worst gym dude of all time?
Replies
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Mavrick_RN wrote: »Yep, he wins the gym-turd competition.
I get it, though, when someone responds in such an unexpected and unreasonable way, you're too shocked to know what to throw back at them. Then when I think about it, I have all sorts of spicy comments!
This is pretty common! We all think of awesome responses when we're not immediately faced with the situation. It's demeaning to OP to say 'Well *I* would have hypothetically handled it better, so you could have too.'4 -
not only is this guy an idiot, but also unsafe. Throwing weighs around like that or causing you to be off balance could cause you to sprain or have a muscle strain or worse. I would report him immediately and let the gym people know this is unacceptable. If it was me, I would make the gym so sorry for this they would give me a free month or two as an apology.
If it was reported to the gym staff and it was handled according to their rules why should the gym give a couple months free membership?
If someone takes the parking space you were waiting for at Walmart do you go to the manager and try to get them to give you a $50 gift card?4 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »Wicked_Seraph wrote: »I like to believe I would have said something to him, but I would have probably reacted the same way.
The only time I was truly angry at the gym is when a guy decided to squeeze my arm during shoulder press. Almost lost it. Even then, I smiled politely while I continued with my set.
You don't have to be angry. Or confrontational. Just use your words.
"Stop."
Or
"Please stop" if that makes you feel more polite.
Personally, I go with, "I'm going to need you to stop". Usually any of these is enough to get a petulant ahole to cut it out. If they continue to be an *kitten* or get in your face after that, then go get help. But you can't reward their behavior by giving them what they want when they act out.
With all due respect, you're really not in a position to tell women how to react to men until you've spent a day in a woman's shoes.
Women get killed or beat for telling a man "no". I don't blame her for trying to avoid a confrontation.
What country is that?
Apparently the UK
http://informoverload.com/woman-beat-up-for-telling-a-man-to-stop-groping-her/
And the USA
http://madamenoire.com/594447/female-comic-brutally-beaten-after-rejecting-mens-advances/
There's a grain of truth to the line that a man's greatest fear on a blind date is that she'll be fat, whereas a woman's greatest fear is that he'll kill her.
I don't think anyone is saying women are never assaulted. What they're saying is, it is statistically zero probability that addressing an *kitten* in the gym will lead to an assault. It simply does not happen at any greater degree than an otherwise random assault.
(And given the likely number of presumably decent people in the vicinity, is likely the best place to confront it.)
What @villae81 wanted to know was in what part of the world are women killed or beaten for telling a man No. It happens in developed nations and if it can happen at a fun fair in the UK it can definitely happen in a gym with an angry and entitled man. Women are acutely aware of the threat of assault in a way that most men never think about.
Edit: I'm not saying that all women will cower when in a confrontation, @rainbowbow gives a good example of holding her own. But if OP, in her situation and at that point in time decided to leave the area, then that was the right decision *for her at the time she was faced with it.* She can still report him, but as already stated, it's not her job to teach him his place, especially since he was acting entitled and aggressive.
If men are victims of assault more frequently than women in confrontations such as this, then is her gender actually a factor in the equation of whether or not to confront?
I'm not getting into hypothetical situations here. OP reacted to a bad situation. The guy was being aggressive and she chose to leave. She shouldn't be blamed for his bad humour simply because she previously had been courteous to him.7 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »Wicked_Seraph wrote: »I like to believe I would have said something to him, but I would have probably reacted the same way.
The only time I was truly angry at the gym is when a guy decided to squeeze my arm during shoulder press. Almost lost it. Even then, I smiled politely while I continued with my set.
You don't have to be angry. Or confrontational. Just use your words.
"Stop."
Or
"Please stop" if that makes you feel more polite.
Personally, I go with, "I'm going to need you to stop". Usually any of these is enough to get a petulant ahole to cut it out. If they continue to be an *kitten* or get in your face after that, then go get help. But you can't reward their behavior by giving them what they want when they act out.
With all due respect, you're really not in a position to tell women how to react to men until you've spent a day in a woman's shoes.
Women get killed or beat for telling a man "no". I don't blame her for trying to avoid a confrontation.
What country is that?
Apparently the UK
http://informoverload.com/woman-beat-up-for-telling-a-man-to-stop-groping-her/
And the USA
http://madamenoire.com/594447/female-comic-brutally-beaten-after-rejecting-mens-advances/
There's a grain of truth to the line that a man's greatest fear on a blind date is that she'll be fat, whereas a woman's greatest fear is that he'll kill her.
I don't think anyone is saying women are never assaulted. What they're saying is, it is statistically zero probability that addressing an *kitten* in the gym will lead to an assault. It simply does not happen at any greater degree than an otherwise random assault.
(And given the likely number of presumably decent people in the vicinity, is likely the best place to confront it.)
What @villae81 wanted to know was in what part of the world are women killed or beaten for telling a man No. It happens in developed nations and if it can happen at a fun fair in the UK it can definitely happen in a gym with an angry and entitled man. Women are acutely aware of the threat of assault in a way that most men never think about.
Edit: I'm not saying that all women will cower when in a confrontation, @rainbowbow gives a good example of holding her own. But if OP, in her situation and at that point in time decided to leave the area, then that was the right decision *for her at the time she was faced with it.* She can still report him, but as already stated, it's not her job to teach him his place, especially since he was acting entitled and aggressive.
If men are victims of assault more frequently than women in confrontations such as this, then is her gender actually a factor in the equation of whether or not to confront?
I'm not getting into hypothetical situations here. OP reacted to a bad situation. The guy was being aggressive and she chose to leave. She shouldn't be blamed for his bad humour simply because she previously had been courteous to him.
Since when?0 -
rainbowbow wrote: »I kind of feel like you're at fault for not being enough of a *kitten*.
