Where did it go? How do I rebuild confidence?
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m0nsterdad wrote: »clairelouisekaa wrote: »It was horrible - but I chose to give myself and my kids a better life. Now every day I choose to dance, laugh and smile. What I am trying to say is it's all about choices xx choose to be amazing xx
You are such a positive person, but you are right, it all boils down to choices...simple but powerful!
Right now I'm just choosing to "be", I figure that'll be a good starting point...
Choosing to be is an amazing start xx start small I just refuse to be miserable and let anyone control how I "be" xx2 -
AlyssaAnne03 wrote: »You got this!
I'm choosing to put my health first (after my family) in order to love myself and regain my confidence. It DOES benefit your children when you love yourself! And you can teach them to be confident and love their own bodies and how to take care of them!
I love this! Something I can do to help myself physically AND emotionally and also teach and help my kids at the same time is a total win, win!
So much great advise for and from everyone!
I've NEVER had or needed support like this until now, I'm grateful for you all!
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I will be seeing my kids for the summer in about a month, I so want them to see I have a CERY different attitude! And I'm thinner than the last time I saw them, I'll actually be able to play outside with my son!4
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m0nsterdad wrote: »I will be seeing my kids for the summer in about a month, I so want them to see I have a CERY different attitude! And I'm thinner than the last time I saw them, I'll actually be able to play outside with my son!
Perfect xx because kids is what it's all about xx3 -
clairelouisekaa wrote: »m0nsterdad wrote: »I will be seeing my kids for the summer in about a month, I so want them to see I have a CERY different attitude! And I'm thinner than the last time I saw them, I'll actually be able to play outside with my son!
Perfect xx because kids is what it's all about xx
Just found out last night that my ex is trying to shorten my time with the kids by almost two weeks due to a wedding she wants to go to. I told her that was unacceptable and if she insisted that we can let a judge decide that for us and she would lose them for half the year. Truth is I'd never want to put my kids through that kind of situation but this will be only my second time seeing them in a year. The deal was, school in SC with her and summers in IN with me. It just hurts that's she's already trying to not honor our agreement and isn't even thinking of how the kids feel. Talk about a motivational set back. All I want to do is curl up on my couch right now...0 -
It helps me tremendously to watch motivational videos on YouTube.
Also three things I say to myself every day: Love always, forgive everything and remember who I am.
You can and will get thru this emotionally difficult time in your life. Just have to fake it until then. Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle happens!1 -
m0nsterdad wrote: »clairelouisekaa wrote: »m0nsterdad wrote: »I will be seeing my kids for the summer in about a month, I so want them to see I have a CERY different attitude! And I'm thinner than the last time I saw them, I'll actually be able to play outside with my son!
Perfect xx because kids is what it's all about xx
Just found out last night that my ex is trying to shorten my time with the kids by almost two weeks due to a wedding she wants to go to. I told her that was unacceptable and if she insisted that we can let a judge decide that for us and she would lose them for half the year. Truth is I'd never want to put my kids through that kind of situation but this will be only my second time seeing them in a year. The deal was, school in SC with her and summers in IN with me. It just hurts that's she's already trying to not honor our agreement and isn't even thinking of how the kids feel. Talk about a motivational set back. All I want to do is curl up on my couch right now...
Oh no you are a dad we don't take *kitten* like that lying down - you can be strong without being threatening. Tell her that is not the original agreement and although you would like to avoid it if she is unable to hold to the original agreement then you will have no choice but to take the matter to the court's. Dont use it as a threat but just advise her it is unacceptable and you are not willing to accept it.2 -
You should be very proud that you are taking the steps in the right direction. The past is the past and what is done is done. (I go through the same thing) Take pride in your current accomplishments!
You walked to the gym, went in and did your thing.. AWESOME!!! In another month of doing that same thing, think of how you will look back at today and see how far you've come!
You've had some crap to deal with, and I'm so sorry... but you are right, loving and respecting yourself and showing your kids that their dad can set goals, make changes, and accomplish so much will inspire them.
Cheers and best of success to you!1 -
I have learned that setting a high goal, like 100 lbs, will not strongly encourage me to try hard. I do better if I set small goals of 10 lbs or 20 lbs. That doesn't seem so impossible and I get to give my self a pat on the back each time I make it to the new goal!1
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StephanieJane2 wrote: »A good looking guy like you should have plenty of confidence xx keep the gym up and you will soon feel better, good luck xx
Self confidence doesn't always come from our looks, it's an inside job.
