Don't Set Yourself Up To Fail
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I tell a lot of people to throw vanity out the door when you're starting a weight loss journey (I refuse to call it a diet). The second you do, it's like a huge weight lifts off of your chest. The pressure is gone, and now it's just you focusing on you. That's how it should always be.
I started at 244lbs. This was 6 weeks after having my daughter. I weighed around 175 before having her (5'8.5"). I always had my per week loss set to 1lb, because I knew 2lbs was going to be a ridiculous amount of calories. I am now 171 (with 168 being my lowest on non water retention days) and my profile is set to .5lbs per week. It took me 2 years and 3 months to get back here. Slow and steady wins the race. I'm weight training more now so the number on the scale really shouldn't matter much to me anymore, but unfortunately it still does. I just have to work hard at not letting that get in my head. This next 15lbs or so is going to take me so much longer than the first 74lbs. I just have to accept that and keep going.8 -
i totally agree, i've failed too many times because i've been horribly disappointed that i'm not thin now! I'm on 1lb a week and i try to only 1 x a week, and sometimes it's been 10 days to lose 1pound-but hey that's great! As long as i keep losing the weight, i don't care how long it takes because it's a lifestyle change4
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Previously I thought I was doomed to eating lower calories. Last year when I was losing weight at my current weight, I was eating around 1300-1400 calories. This time I'm around I'm eating 1800-1850 calories and I feel so much better. I don't feel like eating everything in sight when I get home from work or that I could murder someone. The plus side is that I'm losing weight also. Granted, not as quick as I was last year, but I'm okay with that. My goal is to eat as many calories as I can to still lose weight. I'll continue to eat around 1800 calories until the weight loss stops.5
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godlikepoetyes wrote: »Thank you! I reset my goal through settings, and my new calorie goal is 1480 per day (initially was 1200). So much more manageable and realistic. I feel so good about this now! I feel like this post gave me permission to let go of a much too aggressive weekly weight loss goal. Thank you OP!
Good for you! And while you're losing, don't weigh every day, at least at first. When I weigh every day I go insane. And don't play games with the scale. Weigh ONE time, the same time every week (or two weeks, or month, whatever). Don't move the scale to another place on the floor. Just weigh once and record your weight.
Definitely going to heed this advice--the daily weigh ins are making me crazy, as sometimes the number is the same, down, up; my mood has been attached to these fluctuations. No need for this madness! Putting the scale away, sticking to my new calorie goal with fidelity, and meeting my reasonable weekly fitness/exercise goals will all help me achieve success. My new weigh in day will be every other Saturday. I feel free! Thank you!
I weigh myself at work every morning that I work (typically 5 days, sometimes 6) before I do anything. I weigh myself, write it down to log later and then have breakfast. For some, I can see where it would be an OCD thing. People who would freak out and over analyze it "OMG, I gained 1 pound since yesterday, what did I do wrong?!?!" or "YAY!! I lost 2 pounds, now what did I do to make that happen so I can re-create it?!".
For me, it is a number. Today's number. Nothing more, nothing less. I log it and move on and when I gain a pound or two here or there, I can guess why lol. Sometimes when I am being good and it doesn't move for a few days, then BAM, it shows a loss, it validates that it is all part of a journey.5 -
kshama2001 wrote: »I blame shows like The Biggest Loser. People think, "If they can lose 10 pounds per week, I should be able to lose 2."
I know what you mean. For me, part of my mindset of losing weight is from watching "My 600 pound Life" because I watch those people and think, if THEY can lose weight and I am HALF of what they weigh..... I got no excuses!"kshama2001 wrote: »Also, I often see a mindset in women that they should suffer during dieting to atone for the 'gluttony' that led them to be overweight.
I have heard this from some women as well. My wife said that when she was younger, and much thinner, that she used to wear extremely high heels with tight little pointed toes. She told me one time that "It is hard to forget how hungry you are when your feet hurt so bad."