I don't know about you, but unless i have my *kitten* face on and stand my ground men do this stuff to me all the time. By being a real rude *kitten* i've pretty much solved that problem.
"Can i work in?" "No. You can wait."
Even if you said yes when he threw a weight next to your feet for "his set"..
*Sets weight up and whips head furiously*
"No. Go. Get the *kitten* out of here. Now."
Aint no body got time to deal with this *kitten*. No.
P.S. There was a bench one time i was waiting for for over 20 minutes, i watch the guy who was using it walk away, he says "all yours". I walk up to it and set my bag there. Random foreign guy comes up to me and says "Oh, i'm using this bench". I said "ahuh." he goes "Yeah i'm us-" "Oh you are? Where were you?". He was shocked i even challenged him. Then i told him "yeah, well i'm using it now. so you can wait."
Zero effs given about hurt fee fees.
So do people really not let people work in with them? Seems hypocritically to expect common decency but not give it to others.1 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »Wicked_Seraph wrote: »I like to believe I would have said something to him, but I would have probably reacted the same way.
The only time I was truly angry at the gym is when a guy decided to squeeze my arm during shoulder press. Almost lost it. Even then, I smiled politely while I continued with my set.
You don't have to be angry. Or confrontational. Just use your words.
"Stop."
Or
"Please stop" if that makes you feel more polite.
Personally, I go with, "I'm going to need you to stop". Usually any of these is enough to get a petulant ahole to cut it out. If they continue to be an *kitten* or get in your face after that, then go get help. But you can't reward their behavior by giving them what they want when they act out.
With all due respect, you're really not in a position to tell women how to react to men until you've spent a day in a woman's shoes.
Women get killed or beat for telling a man "no". I don't blame her for trying to avoid a confrontation.
What country is that?
Apparently the UK
http://informoverload.com/woman-beat-up-for-telling-a-man-to-stop-groping-her/
And the USA
http://madamenoire.com/594447/female-comic-brutally-beaten-after-rejecting-mens-advances/
There's a grain of truth to the line that a man's greatest fear on a blind date is that she'll be fat, whereas a woman's greatest fear is that he'll kill her.
I don't think anyone is saying women are never assaulted. What they're saying is, it is statistically zero probability that addressing an *kitten* in the gym will lead to an assault. It simply does not happen at any greater degree than an otherwise random assault.
(And given the likely number of presumably decent people in the vicinity, is likely the best place to confront it.)
What @villae81 wanted to know was in what part of the world are women killed or beaten for telling a man No. It happens in developed nations and if it can happen at a fun fair in the UK it can definitely happen in a gym with an angry and entitled man. Women are acutely aware of the threat of assault in a way that most men never think about.
Edit: I'm not saying that all women will cower when in a confrontation, @rainbowbow gives a good example of holding her own. But if OP, in her situation and at that point in time decided to leave the area, then that was the right decision *for her at the time she was faced with it.* She can still report him, but as already stated, it's not her job to teach him his place, especially since he was acting entitled and aggressive.
If men are victims of assault more frequently than women in confrontations such as this, then is her gender actually a factor in the equation of whether or not to confront?
I'm not getting into hypothetical situations here. OP reacted to a bad situation. The guy was being aggressive and she chose to leave. She shouldn't be blamed for his bad humour simply because she previously had been courteous to him.
Since when?
Show me where I did.2 -
rainbowbow wrote: »I kind of feel like you're at fault for not being enough of a *kitten*.
I don't know about you, but unless i have my *kitten* face on and stand my ground men do this stuff to me all the time. By being a real rude *kitten* i've pretty much solved that problem.
"Can i work in?" "No. You can wait."
Even if you said yes when he threw a weight next to your feet for "his set"..
*Sets weight up and whips head furiously*
"No. Go. Get the *kitten* out of here. Now."
Aint no body got time to deal with this *kitten*. No.
P.S. There was a bench one time i was waiting for for over 20 minutes, i watch the guy who was using it walk away, he says "all yours". I walk up to it and set my bag there. Random foreign guy comes up to me and says "Oh, i'm using this bench". I said "ahuh." he goes "Yeah i'm us-" "Oh you are? Where were you?". He was shocked i even challenged him. Then i told him "yeah, well i'm using it now. so you can wait."
Zero effs given about hurt fee fees.
So do people really not let people work in with them? Seems hypocritically to expect common decency but not give it to others.
That depends. If i'd waited for 15 minutes for a peice of equipment, then i probably wont. I'll probably ask them to wait. Especially since it takes longer for us to switch weights back and forth than just letting me finish what i need to do. If it's a machine, yeah okay, no worries. But in the squat rack? No.
Again, i said "even if you said yes" the moment he started his attitude and shittiness i would have told him to *kitten* off.
there's a difference between "common decency" and letting yourself get walked all over.1 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »Wicked_Seraph wrote: »I like to believe I would have said something to him, but I would have probably reacted the same way.
The only time I was truly angry at the gym is when a guy decided to squeeze my arm during shoulder press. Almost lost it. Even then, I smiled politely while I continued with my set.
You don't have to be angry. Or confrontational. Just use your words.
"Stop."
Or
"Please stop" if that makes you feel more polite.
Personally, I go with, "I'm going to need you to stop". Usually any of these is enough to get a petulant ahole to cut it out. If they continue to be an *kitten* or get in your face after that, then go get help. But you can't reward their behavior by giving them what they want when they act out.
With all due respect, you're really not in a position to tell women how to react to men until you've spent a day in a woman's shoes.
Women get killed or beat for telling a man "no". I don't blame her for trying to avoid a confrontation.
What country is that?
