Where did it go? How do I rebuild confidence?

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  • helenjoy50
    helenjoy50 Posts: 10 Member
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    I'm just about to separate from my husband I have tough times ahead too but I need to get my weight under control so things don't spiral out of control even more ...eeeks
  • clairelouisekaa
    clairelouisekaa Posts: 74 Member
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    My ex husband used to beat me black and blue for being fat !!! I finally grew a pair and kicked him out and decided at that moment to live, laugh and love. I try and dance every day and usually achieve this - it is hard being a single mum with three kids but I am truly happy - I choose to smile every day xxxxx
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,711 Member
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    clairelouisekaa wrote: »
    My ex husband used to beat me black and blue for being fat !!! I finally grew a pair and kicked him out and decided at that moment to live, laugh and love. I try and dance every day and usually achieve this - it is hard being a single mum with three kids but I am truly happy - I choose to smile every day xxxxx

    Oh boy, that is so horrible. I'm so sorry you went through that. Good for you for standing up for yourself and rising above! Truly the BEST thing you could do for both yourself and your children.
  • m0nsterdad
    m0nsterdad Posts: 37 Member
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    clairelouisekaa wrote: »
    It was horrible - but I chose to give myself and my kids a better life. Now every day I choose to dance, laugh and smile. What I am trying to say is it's all about choices xx choose to be amazing xx

    You are such a positive person, but you are right, it all boils down to choices...simple but powerful!
    Right now I'm just choosing to "be", I figure that'll be a good starting point...

  • MrsQuinones132
    MrsQuinones132 Posts: 24 Member
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    Measure small triumphs. Eating one balanced low calorie meal, one exercise accomplished, meal planning for the day or week, a day of positive speak, inches lost (because you'll usually see that before you see the scale move), small goals! Feel free to add. Good luck on your journey!
  • PrincessK90210
    PrincessK90210 Posts: 17 Member
    edited May 2016
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    m0nsterdad wrote: »
    I broke the 100lb mark in weight loss a few months back. Unfortunately a nasty divorce and my kids moving to a different state has caused me to backslide and gain 30lbs back. I've gotten back on the wagon and have lost a few of what I gained back but it's been tough. I have a hard time being in the gym lately because all I think about is how I used to look and that I'm not even close now and I'm getting older. My confidence is also shot because I'm not able to match the weight I was able to put up or the intensity. I know I'm asking for too much too soon, but how do I get my confidence back to stay on my journey? How do I rebuild my confidence along with my body?

    I just asked my friends on mfp that just now because i'm going through that same thing. lost 95 but gained 35. it's depressing because i normally don't lose weight and was so happy i lost that weight. i still have a long way to go but i am at the point now where i just say eff it because i'll never lose the weight and keep it off. my doctor's not too happy about it but i'm just not motivated anymore.
  • beachgal0626
    beachgal0626 Posts: 1,910 Member
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    m0nsterdad wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    So sorry to hear about the divorce and your kids moving away. I can't imagine how hard that is. However, just like everything else, time heals and things get better. Slowly, but surely you'll adjust to your new normal. This is a huge life changing event so give yourself some time and don't be so hard on yourself.

    Being a dedicated dad is commendable, so good for you! But the same thing applies here that I mention occasionally on these boards: losing yourself and identifying as a dad ONLY isn't healthy, just as it isn't good for moms to only be "moms". We are capable of many roles and you have to take care of yourself first in order to care for others.

    From your last post it sounds like you are getting back on track. Keep it up!

    Thank you for this, you're right, I need to find my own identity so I can continue being my children's dad, especially from so far away. Who knows, maybe it'll make me an even better dad if they can see that I love myself again...as well as them. I can kind of look at it as being a better version of what I was...like dad 2.0.
    I am finding consistency a challenge, and I know to get that I'm gonna have to get rid of my pride, that's what keeps me from walking through those doors....I've done an ok job keeping my pride in check, but some days it does win.