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I think people are fixated on the 1200 calories because I know a lot of diets in my lifetime that I have tried, encourage the 1200 calories, so people start to think that to go on a "diet" you have to eat 1200 calories. Also, the 2 lbs a week was always a "good loss" when I was on weight watchers, and a few others. So I think people just automatically think you need to lose 2 lbs. It has taken me a while to wrap my head around eating more than 1200 calories, and losing less than 2 lbs a week. I have about 20 lbs to lose, and the trainer at the gym that I see, wants me to lose very slowly. He doesn't expect me to lose the 20 in a year even. I want to though, so 2 lbs a month is what I'm shooting for.3
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I really don't think that people are purposely ignoring the formulas. MFP just doesn't make the information easy to find. I think a lot of the issues that you have outlined could be resolved if MFP had a guided setup, but I don't see them ever doing that. While we are lucky enough to have members that have been nice enough to take the time to explain things and have the information stickied, there are still a lot of members that don't come into or know about the community part of MFP.3
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I agree with this post completely. My issue is I'm only 5 foot 2 inches and have diabetes, POS and I can't lose at 1,800. I barely lose at 1,200. But I try to make the healthiest choices I can and stick to it. It's possible they say once you lose some the metabolism can turn around so I could someday be able to eat 1,800 at maintainence0
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Very well thought out and written post. Much appreciated.
One note about the 1200 calorie limit though, as someone stated before: not all of of choose that. I'm kinda short and 15 lbs from goal. Here's my calorie goal per day breakdown as given by MFP:
2 lb loss: 1200
1 lb loss: 1200
.5 lb loss: 1340
Maintenance: 1540
As you can see I don't get much, and I can't play around with my exercise calories as much as I used to. I've come to accept this as just another "It is what it is and stuck it up, buttercup" situation. I average 1400. Again, not much wiggle room if I want to keep losing.
And I do try to set goals in terms of x lbs by x day. They keep me focused. If I don't make it, it's not the end of the world. I just move the timeline.
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I chose the .5 lb per week....I am okay with 2 lbs per month of loss..yes it might take me close to two years to lose the weight I want to lose but I can't nor have any desire to restrict myself..I know myself well enough that moment I try and do that it will backfire.1
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I really don't think that people are purposely ignoring the formulas. MFP just doesn't make the information easy to find. I think a lot of the issues that you have outlined could be resolved if MFP had a guided setup, but I don't see them ever doing that.
There is a guided setup.
Go to ... My Home > Goals > View Guided Setup.
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I really don't think that people are purposely ignoring the formulas. MFP just doesn't make the information easy to find. I think a lot of the issues that you have outlined could be resolved if MFP had a guided setup, but I don't see them ever doing that.
There is a guided setup.
Go to ... My Home > Goals > View Guided Setup.
I didn't realize that was called a guided setup.
What I meant was an actual guide on how to use MFP. For example what weekly weight loss goal is ideal for someone and why. An explanation of the formula that MFP uses. A walk through of how to use the site or app. There is a lot of good information within the community, but that is usually not the first place people go to before setting up their goals and/or don't know to look here for that information.2 -
I set mine to lose 2lbs a week and it gave me 1580 cals. I customized it to 1400, but i NEVER eat under 1300.0
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godlikepoetyes wrote: »There's also a very good chance that you will quit MFP and come back three years from now having gained the weight back and trying to start over.
Literally me. I lost 150 pounds using MFP back in 2010-2011. I trusted MFP on and off for those two years, but mostly decided on my own to eat 1100-1200 calories a day for a quicker weight loss. I became obsessed. Food took control of my life until depression and an anxiety disorder led to full-blown bulimia nervosa. Then 1200 calories turned into bingeing and purging, eating 500 calories a day, exercising 3 hours a day, and water fasting as well as laxative and diuretic abuse. And guess what? I went to therapy. Didn't work. I was placed in the hospital. Didn't work. I only began to get healthier both physically and mentally when I started following MFPs recommendations and just getting my calories in that general ballpark area. Eating what I wanted, when I wanted. I maintained my weight for a little over a year.
Then, I went through some terrible stress. Gained weight, dieted, gained more weight, restricted harder. Now I have gained back all 150 pounds PLUS 50 MORE. I constantly wonder what my life would be like had I just followed the MFP recommendations and been more flexible and steady in my weight loss the first time around. Maybe I still would have struggled with an ED, but maybe not. Maybe I pushed that on myself by setting all those unnecessary restrictions and unrealistic goals. (Obviously I do recognize that my bulimia is/was a mental illness, but I gave it the ammunition by restricting more and more and more until it really wasn't in my control anymore.) Maybe I still would have gained the weight back, but then again, maybe not. Perhaps I would have had a healthier relationship with food during my times of stress and been more comfortable knowing that I could set my calories to maintenance to help curb the emotional binges on food.