Apparently the UK
http://informoverload.com/woman-beat-up-for-telling-a-man-to-stop-groping-her/
And the USA
http://madamenoire.com/594447/female-comic-brutally-beaten-after-rejecting-mens-advances/
There's a grain of truth to the line that a man's greatest fear on a blind date is that she'll be fat, whereas a woman's greatest fear is that he'll kill her.
I don't think anyone is saying women are never assaulted. What they're saying is, it is statistically zero probability that addressing an *kitten* in the gym will lead to an assault. It simply does not happen at any greater degree than an otherwise random assault.
(And given the likely number of presumably decent people in the vicinity, is likely the best place to confront it.)
What @villae81 wanted to know was in what part of the world are women killed or beaten for telling a man No. It happens in developed nations and if it can happen at a fun fair in the UK it can definitely happen in a gym with an angry and entitled man. Women are acutely aware of the threat of assault in a way that most men never think about.
Edit: I'm not saying that all women will cower when in a confrontation, @rainbowbow gives a good example of holding her own. But if OP, in her situation and at that point in time decided to leave the area, then that was the right decision *for her at the time she was faced with it.* She can still report him, but as already stated, it's not her job to teach him his place, especially since he was acting entitled and aggressive.
If men are victims of assault more frequently than women in confrontations such as this, then is her gender actually a factor in the equation of whether or not to confront?
I'm not getting into hypothetical situations here. OP reacted to a bad situation. The guy was being aggressive and she chose to leave. She shouldn't be blamed for his bad humour simply because she previously had been courteous to him.
On this conclusion, we can and do agree. I'm #teamOP all the way on this because she handled herself just fine and didn't compound the situation by making any mistakes in her response. That's not a bad outcome at all. All of the "should have saids" may be helpful for a future encounter, but aren't relevant to what her actual response was in any way.
(We can have the not-hypothetical-but-actually-statistically-valid discussion about which gender is more likely to be a victim of assault in a confrontation involving calling out bad behavior another time.
) 3 -
Wicked_Seraph wrote: »I like to believe I would have said something to him, but I would have probably reacted the same way.
The only time I was truly angry at the gym is when a guy decided to squeeze my arm during shoulder press. Almost lost it. Even then, I smiled politely while I continued with my set.
You don't have to be angry. Or confrontational. Just use your words.
"Stop."
Or
"Please stop" if that makes you feel more polite.
Personally, I go with, "I'm going to need you to stop". Usually any of these is enough to get a petulant ahole to cut it out. If they continue to be an *kitten* or get in your face after that, then go get help. But you can't reward their behavior by giving them what they want when they act out.
With all due respect, you're really not in a position to tell women how to react to men until you've spent a day in a woman's shoes.
Women get killed or beat for telling a man "no". I don't blame her for trying to avoid a confrontation.
My dinner conversation tonight.
Wife: Sweetie can you do the dishes
Me: No, do the dishes yourself if you care that bad.
Wife: Wow, that was really inconsiderate, I can't believe you would say that.
Me. With all due respect, you're really not in a position to tell men how to react to women until you've spent a day in a man's shoes.
Men get killed (metaphorically) for telling a woman "no".
Will report back how this goes.2 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »Wicked_Seraph wrote: »I like to believe I would have said something to him, but I would have probably reacted the same way.
The only time I was truly angry at the gym is when a guy decided to squeeze my arm during shoulder press. Almost lost it. Even then, I smiled politely while I continued with my set.
You don't have to be angry. Or confrontational. Just use your words.
"Stop."
Or
"Please stop" if that makes you feel more polite.
Personally, I go with, "I'm going to need you to stop". Usually any of these is enough to get a petulant ahole to cut it out. If they continue to be an *kitten* or get in your face after that, then go get help. But you can't reward their behavior by giving them what they want when they act out.
With all due respect, you're really not in a position to tell women how to react to men until you've spent a day in a woman's shoes.
Women get killed or beat for telling a man "no". I don't blame her for trying to avoid a confrontation.
What country is that?
Apparently the UK
http://informoverload.com/woman-beat-up-for-telling-a-man-to-stop-groping-her/
And the USA
http://madamenoire.com/594447/female-comic-brutally-beaten-after-rejecting-mens-advances/
There's a grain of truth to the line that a man's greatest fear on a blind date is that she'll be fat, whereas a woman's greatest fear is that he'll kill her.
I don't think anyone is saying women are never assaulted. What they're saying is, it is statistically zero probability that addressing an *kitten* in the gym will lead to an assault. It simply does not happen at any greater degree than an otherwise random assault.
(And given the likely number of presumably decent people in the vicinity, is likely the best place to confront it.)
What @villae81 wanted to know was in what part of the world are women killed or beaten for telling a man No. It happens in developed nations and if it can happen at a fun fair in the UK it can definitely happen in a gym with an angry and entitled man. Women are acutely aware of the threat of assault in a way that most men never think about.
Edit: I'm not saying that all women will cower when in a confrontation, @rainbowbow gives a good example of holding her own. But if OP, in her situation and at that point in time decided to leave the area, then that was the right decision *for her at the time she was faced with it.* She can still report him, but as already stated, it's not her job to teach him his place, especially since he was acting entitled and aggressive.
If men are victims of assault more frequently than women in confrontations such as this, then is her gender actually a factor in the equation of whether or not to confront?
I'm not getting into hypothetical situations here. OP reacted to a bad situation. The guy was being aggressive and she chose to leave. She shouldn't be blamed for his bad humour simply because she previously had been courteous to him.
On this conclusion, we can and do agree. I'm #teamOP all the way on this because she handled herself just fine and didn't compound the situation by making any mistakes in her response. That's not a bad outcome at all. All of the "should have saids" may be helpful for a future encounter, but aren't relevant to what her actual response was in any way.
