Any one else here struggling with Depression?

ejb060793

Glad to see this thread! I'm 23 and suffer from bipolar disorder. I was 16 when I first got the diagnosis, and told my therapist that she was a psychotic *kitten* who really needed to find something else to do with her life. Having been around my mom who suffers from PTSD and manic depression, I felt like being handed a bipolar diagnosis meant that I was destined to follow in her psych footsteps, and I was pissed!

I thought I'd been able to mask it. There's been a couple of times where my husband's told me about things that I've done, and I had absolutely no recollection (about a year after we were married, apparently he was joking with me and called me retarded, so I picked up a frying pan and tried to smash him in the head with it...) but I always assumed he was just making stuff up because he wanted to see if he could drive me insane.

Over this past winter, after having lost around 60 pounds, I had a really bad episode of depression, which started around November and lasted until April. I did not want to get out of bed, except I still looked forward to going to work, so no one else could tell I was struggling, and I didn't want to talk about it. Excepting the 10 to 11 hours a day that it took for work as well as travel back and forth, all I did was eat and sleep, and cry a lot. Whenever I tried to tell my husband how I felt, he told me to stop seeking drugs to fix all my problems and just deal with them.

I felt like I was starting to get better, but then in June, I was in an argument with my husband and his mom, whom I'm forced to live with right now for lack of funds to move out (since we let her get the lights and cable in our names and she now refuses to pay them, saying that they're our responsibility [her credit was too poor to get it in her own name] and since we'd like to buy a house, we're stuck paying to keep it from sinking our credit rates). During the argument, my husband seemed to be siding with her, saying that I was to blame for her calling me a "dumb *kitten*." As I felt hurt and betrayed, I became deeply depressed and took a bottle of aspirin, with about 15 tablets in it, then downed a small bottle of vodka. Didn't feel any better. Told husband what I had done and he was pissed. Said if I can't control my psych stuff, he can't deal with me and we're going to end up having to get a divorce. This has further fueled my depression, and I'm at the point now where I'm waiting to start college in the fall so that I can talk with a psych counselor there.

I know that he doesn't want me to, but I know I need help and trying to just deal with it is not working at all. I keep having giant swings in my moods where I go from super happy and feeling great, to uncontrollable crying that I can't pin down a source for. I feel anxious all the time. We were going to buy property nearby, but I had a panic attack driving on the road because there was a 100 ft.+ embankment with no guardrail and my husband wanted me to drive faster than 10 MPH on the road. I'm sick of feeling like this and know that I need a change.

As far as weight loss stuff goes, when I started trying to lose weight in March of 2015, I was around 270 pounds. My husband assures me that my heaviest weight was over 300, but I don't recall ever weighing that much. I'm down to right around 190 now, and would like to be between 120 and 130, as I am only 5'2. I hope some people will join me on this journey.

wi_maint_man

I was diagnosed with dysthymia in 2001, I was on meds for awhile, I gained about 40 lbs due to the meds, I 've been up and down since, mood and weight, In 2008 I was severely depressed and went on prozac (no weight gain) I have some self image issues for sure, when I loose weight I feel great, when I gain and don't stay within my caloric intake I get depressed, I'm on the downswing now, lacking motivation.

gfjazz

Hello .today not having a good day depressed and struggling .i have done 30 min treadmill and 30 min walking
I have run out of Jenny Craig food and fruits and vegies. Cannot but anything more unti July 13 ss check
Some days I manage take medication but rain today and the next 3 days
Holidays of any type get me down

atitagain1958

My heart goes out to everyone here. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder when I was in my 20's but didn't need any medication until my 30's due to going through a divorce. I also have severe Anxiety disorder. I'm 57. I have a daughter, 35 with Bipolar & Self Injury. My 14 year old grandson (her son) also is Bipolar. Yes, it runs in families and yes, I've had a hard time dealing with all the guilt. I've been hospitalized once, my daughter 3 times and my grandson once. We're all close because we all understand each other. We don't say, "snap out of it", "it'll be better tomorrow", "what do you have to be depressed about" ...you know...all those things people say when they don't understand. Medication, therapy and set routines have helped us greatly. What you're doing...getting a support system with people going through basically the same things...is great!! That will help you a lot. I know I'm much older than you but I also have over 100 lbs to lose. You can add me as a friend if you want. Anyone on this thread with depression can. No matter what age, we're still in the same boat! Anyway, good luck on your weight loss journey and your depression! Remember...there are people who care, you just have to reach out...and that can be the hardest thing to do when you're down. It's something we all have to learn....and it isn't easy.