And now that I'm working on losing this 170ish pounds now, I'm still struggling!! Doubting MFP, hating myself for not losing ten pounds a week, asking for reassurances that I'm not eating too much at 1600 calories a day as a 340 pound 5'8'' woman! So thank you for this post. I have been playing around with the idea of eating the 1910 calories MFP recommends to me for -2 lbs a week. I think I really will give it a try now.
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UncaToddly wrote: »
...For me, it is a number. Today's number. Nothing more, nothing less. I log it and move on and when I gain a pound or two here or there, I can guess why lol.godlikepoetyes wrote: »Thank you! I reset my goal through settings, and my new calorie goal is 1480 per day (initially was 1200). So much more manageable and realistic. I feel so good about this now! I feel like this post gave me permission to let go of a much too aggressive weekly weight loss goal. Thank you OP!
Good for you! And while you're losing, don't weigh every day, at least at first. When I weigh every day I go insane. And don't play games with the scale. Weigh ONE time, the same time every week (or two weeks, or month, whatever). Don't move the scale to another place on the floor. Just weigh once and record your weight.
Definitely going to heed this advice--the daily weigh ins are making me crazy, as sometimes the number is the same, down, up; my mood has been attached to these fluctuations. No need for this madness! Putting the scale away, sticking to my new calorie goal with fidelity, and meeting my reasonable weekly fitness/exercise goals will all help me achieve success. My new weigh in day will be every other Saturday. I feel free! Thank you!
--->>Sometimes when I am being good and it doesn't move for a few days, then BAM, it shows a loss, it validates that it is all part of a journey.
I find that (for me) the reward or penalty for "being good" or eating too many calories is DELAYED! I will be doing well, and the weight loss doesn't show up until a few days later, for instance. I will get frustrated at how slowly the weight is coming off. Or at times I will eat some high calorie items and go above goal, and I'll think that I got away with something because it will look like I stayed the same weight. But then I will get the payback and my weight will pop up 2 pounds practically overnight.1 -
highwood1968 wrote: »I chose the .5 lb per week....I am okay with 2 lbs per month of loss..yes it might take me close to two years to lose the weight I want to lose but I can't nor have any desire to restrict myself..I know myself well enough that moment I try and do that it will backfire.
That's a lot better than gaining slowly over the years! I've gained about a pound a year on average over the last 20 years. I have lost about 10 pounds of that so far slowlt over the last couple of years and kept it off. If I lose 2 pounds a month I will lose the last 10 pounds (hopefully) in 5 months. The months will pass whether or not I lose weight anyhow. I would LOVE to be 10 pounds lighter before Thanksgiving. If I do it slowly but surely I will get there. The last pounds have been difficult for me to lose.4 -
I actually disagree with the first two sentences of your post! I feel like many times people are uneducated about how many calories they can/should eat and jump into something new with no research or understandings of benefits/losses. Most of the time weight loss is something that people decide on a whim and when they do, they come into it completely new without knowing much information. I believe that they see "eat less, lose more" and think eating very little calories is the automatic answer. I think everyone needs to do a little research into weight loss and exercise/nutrition! Are there any newbie starter threads around here that may help people with that? If there isn't someone should make one! I would but I don't feel completely qualified to do so as I am in the process of losing weight. But maybe someone who has had success can!1
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I actually disagree with the first two sentences of your post! I feel like many times people are uneducated about how many calories they can/should eat and jump into something new with no research or understandings of benefits/losses. Most of the time weight loss is something that people decide on a whim and when they do, they come into it completely new without knowing much information. I believe that they see "eat less, lose more" and think eating very little calories is the automatic answer. I think everyone needs to do a little research into weight loss and exercise/nutrition! Are there any newbie starter threads around here that may help people with that? If there isn't someone should make one! I would but I don't feel completely qualified to do so as I am in the process of losing weight. But maybe someone who has had success can!
But did you read the rest of the OP? Because it addressed this issue very specifically.2 -
MissusMoon wrote: »I actually disagree with the first two sentences of your post! I feel like many times people are uneducated about how many calories they can/should eat and jump into something new with no research or understandings of benefits/losses. Most of the time weight loss is something that people decide on a whim and when they do, they come into it completely new without knowing much information. I believe that they see "eat less, lose more" and think eating very little calories is the automatic answer. I think everyone needs to do a little research into weight loss and exercise/nutrition! Are there any newbie starter threads around here that may help people with that? If there isn't someone should make one! I would but I don't feel completely qualified to do so as I am in the process of losing weight. But maybe someone who has had success can!