(We can have the not-hypothetical-but-actually-statistically-valid discussion about which gender is more likely to be a victim of assault in a confrontation involving calling out bad behavior another time.)
*high five!*
PS: by 'hypothetical' I didn't mean to imply that men aren't assaulted, just that the event we're discussing didn't involve two men.0 -
Wicked_Seraph wrote: »I like to believe I would have said something to him, but I would have probably reacted the same way.
The only time I was truly angry at the gym is when a guy decided to squeeze my arm during shoulder press. Almost lost it. Even then, I smiled politely while I continued with my set.
You don't have to be angry. Or confrontational. Just use your words.
"Stop."
Or
"Please stop" if that makes you feel more polite.
Personally, I go with, "I'm going to need you to stop". Usually any of these is enough to get a petulant ahole to cut it out. If they continue to be an *kitten* or get in your face after that, then go get help. But you can't reward their behavior by giving them what they want when they act out.
With all due respect, you're really not in a position to tell women how to react to men until you've spent a day in a woman's shoes.
Women get killed or beat for telling a man "no". I don't blame her for trying to avoid a confrontation.
My dinner conversation tonight.
Wife: Sweetie can you do the dishes
Me: No, do the dishes yourself if you care that bad.
Wife: Wow, that was really inconsiderate, I can't believe you would say that.
Me. With all due respect, you're really not in a position to tell men how to react to women until you've spent a day in a man's shoes.
Men get killed (metaphorically) for telling a woman "no".
Will report back how this goes.
OK.
3 -
rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »I kind of feel like you're at fault for not being enough of a *kitten*.
I don't know about you, but unless i have my *kitten* face on and stand my ground men do this stuff to me all the time. By being a real rude *kitten* i've pretty much solved that problem.
"Can i work in?" "No. You can wait."
Even if you said yes when he threw a weight next to your feet for "his set"..
*Sets weight up and whips head furiously*
"No. Go. Get the *kitten* out of here. Now."
Aint no body got time to deal with this *kitten*. No.
P.S. There was a bench one time i was waiting for for over 20 minutes, i watch the guy who was using it walk away, he says "all yours". I walk up to it and set my bag there. Random foreign guy comes up to me and says "Oh, i'm using this bench". I said "ahuh." he goes "Yeah i'm us-" "Oh you are? Where were you?". He was shocked i even challenged him. Then i told him "yeah, well i'm using it now. so you can wait."
Zero effs given about hurt fee fees.
So do people really not let people work in with them? Seems hypocritically to expect common decency but not give it to others.
That depends. If i'd waited for 15 minutes for a peice of equipment, then i probably wont. I'll probably ask them to wait. Especially since it takes longer for us to switch weights back and forth than just letting me finish what i need to do. If it's a machine, yeah okay, no worries. But in the squat rack? No.
Again, i said "even if you said yes" the moment he started his attitude and shittiness i would have told him to *kitten* off.
there's a difference between "common decency" and letting yourself get walked all over.
I definitely agree there. If he was literally impeeding her space while she was active in a set and throwing weights on the ground thats pretty f'd up gym behavior.
But on the squat rack thing. You don't know how long everyone else was waiting. Personally when somebody is using something I go walk on the treadmill so the person active in their set doesn't feel like I'm stalking them. IDK maybe no right answer but seems strange.
Stranger still this whole thread just made me aware that women are just walking around wondering if I'm about to physically assault them.3 -
Wicked_Seraph wrote: »I like to believe I would have said something to him, but I would have probably reacted the same way.
The only time I was truly angry at the gym is when a guy decided to squeeze my arm during shoulder press. Almost lost it. Even then, I smiled politely while I continued with my set.
You don't have to be angry. Or confrontational. Just use your words.
"Stop."
Or
"Please stop" if that makes you feel more polite.
Personally, I go with, "I'm going to need you to stop". Usually any of these is enough to get a petulant ahole to cut it out. If they continue to be an *kitten* or get in your face after that, then go get help. But you can't reward their behavior by giving them what they want when they act out.
With all due respect, you're really not in a position to tell women how to react to men until you've spent a day in a woman's shoes.
Women get killed or beat for telling a man "no". I don't blame her for trying to avoid a confrontation.
My dinner conversation tonight.
Wife: Sweetie can you do the dishes
Me: No, do the dishes yourself if you care that bad.
Wife: Wow, that was really inconsiderate, I can't believe you would say that.
Me. With all due respect, you're really not in a position to tell men how to react to women until you've spent a day in a man's shoes.
Men get killed (metaphorically) for telling a woman "no".
Will report back how this goes.
1 -
Although highly rude reporting will do little I think from the story told. If I get to a rack and someone asks to if they can work in I'm usually ok with it as long as I do me and they do them. As far as he being int he rack, yeah that's not cool especially on the squat. I would just have said hey can I get some room? The weight throwing.... yeah that would have bugged the crap out of me. Would have probably made a comment to the effect of hey, watchout with that.
People as becoming so rude when it comes to the gym. Taking plates that I went out to look for before I started my lifts and grabbing them in the middle of my sets without asking. I have now started to put the plates I will be using under me so that no one grabs them... especially the 2.5# and 5# plates that are a little harder to come by at my gym.0 -
rainbowbow wrote: »Wicked_Seraph wrote: »I like to believe I would have said something to him, but I would have probably reacted the same way.
The only time I was truly angry at the gym is when a guy decided to squeeze my arm during shoulder press. Almost lost it. Even then, I smiled politely while I continued with my set.
You don't have to be angry. Or confrontational. Just use your words.
"Stop."
Or
"Please stop" if that makes you feel more polite.
Personally, I go with, "I'm going to need you to stop". Usually any of these is enough to get a petulant ahole to cut it out. If they continue to be an *kitten* or get in your face after that, then go get help. But you can't reward their behavior by giving them what they want when they act out.
