poor body image (jealous over smaller/petite/more delicate women), hard to keep motivated

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  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    @limitless I just have to say that I'm borrowing this, "I'm working on letting the crazy come from other people and not me."
  • PrincessTinyheart
    PrincessTinyheart Posts: 679 Member
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    MarziPanda95 wrote: »
    I used to feel the same way. I'm 5'7, and have always towered over my female friends as they're all below average height. There was a guy I liked at university, he's about 6'4. We became friends, but he very obviously fancied one of my best friends, who is about 5'2. He told me the type of girl he likes would have long hair (I have short hair because of a medical condition, my hair doesn't grow) be below average height with blue eyes and an average chest (I have brown eyes and large breasts). I felt jealous of my best friend every time he'd tell me his type, because she was it. She didn't like him like that, though. The more me and him hung out, the more we realised we have in common. Now he's my boyfriend and we've been together eight months. He tells me that whilst I'm not his 'ideal type' - it doesn't matter, because I'm me, and that's what he loves. I came to realise that whilst I may not totally like the way I look next to my friends... I like how I look in general, because I know I shouldn't compare myself to other women. I'm me. And that's great!
    For the record, said best friend talks a lot about how she wishes she were taller. I can guarantee there are a lot of women that look at you and feel the same way you do about smaller women. Don't compare yourself to others, just work on being the best version of you that you can be!

    You have a lot more confidence than me... if I knew I was not a man's ideal type and he said as such, I would be very hurt and probably would not feel comfortable dating him. Good for you for having that kind of confidejnce.

  • sophomorelove
    sophomorelove Posts: 193 Member
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    I'm short with short limbs and long torso. My arms are so short I can't do certain yoga poses (confirmed by my instructor). When I was a teenager I used to fantasize about extending my arms and legs via some torturous pulling device, because that would make me proportional. Now I am way past that and all for embracing personal unique qualities, but I feel like because I am short I have to overcompensate in my behavior. I work with 90% males and in order to be taken seriously I feel the need to be louder and more outgoing than I really am. I now wish I was taller so that I didn't have to use step stool or have the colleagues rush to my help every time I need to lift something, even though I am completely capable of doing it myself. Just remember, there are lots of us who are jealous of you, too :)
  • csuhar
    csuhar Posts: 779 Member
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    PrincessTinyheart wrote: »
    I'm 44 and feel like a huge moose. I'm 5‘11", reasonably fit/curvy ( i'm working on losing weight - I exercise fairly regularly and try to eat well). The problem is I'm one of those "big" girls who will always be big - broad shoulders, wide hips, big chest, just overall gargantuan in general. I look like an lumbering, awkward Amazon compared to other women, especially in my belly dance class. You would think that I would have learned to deal with it by now since I have had this build all my life, even when I was at my thinnest. I wish I could be satisfied with this aspect of my life and move on, but I still find myself wishing I were one of those feminine delicate ladies and that I was never meant to look like this.

    (I could go on and on about the negative crap disguised as "realistic helpful advice" from my family, but I won't... it's mostly just hearing things like "little petite girls will always have the advantage so just learn to accept it"... yeah, mental poison to be sure, but it sticks with you)

    All that to say, at times I find myself looking at myself and thinking "is losing weight really going to be worth it, if I still have these body image issues?". Has anyone else ever dealt with this? It makes it hard to stick to your weight loss efforts when you know that even when you are at your thinnest you're still not going to be happy with the cards you have been dealt.

    I've had to deal with some similar thoughts, myself. For me, it's not been about stature, but about how, no matter how much weight I lose, I've got some very notable and large scars on my body, which means I'll never be able to "look as good" as those without scars. Add in my persistent cough from my damaged lungs, and my "level of perceived personal attractiveness" dips lower.

    I wish I had an easy or verified solution to share with you, but the best I've been able to come up with for myself is to simply worry about my body being HEALTHY and let appearance / attractiveness elements simply become secondary to health and performance maintenance.

    There are some cards we're stuck with, but there are a few we can swap out, so those are the ones I try to focus on.

    After all, what is attractive to one may not be attractive to another. For any feature, you'll have someone who seeks it, someone who doesn't care, and someone who is turned off. Those are some of the cards we don't have control over. So attractiveness to others is, for me, too much of a moving target to aim for.

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