Need help for friend who wants to lose weight

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Replies

  • JaydedMiss
    JaydedMiss Posts: 4,286 Member
    edited May 2016
    ..........If hes dedicated hed make the change......What exactly about refusing to eat like a healthy adult says hes dedicated? Sounds like he hasn't made a single change? So why are you caring more than he does. Show him the facts, Bout all you can do. Hes a big boy he has to make his own choices


    Edit: I don;t say this ever but sounds like a lost cause. 32 year old living with mother getting drunk eating burgers and pizza and gaming in bed all day is kind of a stereotype for a reason. If he wont make changes theres not a thing you could do for him.
  • Mavrick_RN
    Mavrick_RN Posts: 439 Member
    edited May 2016
    From your description he is living in a fantasy world not unlike his video games. Get out. Now. Run, don't walk to the nearest gym and thank your lucky stars you aren't pregnant by him. His mental illness may be hereditary.
  • x311sublimex
    x311sublimex Posts: 40 Member
    JaydedMiss wrote: »
    ..........If hes dedicated hed make the change......What exactly about refusing to eat like a healthy adult says hes dedicated? Sounds like he hasn't made a single change? So why are you caring more than he does. Show him the facts, Bout all you can do. Hes a big boy he has to make his own choices


    Edit: I don;t say this ever but sounds like a lost cause. 32 year old living with mother getting drunk eating burgers and pizza and gaming in bed all day is kind of a stereotype for a reason. If he wont make changes theres not a thing you could do for him.

    Yea I believe he's a lost cause. Sad to say since I've known the guy since I was 8. But all I can do is support him, I can't do the work for him. But luckily for me I'm the total opposite. I love to workout to a point I have to force myself to take days off from the gym. I love eating healthy and I have a normal life and a soon to be wife. I think he wanted what I have but it doesn't come handed to you like he has had throughout his life from his parents. I've been trying to help him get back on his life for over 10+ years and now it's just time to walk away. He does not help me through my life by his life style and jaded outlook on life. Just sad to see a individual have to go through such a horrific life style.
    But on a positive note I am currently working out for my last race for my spartan race to complete my trifecta medal! And also working on getting that ever so elusive six pack lol.
  • JaydedMiss
    JaydedMiss Posts: 4,286 Member
    Id like to talk to you in private, But ill let you send me a message first if your okay with that. I have alot of experience with that kind of lifestyle. Although im not going to say much i haven't already, Just maybe a bit more blunt XD

    Don't waste your efforts trying to help someone who simply wont help themselves.
  • x311sublimex
    x311sublimex Posts: 40 Member
    JaydedMiss wrote: »
    Id like to talk to you in private, But ill let you send me a message first if your okay with that. I have alot of experience with that kind of lifestyle. Although im not going to say much i haven't already, Just maybe a bit more blunt XD

    Don't waste your efforts trying to help someone who simply wont help themselves.


    Trying to send a message but the apps server keeps timing out. Maybe try send me a message?
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    edited May 2016
    x311sublimex wrote: »
    So thought I'd give a little update on this situation. So I approached him telling him he needs to want to help himself if he wants to lose weight and regain confidence. He got really upset with me because I told him he should seek professional help with his mental issue (he has social anxiety and depression). He stated that he took that as an offense and that he doesn't need help. But I brought up the fact that he's 32 years old never had a job in his life never went to school after high school and stays in bed all day everyday just playing video games and relies on his mom to bring him his food every night. So in the past 10+ years he's been doing the same exact thing. On top of that he said he's fine as long as he's drunk so he can be "normal" around people. But I told him that's not how you can live a normal life. He didn't seem to really understand the severity of his situation. I asked him if he was happy with his life and he said he wasn't. But he said by 40 he will be living in his own raising a family(he doesn't have a girlfriend btw). I told him he can't do any of those if he doesn't want to get better. He didn't think he had a problem and that problem was with me "judging" him. So all in all he decided not to talk to me anymore and leave him alone. This became more than seeking help for a friend who wanted to workout and get into shape and I apologize as this is probably not the best place to be posting this. But I do thank all the people who commented on suggestions.

    Have you tried talking to his mom?

    She needs help as much as he does, and - other than your friend - is the one in a position to initiate change since she is a huge part of the issue here.

    If you do talk to her and nothing changes, at least you can walk away knowing you tried.
  • booksandchocolate12
    booksandchocolate12 Posts: 1,741 Member
    Mavrick_RN wrote: »
    From your description he is living in a fantasy world not unlike his video games. Get out. Now. Run, don't walk to the nearest gym and thank your lucky stars you aren't pregnant by him.

    Actually, I think this would be kind of amazing. Mainly because the OP is a guy.
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    booksandchocolate12 wrote: »
    Mavrick_RN wrote: »
    From your description he is living in a fantasy world not unlike his video games. Get out. Now. Run, don't walk to the nearest gym and thank your lucky stars you aren't pregnant by him.

    Actually, I think this would be kind of amazing. Mainly because the OP is a guy.

    "It's Jake from State Farm." :)
  • booksandchocolate12
    booksandchocolate12 Posts: 1,741 Member
    edited May 2016
    snickerscharlie wrote: »
    booksandchocolate12 wrote: »
    Mavrick_RN wrote: »
    From your description he is living in a fantasy world not unlike his video games. Get out. Now. Run, don't walk to the nearest gym and thank your lucky stars you aren't pregnant by him.