With all due respect, you're really not in a position to tell women how to react to men until you've spent a day in a woman's shoes.
Women get killed or beat for telling a man "no". I don't blame her for trying to avoid a confrontation.
My dinner conversation tonight.
Wife: Sweetie can you do the dishes
Me: No, do the dishes yourself if you care that bad.
Wife: Wow, that was really inconsiderate, I can't believe you would say that.
Me. With all due respect, you're really not in a position to tell men how to react to women until you've spent a day in a man's shoes.
Men get killed (metaphorically) for telling a woman "no".
Will report back how this goes.
OK.
Exactly.0 -
sparklybelle wrote: »Today at the gym:
There's one squat rack. I wait 15 minutes to use it while someone is finishing up. No problem, I fit in some other work. When he's done, I wait a minute, nobody sets up, and so I rack up my warm-up weights for squatting. As I'm starting, a guy shows up and says he was going to use this next but he "had to wee-wee." I say I'll keep it short today and just do a few sets. He says he wants to work in instead. I say OK. I start my first set. WHILE I'M SQUATTING, he throws two 2.5# weights between my legs and they land in front of my feet. He says he needs them for his set. I try to stay calm. During my second set, HE STANDS IN THE SQUAT RACK WITH ME. (btw, I'm female.) He does a set. For my third set I go to change to a higher weight. He gets irritated and sweeps all the weight off one side of the barbell so that it crashes 5 feet to the floor and tells me I shouldn't have changed the weight. I walk away and say it's all his.
I've only been lifting weights for nine months, and every other lifter I've met is kind and lovely. But this guy was truly the worst.
Venting over.
This kind of stuff is especially pathetic because there aren't as many women lifting (at least in most gym environments I have been in). It is nice to see women venture over and get into lifting, and it sad that they have to endure some bonehead hassling them with some childish bullsh*t, which is the adult equivalent of a frustrated little boy pulling the little girl's hair because he lacks the emotional intelligence to maturely handle those naughty and confusing feelings he is experiencing.4 -
rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »I kind of feel like you're at fault for not being enough of a *kitten*.
I don't know about you, but unless i have my *kitten* face on and stand my ground men do this stuff to me all the time. By being a real rude *kitten* i've pretty much solved that problem.
"Can i work in?" "No. You can wait."
Even if you said yes when he threw a weight next to your feet for "his set"..
*Sets weight up and whips head furiously*
"No. Go. Get the *kitten* out of here. Now."
Aint no body got time to deal with this *kitten*. No.
P.S. There was a bench one time i was waiting for for over 20 minutes, i watch the guy who was using it walk away, he says "all yours". I walk up to it and set my bag there. Random foreign guy comes up to me and says "Oh, i'm using this bench". I said "ahuh." he goes "Yeah i'm us-" "Oh you are? Where were you?". He was shocked i even challenged him. Then i told him "yeah, well i'm using it now. so you can wait."
Zero effs given about hurt fee fees.
So do people really not let people work in with them? Seems hypocritically to expect common decency but not give it to others.
That depends. If i'd waited for 15 minutes for a peice of equipment, then i probably wont. I'll probably ask them to wait. Especially since it takes longer for us to switch weights back and forth than just letting me finish what i need to do. If it's a machine, yeah okay, no worries. But in the squat rack? No.
Again, i said "even if you said yes" the moment he started his attitude and shittiness i would have told him to *kitten* off.
there's a difference between "common decency" and letting yourself get walked all over.
I definitely agree there. If he was literally impeeding her space while she was active in a set and throwing weights on the ground thats pretty f'd up gym behavior.
But on the squat rack thing. You don't know how long everyone else was waiting. Personally when somebody is using something I go walk on the treadmill so the person active in their set doesn't feel like I'm stalking them. IDK maybe no right answer but seems strange.
Stranger still this whole thread just made me aware that women are just walking around wondering if I'm about to physically assault them.
ehhh... If you put them in an uncomfortable position (like over-agressive flirting which happens often even in public places), start acting entitled (won't take no for an answer), or like an *kitten* (start crossing her boundaries), yeah, maybe.
There's something called disparity of force. Regardless of whether or not you're an aggressive dude, men are taller, stronger, and can physically do more damage to a woman than vice versa. In general of course , there are exceptions. But imagine, you're being approached/hassled by someone who is on average 50lbs heavier and half a foot taller than you. It's a completely normal response to feel uncomfortable or find it hard to stick up for yourself.
And in general (atleast from my training) women people should be aware of every person in their surroundings, relying on their intuition about people, and never being too trusting/a pushover, turning your back to people, etc. This is how you get yourself into these uncomfortable and potentially bad situations.3 -
Wicked_Seraph wrote: »I like to believe I would have said something to him, but I would have probably reacted the same way.
The only time I was truly angry at the gym is when a guy decided to squeeze my arm during shoulder press. Almost lost it. Even then, I smiled politely while I continued with my set.
You don't have to be angry. Or confrontational. Just use your words.
"Stop."
Or
"Please stop" if that makes you feel more polite.
Personally, I go with, "I'm going to need you to stop". Usually any of these is enough to get a petulant ahole to cut it out. If they continue to be an *kitten* or get in your face after that, then go get help. But you can't reward their behavior by giving them what they want when they act out.
With all due respect, you're really not in a position to tell women how to react to men until you've spent a day in a woman's shoes.
Women get killed or beat for telling a man "no". I don't blame her for trying to avoid a confrontation.
What country is that?
take your pick.
The Amazon? Or themyscira?