Sometimes when we fall we have to work to build ourselves back up, it takes time as the OP is realizing. It's not easy..it never is but posting a thread like this is a great way to start! You realize how many ppl are behind you and want you to succeed!
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If it were me, I would structure a program that has you starting out at quite low intensity and gradually building both intensity and work capacity over time (probably work capacity first for a couple of weeks at least, while you get acclimated to executing the motor patterns needed to move the barbell).
I would do it this way because it wouldn't ALLOW YOU to fail. The program would force you to take it easy (which you should right now) and it would have you continually making slight improvements.
Not only would this be beneficial physiologically as you reacquire lost adaptations, but you'll mentally benefit. Each time you leave the gym you'll feel like you executed everything well and you won't have had a situation where you had to grind out an ugly rep at a weight you used to lift easy.2 -
Yet again so much amazing advise!
I actually have been watching motivational videos on YouTube, TedX is amazing for that!
Well...I forced myself off the couch and even though this time I drove, I still made it to the gym. I did what SideSteel recommended and started off with low intensity but put my ALL into it and fueled my workout with my stress and frustration and all I can say is I feel GREAT! Anyone that sits and thinks or puts off going to the gym must understand that the reward definitely is worth far more than the effort! Plus it makes you feel human again! You're out there, you're doing something and being among the living! I even went shopping at a farmers market after, just because I didn't WANT to go home yet! And plus you get to say, "I went to the gym today!", it totally helped clear my head!
Thank you everyone for caring!2 -
@m0nsterdadm0nsterdad wrote: »Yet again so much amazing advise!
I actually have been watching motivational videos on YouTube, TedX is amazing for that!
Well...I forced myself off the couch and even though this time I drove, I still made it to the gym. I did what SideSteel recommended and started off with low intensity but put my ALL into it and fueled my workout with my stress and frustration and all I can say is I feel GREAT! Anyone that sits and thinks or puts off going to the gym must understand that the reward definitely is worth far more than the effort! Plus it makes you feel human again! You're out there, you're doing something and being among the living! I even went shopping at a farmers market after, just because I didn't WANT to go home yet! And plus you get to say, "I went to the gym today!", it totally helped clear my head!
Thank you everyone for caring!
I do hope you realize how much your thread will help so many others on this site who are also struggling.
We all have our tough times here and there. But to hear you used your frustration and stress as a fuel starter is simply amazing! I'll have to keep that trick in mind!
Sidesteel is full of awesome advice, I'm glad He chimed in...sounds like He gave you some good tips. Even better sounds like you blasted through a great workout today!!!
Bookmark this thread (click the star, upper right hand corner) and reread it anytime you need to be pumped up.
So glad you posted.. it definitely helped me get outside of my own head.
Cheers to a new and stronger you.. Dad 2.0+
Great job on getting that workout in today!!1 -
Hearts_2015 wrote: »I do hope you realize how much your thread will help so many others on this site who are also struggling.
We all have our tough times here and there. But to hear you used your frustration and stress as a fuel starter is simply amazing! I'll have to keep that trick in mind!
Sidesteel is full of awesome advice, I'm glad He chimed in...sounds like He gave you some good tips. Even better sounds like you blasted through a great workout today!!!
Bookmark this thread (click the star, upper right hand corner) and reread it anytime you need to be pumped up.
So glad you posted.. it definitely helped me get outside of my own head.
Cheers to a new and stronger you.. Dad 2.0+
Great job on getting that workout in today!!
Thank you so much again! I hope it does help others, it's already helped me tremendously! I still have my struggles but now I can just pull up this thread and it helps me work through them knowing I've got support and people behind me!
I'm actually going right now to see an artist about designing me a new tattoo to symbolize this NEW chapter in my life, so every time I look at it, it'll remind me of what I'm doing and why!2 -
m0nsterdad wrote: »Hearts_2015 wrote: »I do hope you realize how much your thread will help so many others on this site who are also struggling.
We all have our tough times here and there. But to hear you used your frustration and stress as a fuel starter is simply amazing! I'll have to keep that trick in mind!
Sidesteel is full of awesome advice, I'm glad He chimed in...sounds like He gave you some good tips. Even better sounds like you blasted through a great workout today!!!
