Lack of support:(

possumfeet0910
possumfeet0910 Posts: 10 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have an issue... I need support! I have a great husband but all he wants to do is tell me I'm looking soft :( and because he is fit and trim due to his job he really don't care to do anything but sit and watch TV in the evenings. I have a desk job and I sit almost all day and when I get home cook him a super unhealthy supper he asks for and cook me a totally different meal and clean up and take care ofy 2 year old son I'm really not motivated to do anything. I have been trying to run about 10-15 mins a day but I wanna do more and I need the support and motivation to do that other than "you look a little soft"... I need friends ;)
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Replies

  • run2bfree
    run2bfree Posts: 108 Member
    sending you a request! :)
  • doriharvey
    doriharvey Posts: 89 Member
    sending you a request also.
  • SherryR1971
    SherryR1971 Posts: 1,170 Member
    Aww, everyone deserves a great support system-sending a FR now!
  • DainaLC
    DainaLC Posts: 18,937 Member
    Sending support your way! I somewhat know how you feel, I have a very fit husband too. :flowerforyou:
  • ashowers36
    ashowers36 Posts: 83 Member
    My situation is somewhat similar and somewhat opposite. I have desk job so like you I spend most of the day sitting. My husband is on his feet all day so when he comes home all he wants to do is sit down at the computer and play computers games until the late late hours of the night. I have been working really hard to get healthier and in better shape. He however doesn't even try to get healthy or lose any weight (is is about 5'9" and 240 lbs. He is classified as obese)

    Can't even talk to him about it because he gets all defensive every time I bring it up or he says something like he is tired of being on his feet all day and they are sore so he doesn't want to go for a walk or any thing like that. I totally get that. I mean he is on his feet all day on concrete floors I'm sure getting off them feels great. But I worry about his health and it has also affected our marriage since I am less attracted to him because of his weight (I know how shallow of me I know and trust me I feel bad about feeling that way).

    At the same time though I get really mad at him because it isn't like I'm not tired from working all day. My fatigue is mental instead of physical but yet I still manage to work do cardio for 30 minutes every day after I get out of work, eat better.

    Try talking to him about it. Maybe you will have better luck than I do.
  • possumfeet0910
    possumfeet0910 Posts: 10 Member
    Thank y'all so much I feel better already!
  • lgomes85
    lgomes85 Posts: 10 Member
    I need the support too. One idea I think you should try is meal prep make meals for your husband meals for you ahead of time and store them in the freezer. When you get home from work eat your meal pack up your child in the stroller and go for a walk and then eventually go running. Meal prep works great for me because I don't need to cook everyday when I get home from work and it saves time and energy.
  • mazdauk
    mazdauk Posts: 1,380 Member
    Work your exercise around your working day - add in short walks and workouts when they won't require you to set aside a long amount of time.

    What I do (with apologies to everyone who's heard this already :bigsmile: )

    6.00am - wake up, have a cup of tea
    6.50 - 20-25 min DVD workout/toning (in my PJs)
    8am - walk to work (15 mins)
    12.30 - 15-25 min walk around neighbourhood
    4.15 walk home from work (guess what - 15 mins!)
    5pm longer workout - 30-50 mins (except Monday night - 1hr Zumba class, sometimes walk there - 15 mins), DVD or Wii Zumba

    Weekends are a mixture of workouts and longer walks (1-1.5 hours) depending on other engagements and Hubby's shift rota. I've been doing this since January. Hubby has lost 7lb because there is a lot less cheese and fattening crips hanging around the house:happy:

    feel free to ad me
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,274 Member
    ..... and take care ofy 2 year old son I'm really not motivated to do anything.