You do know the Amazon is a real place, right?1 -
You've been waiting over 15 minutes, yet somehow he was ahead of you but had to go "wee wee". You should have asked him if he has the bladder of a camel? The fact he has to put plates under his heels indicates he's not likely a experienced or decent squatter. I'm willing to bet he squats high and even then can't use three plates. Definite "compensation" issues there.0
-
rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »I kind of feel like you're at fault for not being enough of a *kitten*.
I don't know about you, but unless i have my *kitten* face on and stand my ground men do this stuff to me all the time. By being a real rude *kitten* i've pretty much solved that problem.
"Can i work in?" "No. You can wait."
Even if you said yes when he threw a weight next to your feet for "his set"..
*Sets weight up and whips head furiously*
"No. Go. Get the *kitten* out of here. Now."
Aint no body got time to deal with this *kitten*. No.
P.S. There was a bench one time i was waiting for for over 20 minutes, i watch the guy who was using it walk away, he says "all yours". I walk up to it and set my bag there. Random foreign guy comes up to me and says "Oh, i'm using this bench". I said "ahuh." he goes "Yeah i'm us-" "Oh you are? Where were you?". He was shocked i even challenged him. Then i told him "yeah, well i'm using it now. so you can wait."
Zero effs given about hurt fee fees.
So do people really not let people work in with them? Seems hypocritically to expect common decency but not give it to others.
That depends. If i'd waited for 15 minutes for a peice of equipment, then i probably wont. I'll probably ask them to wait. Especially since it takes longer for us to switch weights back and forth than just letting me finish what i need to do. If it's a machine, yeah okay, no worries. But in the squat rack? No.
Again, i said "even if you said yes" the moment he started his attitude and shittiness i would have told him to *kitten* off.
there's a difference between "common decency" and letting yourself get walked all over.
I definitely agree there. If he was literally impeeding her space while she was active in a set and throwing weights on the ground thats pretty f'd up gym behavior.
But on the squat rack thing. You don't know how long everyone else was waiting. Personally when somebody is using something I go walk on the treadmill so the person active in their set doesn't feel like I'm stalking them. IDK maybe no right answer but seems strange.
Stranger still this whole thread just made me aware that women are just walking around wondering if I'm about to physically assault them.
ehhh... If you put them in an uncomfortable position (like over-agressive flirting which happens often even in public places), start acting entitled (won't take no for an answer), or like an *kitten* (start crossing her boundaries), yeah, maybe.
There's something called disparity of force. Regardless of whether or not you're an aggressive dude, men are taller, stronger, and can physically do more damage to a woman than vice versa. In general of course , there are exceptions. But imagine, you're being approached/hassled by someone who is on average 50lbs heavier and half a foot taller than you. It's a completely normal response to feel uncomfortable or find it hard to stick up for yourself.
And in general (atleast from my training) women people should be aware of every person in their surroundings, relying on their intuition about people, and never being too trusting/a pushover, turning your back to people, etc. This is how you get yourself into these uncomfortable and potentially bad situations.
I agree with everything you said, that wasn't quite the vibe I was getting in this thread.1 -
Wicked_Seraph wrote: »I like to believe I would have said something to him, but I would have probably reacted the same way.
The only time I was truly angry at the gym is when a guy decided to squeeze my arm during shoulder press. Almost lost it. Even then, I smiled politely while I continued with my set.
You don't have to be angry. Or confrontational. Just use your words.
"Stop."
Or
"Please stop" if that makes you feel more polite.
Personally, I go with, "I'm going to need you to stop". Usually any of these is enough to get a petulant ahole to cut it out. If they continue to be an *kitten* or get in your face after that, then go get help. But you can't reward their behavior by giving them what they want when they act out.
With all due respect, you're really not in a position to tell women how to react to men until you've spent a day in a woman's shoes.
Women get killed or beat for telling a man "no". I don't blame her for trying to avoid a confrontation.
What country is that?
take your pick.
The Amazon? Or themyscira?
You do know the Amazon is a real place, right?
It's about a block from where I work. I've seen it.
6 -
Bry_Lander wrote: »sparklybelle wrote: »Today at the gym:
There's one squat rack. I wait 15 minutes to use it while someone is finishing up. No problem, I fit in some other work. When he's done, I wait a minute, nobody sets up, and so I rack up my warm-up weights for squatting. As I'm starting, a guy shows up and says he was going to use this next but he "had to wee-wee." I say I'll keep it short today and just do a few sets. He says he wants to work in instead. I say OK. I start my first set. WHILE I'M SQUATTING, he throws two 2.5# weights between my legs and they land in front of my feet. He says he needs them for his set. I try to stay calm. During my second set, HE STANDS IN THE SQUAT RACK WITH ME. (btw, I'm female.) He does a set. For my third set I go to change to a higher weight. He gets irritated and sweeps all the weight off one side of the barbell so that it crashes 5 feet to the floor and tells me I shouldn't have changed the weight. I walk away and say it's all his.
I've only been lifting weights for nine months, and every other lifter I've met is kind and lovely. But this guy was truly the worst.
Venting over.
This kind of stuff is especially pathetic because there aren't as many women lifting (at least in most gym environments I have been in). It is nice to see women venture over and get into lifting, and it sad that they have to endure some bonehead hassling them with some childish bullsh*t, which is the adult equivalent of a frustrated little boy pulling the little girl's hair because he lacks the emotional intelligence to maturely handle those naughty and confusing feelings he is experiencing.
To be fair, these same asshats are also usually asshats to other men in the gym (and everywhere else) too...
...you're just not as likely to read a forum post about those encounters.0 -
rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »I kind of feel like you're at fault for not being enough of a *kitten*.
I don't know about you, but unless i have my *kitten* face on and stand my ground men do this stuff to me all the time. By being a real rude *kitten* i've pretty much solved that problem.
"Can i work in?" "No. You can wait."
Even if you said yes when he threw a weight next to your feet for "his set"..