Bookmark this thread (click the star, upper right hand corner) and reread it anytime you need to be pumped up.
So glad you posted.. it definitely helped me get outside of my own head.
Cheers to a new and stronger you.. Dad 2.0+
Great job on getting that workout in today!!
Thank you so much again! I hope it does help others, it's already helped me tremendously! I still have my struggles but now I can just pull up this thread and it helps me work through them knowing I've got support and people behind me!
I'm actually going right now to see an artist about designing me a new tattoo to symbolize this NEW chapter in my life, so every time I look at it, it'll remind me of what I'm doing and why!
That's awesome! I want to get another tattoo once I reach my goal. A reward sort of
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I worked out with a certified fitness trainer a few months ago. When I asked him how to stay motivated, this was his response. "Motivation comes and goes. Dedication is what bridges the gap. Pain is the glue of transformation. Just be relentless with effort and the outcome will be a positive one."3
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bellabonbons wrote: »I worked out with a certified fitness trainer a few months ago. When I asked him how to stay motivated, this was his response. "Motivation comes and goes. Dedication is what bridges the gap. Pain is the glue of transformation. Just be relentless with effort and the outcome will be a positive one."
That's an amazing saying, definitely going to file that one away! Up until now the nerd in me just kept repeating today in my head saying "Do, or do not. There is no try." And to a lesser extent Mr. Myagi saying, "Walk on road, hmmm. Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later, get squish, just like grape."
Wow, I guess I completely just showed my age there! Lol1 -
m0nsterdad wrote: »That's an amazing saying, definitely going to file that one away! Up until now the nerd in me just kept repeating today in my head saying "Do, or do not. There is no try." And to a lesser extent Mr. Myagi saying, "Walk on road, hmmm. Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later, get squish, just like grape."
Wow, I guess I completely just showed my age there! Lol
Oops, that should have been Yoda, not "today", dam auto correct! Lol0 -
AlyssaAnne03 wrote: »m0nsterdad wrote: »Hearts_2015 wrote: »I do hope you realize how much your thread will help so many others on this site who are also struggling.
We all have our tough times here and there. But to hear you used your frustration and stress as a fuel starter is simply amazing! I'll have to keep that trick in mind!
Sidesteel is full of awesome advice, I'm glad He chimed in...sounds like He gave you some good tips. Even better sounds like you blasted through a great workout today!!!
Bookmark this thread (click the star, upper right hand corner) and reread it anytime you need to be pumped up.
So glad you posted.. it definitely helped me get outside of my own head.
Cheers to a new and stronger you.. Dad 2.0+
Great job on getting that workout in today!!
Thank you so much again! I hope it does help others, it's already helped me tremendously! I still have my struggles but now I can just pull up this thread and it helps me work through them knowing I've got support and people behind me!
I'm actually going right now to see an artist about designing me a new tattoo to symbolize this NEW chapter in my life, so every time I look at it, it'll remind me of what I'm doing and why!
That's awesome! I want to get another tattoo once I reach my goal. A reward sort of
I wanna get my first once I reach my goal!! I've been thinking the same...a bit of a reward for reaching it.0 -
I learned a valuable lesson today...
Too much motivation can be a bad thing. I wasn't really feeling it today, so I forced myself into the mindset, siked myself up, walked into the gym like I owned it and my über motivation caused me to push myself so hard I got nauseous and had to make a mad dash to the bathroom....just made it!
I'm just glad that's all that happened and I didn't pull or tear something.
(Note to self)
Your threshold isn't the same as it was before!1 -
It's really hard when you experience setbacks...especially emotional ones. I lost 70 lbs, then I had to close my Daycare that I owned. It was like losing my own children. I went through a deep depression and gained 30-35 back. It was really hard to lose weight after that. I lost another 10 lbs but I yo-yo ed a lot over the 2.5 years following that. Over the past 3 months I had a really crazy work schedule, I ended up gaining 20 lbs during those 3 months! I've been very depressed since then, but I know that I've done it before and I can do it again. I'm a workout fanatic, but I really get tested with the nutrition end. I just started taking it one day at a time and one meal at a time. I started asking everyone that I felt could understand my weight loss battle for help with accountability and I help them as well. Checking in on each other's workouts and what we are eating really helps. They always have kind words of encouragement too. Feel free to friend me if you need help. Remember you've done this before and you CAN do this again.2
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m0nsterdad wrote: »I learned a valuable lesson today...
