Need help for friend who wants to lose weight
x311sublimex
Posts: 40 Member
So I have friend who wants to get buff and lose weight. The thing is he is a extreme picky eater. Only eats burgers, chicken sandwiches, pizza, and fettuccini. He does not eat ANY kind of vegetables. He won't touch anything that a vegetable touched either. I told him in order to change he has to start liking to eat vegetables. Also he doesn't like home cooked meals. Only eats from fast food places. I'm having a hard time to convince him that he needs to change his eating habits in order to achieve what he wants. But for some reason he thinks he can do all that by still eating the way he does. He also thinks going to the gym once a week will get his goal within a couple months. Any suggestions that will help him think differently? He says he's dedicated but I don't think he fully understands the life style change he needs to put into it.
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Replies
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Assuming he is a fully functioning adult, I think you need to let it go. He'll figure things out if he wants to reach his goal.22
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So long as he eats at a calorie deficit, he will lose weight, regardless of whether or not he ever touches a vegetable. For health, obviously it's a different story. If he wants to get "buff" he will need to commit to working out more than just once a week, but to lose weight he doesn't need to exercise, just eat at a deficit. Have him create an account here, enter his stats and goal rate of loss, and start logging the burgers and pizza. He may find out on his own that his eating habits need to change if he wants to meet his goals without going hungry. Or not... He may find that just eating less of those things is do-able. I assume he is a grown person and will figure it out for himself.10
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1. Advise him to see a doctor for an annual physical and have blood work done
2. If he knows what his goals are... Show him the body fat percentage that he needs to be at
3. Watch what the doctors say about his LDL cholesterol...
4. Tell him it's all about calories in and calories out
5. If he doesn't change move on... Let people figure it out of their own.
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He can lose weight eating less of what he's currently eating.6
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Does he do calorie tracking? I learned a lot about food by using these kinds of apps and doing calorie tracking. The most mind blowing thing was learning how few calories vegetables have compared to processed foods. If he starts calorie tracking to lose weight, he's going to have to face the reality that, if he wants to continue eating the foods he likes, he's going to have to eat a whole lot less food in a day to meet his calorie goals, or else, exercise a whole lot more. When he comes to that realization, you can show him the difference in calories between the foods he eats and healthier foods. Once you've done that, you've led the horse to water, and thats all you can do. Let him decide if he's going to drink.2
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It's not the pizza and burgers that make it tough, it's the restaurants making them. I make both at home with lower fat beef and cheese, using personal size pizza crusts with not putting a pound of cheese on it, cut up a potato and bake it for fries. Do you think your friend could handle cooking if it was foods that he already enjoys?3
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Thanks for the suggestions. I should also add that he is a 32 year old man but doesn't really move from his bed. (No he's not disabled just extremely lazy and only plays video games day in and day out). He doesn't work so all he does is play video games laying down in his bed. He only eats once a day from what his mother buys for him for dinner. He thinking eating once a day will help him lose weight but can't figure out why he's over weight. I would say he's about 20 pounds over of what he wants to be. And no he hates the thought of making something for himself. When I say he's a extreme picky eater he is truly extreme. Only likes what fast food chains make. Also doesn't help he only drinks sodas and alcohol all day. I told him he should be at least cutting down on the soft drinks and booze but he doesn't think that he can control that since he like caffeine but not coffee. Im truly out of ideas on how to motivate him. But he says he wants to get into shape and talks about it all the time.0
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You can't help him because he hasn't decided to help himself yet. Until/unless he does nothing you say will make a difference. If you're tired of hearing him whine tell him so. If he continues, move on. Since all he does is lay in bed, drink and play video games how stimulating can his company be?14
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Doesn't sound like he is ready at all. He is looking for the weight to magically come off and somehow to get in shape. This isn't one of his video games.
If you are going to the gym offer to take him with you and make it an open offer, but don't lose sleep over him. Right now it sounds like life is pretty good for him, video games in bed all day and mom buying him fast food. It isn't really living, but it is damn easy.7 -
sounds like he has some mental health issues and his mom is enabling him. Don't get sucked in.
Right now you are trying to do the work for him-trying to get him to change. Won't work. The desire for change has to come from him.
If he doesn't get out of bed, if he doesn't have or want a job, why do you think YOU can get him to eat differently?8 -
Unless he's asking you for advice, or his lifestyle is somehow personally costing you something, I would just let him try it his own way. If by some miracle he succeeds, GREAT. If not, then maybe he'll realize that he needs to make some changes. If he keeps making excuses, then he's in denial and not ready to change, and no amount of talking is likely to convince him otherwise.4
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You sound like his mother; )
if that's not the case then let it go, he's a man he can figure it out9 -
This friend has lots of issues to sort out and has to do it himself
A 32 year old who plays games and has food supplied by his mum, now needs to have people stop doing and thinking for him
Step back abit4 -
Huh. 32 year old able-bodied person who doesn't work, plays video games in bed all day, whose mother buys his food (does he still live with his mother?!)... He's got bigger problems to sort out than losing 20 lbs. Like getting a job and becoming an independent productive member of society.10
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Yeah..... Time to find a new friend. Losing 20lbs is the least of his problems.1
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tlflag1620 wrote: »Huh. 32 year old able-bodied person who doesn't work, plays video games in bed all day, whose mother buys his food (does he still live with his mother?!)... He's got bigger problems to sort out than losing 20 lbs. Like getting a job and becoming an independent productive member of society.