*Sets weight up and whips head furiously*
"No. Go. Get the *kitten* out of here. Now."
Aint no body got time to deal with this *kitten*. No.
P.S. There was a bench one time i was waiting for for over 20 minutes, i watch the guy who was using it walk away, he says "all yours". I walk up to it and set my bag there. Random foreign guy comes up to me and says "Oh, i'm using this bench". I said "ahuh." he goes "Yeah i'm us-" "Oh you are? Where were you?". He was shocked i even challenged him. Then i told him "yeah, well i'm using it now. so you can wait."
Zero effs given about hurt fee fees.
So do people really not let people work in with them? Seems hypocritically to expect common decency but not give it to others.
That depends. If i'd waited for 15 minutes for a peice of equipment, then i probably wont. I'll probably ask them to wait. Especially since it takes longer for us to switch weights back and forth than just letting me finish what i need to do. If it's a machine, yeah okay, no worries. But in the squat rack? No.
Again, i said "even if you said yes" the moment he started his attitude and shittiness i would have told him to *kitten* off.
there's a difference between "common decency" and letting yourself get walked all over.
I definitely agree there. If he was literally impeeding her space while she was active in a set and throwing weights on the ground thats pretty f'd up gym behavior.
But on the squat rack thing. You don't know how long everyone else was waiting. Personally when somebody is using something I go walk on the treadmill so the person active in their set doesn't feel like I'm stalking them. IDK maybe no right answer but seems strange.
Stranger still this whole thread just made me aware that women are just walking around wondering if I'm about to physically assault them.
ehhh... If you put them in an uncomfortable position (like over-agressive flirting which happens often even in public places), start acting entitled (won't take no for an answer), or like an *kitten* (start crossing her boundaries), yeah, maybe.
There's something called disparity of force. Regardless of whether or not you're an aggressive dude, men are taller, stronger, and can physically do more damage to a woman than vice versa. In general of course , there are exceptions. But imagine, you're being approached/hassled by someone who is on average 50lbs heavier and half a foot taller than you. It's a completely normal response to feel uncomfortable or find it hard to stick up for yourself.
And in general (atleast from my training) women people should be aware of every person in their surroundings, relying on their intuition about people, and never being too trusting/a pushover, turning your back to people, etc. This is how you get yourself into these uncomfortable and potentially bad situations.
I was <140 pounds for the first decade or so of my adult life and around 125 when I was married. Does this count? (Or do the magical powers of my having a penis negate the disparity?) 0 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »I kind of feel like you're at fault for not being enough of a *kitten*.
I don't know about you, but unless i have my *kitten* face on and stand my ground men do this stuff to me all the time. By being a real rude *kitten* i've pretty much solved that problem.
"Can i work in?" "No. You can wait."
Even if you said yes when he threw a weight next to your feet for "his set"..
*Sets weight up and whips head furiously*
"No. Go. Get the *kitten* out of here. Now."
Aint no body got time to deal with this *kitten*. No.
P.S. There was a bench one time i was waiting for for over 20 minutes, i watch the guy who was using it walk away, he says "all yours". I walk up to it and set my bag there. Random foreign guy comes up to me and says "Oh, i'm using this bench". I said "ahuh." he goes "Yeah i'm us-" "Oh you are? Where were you?". He was shocked i even challenged him. Then i told him "yeah, well i'm using it now. so you can wait."
Zero effs given about hurt fee fees.
So do people really not let people work in with them? Seems hypocritically to expect common decency but not give it to others.
That depends. If i'd waited for 15 minutes for a peice of equipment, then i probably wont. I'll probably ask them to wait. Especially since it takes longer for us to switch weights back and forth than just letting me finish what i need to do. If it's a machine, yeah okay, no worries. But in the squat rack? No.
Again, i said "even if you said yes" the moment he started his attitude and shittiness i would have told him to *kitten* off.
there's a difference between "common decency" and letting yourself get walked all over.
I definitely agree there. If he was literally impeeding her space while she was active in a set and throwing weights on the ground thats pretty f'd up gym behavior.
But on the squat rack thing. You don't know how long everyone else was waiting. Personally when somebody is using something I go walk on the treadmill so the person active in their set doesn't feel like I'm stalking them. IDK maybe no right answer but seems strange.
Stranger still this whole thread just made me aware that women are just walking around wondering if I'm about to physically assault them.
ehhh... If you put them in an uncomfortable position (like over-agressive flirting which happens often even in public places), start acting entitled (won't take no for an answer), or like an *kitten* (start crossing her boundaries), yeah, maybe.
There's something called disparity of force. Regardless of whether or not you're an aggressive dude, men are taller, stronger, and can physically do more damage to a woman than vice versa. In general of course , there are exceptions. But imagine, you're being approached/hassled by someone who is on average 50lbs heavier and half a foot taller than you. It's a completely normal response to feel uncomfortable or find it hard to stick up for yourself.
And in general (atleast from my training) women people should be aware of every person in their surroundings, relying on their intuition about people, and never being too trusting/a pushover, turning your back to people, etc. This is how you get yourself into these uncomfortable and potentially bad situations.
I was <140 pounds for the first decade or so of my adult life and around 125 when I was married. Does this count? (Or do the magical powers of my having a penis negate the disparity?)
welp:
similar height
similar weight
similar strength
determines the appropriate use of force.
Like i said, there are exceptions. But on average, we know men are taller, heavier, and stronger. 4 -
Some men are aholes, some men aren't.
Some women are aholes, some aren't.
Stand upto bullies, it's uncomfortable but it's got to be done.
People like this need to be checked regardless of whether they're a man or woman.
He did it with op today, he will do the same shiz to someone else another day.