    Isn't he HIS son, too?? If you work all day, your H should be willing to give you a break so you can do a workout. This isn't just about weight loss support...its about pulling your own weight, IMO.
  • MercedesV
    MercedesV Posts: 70 Member
    Sending a request!
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
    I have a slightly similar situation, but even though my SO doesn't exercise with me, he doesn't b!tch about what I cook, and he encourages me to exercise and tells me he's a lucky man no matter what size i am. I will definitely send you a friend request, we can support each other. Lord knows I have a hard time moving my *kitten* after coming home, doing homework with the child, cooking and cleaning. I usually don't leave my house for a walk until 7:30. Not to mention it's stupid hot outside so the thought of walking for an hour is daunting.
  • possumfeet0910
    possumfeet0910 Posts: 10 Member
    @crochetluvr he feels he has the harder job and more strenuous 10 hr shift than my sitting 10 hr shift plus he is stuck in the wife does it all thing that comes from his up bringing.
  • rainrshine
    rainrshine Posts: 7 Member
    Agree about cooking one meal and they can eat it or not. I try to cook healthy and my husband does not complain. Most meals are lean meat and steamed veggies. I have a four year old who would rather have a plate of broccoli than a chocolate bar. Just because someone is fit and healthy does not mean they should damage that health with poor eating habits and I believe we should start the children early enjoying fresh wholesome foods, not junk. I think we have been to a fast food restaurant twice in a year. I feel for those who do not have supportive spouses, this is sad.
  • possumfeet0910
    possumfeet0910 Posts: 10 Member
    @rainrshine my son loves fruit and veggies he doesn't like candy and junk food like my hubby so I am glad for that! I cook with lean ground beef and ground turkey anyways! I am putting my foot down TODAY! thanks for the motivation y'all!
  • rainrshine
    rainrshine Posts: 7 Member
    Good job on taking a stand! I'm sure hubby won't starve. Maybe if he took a trip to the cardiologist he would have a different outlook because it took serious health issues and a heart stent to wake me up. Everyday I take my heart meds and wish I had taken better care of myself years ago.

    I made a wonderful mandarin salad the other day and while it had sugar in it the whole thing was under 300 calories. Add some grilled chicken and voila, a complete meal even for a man! Also, have you tried ground chicken instead of turkey? It has a great flavor and not as dry. I make patties with it and cover them with homemade red sauce (tomatoes and basil) and sprinkle some low fat mozzarella on top then bake until cheese is melted. My idea of spaghetti without the noodles.

    While my hubby eats MOST of what I fix, I still have to sneak the spinach into his smoothies and he has not quite warmed up to my creamy broccoli soup made with almond milk. :noway:
  • jleach
    jleach Posts: 38 Member
    sending a request:smile:
  • ShortStuff35
    ShortStuff35 Posts: 15 Member
    My hubby is very fit because of his job also and well.... I'm not :(

    Request sent :)
  • jleach
    jleach Posts: 38 Member
    I'm sure you're just as tired at the end of the day as he is. Dont' let undeserved guilt get in your way. I don't cook for my husband very often anymore. I became a vegetarian about 4 years ago and he isn't interested in doing that. He's a meat and potatoes guy and that's his choice but I am not opening up a restaurant in my kitchen. I decided long ago that my vows didn't include working full time AND doing all the cooking AND doing all the cleaning and laundry. Child rearing was never an issue since I made sure he shared most of those duties from day one. We all start out wanting to be Suzie homemaker but it gets old quick. I would suggest you make one healthy meal for your family, (I did that until my son was grown) and he can eat it or not. He's a grown up and if he wants to eat it great, if not, he knows where the kitchen is. Don't feel guily about it. On the other hand, don't push him to do things if he doesn't want to. It would be great if you guys could exercise together but you can't make him do it and giving him a hard time about it just causes too much tension. Let your progress (hopefully) become his inspiration. There is no reason, however, that he can't watch tv with your children while you go work out. Taking that time for yourself will only make you feel better and more productive.
  • Suzyp0414
    Suzyp0414 Posts: 22 Member
    Wow you sound exactly like me! My boyfriend of 4 years is an ex athlete and naturally fit and eats GARBAGE. I also sit all day in an office and when I get home take care of my 2 year old and 3 year old and don't sit down until bed. The worst thing is that whenever we get into a fight his defense is to call me fat in order to hurt me.. I just decided to start getting in shape because I am sick of feeling uncomfortable. I just do what I need to do and don't listen to him. Keep up the good work, it will pay off and soon your 2 year old is going to get more independent and take less of your time. I have also come to the conclusion, that working mom's like ourselves really only have time to work out when the babies are sleeping so we don't feel guilty. I go walk/run in my neighborhood at 5:45 to 6:45 am. If I do this for a month I will join a gym.
  • motherwesser
    motherwesser Posts: 35 Member
    Join with fellow motivators! I'll send you a request. I did the same thing a few years back. I now lost 65 pounds of fat, gained 31 pounds of muscle and now I'm going for a total of 60 more pounds lost to reach my goal weight. Establish at least one other person in your immediate group and make a schedule. Check out bodybuilding.com. I'm there as well. Lot's of programs to create there and add to your calendar.
    :-)
  • Gizziemoto
    Gizziemoto Posts: 430 Member
    @crochetluvr he feels he has the harder job and more strenuous 10 hr shift than my sitting 10 hr shift plus he is stuck in the wife does it all thing that comes from his up bringing.

