Is my gf too underweight?
Replies
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Ditto what others have said about body shape. We pear shaped women can have skeletal upper bodies with well padded rear/thighs. Other than her possibly doing a bulk and hitting the weights hard to add muscle mass, it's really, really hard for some women to not have ribs/sternum show. Throw in long arms like mine (and probably your gf's) and you end up looking even thinner. It sounds like she is a good weight. If she brings it up, suggest a slow bulk with strength training. If not, be happy you have a 40yr old gf in great shape!2
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seekingdaintiness wrote: »What is with all the posts by dudes who are unhappy with their gf/spouses body and want the internet on their side when they go to confront them about it? ffs
I'm definitely not unhappy!!2 -
darrensurrey wrote: »What do I think? Be honest with her even if the subject is her weight. It's the only way to have a healthy relationship. Also, while she's on the thinner side of healthy she's not unhealthy based on those stats. How old is she? I know I personally didn't fill out more until I was in my mid 20s.
In her 40s.
you're kidding right?
she's 40 years old- she doesn't need her boyfriend telling her what to do or what to look like unless she's got a serious eating problem- and you already mentioned she eats and does yoga so she spends some attention on the things that matter- so I'd say this falls squarely into "not your problem".
As I say, she mentioned it to me today. I'm just putting together ideas. And if it's her "problem", then it's my problem.
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darrensurrey wrote: »darrensurrey wrote: »What do I think? Be honest with her even if the subject is her weight. It's the only way to have a healthy relationship. Also, while she's on the thinner side of healthy she's not unhealthy based on those stats. How old is she? I know I personally didn't fill out more until I was in my mid 20s.
In her 40s.
you're kidding right?
she's 40 years old- she doesn't need her boyfriend telling her what to do or what to look like unless she's got a serious eating problem- and you already mentioned she eats and does yoga so she spends some attention on the things that matter- so I'd say this falls squarely into "not your problem".
As I say, she mentioned it to me today. I'm just putting together ideas. And if it's her "problem", then it's my problem.
I think the answer here, aside from all the social aspects, is that she needs a slight increase in calories coupled with some resistance training. That could simply mean rock climbing as you're doing in your avatar. It doesn't necessarily need to be weights in the gym.2 -
darrensurrey wrote: »
She still found a nice fella though mate, looking forward to hearing the patter of tiny feet.
(From the guide dog!)3 -
darrensurrey wrote: »
She still found a nice fella though mate, looking forward to hearing the patter of tiny feet.
(From the guide dog!)
Puppies?1 -
darrensurrey wrote: »darrensurrey wrote: »What do I think? Be honest with her even if the subject is her weight. It's the only way to have a healthy relationship. Also, while she's on the thinner side of healthy she's not unhealthy based on those stats. How old is she? I know I personally didn't fill out more until I was in my mid 20s.
In her 40s.
you're kidding right?
she's 40 years old- she doesn't need her boyfriend telling her what to do or what to look like unless she's got a serious eating problem- and you already mentioned she eats and does yoga so she spends some attention on the things that matter- so I'd say this falls squarely into "not your problem".
As I say, she mentioned it to me today. I'm just putting together ideas. And if it's her "problem", then it's my problem.
"Acknowledging" that she needs to gain weight and "knowing" that she needs to eat more doesn't sound to me like she mentioned it to you today. Especially since in the back of your mind you think she looks a little unhealthy. If you told her she looks unhealthy then I can see her saying that she knows she needs to gain weight. I just know from living with someone who actually needs to gain weight that it is just as hard, sometimes harder than losing weight and she doesn't need you telling her how unhealthy she looks. She is thin, but not at all underweight and she is an adult. You might think that she would look better with a little more padding, but it's not your call. Leave her alone.2 -
darrensurrey wrote: »darrensurrey wrote: »What do I think? Be honest with her even if the subject is her weight. It's the only way to have a healthy relationship. Also, while she's on the thinner side of healthy she's not unhealthy based on those stats. How old is she? I know I personally didn't fill out more until I was in my mid 20s.
In her 40s.
you're kidding right?
she's 40 years old- she doesn't need her boyfriend telling her what to do or what to look like unless she's got a serious eating problem- and you already mentioned she eats and does yoga so she spends some attention on the things that matter- so I'd say this falls squarely into "not your problem".
As I say, she mentioned it to me today. I'm just putting together ideas. And if it's her "problem", then it's my problem.
"Acknowledging" that she needs to gain weight and "knowing" that she needs to eat more doesn't sound to me like she mentioned it to you today. Especially since in the back of your mind you think she looks a little unhealthy. If you told her she looks unhealthy then I can see her saying that she knows she needs to gain weight. I just know from living with someone who actually needs to gain weight that it is just as hard, sometimes harder than losing weight and she doesn't need you telling her how unhealthy she looks. She is thin, but not at all underweight and she is an adult. You might think that she would look better with a little more padding, but it's not your call. Leave her alone.
Well, she did say it to me. This morning.0 -
She is at a low weight. I'm in my 40's, 5"8 and anything under 65kgs does not look good on me, think sickly and gaunt.1
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No. She is not underweight. She is at the lower end of the bmi range for her height, but not at all underweight. Her bmi is 19.5 and it should be between 18.5 - 24.9. My daughter is 5'6" and weighs 103. Her bmi is 16.6. She is underweight. I don't think your gf needs to put on any weight unless she wants to. And I think that really you should stay out of it. Telling someone they look too thin is just as rude and hurtful as telling someone they are too heavy.