Do yourself and the world a favour by not putting up with this sort of behaviour.4 -
sparklybelle wrote: »Today at the gym:
There's one squat rack. I wait 15 minutes to use it while someone is finishing up. No problem, I fit in some other work. When he's done, I wait a minute, nobody sets up, and so I rack up my warm-up weights for squatting. As I'm starting, a guy shows up and says he was going to use this next but he "had to wee-wee." I say I'll keep it short today and just do a few sets. He says he wants to work in instead. I say OK. I start my first set. WHILE I'M SQUATTING, he throws two 2.5# weights between my legs and they land in front of my feet. He says he needs them for his set. I try to stay calm. During my second set, HE STANDS IN THE SQUAT RACK WITH ME. (btw, I'm female.) He does a set. For my third set I go to change to a higher weight. He gets irritated and sweeps all the weight off one side of the barbell so that it crashes 5 feet to the floor and tells me I shouldn't have changed the weight. I walk away and say it's all his.
I've only been lifting weights for nine months, and every other lifter I've met is kind and lovely. But this guy was truly the worst.
Venting over.
Wee-wee DudeBro needs to:
4 -
not only is this guy an idiot, but also unsafe. Throwing weighs around like that or causing you to be off balance could cause you to sprain or have a muscle strain or worse. I would report him immediately and let the gym people know this is unacceptable. If it was me, I would make the gym so sorry for this they would give me a free month or two as an apology.
LOL. What?! How is this behavior the gyms fault? It seems to me like this was the first time it happened. If it happens again then he should be kicked out but in no way is anyone entitled to 3 months free!
You're a funny dude!!!2 -
Anaris2014 wrote: »The guy sounds like a jerk to me.
Although I felt like I was that jerk recently - there was a woman setting between the machine I wanted and then walking off to use some other machine (I assume, I actually have no ide where she went) but she left her town so I knew it was in use. I stepped in to another machine to fill the time. When she left the machine (taking her towel this time), I jumped in. Half way through my set she reappeared. I felt like a jerk. So I finished my set, reset the machine to the weight that she had been using, and apologised profusely, explainng that when she took the towel I thought she was done.
Fortunately, she accepted the apology and admitted that she'd changed her mind and decided to come back for another set. I spend the rest of my session feeling like a jerk and being exceptionally careful about stepping in on anyone else's machine.
And that is what that dude should have done. You apologize! Is it so hard for people to understand that? It always seems like everyone is so rude! And they don't even care that they are being complete jerks! Good job for apologizing! It takes a real man to do that. 2 -
rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »I kind of feel like you're at fault for not being enough of a *kitten*.
I don't know about you, but unless i have my *kitten* face on and stand my ground men do this stuff to me all the time. By being a real rude *kitten* i've pretty much solved that problem.
"Can i work in?" "No. You can wait."
Even if you said yes when he threw a weight next to your feet for "his set"..
*Sets weight up and whips head furiously*
"No. Go. Get the *kitten* out of here. Now."
Aint no body got time to deal with this *kitten*. No.
P.S. There was a bench one time i was waiting for for over 20 minutes, i watch the guy who was using it walk away, he says "all yours". I walk up to it and set my bag there. Random foreign guy comes up to me and says "Oh, i'm using this bench". I said "ahuh." he goes "Yeah i'm us-" "Oh you are? Where were you?". He was shocked i even challenged him. Then i told him "yeah, well i'm using it now. so you can wait."
Zero effs given about hurt fee fees.
So do people really not let people work in with them? Seems hypocritically to expect common decency but not give it to others.
That depends. If i'd waited for 15 minutes for a peice of equipment, then i probably wont. I'll probably ask them to wait. Especially since it takes longer for us to switch weights back and forth than just letting me finish what i need to do. If it's a machine, yeah okay, no worries. But in the squat rack? No.
Again, i said "even if you said yes" the moment he started his attitude and shittiness i would have told him to *kitten* off.
there's a difference between "common decency" and letting yourself get walked all over.
I definitely agree there. If he was literally impeeding her space while she was active in a set and throwing weights on the ground thats pretty f'd up gym behavior.
But on the squat rack thing. You don't know how long everyone else was waiting. Personally when somebody is using something I go walk on the treadmill so the person active in their set doesn't feel like I'm stalking them. IDK maybe no right answer but seems strange.
Stranger still this whole thread just made me aware that women are just walking around wondering if I'm about to physically assault them.
ehhh... If you put them in an uncomfortable position (like over-agressive flirting which happens often even in public places), start acting entitled (won't take no for an answer), or like an *kitten* (start crossing her boundaries), yeah, maybe.
There's something called disparity of force. Regardless of whether or not you're an aggressive dude, men are taller, stronger, and can physically do more damage to a woman than vice versa. In general of course , there are exceptions. But imagine, you're being approached/hassled by someone who is on average 50lbs heavier and half a foot taller than you. It's a completely normal response to feel uncomfortable or find it hard to stick up for yourself.
And in general (atleast from my training) women people should be aware of every person in their surroundings, relying on their intuition about people, and never being too trusting/a pushover, turning your back to people, etc. This is how you get yourself into these uncomfortable and potentially bad situations.
I would like to believe that the generalities presented here do not handicap your life so much that you can't use an elevator (where one turns their back to people) or use a gym/theatre/shop (where you just can't be aware of everyone).
If the OP does not confront OR report this behaviour then how is this behaviour going to be curbed?4 -
I don't mind working in, but I'm sure it'd be hard to share a squat rack if he's a big dude lifting a lot more than her and she's a beginner. Too much swapping out weights. Sounds like he was just marking his territory and trying to get her to leave. I would report him the next time I was in there or at least point him out to a trainer or someone. It's probably not his first time being a bully.3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUIb-KrCfmE
This discussion has been closed.
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