    So sorry to hear what you are going through. But I'm also proud of your one-day-at-a-time attitude and your determination to find yourself, and be the best you that you can be . . . Dad 2.0 -- LOVE IT! You can do this!!
  • AlyssaAnne03
    AlyssaAnne03 Posts: 79 Member
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    PrincessK90210 wrote: »
    m0nsterdad wrote: »
    I broke the 100lb mark in weight loss a few months back. Unfortunately a nasty divorce and my kids moving to a different state has caused me to backslide and gain 30lbs back. I've gotten back on the wagon and have lost a few of what I gained back but it's been tough. I have a hard time being in the gym lately because all I think about is how I used to look and that I'm not even close now and I'm getting older. My confidence is also shot because I'm not able to match the weight I was able to put up or the intensity. I know I'm asking for too much too soon, but how do I get my confidence back to stay on my journey? How do I rebuild my confidence along with my body?

    I just asked my friends on mfp that just now because i'm going through that same thing. lost 95 but gained 35. it's depressing because i normally don't lose weight and was so happy i lost that weight. i still have a long way to go but i am at the point now where i just say eff it because i'll never lose the weight and keep it off. my doctor's not too happy about it but i'm just not motivated anymore.

    But you DID lose 95pounds!

    You did and you got off track for a little bit, so what?!
    You lost 95!!! That's amazing! That's hard work and dedication. You can definitely get that 35 back off!
  • AlyssaAnne03
    AlyssaAnne03 Posts: 79 Member
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    m0nsterdad wrote: »
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    So sorry to hear about the divorce and your kids moving away. I can't imagine how hard that is. However, just like everything else, time heals and things get better. Slowly, but surely you'll adjust to your new normal. This is a huge life changing event so give yourself some time and don't be so hard on yourself.

    Being a dedicated dad is commendable, so good for you! But the same thing applies here that I mention occasionally on these boards: losing yourself and identifying as a dad ONLY isn't healthy, just as it isn't good for moms to only be "moms". We are capable of many roles and you have to take care of yourself first in order to care for others.

    From your last post it sounds like you are getting back on track. Keep it up!

    Thank you for this, you're right, I need to find my own identity so I can continue being my children's dad, especially from so far away. Who knows, maybe it'll make me an even better dad if they can see that I love myself again...as well as them. I can kind of look at it as being a better version of what I was...like dad 2.0.
    I am finding consistency a challenge, and I know to get that I'm gonna have to get rid of my pride, that's what keeps me from walking through those doors....I've done an ok job keeping my pride in check, but some days it does win.


    You got this!


    I'm choosing to put my health first (after my family) in order to love myself and regain my confidence. It DOES benefit your children when you love yourself! And you can teach them to be confident and love their own bodies and how to take care of them!
  • clairelouisekaa
    clairelouisekaa Posts: 74 Member
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    m0nsterdad wrote: »
    clairelouisekaa wrote: »
    It was horrible - but I chose to give myself and my kids a better life. Now every day I choose to dance, laugh and smile. What I am trying to say is it's all about choices xx choose to be amazing xx

    You are such a positive person, but you are right, it all boils down to choices...simple but powerful!
    Right now I'm just choosing to "be", I figure that'll be a good starting point...

    Choosing to be is an amazing start xx start small I just refuse to be miserable and let anyone control how I "be" xx
  • m0nsterdad
    m0nsterdad Posts: 37 Member
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    AlyssaAnne03 wrote: »
    You got this!


    I'm choosing to put my health first (after my family) in order to love myself and regain my confidence. It DOES benefit your children when you love yourself! And you can teach them to be confident and love their own bodies and how to take care of them!

    I love this! Something I can do to help myself physically AND emotionally and also teach and help my kids at the same time is a total win, win!
    So much great advise for and from everyone!
    I've NEVER had or needed support like this until now, I'm grateful for you all!
  • m0nsterdad
    m0nsterdad Posts: 37 Member
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    I will be seeing my kids for the summer in about a month, I so want them to see I have a CERY different attitude! And I'm thinner than the last time I saw them, I'll actually be able to play outside with my son!
  • clairelouisekaa
    clairelouisekaa Posts: 74 Member
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    m0nsterdad wrote: »
    I will be seeing my kids for the summer in about a month, I so want them to see I have a CERY different attitude! And I'm thinner than the last time I saw them, I'll actually be able to play outside with my son!