I'm 5'6". In my teens I was under 100Lbs naturally. In my 20s I was 110-120. In my 30s I got up to 160. I'm now (and have been since my mid 30s) in my 130s. 121LBS is lower than I'd like to be, but not by much, but I'm 50. It doesn't seem frightening to me. I wouldn't be horrified at that weight, especially if I KNEW I was eating right, and was doing weight bearing exercises. I wouldn't want to weigh any less. And of course eating habits, and relationship with food are ever important.
My generic go to is: 5'=100Lbs. 5LB per inch there after. Which means: 5'6" 130 which means 59Kg. But that's a generic, not taking bone structure etc into consideration.1 -
If my BF told me I needed to do something and that it would be good for me, his days as my BF would be numbered.3
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She's normal weight.
She is the same height as me, and about 10 pounds lighter. I can't imagine 10 pounds less than I weigh now looking anywhere near unhealthy. I was that weight before and looked fine. In fact my goal is 125 which is only 3 pounds heavier than she is.2 -
What makes you think she isn't strong? I'm quite a bit thinner than she is, also do yoga and pole and help lift 300lb+ patients for 12 hours 3x a week no problem. I can't deadlift an insane amount but I can do handstands, lift my body upside down in pole, etc. If she's doing more advanced yoga she's probably stronger than you think. I know lean bodies that yogis and rick climbers aren't really appreciated around here as most are on the gain/lift heavy camp but go to any climbing gym and tell those people they aren't strong even though they're usually quite lean and sinewy...
And ignore all the catty women accusing you of wanting to change her. My ex and I had plenty of conversations about goals because it was something we enjoyed doing together, even if it's taboo for most, doesn't mean it is for you guys.2 -
SherryTeach wrote: »If my BF told me I needed to do something and that it would be good for me, his days as my BF would be numbered.
Fortunately, I haven't told her that. 0 -
What makes you think she isn't strong? I'm quite a bit thinner than she is, also do yoga and pole and help lift 300lb+ patients for 12 hours 3x a week no problem. I can't deadlift an insane amount but I can do handstands, lift my body upside down in pole, etc. If she's doing more advanced yoga she's probably stronger than you think. I know lean bodies that yogis and rick climbers aren't really appreciated around here as most are on the gain/lift heavy camp but go to any climbing gym and tell those people they aren't strong even though they're usually quite lean and sinewy...
And ignore all the catty women accusing you of wanting to change her. My ex and I had plenty of conversations about goals because it was something we enjoyed doing together, even if it's taboo for most, doesn't mean it is for you guys.
Hehe.
Yeah, I know a few female rock climbers who are very strong and petite. She doesn't do advanced yoga.
As for how strong she is, I was demonstrating how you can pick up a weight with good form and not injure your back ie deadlifts. I asked her to try with my 8kg kettlebell and she thought it was too heavy.0 -
She may look "unhealthy" subjectively but that does not mean she is actually unhealthy of course. Her stats don't seem alarming and neither does her difficulty to work with a 8kg kettlebell.
At a basic level all we really need is enough strength and endurance to live our lives comfortably and avoid injury. None of that requires the ability to say run any particular length for example or deadlift your own body weight (unless you are routinely presented with situations where you need to handle such loads like a manual job or so on.)
The important questions I think pertain to how well she is able to manage her activities of daily living and generally how resistant she is to sickness or injury. If she is frequently getting sick or injured or struggling with every day tasks then there may be room for concern.
Otherwise I don't think it's really an issue unless it's simply about the way she looks.1 -
Sometimes people mention their weight. But that doesn't mean, "you should decide whether my weight is healthy for me, what changes need to be made to my body, and how to make those changes." She's an adult woman. She can make her own decisions. Your job is to support her decisions about her own body. If she asks you a simple question like "would I look good with a few more pounds?" of course you can give your opinion.......but that's very different from what you seem to be doing.1
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SnowWhite767 wrote: »Sometimes people mention their weight. But that doesn't mean, "you should decide whether my weight is healthy for me, what changes need to be made to my body, and how to make those changes." She's an adult woman. She can make her own decisions. Your job is to support her decisions about her own body. If she asks you a simple question like "would I look good with a few more pounds?" of course you can give your opinion.......but that's very different from what you seem to be doing.
I'm just asking opinion on here!0 -
She may look "unhealthy" subjectively but that does not mean she is actually unhealthy of course. Her stats don't seem alarming and neither does her difficulty to work with a 8kg kettlebell.
At a basic level all we really need is enough strength and endurance to live our lives comfortably and avoid injury. None of that requires the ability to say run any particular length for example or deadlift your own body weight (unless you are routinely presented with situations where you need to handle such loads like a manual job or so on.)
The important questions I think pertain to how well she is able to manage her activities of daily living and generally how resistant she is to sickness or injury. If she is frequently getting sick or injured or struggling with every day tasks then there may be room for concern.
Otherwise I don't think it's really an issue unless it's simply about the way she looks.
Fair point.0
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