^^This.
OP, your friend will never grow up and be able to do things on his own if he's got people like you (and his mom) doing things for him. Let him figure things out by himself.4 -
booksandchocolate12 wrote: »tlflag1620 wrote: »Huh. 32 year old able-bodied person who doesn't work, plays video games in bed all day, whose mother buys his food (does he still live with his mother?!)... He's got bigger problems to sort out than losing 20 lbs. Like getting a job and becoming an independent productive member of society.
^^This.
OP, your friend will never grow up and be able to do things on his own if he's got people like you (and his mom) doing things for him. Let him figure things out by himself.
Yea you guys are right. All I get out of trying to help him is frustration which really isn't worth it. And yes he does still live with his mom and has never had a job in his life so he does need to self reflect on what he needs to take care of before he try's to lose weight.3 -
So thought I'd give a little update on this situation. So I approached him telling him he needs to want to help himself if he wants to lose weight and regain confidence. He got really upset with me because I told him he should seek professional help with his mental issue (he has social anxiety and depression). He stated that he took that as an offense and that he doesn't need help. But I brought up the fact that he's 32 years old never had a job in his life never went to school after high school and stays in bed all day everyday just playing video games and relies on his mom to bring him his food every night. So in the past 10+ years he's been doing the same exact thing. On top of that he said he's fine as long as he's drunk so he can be "normal" around people. But I told him that's not how you can live a normal life. He didn't seem to really understand the severity of his situation. I asked him if he was happy with his life and he said he wasn't. But he said by 40 he will be living in his own raising a family(he doesn't have a girlfriend btw). I told him he can't do any of those if he doesn't want to get better. He didn't think he had a problem and that problem was with me "judging" him. So all in all he decided not to talk to me anymore and leave him alone. This became more than seeking help for a friend who wanted to workout and get into shape and I apologize as this is probably not the best place to be posting this. But I do thank all the people who commented on suggestions.3
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x311sublimex wrote: »So thought I'd give a little update on this situation. So I approached him telling him he needs to want to help himself if he wants to lose weight and regain confidence. He got really upset with me because I told him he should seek professional help with his mental issue (he has social anxiety and depression). He stated that he took that as an offense and that he doesn't need help. But I brought up the fact that he's 32 years old never had a job in his life never went to school after high school and stays in bed all day everyday just playing video games and relies on his mom to bring him his food every night. So in the past 10+ years he's been doing the same exact thing. On top of that he said he's fine as long as he's drunk so he can be "normal" around people. But I told him that's not how you can live a normal life. He didn't seem to really understand the severity of his situation. I asked him if he was happy with his life and he said he wasn't. But he said by 40 he will be living in his own raising a family(he doesn't have a girlfriend btw). I told him he can't do any of those if he doesn't want to get better. He didn't think he had a problem and that problem was with me "judging" him. So all in all he decided not to talk to me anymore and leave him alone. This became more than seeking help for a friend who wanted to workout and get into shape and I apologize as this is probably not the best place to be posting this. But I do thank all the people who commented on suggestions.
Wow. He is clearly not ready for help. This is my opinion but the longer people enable him, the worse it will get. I think you've done all you can, and until his mother stops enabling him--or he is ready for change--nothing's going to happen.0 -
x311sublimex wrote: »So I have friend who wants to get buff and lose weight. The thing is he is a extreme picky eater. Only eats burgers, chicken sandwiches, pizza, and fettuccini. He does not eat ANY kind of vegetables. He won't touch anything that a vegetable touched either. I told him in order to change he has to start liking to eat vegetables. Also he doesn't like home cooked meals. Only eats from fast food places. I'm having a hard time to convince him that he needs to change his eating habits in order to achieve what he wants. But for some reason he thinks he can do all that by still eating the way he does. He also thinks going to the gym once a week will get his goal within a couple months. Any suggestions that will help him think differently? He says he's dedicated but I don't think he fully understands the life style change he needs to put into it.
Well, to lose weight you really don't need to eat vegetables. I eat few veggies and I've lost 110 lb. And I eat burgers and pizza while doing so as well, in fact fast food hamburgers were dinner last night.
He probably CAN eat the same things he does, but he will very likely need to eat them in lesser portions than he does, too; the gym alone is not likely to give the results he thinks it will.