    Perfect xx because kids is what it's all about xx
  • m0nsterdad
    m0nsterdad Posts: 37 Member
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    clairelouisekaa wrote: »
    m0nsterdad wrote: »
    I will be seeing my kids for the summer in about a month, I so want them to see I have a CERY different attitude! And I'm thinner than the last time I saw them, I'll actually be able to play outside with my son!

    Perfect xx because kids is what it's all about xx

    Just found out last night that my ex is trying to shorten my time with the kids by almost two weeks due to a wedding she wants to go to. I told her that was unacceptable and if she insisted that we can let a judge decide that for us and she would lose them for half the year. Truth is I'd never want to put my kids through that kind of situation but this will be only my second time seeing them in a year. The deal was, school in SC with her and summers in IN with me. It just hurts that's she's already trying to not honor our agreement and isn't even thinking of how the kids feel. Talk about a motivational set back. All I want to do is curl up on my couch right now...
  • hthr1969
    hthr1969 Posts: 35 Member
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    It helps me tremendously to watch motivational videos on YouTube.

    Also three things I say to myself every day: Love always, forgive everything and remember who I am.

    You can and will get thru this emotionally difficult time in your life. Just have to fake it until then. Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle happens!
  • clairelouisekaa
    clairelouisekaa Posts: 74 Member
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    m0nsterdad wrote: »
    clairelouisekaa wrote: »
    m0nsterdad wrote: »
    I will be seeing my kids for the summer in about a month, I so want them to see I have a CERY different attitude! And I'm thinner than the last time I saw them, I'll actually be able to play outside with my son!

    Perfect xx because kids is what it's all about xx

    Just found out last night that my ex is trying to shorten my time with the kids by almost two weeks due to a wedding she wants to go to. I told her that was unacceptable and if she insisted that we can let a judge decide that for us and she would lose them for half the year. Truth is I'd never want to put my kids through that kind of situation but this will be only my second time seeing them in a year. The deal was, school in SC with her and summers in IN with me. It just hurts that's she's already trying to not honor our agreement and isn't even thinking of how the kids feel. Talk about a motivational set back. All I want to do is curl up on my couch right now...

    Oh no you are a dad we don't take *kitten* like that lying down - you can be strong without being threatening. Tell her that is not the original agreement and although you would like to avoid it if she is unable to hold to the original agreement then you will have no choice but to take the matter to the court's. Dont use it as a threat but just advise her it is unacceptable and you are not willing to accept it.
  • sparklyglitterbomb
    sparklyglitterbomb Posts: 458 Member
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    You should be very proud that you are taking the steps in the right direction. The past is the past and what is done is done. (I go through the same thing) Take pride in your current accomplishments!

    You walked to the gym, went in and did your thing.. AWESOME!!! In another month of doing that same thing, think of how you will look back at today and see how far you've come!

    You've had some crap to deal with, and I'm so sorry... but you are right, loving and respecting yourself and showing your kids that their dad can set goals, make changes, and accomplish so much will inspire them.

    Cheers and best of success to you!
  • PeggyLWren
    PeggyLWren Posts: 2 Member
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    I have learned that setting a high goal, like 100 lbs, will not strongly encourage me to try hard. I do better if I set small goals of 10 lbs or 20 lbs. That doesn't seem so impossible and I get to give my self a pat on the back each time I make it to the new goal!
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
    edited May 2016
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    StephanieJane2 wrote: »
    A good looking guy like you should have plenty of confidence xx keep the gym up and you will soon feel better, good luck xx

    Self confidence doesn't always come from our looks, it's an inside job.

    Sometimes when we fall we have to work to build ourselves back up, it takes time as the OP is realizing. It's not easy..it never is but posting a thread like this is a great way to start! You realize how many ppl are behind you and want you to succeed! ;)

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