tayusuki

I'm sorry to see everyone is struggling. And as horrible as the illness is, it's reassuring to realize how not-alone you really are!!

I've been dealing with this for about 4 years now. Maybe longer. People don't understand how dehabilitating it can be! Small accomplishments mean the world (even if they aren't a big deal to other people). But all of us are also trying to better ourselves!! (:

lenoresdream

atitagain1958 wrote: »

My heart goes out to everyone here. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder when I was in my 20's but didn't need any medication until my 30's due to going through a divorce. I also have severe Anxiety disorder. I'm 57. I have a daughter, 35 with Bipolar & Self Injury. My 14 year old grandson (her son) also is Bipolar. Yes, it runs in families and yes, I've had a hard time dealing with all the guilt. I've been hospitalized once, my daughter 3 times and my grandson once. We're all close because we all understand each other. We don't say, "snap out of it", "it'll be better tomorrow", "what do you have to be depressed about" ...you know...all those things people say when they don't understand. Medication, therapy and set routines have helped us greatly. What you're doing...getting a support system with people going through basically the same things...is great!! That will help you a lot. I know I'm much older than you but I also have over 100 lbs to lose. You can add me as a friend if you want. Anyone on this thread with depression can. No matter what age, we're still in the same boat! Anyway, good luck on your weight loss journey and your depression! Remember...there are people who care, you just have to reach out...and that can be the hardest thing to do when you're down. It's something we all have to learn....and it isn't easy.

Omg can you be my grandma? This whole response just made me really want a hug from you

lenoresdream

Yup, depression, PTSD, anxiety, OCD, etc. I'm sorry to see so many are struggling but believe me you are not alone.

I know I'm a complete stranger but if you ever are in a bad place I'm here. I've been there and still fighting every day.

The meds and years of therapy help but it's never going to be cured, sadly. Every day is a day of surviving, not just living.

You can all get through this day, tomorrow too. And each day after. Do it with me. We're not alone.

Unknown

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KaleidoscopicMind

I wish you all wellness and happiness from the bottom of my heart, I understand everything you feel and what you are going thorough, and I understand the pain when you are suffering and everybody around you just don't get it, and I know how it feels lonely and cruel, I am obviously not alone, and none of you will be, let's stick together, start with baby steps, I know weight loss and looking great can do wonders when it comes to mood and the way we look at life, even if it's not everything, but it will definitely help, please don't quit, keep trying, exercise! even for the sake of depression and mental illness if not to just lose weight, don't surrender to the black dog, don't make it force you stay in bed days and nights, this I tell myself, we have to keep trying, despite it feels so heavy and hard, but there HAS to he a way out.

To all the people who managed to beat any mental illness they had to deal with, congratulations! I am so happy for you sincerely, take good care of yourself so it won't happen again, nothing and no one deserves for you to feel or live that way anymore, I know it's not a choice, but we gotta start caring less about others and other things, and start loving and caring more about ourselves, stay well.

People who are still suffering like me, I wish I could hug you all and tell you it's gonna be okay, even if it won't, but I just understand how much we need that right now, I understand the lonliness and the fear and the disappointment, I know we all need backing up, and I am here for all of you, if you ever needed someone to vent to, or someone to be around when you are alone, don't hesitate to message me, I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU.

Stay safe, well and happy.

robs_ready

I'm currently taking venlafaxine which is helping but sends me eating pattern into chaos!