Is this considered cheating?

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24

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  • jangier
    jangier Posts: 109 Member
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    creepy in my opinion - you did the right thing!
  • fake_acct1
    fake_acct1 Posts: 8
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    That's sort of a complicated story. We were having a conversation about appropriate relationships with people of the opposite sex. We were basically just trying to establish where we both stood regarding that issue because we are both somewhat jealous people. And I mentioned that I never really know who is texting him because he doesn't really talk about it. And he said that no one really texts him all that much (talking about women) and then I said, "ok, so who are the top 10 females that have text you recently" and he pulled his phone out and he was looking and he was the one who actually clicked on the conversation that uncovered this inappropriate behavior. I wasn't snooping through his phone behind his back or anything like that.

    interesting... he obviously didnt think it was inappropriate if he didnt hide it from you? was he bothered that you dumped him?

    Extremely bothered. "The thought of not having you in my life is unbearable." He's written me letters and left them on my door at home, flowers at my doorstep, phone calls, voicemails, texts, emails.... He is completely taking the blame for what he did and admitting how wrong it was and telling me it was a one time thing he's never done anything like that before, etc.... He told me he'd quit this job and find another one if that's what I needed him to do as long as I would give him a second chance to prove he wouldn't mess this up. He said I was his whole future... I told him that I hope her *kitten* was worth losing our future over.
  • anro86
    anro86 Posts: 790 Member
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    He was in a relationship and those texts and pics crossed a line from any type of friendly message to almost "sexting". So did he actually cheat based on those messages alone...no....but was he headed in that direction? It sure looks like it.
  • fake_acct1
    fake_acct1 Posts: 8
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    It's cheating if it's reciprocal.

    It's sexual harrasment if it isn't.

    Either way, yes, the guy's a creep.

    She was an extremely willing participant, who is married with 4 children....
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    I'll try to keep this short for the "TL;DR" crowd.

    Yes, this is a fake account made for the purposes of asking this question. I honestly never thought I'd be one of the women on here asking one of these relationship questions but, alas... here I am. But I would just like to hear from all you and hear your opinions.

    If your boyfriend (of about 7 months) text a female co-worker and told her, "It looks so awesome that I need to be able to see it. Your *kitten*" and then proceeded to take about 8 photos of her *kitten* in her work clothes, would you consider this cheating?? the whole conversation went something like:
    Boyfriend: I need a picture
    Female coworker: Of what?
    BF: You know
    FC: no, I really don't
    BF: it looks so awesome that i need to be able to see it. your *kitten*"
    FC: take a picture, it'll last longer.
    and then he sent her the 8 photos of her that he took.

    I want to hear everyone's thoughts on this, please.


    Note: I broke up with him right then and there as soon as I found out. Who thinks I did the right thing and who things what I did was too hasty?

    Thanks in advance.

    1. Break up with this *kitten*.
    2. Stop dating *kitten* who think it's okay to take pictures of their co-workers' *kitten*.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Cheating and sexual harrassment that could get him fired.

    Not a good guy all-around.
  • mmm_drop
    mmm_drop Posts: 1,126 Member
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    "Cheating" I'm not sure.

    Does it make him look like a creep? I think so.

    I agree with this.
  • NatashaB8
    NatashaB8 Posts: 202
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    Not cheating but certainly disrespectful to both you and the co-worker.

    As much as I love my other half and am sure he wouldn't be such a creep, if he done something like that I certainly would not trust him not to do it again and would do the same.

    If he has a thing about his co-workers *kitten*, he should have kept it to himself!
  • jetlag
    jetlag Posts: 800 Member
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    It's cheating if it's reciprocal.

    It's sexual harrasment if it isn't.

    Either way, yes, the guy's a creep.

    She was an extremely willing participant, who is married with 4 children....

    Then I think it's cheating, yes. If I found that on my husband's phone? Daaaaaamn!
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    Don't think it's cheating...but I wouldn't be happy about it.
  • usernameMAMA
    usernameMAMA Posts: 681 Member
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    It's not cheating but he's well on his way...you did the right thing. Find someone who HAS to see pictures of your *kitten*:)
  • Gavery1
    Gavery1 Posts: 74 Member
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    I agree he is in the wrong. But what made you check his phone in the first place? Maybe there was no trust in this relationship anyway. Move on and be happy with someone who respects you
  • Toblave
    Toblave Posts: 244 Member
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    Not cheating..yet..but I wouldn't put up with it. I'd dump them in a second and not even bother explaining, as far as I'm concerned that's a prelude to cheating and shows an intent to do it. At the very least it shows a lack of respect for the relationship and poor judgement.
  • rockclimbingaddict
    rockclimbingaddict Posts: 2
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    Note: I broke up with him right then and there as soon as I found out. Who thinks I did the right thing and who things what I did was too hasty?
    You did the right thing.
  • conniemaxwell5
    conniemaxwell5 Posts: 943 Member
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    In my opinion if you are in a mutually agreed upon exclusive relationship then his behavior was inappropriate and you are right in ending the relationship.

    In addition, he has most likely violated workplace policies for sexual harrassment and if the other female chooses to report him, he could lose his job.
  • kr1stadee
    kr1stadee Posts: 1,774 Member
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    My thought is where would it go next. *kitten* in clothes is the first step.. without clothes?

    If his life would be unbearable, why would he want to look at someone else's *kitten*?

    Good for you for sending him on his merry way..
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
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    Personally agree with the creepy & weird bit, but it depends on the co-worker relationship too I think. Some people do work in environments where sometimes joking can get out of hand. Although not actually meaning anything by it. If there's no other indication that he's got previous for this behaviour, & at the end of the day he blatantly didn't see the issue or he wouldn't have shown you that quick. I'd say overall it was more a foolish move than anything else on his part.
  • WalkingMermaid_
    WalkingMermaid_ Posts: 205 Member
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    You deserve better than this creep and you know it. The trust has gone, the respect has gone. You absolutely made the right decision :flowerforyou:
  • kmm7309
    kmm7309 Posts: 802 Member
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    Well some states legally define cheating as "emotional or physical" straying. I think based on that idea, he did cheat. If you were married and took those texts to court with you during a divorce, I believe they would be considered cheating.

    However, to be honest, my husband did something pretty similar to this over the course of months with a female. It got very emotionally involved. It tore us apart for a long time. After a year of being separated (but remaining friends) we talked about how to avoid having this happen again. That was about five years ago. He broke off all ties with the girl (as did I; she was my best friend) and we re-committed ourselves to each other. It was definitely the hardest thing I had ever done, but it was worth it. These last five years have been spectacular. It took a long time for me to heal (and in some ways I am still healing) but eventually we were going days and weeks without my paranoia surfacing.

    I love my husband with all my heart. If he were to cheat on me again- emotionally or otherwise- that would be the last time. I also respect myself more than I did five years ago. Every year he becomes a better man and husband, and that's why we are still together.

    I guess my point is that it is not "cut and dry" to say if he did or didn't cheat, and what you should do about it. I, like you, broke up with him, but in the end maybe we were meant to be together. If you are his world and his future, he will wait for your forgiveness. Take your time.
  • kezza8888
    kezza8888 Posts: 75
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    Probably best to have dumped him, doesn't sound much like the female was interested, thus he could be jobless for sexual harassment grounds in the very near future! In the words of TLC "I dont want no scrub...."
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