Too much motivation can be a bad thing. I wasn't really feeling it today, so I forced myself into the mindset, siked myself up, walked into the gym like I owned it and my über motivation caused me to push myself so hard I got nauseous and had to make a mad dash to the bathroom....just made it!
I'm just glad that's all that happened and I didn't pull or tear something.
(Note to self)
Your threshold isn't the same as it was before!
Being nauseated isn't necessarily a bad thing0 -
Good job for pushing yourself that hard even when you didn't want to!
That's commitment!
Don't forget to refuel
(For some reason it cut off my last comment)2 -
Kind of a rainy drab day today, a perfect day to curl up on the couch with a good movie....
It's a good thought....but as much as I'd like to, the gym is calling me! I keep telling myself that the couch and a movie will be a nice reward for some clanging and banging at the gym, maybe a little cardio too. Plus it'll feel so much better to do that after a workout and a hot shower! Positive rewards for maximum effort. Some days it takes more effort to get to the gym than it does to be there...don't forget to reward yourselves, and it doesn't always have to be with food!
Although at times I still struggle, I'm dealing with my motivation on a much more positive level due to the support I've gotten in this thread, I sincerely hope others can find something of value for themselves from it too!
I will admit that my confidence is still lacking, with women, at work, with myself. I know big muscles aren't going to give me back what my ex wife has taken from me, I'm not sure what will yet, but my new found motivation won't let me stop looking for it...
Thank you again everyone who contributes to this thread.......if they could, my children would thank you too for helping to give their Daddy back to them.2 -
m0nsterdad wrote: »Kind of a rainy drab day today, a perfect day to curl up on the couch with a good movie....
It's a good thought....but as much as I'd like to, the gym is calling me! I keep telling myself that the couch and a movie will be a nice reward for some clanging and banging at the gym, maybe a little cardio too. Plus it'll feel so much better to do that after a workout and a hot shower! Positive rewards for maximum effort. Some days it takes more effort to get to the gym than it does to be there...don't forget to reward yourselves, and it doesn't always have to be with food!
Although at times I still struggle, I'm dealing with my motivation on a much more positive level due to the support I've gotten in this thread, I sincerely hope others can find something of value for themselves from it too!
I will admit that my confidence is still lacking, with women, at work, with myself. I know big muscles aren't going to give me back what my ex wife has taken from me, I'm not sure what will yet, but my new found motivation won't let me stop looking for it...
Thank you again everyone who contributes to this thread.......if they could, my children would thank you too for helping to give their Daddy back to them.
You will regain it, do some things for you. Change up your look a bit. New shoes or a new outfit, sometimes just little things like that make a world of a difference.
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I dyed my hair and got good new lipstick, huge confidence boost.1
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AlyssaAnne03 wrote: »You will regain it, do some things for you. Change up your look a bit. New shoes or a new outfit, sometimes just little things like that make a world of a difference.
I'm gonna give your advise a shot, couldn't hurt right? I'm looking forward to a change, thanks!1 -
helenjoy50 wrote: »I'm just about to separate from my husband I have tough times ahead too but I need to get my weight under control so things don't spiral out of control even more ...eeeks
"About to separate" Does he know? Odd post0 -
Ok, so I got my tattoo done, well almost. It'll be finished Saturday, what was supposed to be "a" tattoo turned into almost half a sleeve.
Problem is it's gonna keep me from weight training for 2-3 weeks until it heals more. Sure I can do cardio...blecchh!
I've done well with some ups and downs regaining my momentum in the gym....how do I now maintain that momentum now that I can't train right now. I guess I can still go and just hang out and talk with the staff just to keep the routine. I don't know, anyone been in this position or trained with fresh tattoos?
How do I keep it going?1 -
m0nsterdad wrote: »Ok, so I got my tattoo done, well almost. It'll be finished Saturday, what was supposed to be "a" tattoo turned into almost half a sleeve.
Problem is it's gonna keep me from weight training for 2-3 weeks until it heals more. Sure I can do cardio...blecchh!
I've done well with some ups and downs regaining my momentum in the gym....how do I now maintain that momentum now that I can't train right now. I guess I can still go and just hang out and talk with the staff just to keep the routine. I don't know, anyone been in this position or trained with fresh tattoos?
How do I keep it going?
Why can't you do legs/abs etc?
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