But did you read the rest of the OP? Because it addressed this issue very specifically.
No I did not sadly lol It was too long u.u Guilty...1 -
While I agree that people shouldn't be afraid of proper calorie goals and that those with less to lose stand to lose more muscle since the body can only obtain so much energy from fat, I disagree that rapid weight loss is automatically unhealthy or a precursor to failure. That's a common belief people repeat, but there's no proof behind it. It may be entirely appropriate for someone 250+ to lose more than 2 pounds per week, for example, until they are smaller. The key is for the calories to count in a larger deficit so that nutrient goals can be reasonably met. It's less about a set max of 2 pounds per week and more about proportions.2
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MissusMoon wrote: »I actually disagree with the first two sentences of your post! I feel like many times people are uneducated about how many calories they can/should eat and jump into something new with no research or understandings of benefits/losses. Most of the time weight loss is something that people decide on a whim and when they do, they come into it completely new without knowing much information. I believe that they see "eat less, lose more" and think eating very little calories is the automatic answer. I think everyone needs to do a little research into weight loss and exercise/nutrition! Are there any newbie starter threads around here that may help people with that? If there isn't someone should make one! I would but I don't feel completely qualified to do so as I am in the process of losing weight. But maybe someone who has had success can!
But did you read the rest of the OP? Because it addressed this issue very specifically.
No I did not sadly lol It was too long u.u Guilty...
Why would you reply to a comment without reading it first?
Reminds me of that April Fool's prank that the NPR did: http://gawker.com/npr-pulled-a-brilliant-april-fools-prank-on-people-who-15577457105 -
Well, for starters getting the body you want requires work. Keeping the body you have does not. It's human nature not to want to do extra work. Second, its easier to stay motivated when you see quick results. I know so many people that are sold on a fad diet because they lost 10 lbs in a week and then are pissed and lose interest because they don't lose that much weight the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th week not understanding that the first week they didn't actually lose 10 lbs they just rid their body of extra water.
What I can't figure out is the fad diets. The next person who adds me that's on a low carb diet I'm going to block. Yes, you should be counting your carbs, fats, and proteins but no only eating 20 carbs a day is not going to make you the poster child of optimal health. I mean com'on you can't even eat healthy fruits or veggies without consuming 20 carbs a day. And I can tell you that 100 grams of fat you're eating in that bacon while limiting yourself to 20 carbs of spinach a day isn't going to make you healthier than someone who eats a well balanced diet. Now obviously that balance is going to be different for everyone. For me, yes I tend to eat less carbs (not low carb) because I do very intense exercise sessions and want to limit bloating and inflammation and need protein and fats so that I can perform. Someone who doesn't do that may not need as much protein as I do. There is no way you should ever believe that a diet that tells you watermelon and apples are unhealthy is a good diet. Yes, they have sugar, but the benefit of all the micronutrients far outweigh the effect of the sugar. Dr. Atkins can go take his diet and and shove it for all the people he's gotten to follow that *kitten*. The same goes for the South Beach, Shakeology, every diet pill on the market, avocare, cleanses, etc.
I want everyone reading this to understand unless your doctor tells you otherwise you have the rest of your life to lose weight. That even if you lose weight at a rate of a half a pound a week at the end of the year you're going to be 26 lbs lighter than you were at the beginning of the year. That's awesome. Your body will love you for that. After two years you'll have lost over 50 lbs. Nothing wrong with that! You have the rest of your life. Don't give up because it doesn't happen tomorrow.10 -
godlikepoetyes wrote: »I KNOW. 2 pounds a week. And lots of these women (sometimes men) have only 30, 20 pounds to lose. You just can't lose that fast without killing yourself!
That's an unfair statement, I've lost 2lb a week with 32lb to lose and am not killing myself far from it.3 -
emmylootwo wrote: »MissusMoon wrote: »I actually disagree with the first two sentences of your post! I feel like many times people are uneducated about how many calories they can/should eat and jump into something new with no research or understandings of benefits/losses. Most of the time weight loss is something that people decide on a whim and when they do, they come into it completely new without knowing much information. I believe that they see "eat less, lose more" and think eating very little calories is the automatic answer. I think everyone needs to do a little research into weight loss and exercise/nutrition! Are there any newbie starter threads around here that may help people with that? If there isn't someone should make one! I would but I don't feel completely qualified to do so as I am in the process of losing weight. But maybe someone who has had success can!