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..........If hes dedicated hed make the change......What exactly about refusing to eat like a healthy adult says hes dedicated? Sounds like he hasn't made a single change? So why are you caring more than he does. Show him the facts, Bout all you can do. Hes a big boy he has to make his own choices
Edit: I don;t say this ever but sounds like a lost cause. 32 year old living with mother getting drunk eating burgers and pizza and gaming in bed all day is kind of a stereotype for a reason. If he wont make changes theres not a thing you could do for him.0 -
From your description he is living in a fantasy world not unlike his video games. Get out. Now. Run, don't walk to the nearest gym and thank your lucky stars you aren't pregnant by him. His mental illness may be hereditary.0
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JaydedMiss wrote: »..........If hes dedicated hed make the change......What exactly about refusing to eat like a healthy adult says hes dedicated? Sounds like he hasn't made a single change? So why are you caring more than he does. Show him the facts, Bout all you can do. Hes a big boy he has to make his own choices
Edit: I don;t say this ever but sounds like a lost cause. 32 year old living with mother getting drunk eating burgers and pizza and gaming in bed all day is kind of a stereotype for a reason. If he wont make changes theres not a thing you could do for him.
Yea I believe he's a lost cause. Sad to say since I've known the guy since I was 8. But all I can do is support him, I can't do the work for him. But luckily for me I'm the total opposite. I love to workout to a point I have to force myself to take days off from the gym. I love eating healthy and I have a normal life and a soon to be wife. I think he wanted what I have but it doesn't come handed to you like he has had throughout his life from his parents. I've been trying to help him get back on his life for over 10+ years and now it's just time to walk away. He does not help me through my life by his life style and jaded outlook on life. Just sad to see a individual have to go through such a horrific life style.
But on a positive note I am currently working out for my last race for my spartan race to complete my trifecta medal! And also working on getting that ever so elusive six pack lol.2 -
Id like to talk to you in private, But ill let you send me a message first if your okay with that. I have alot of experience with that kind of lifestyle. Although im not going to say much i haven't already, Just maybe a bit more blunt XD
Don't waste your efforts trying to help someone who simply wont help themselves.0 -
JaydedMiss wrote: »Id like to talk to you in private, But ill let you send me a message first if your okay with that. I have alot of experience with that kind of lifestyle. Although im not going to say much i haven't already, Just maybe a bit more blunt XD
Don't waste your efforts trying to help someone who simply wont help themselves.
Trying to send a message but the apps server keeps timing out. Maybe try send me a message?
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x311sublimex wrote: »So thought I'd give a little update on this situation. So I approached him telling him he needs to want to help himself if he wants to lose weight and regain confidence. He got really upset with me because I told him he should seek professional help with his mental issue (he has social anxiety and depression). He stated that he took that as an offense and that he doesn't need help. But I brought up the fact that he's 32 years old never had a job in his life never went to school after high school and stays in bed all day everyday just playing video games and relies on his mom to bring him his food every night. So in the past 10+ years he's been doing the same exact thing. On top of that he said he's fine as long as he's drunk so he can be "normal" around people. But I told him that's not how you can live a normal life. He didn't seem to really understand the severity of his situation. I asked him if he was happy with his life and he said he wasn't. But he said by 40 he will be living in his own raising a family(he doesn't have a girlfriend btw). I told him he can't do any of those if he doesn't want to get better. He didn't think he had a problem and that problem was with me "judging" him. So all in all he decided not to talk to me anymore and leave him alone. This became more than seeking help for a friend who wanted to workout and get into shape and I apologize as this is probably not the best place to be posting this. But I do thank all the people who commented on suggestions.
Have you tried talking to his mom?
She needs help as much as he does, and - other than your friend - is the one in a position to initiate change since she is a huge part of the issue here.
If you do talk to her and nothing changes, at least you can walk away knowing you tried.0 -
Mavrick_RN wrote: »From your description he is living in a fantasy world not unlike his video games. Get out. Now. Run, don't walk to the nearest gym and thank your lucky stars you aren't pregnant by him.
Actually, I think this would be kind of amazing. Mainly because the OP is a guy.3 -
booksandchocolate12 wrote: »Mavrick_RN wrote: »From your description he is living in a fantasy world not unlike his video games. Get out. Now. Run, don't walk to the nearest gym and thank your lucky stars you aren't pregnant by him.
Actually, I think this would be kind of amazing. Mainly because the OP is a guy.
"It's Jake from State Farm."
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snickerscharlie wrote: »booksandchocolate12 wrote: »Mavrick_RN wrote: »From your description he is living in a fantasy world not unlike his video games. Get out. Now. Run, don't walk to the nearest gym and thank your lucky stars you aren't pregnant by him.
Actually, I think this would be kind of amazing. Mainly because the OP is a guy.
"It's Jake from State Farm."
She sounds hideous.
OP, what are you wearing?
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OP - talk to his mom. I really hope your friend gets some help. Social anxiety is real and explains a lot about this situation. One of my children (she's 9) has selective mutism (a form of social anxiety). With appropriate treatment she has made tremendous progress and I am confident she will be able to have a "normal" life. This man is quite a bit older, but there are very effective medications and interventions that can really help with anxiety. I sincerely hope he gets the help he needs. It's terrible how much our society stigmatizes mental health issues
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