    I get this too. Just because my job is not physical, I never work as hard as anyone else. Like to see them sit for hours at a desk and see how they feel. Sorry, touch subject for me.
  • ELEANOR43da
    ELEANOR43da Posts: 166 Member
    Have found a lot of wonderful people for support here,sending a request and will do whatever I can to help encourage and listen.
  • SkinnyMsFitness
    SkinnyMsFitness Posts: 389 Member
    I'll send ya a request! =) The best motivation for me...think about how great you FEEL after you workout...physically & mentally! It helps me so much, I cannot stop now! I don't know how often you're working out, but if you start to do it regularly, that's when you really FEEL the difference. Hang in there...force yourself to do it daily, or 5-6 days a week. Before no time, you'll crave exercise! Seriously! I used to hate it. I kinda still do, but I want the outcome!

    Best of luck! And the eating thing...once you get accustom to certain habits, it's easy. And once you start losing a noticeable amount of weight, you'll be glad you did.
    I have an issue... I need support! I have a great husband but all he wants to do is tell me I'm looking soft :( and because he is fit and trim due to his job he really don't care to do anything but sit and watch TV in the evenings. I have a desk job and I sit almost all day and when I get home cook him a super unhealthy supper he asks for and cook me a totally different meal and clean up and take care ofy 2 year old son I'm really not motivated to do anything. I have been trying to run about 10-15 mins a day but I wanna do more and I need the support and motivation to do that other than "you look a little soft"... I need friends ;)
  • possumfeet0910
    possumfeet0910 Posts: 10 Member
    @rainrshine they both sound delish!
    @jleach- I don't push him really about anything lol I think in his head he is trying to be supportive I just want him to see I want a healthier life:) and I think that is my main prob I feel guilty over the least little thing thank you you are awesome!
    @sp0414- I like the idea of walking or running for a month and the reward is a gym membership that's cool!
  • autumnsquirrel
    autumnsquirrel Posts: 258 Member
    I have an issue... I need support! I have a great husband but all he wants to do is tell me I'm looking soft :( and because he is fit and trim due to his job he really don't care to do anything but sit and watch TV in the evenings. I have a desk job and I sit almost all day and when I get home cook him a super unhealthy supper he asks for and cook me a totally different meal and clean up and take care ofy 2 year old son I'm really not motivated to do anything. I have been trying to run about 10-15 mins a day but I wanna do more and I need the support and motivation to do that other than "you look a little soft"... I need friends ;)
    First off, ouch:( What will he say when you are buff? "you need to dial that back you are too buff now"...You need to do this for YOU and a healthy you, mentally AND physically is a bonus to that precious child. I am sending you a request. We can support each other. You just stay on the path you would like to for you; if he wants something deep fried, fine; make that, but make yourself something you feel is best for you.
  • possumfeet0910
    possumfeet0910 Posts: 10 Member
    @tazmitten it sucks to sit all day I try to tell him... its hard to sit and errgh

    Thank you all for your nice comments and wonderful support!
  • geekette411
    geekette411 Posts: 154 Member
    Add me as a friend if you like! I sit all day at a desk and my husband is self employed and gets a lot of exercise some days. He is not actively trying to lose weight but he supports my choice and he does our weekday cooking. He makes healthy dinners so I can enjoy food without the stress. We have enjoyed trying new recipes that the whole family likes. Some times a new recipe is a disaster but we have fun trying them out anyway.

    Talk to your hubby before you get hard feelings and it spoils your relationship.
  • jacz83
    jacz83 Posts: 19 Member
    Hi There!

    My husband just thinks about losing weight and it happens! He coaches two sports and gets fitness in that way. We are setting a goal together to do a race soon--- possibly a half marathon.

    You have to express what you need to succeed to your husband, and how his supports fits in. To me, my husband is my best friend and teammate. If that's what you need from him, tell him. Also... what about what YOU want and need? What about all that YOU do for the marriage?! Remind him of that. He needs to be lifting you up, otherwise he is just getting in your way.

    Also- I agree with the others. You are not a short order cook. Make what is healthful for your entire family. If he doesn't like it, he can make what he wants for himself! :)
    Good luck!
  • Axioml
    Axioml Posts: 29
    You can do it!!!!


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  • norahwynn
    norahwynn Posts: 862 Member
    Feel free to friend me. I'm on pretty much everyday and try to reach out to everyone I see come across my news feed.

    Now on to your husband. I would suggest that you tell him to get off his butt and help you with your child, along with making his own meals so you can focus on your proper eating and have time to get in a solid hour or more of working out.

    Once you say that, his only response is going to be yes or no. If it's no, then maybe a couple of nights of just eating your type of meal will change his mind and convince him to starting cooking for himself. It's crazy that you would have to cook 2 separate meals every night because of your husbands unwillingness to help.

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