But did you read the rest of the OP? Because it addressed this issue very specifically.
No I did not sadly lol It was too long u.u Guilty...
Why would you reply to a comment without reading it first?
Reminds me of that April Fool's prank that the NPR did: http://gawker.com/npr-pulled-a-brilliant-april-fools-prank-on-people-who-1557745710
I read pieces of it, but I didn't read the entire thing.0 -
I completely agree. What's worked best for me is to under promise and over deliver. Setting my weight loss at 0.5 lbs a week ensures I don't have to make drastic lifestyle changes overnight that would be likely to make me burn out and give up. Even on a bad day it's fairly simple to eat more than 250 calories below maintenance, so every day I'm getting that nice positive reinforcement of those green leftover calorie numbers. Slow and steady wins the race!4
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godlikepoetyes wrote: »I KNOW. 2 pounds a week. And lots of these women (sometimes men) have only 30, 20 pounds to lose. You just can't lose that fast without killing yourself!
That's an unfair statement, I've lost 2lb a week with 32lb to lose and am not killing myself far from it.
Me too ... initially I was going to lose only 15 kg (33 lbs). That was my goal. It took me 16 weeks to lose 15 kg. I was pleased, and my Dr was ecstatic. I had seen her before I started losing weight and there were some issues. I went to see her toward the end of that loss and she ran bloodwork ... and rang me at work all excited because things had improved that much. 2 -
I'm 5' tall, 163lbs (firmly in the obese range) and currently (very) sedentary as studying for exams in the next few weeks is my main priority. I maintain at 1,700 and set to lose 1lb a week as I have 51lbs to lose. Not everybody can eat 1,500 or 1,600 as OP suggested to lose, and I'd gain on 1,800!4
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beautifulwarrior18 wrote: »Well, for starters getting the body you want requires work. Keeping the body you have does not. It's human nature not to want to do extra work. Second, its easier to stay motivated when you see quick results. I know so many people that are sold on a fad diet because they lost 10 lbs in a week and then are pissed and lose interest because they don't lose that much weight the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th week not understanding that the first week they didn't actually lose 10 lbs they just rid their body of extra water.
...I want everyone reading this to understand unless your doctor tells you otherwise you have the rest of your life to lose weight. That even if you lose weight at a rate of a half a pound a week at the end of the year you're going to be 26 lbs lighter than you were at the beginning of the year. That's awesome. Your body will love you for that. After two years you'll have lost over 50 lbs. Nothing wrong with that! You have the rest of your life. Don't give up because it doesn't happen tomorrow.
Thank you! Before I learned how to eat long term on a well balanced and SUSTAINABLE plan I would cycle onto Atkins or South Beach or Miracle Soup or Lemonade Cleanse, etc. I would lose a few pounds but abandon it because I missed my favorite foods! I really do have hope this time. People should listen to veteran maintainers on MFP and get ideas for how to lose weight and keep it off IMO.0 -
zugunruhey wrote: »I completely agree. What's worked best for me is to under promise and over deliver. Setting my weight loss at 0.5 lbs a week ensures I don't have to make drastic lifestyle changes overnight that would be likely to make me burn out and give up. Even on a bad day it's fairly simple to eat more than 250 calories below maintenance, so every day I'm getting that nice positive reinforcement of those green leftover calorie numbers. Slow and steady wins the race!
I love this approach! I would rather see the green than red at the end of the day also. I need positive reinforcement and adjusted my goal down as well. It isnt as painful for me to go a few hundred calories under maintenance for the long term. Plus it is good training for keeping off the weight forever instead of feeling angst, desperation, hunger and Yo Yo dieting.0 -
I did not say that no one could be happy on 1,200 calories a day, and obviously some people have no choice because of their height, health issues, metabolism, etc. I also did not say that losing 2 pounds a week was necessarily unhealthy. I wrote the post in response to the many posts I read written by people who drastically restrict their calories, far below what MFP recommends. Over and over I read about people trying so hard, then binging, then giving up. Then coming back and starting over. I am friends with people who are on a good streak of +30 days, then have a bad day or week and feel the need to start over, all because they over-restricted their calories.
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