especially if there's no end of being long distance in sight.

vixtris

Success story here!! I was young, very young. I really was 14 when I met my husband- yes online- even worse in an online shooter game lol. We talked for years before meeting in person. At first, he was just an acquaintance that I played the game frequently with, then we became friends on messenger and frequently conversation. We got into talking a lot one night and just hit it off since then, which led to talking on the phone almost all the time. We eventually met in person. We stayed with each other for a weeks time about 3 times before we moved in together. We have been living together now for 11 years, married for 3. But, as of recently (actually, ever since I lost the weight), our relationship has become more of a companionate love. But, that really has nothing to do with meeting online. All I've got to say is be CAREFUL, and make sure you know what you really want in a partner. Its hard to keep the spark going in an online relationship.

maeggggan

i have been in one for 2 years. i honestly was one of those people who thought they could never last, but now i feel completely different. yes it has been hard but so worth it. after two years we only have 1 more month of being long distance. you just have to be honest with one another. talk, everyday! share how you are feeling. there should be some "goal" of ending up in the same city, otherwise its pointless to do LDR.

punkrockgoth

Long distance is super hard. I've been long distance with my fiancé for 8 months because I moved overseas to study abroad for a year. The trip was being planned long before we started dating. It has been really, really hard. We are both really glad that only 2 more weeks until I move back home.

I'm of the belief that they only work long term if there is an end in sight. This is based on my own personal experience as well as what I've seen from those around me who get into long distance relationships.

michellemybelll

my SO and i started out long distance. I was living in Florida, him in California. We did the back and forth thing for the first almost year and a half, then I moved out here to be with him in California. My job is extremely flexible, and my location is virtually a non-issue, so it just made sense that I be the one to move. We've now been living together for over a year, we're both very happy together, and are getting married on June 20th of this year

And, we actually met here on mfp online first - what are the odds right! LOL


ETA: that's not to say the long distance part was easy. on the contrary, it was very hard being across the country from each other that first year and a half. We've both said, had there been no resolution to the distance in sight, we don't know if we would've stuck it out.

oh, and one more thing! Yes honesty and total trust is important and probably paramount to the success of an LDR. I trust him absolutely, and never did we question each other's fidelity the entire time. Neither of us gave any reason to, but it was just never an issue. We communicated constantly, and yeah I just have total trust and faith in him, and he does for me.

King_Spicy

Depends on the type of person you both are for how well it will work. Honesty, patience, and independence are key.

I've had multiple long-distance relationships that could have ended up in marriage had I not ended them for my own reasons. I was extremely happy in any of them. But I like having my alone time, freedom to do what I want, and being able to think about myself above others. (I'm selfish like that).

One of them was extremely long distance and we only saw each other once or twice a year. She'd come to visit 2 weeks at a time. We were friends for 6 years and in relationships with others that both ended around the same time, and then decided to date each other. Honestly, it was a perfect match, and she was beyond loyal and nice. I just wasn't ready to move as fast as she was since I was 7 years younger, but we kept the relationship for a good 3 years.

finny11122

faithan84 wrote: »

I'm thinking about the logistics and possibility of starting a long distance relationship. I'm in Georgia, he's in Texas. I work a lot, 6-7 days/week, and I know I'd have to cut back to make it work.

Anyone have a long distance relationship success story? Any tips?

Thanks in advance!

Dont do it unless you are 100% in love with each other and one of ye is willing to move to the other person s home state . It will come to a point where big decisions have to be made .

cwolfman13

Been there and done that, didn't work. The distance was ultimately too much to overcome. I think it's one thing if it's temporary due to job movement or deployment or something...but I think there has to be an end game in RE to how you're going to get together.

All the flying gets expensive too.

Peter_Brady

I was hoping to have one with @Lady_Spartan15 but I couldn't get her to leave Pittsburgh

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Libertysfate

It can work but only if both people are willing to put in the work and be realistic about how much you'll actually get to see each other and have an end goal in mind. At some point if you plan to make it work for the long haul oe or both of you will have to relocate.

My boyfriend lives in Canada and I'm in Oklahoma, so...yeah. But yeah, it's still a new relationship and we're both very much willing to work at it. We Skype date and talk every night and know that realistically we won't be able to see each other on a regular basis like other couples. Speaking for myself, I'm emotionally equipped to handle that because I'm very much a solitary person and I keep so busy on on a daily basis it's not even an issue. Plus, I was single for 6 years prior to meeting him so I can be happy on my own.

