Dealing with people that don't get it.

paperpudding

JaneiR36 wrote: »

paperpudding wrote: »

Enjcg5 wrote: »

emdeesea wrote: »

I think there are a few people in this thread that have never had to deal with family or co-workers who REALLY ARE giving other people a hard time about their diet.

I'm constantly hearing this "sanctimonious" thing and the truth is, that is not always the case.

Like I stated before, I had a co-worker who made an enormous very loud show every time someone would turn down a cookie or a piece of birthday cake. This was not just with me, she would do this for everyone. It's almost like she was out to embarrass anyone who varied from the script. No matter how many times I tried to downplay it or make excuses, she would just ramp up her efforts. If I tried to simply explain it to her, she would remind me YOU DON'T NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT LOOK AT YOU! No amount of logic or excuses got through to her.

And then there's family. My mother has always been overweight and has tried so many diets out there (the grapefruit diet, Adkins, apple cider vinegar diet, etc.) and has never been successful. And whenever I'm around her and turn down a piece of pie or cake or cookie or brownie, she goes into this martyr mode and starts her guilt trip on me, then expresses her "concern" about how much weight I've lost and how thin I'm getting and how she thinks I'm obsessed with this and she'll try to recruit any other female family member in the room to agree with her.

It's exhausting and I really do wish people would acknowledge that we are not always being sanctimonious about what we eat. There really are some toxic people out there who have this crabs in a bucket mentality towards anyone who has any moderate amount of success at anything.

Exactly what I deal with! Just finished a sandwich at work and someone said "oh wow... That's different for you". All I was doing was on my phone eating my lunch in a common area.

Exactly like this small talk friendly comment - and OP needs to reply to that with oneupmanship sarcasm??

You don't think doing that would be contributing to the problem - or indeed, making a problem where there isn't one?

Perhaps she's at the point where it's all just getting to her, and it's the same douches that have said offensive things previously, so she has even less patience? It seems like a personality thing to me, because personally, I can fully understand wanting to tell an irritating coworker, "shut the hell up you ignorant loud mouth". Only problem being I likely wouldn't be employed there much longer if I did. Asking for sarcastic responses to communicate your annoyance and get jerks to back off is actually an acceptable medium to me - compared with knocking someone the *kitten* out and going to jail, for example

I myself happen to like sweets but even then would not have some right after breakfast. They're usually gone later on when I want them, though, so I can understand how the "later" response could be extremely effective.

OP, for the record I do not believe anyone is entitled to make disgusting comments about your food. They may think it, but certainly need to keep their rude traps shut.

Well, yes, sarcastic comments are better than knocking someone out and going to jail for assault - but surely people can manage doing neither, those aren't the only 2 options.

Most of the things OP is complaining about are not others making disgusting or offensive comments but mundane things like offering her brought in food or saying Oh, that's a different sandwich.
Normal small talk being friendly stuff.

MelodyandBarbells

paperpudding wrote: »

JaneiR36 wrote: »

paperpudding wrote: »

Enjcg5 wrote: »

emdeesea wrote: »

I think there are a few people in this thread that have never had to deal with family or co-workers who REALLY ARE giving other people a hard time about their diet.

I'm constantly hearing this "sanctimonious" thing and the truth is, that is not always the case.

Like I stated before, I had a co-worker who made an enormous very loud show every time someone would turn down a cookie or a piece of birthday cake. This was not just with me, she would do this for everyone. It's almost like she was out to embarrass anyone who varied from the script. No matter how many times I tried to downplay it or make excuses, she would just ramp up her efforts. If I tried to simply explain it to her, she would remind me YOU DON'T NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT LOOK AT YOU! No amount of logic or excuses got through to her.

And then there's family. My mother has always been overweight and has tried so many diets out there (the grapefruit diet, Adkins, apple cider vinegar diet, etc.) and has never been successful. And whenever I'm around her and turn down a piece of pie or cake or cookie or brownie, she goes into this martyr mode and starts her guilt trip on me, then expresses her "concern" about how much weight I've lost and how thin I'm getting and how she thinks I'm obsessed with this and she'll try to recruit any other female family member in the room to agree with her.

It's exhausting and I really do wish people would acknowledge that we are not always being sanctimonious about what we eat. There really are some toxic people out there who have this crabs in a bucket mentality towards anyone who has any moderate amount of success at anything.

Exactly what I deal with! Just finished a sandwich at work and someone said "oh wow... That's different for you". All I was doing was on my phone eating my lunch in a common area.

Exactly like this small talk friendly comment - and OP needs to reply to that with oneupmanship sarcasm??

You don't think doing that would be contributing to the problem - or indeed, making a problem where there isn't one?

Perhaps she's at the point where it's all just getting to her, and it's the same douches that have said offensive things previously, so she has even less patience? It seems like a personality thing to me, because personally, I can fully understand wanting to tell an irritating coworker, "shut the hell up you ignorant loud mouth". Only problem being I likely wouldn't be employed there much longer if I did. Asking for sarcastic responses to communicate your annoyance and get jerks to back off is actually an acceptable medium to me - compared with knocking someone the *kitten* out and going to jail, for example

I myself happen to like sweets but even then would not have some right after breakfast. They're usually gone later on when I want them, though, so I can understand how the "later" response could be extremely effective.

OP, for the record I do not believe anyone is entitled to make disgusting comments about your food. They may think it, but certainly need to keep their rude traps shut.

Well, yes, sarcastic comments are better than knocking someone out and going to jail for assault - but surely people can manage doing neither, those aren't the only 2 options.

Most of the things OP is complaining about are not others making disgusting or offensive comments but mundane things like offering her brought in food or saying Oh, that's a different sandwich.
Normal small talk being friendly stuff.

I would say the "what is that sludge" and "sucks to be you" comments are some of the rude ones the OP shared

Sarcasm isn't the only option but can be an effective communication tool. It's also not a declaration of enemity for life - it could sometimes be just enough to interrupt whatever thought process someone has chosen to follow that makes them oblivious to how rude they're being.

paperpudding

Yes that's true - sarcasm could have its place if others are really being rude or offensive.

OP did seem to be taking offence at mundane small talk comments too though - so I still think taking a step back and considering whether she is contributing to the problem or seeing a problem where there isn't one, is worth doing.