    Actually, I think this would be kind of amazing. Mainly because the OP is a guy.

    "It's Jake from State Farm." :)

    She sounds hideous.

    OP, what are you wearing? :smiley:
  • tlflag1620
    tlflag1620 Posts: 1,358 Member
    OP - talk to his mom. I really hope your friend gets some help. Social anxiety is real and explains a lot about this situation. One of my children (she's 9) has selective mutism (a form of social anxiety). With appropriate treatment she has made tremendous progress and I am confident she will be able to have a "normal" life. This man is quite a bit older, but there are very effective medications and interventions that can really help with anxiety. I sincerely hope he gets the help he needs. It's terrible how much our society stigmatizes mental health issues :(.
  • Scamd83
    Scamd83 Posts: 808 Member
    Not your problem, leave him to it.
  • paulgads82
    paulgads82 Posts: 256 Member
    2 years ago I was severely depressed and in hospital. I also have a chronic Illness which is incredibly debilitating and painful. I got counselling. This helped me find the motivation to lose weight and eat healthy. If I can lose over 40lb he can do it, it's just getting on that ladder. I don't know your friend but I doubt he is "lazy", whatever lazy is even supposed to mean. He may need a kick in the rear. He may need a hug and support. Everyone is different but it can be done.
  • x311sublimex
    x311sublimex Posts: 40 Member
    booksandchocolate12 wrote: »
    snickerscharlie wrote: »
    booksandchocolate12 wrote: »
    Mavrick_RN wrote: »
    From your description he is living in a fantasy world not unlike his video games. Get out. Now. Run, don't walk to the nearest gym and thank your lucky stars you aren't pregnant by him.

    Actually, I think this would be kind of amazing. Mainly because the OP is a guy.

    "It's Jake from State Farm." :)

    She sounds hideous.

    OP, what are you wearing? :smiley:

    Haha I love that commercial. Well, I'm wearing a t shirt and some shorts(I live in California). But glad I'm not pregnant from him either lmao! You guys are too funny!

  • x311sublimex
    x311sublimex Posts: 40 Member
    paulgads82 wrote: »
    2 years ago I was severely depressed and in hospital. I also have a chronic Illness which is incredibly debilitating and painful. I got counselling. This helped me find the motivation to lose weight and eat healthy. If I can lose over 40lb he can do it, it's just getting on that ladder. I don't know your friend but I doubt he is "lazy", whatever lazy is even supposed to mean. He may need a kick in the rear. He may need a hug and support. Everyone is different but it can be done.

    I tried the whole support thing and he keeps saying he doesn't need help and he is getting better(which he is not) he is a point were he needs professional help. I even looked online for free consoling since he doesn't have medical insurance. Still turned it down and got pissed off at me. I went also as far as joining a social anxiety forum group to try to get tips on getting him to realize he needs help. He has been living the same situation for well over 14 years. So I'm just tired of being his "mom" like figure and trying to figure stuff out for him. In reality I truly think he thinks that what he's doing is not wrong and that's why he's not doing it. I even went at far as getting different job applications to video game companies and he didn't even accept the papers I printed out for him.
  • Peregrymj
    Peregrymj Posts: 34 Member
    His Mom needs a wakeup call, his games need to go in the trash and his *kitten* needs to be thrown in therapy, and then the workforce.
    Unfortunately there's no way for you to do this for him. Fixing a broken person who's unwilling to get better is damn near impossible.
    What will he do when his mom dies?
  • paulgads82
    paulgads82 Posts: 256 Member
    x311sublimex wrote: »
    paulgads82 wrote: »
    2 years ago I was severely depressed and in hospital. I also have a chronic Illness which is incredibly debilitating and painful. I got counselling. This helped me find the motivation to lose weight and eat healthy. If I can lose over 40lb he can do it, it's just getting on that ladder. I don't know your friend but I doubt he is "lazy", whatever lazy is even supposed to mean. He may need a kick in the rear. He may need a hug and support. Everyone is different but it can be done.

    I tried the whole support thing and he keeps saying he doesn't need help and he is getting better(which he is not) he is a point were he needs professional help. I even looked online for free consoling since he doesn't have medical insurance. Still turned it down and got pissed off at me. I went also as far as joining a social anxiety forum group to try to get tips on getting him to realize he needs help. He has been living the same situation for well over 14 years. So I'm just tired of being his "mom" like figure and trying to figure stuff out for him. In reality I truly think he thinks that what he's doing is not wrong and that's why he's not doing it. I even went at far as getting different job applications to video game companies and he didn't even accept the papers I printed out for him.

    What a crap situation. I have a mate who is 300lb plus and alcoholic. Tried for years to no avail.
  • Mavrick_RN
    Mavrick_RN Posts: 439 Member
    edited May 2016
    booksandchocolate12 wrote: »
    Mavrick_RN wrote: »
    From your description he is living in a fantasy world not unlike his video games. Get out. Now. Run, don't walk to the nearest gym and thank your lucky stars you aren't pregnant by him.

    Actually, I think this would be kind of amazing. Mainly because the OP is a guy.

    OMG! What an error I made. I "assumed" only a woman would be so involved in someone else's problems. Just slap me.

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