When it comes down to it, it's the end game for you two, how much are both of y'all willing to work to make it last, and how much can either of y'all deal with the distance.

ValkyriesCharge

I was in one with my now husband for about a year. We dated for about a month before he had to move about a thousand miles away. This was YEARS ago before free long distance or email, so we couldn't even talk on the phone very frequently. I stayed true to him, but I knew he would not do the same for me (not because he didn't care for me or was disloyal, it was that I was well aware of the hormones of an 18 year old). It was a don't ask, don't tell situation. When he moved back it wasn't long before he enlisted and he broke it off with me, so as to not string me along anymore. We were not in contact at all while he was in the military. As soon as I got word that he was home, I contacted him. That was 20 years ago. Been together ever since. Happily married with two adorable children for 15 years.

And I'll echo what others have said and what has always made me crazy about others in LDRs. An end must be in sight. Someone has to be willing to move, and really, both of you better be willing (unless there's a kid situation, kids come first!). If either of you makes a PLACE/JOB a priority over the person they love, then that's not love.

Peter_Brady

Lady_Spartan15 wrote: »

Peter_Brady wrote: »

I was hoping to have one with @Lady_Spartan15 but I couldn't get her to leave Pittsburgh

You should have come to the ghetto to get me

You missed the point.

Markdjones83

Shy_1114 wrote: »

They suck.

And not literally right

100poundsx

Was in an LDR for almost 4 years. Florida/Washington State. We ended up breaking up but not because the distance was too much. If you're serious about it, you'll make it work and you two could eventually move in together.

rachellech

Did long distance twice before and both ended...one because we never had time to fully get to know one another beforehand (never even met - online) and the second, he was in the UK while I was in TX (met up twice) and he didn't want things to move too fast but he also wanted someone local so he can partner with...fast forward years later he says I was his soul mate while he was still in the relationship he chose after our break up...I told him it was too late and never would I disrespect another woman by entertaining such thoughts with a man when he is with her. He stayed with that woman because he didn't want to be alone, but he wasn't the one for me...not loyal. LDRs are hard but I think it works if you are meant for each other. Good luck.

debsdoingthis

Recently found out that my now Ex was having an LDR. We are in Canada, she in the US. Didn't work out for any of us.

Shana67

My husband lived in DC when we met, and I was in Colorado. He moved here a couple of months later. I think that it has worked out well

Having said that, I've also dated a guy who lived in Alaska, and that did not work out (clearly), and I attribute most of that to distance, as we were very compatible when we were together.

faithan84

Thanks for the responses! I think it will be a "wait and see" situation. We haven't even met in person yet. I was weighing the pros/cons to see if it'd be worth even trying.

brianna5913

It will only work out if the both of you are committed to being with each other.
It takes so much effort to keep the spark going but if you love each other, it's definitely worth it!
Good Luck!!!

tcarp8

I think the further the better.

TorontoDiane

it would only work if you balance out the responsibility of taking terms being together until you reach a decision where you cannot handle being apart and make it work in finding a place you both want to live... and on top of this.. honesty and trust are so important.. it will not work without honesty and trust.. that comes even before love in my books.. best of luck

Alicia_Monique

I've been dating my boyfriend for over 3 years the entire time has been long distance... like... transcontinental long distance.

He's in Ireland and I'm in the USA. I would have it no other way. He's my partner, best friend, and my other half.

There have been some very, very difficult and trying times and it has taken A LOT of patience, commitment, and communication from both of us--but we are a stronger couple because of it.

Both have to be willing and ready, and always keep in mind that, in the end, one persons (or both) life is going to change forever and you're going to be extremely far away from all of your family and friends, and it's something you will have to agree and compromise on.

Essentially... take a normal relationship and its stresses and times it by 100. But, if it's supposed to happen... in the end it will be more than worth it.

Kvm11628

TheRoadDog wrote: »

It won't work. Someone else will come along. He'll betray you or you will betray him.

Someone can come along if you live in the same house. This argument holds no water.

Dated my husband long distance for nearly three years before we got married (New Hsmpshire and Chicago/Dallas). We've been together for 18 years. If you want it to work it will.