dealing with negative comments

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  • GothyFaery
    GothyFaery Posts: 762 Member
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    The truth hurts sometimes. There are a about a billion better ways to say what your friend meant but they were just trying to encourage you. Would you have preferred them to tell you not to lose weight and put more weight back on? Honestly, I would rather someone tell me "you're doing good, keep it up" than to nag at me for losing weight.

    That being said, the delivery makes all the difference. I also tend to be a passive aggressive *kitten* so I probably would have come back with something like "Thanks but could you be more of an *kitten* when you compliment me next time?"
  • jmm1977
    jmm1977 Posts: 31 Member
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    People can just be stupid! They want to say "hey, your doing great" and come out with "you were starting to get a front butt". I say it all the time, "You just can't help stupid!". I get the flip side myself. Why are YOU working out/dieting. I have started getting really terse when asked that question! No, I am not overweight, never have been BUT I still need to work out and eating clean, good food is NOT dieting!!

    The truth of the matter is, some people just don't get it and you just need to ignore the ingnorance and keep on your path!

    You are doing great! :)
  • gmallan
    gmallan Posts: 2,099 Member
    edited May 2016
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    It's not a helpful comment - maybe if they'd commented out of concern before the OP started to lose weight and in a more tactful way it could have been viewed as helpful. That they waited until the OP had already started to lose weight just makes it a back-handed compliment at best or an insult plain and simple. If they wanted to compliment her the could have just said - I noticed you've lost some weight - great job! No mention of front butt necessary in either situation. Drawing attention to specific physical flaws isn't really ever helpful. If you are genuinely concerned about someone's weight focus on the health risks/benefits, physical appearance is an emotionally charged and subjective area. Health risks/benefits can be discussed in a much more objective way.
  • gmallan
    gmallan Posts: 2,099 Member
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    P.s. great job on the weight loss - keep it up! (See how easy that was)
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,195 Member
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    emdeesea wrote: »
    steviejanedrake wrote: »
    truth is appriciated I just felt is was a little harsh. there are better ways to compliment someone I guess. if this was just from a friend it wouldn't bother me as much. I was just feeling really good about losing 15 pounds and getting under 200. and this kinda took me down a peg, like maybe I'm not doing as well as I think I am. I'm 5'10 and now at 192 pounds so I am not that far from my goal. I guess you guys are right I need a thicker skin. I do think it was a back handed compliment though.

    ... and that's precisely what this type of comment is supposed to do. Recognize it for what it is.

    Exactly. You have my permission to kick such people.
  • billglitch
    billglitch Posts: 538 Member
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    people take liberties...like touching stomach and commenting. ignore them and lose for yourself not them
  • fattothinmum
    fattothinmum Posts: 218 Member
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    There are times I've said things that I wished I'd put differently. Anyone who says otherwise is kidding themselves. If the person is a good friend and usually supportive, perhaps you can mention it and how it made you feel, but if they're not, I'd ignore them and possibly find a new friend.
  • kberletic253
    kberletic253 Posts: 19 Member
    edited May 2016
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    Wow some people don't realize how rude they sound that's happened to me the most famous one is wow your pretty for a big girl why can't I be pretty for being a girl period !?? Ugh people stay strong stay focused
  • KJGI
    KJGI Posts: 3 Member
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    It was rude. They knew what they were saying, it was shady.
    Tell them their face looks like a butt.
  • jammer1963
    jammer1963 Posts: 106 Member
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    steviejanedrake wrote: »
    I have been really positive through this experience so far, and it has been really working for me. yesterday I had someone very close to me tell me they were glad I was losing weight because I was starting to get a " front but" I think it was meant to be some kind of compliment but it has really bothered me. anyone deal with this kind of thing?

    It's sounded like a "left-handed compliment". However, only you know the person who made the remark. I think we all carry around our own insecurities about ourselves. If you were conscience of your "front" and it bothered you, I'm sure it came across as an insult.

    If someone said, "Hey! You look great!!" Does that mean they didn't think you looked great before and now you do? Or does it come across to you as, "Hey, you finally lost some weight and now you look better?" I don't know, I guess I'm rambling, but you get my point.
  • steviejanedrake
    steviejanedrake Posts: 43 Member
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    it has been really helpful to get everyone's opinion on this. thank you all for taking the time to comment. I guess if I inspect my feelings further it bothered me most because my stomach is not where I carry that much weight, and it made me self conscious about it, where I wasn't before. I do believe it was a compliment in the worst possible way, and they have since apologized.I think if this ever happens again I will say something right away instead of letting it fester. thank you all again mfp people you are all awesome.
  • SusanofRockwood
    SusanofRockwood Posts: 122 Member
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    I had two people ask me if I had cancer! Neither of which were friends. I lost 30 lbs over 8 months and looked FABULOUS! Not ill. I just laughed at them
  • Citycat2015
    Citycat2015 Posts: 86 Member
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    Not a friend. A friend would tell you that you are getting a front butt BEFORE you started losing weight. Not after the fact.

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