Dating is tough

SisterSueGetsFit
SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,211 Member
in Chit-Chat
I've online dated for years. Some good and some bad. In the last 6 months I've lost 40 pounds and gained some much needed confidence. I thought this would make dating so much easier. It hasn't. I've probably been out with 10-15 guys in the last few months. There was one I really liked a few months back, we dated a while and I got ghosted/dumped. Other than that I've been utterly disappointed and frustrated. People who lie (age, kids, etc.), post pictures that aren't even close to accurate, or we're just not interested in each other.

I will never give up hope, but I am thinking of giving up online dating.

Anyone else going through dating frustrations? Tips I maybe haven't thought of regarding online dating?

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Replies

  • dlr96
    dlr96 Posts: 199 Member
    edited June 2016
    Online worked for me
  • JessicaJS23
    JessicaJS23 Posts: 1,863 Member
    I'm on an online dating hiatus. I was on for a few months but it was too stressful trying to keep up with interested ones and come up with times for dates.. Then like you said they weren't who they portrayed themselves to be. Basically felt like I was wasting a lot of time and energy for nothing. The most fun I had with it was reading people's profiles lol. Good luck to you! Your a gorgeous lady <3
  • 285to170
    285to170 Posts: 330 Member
    I've never online dated but I'm in a long distance relationship right now. It's super rocky. We literally just got into an argument about throwing in the towel five minutes ago. I'm completely over the whole idea of dating at this point.
  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,211 Member
    JessicaJS23 wrote: »
    I'm on an online dating hiatus. I was on for a few months but it was too stressful trying to keep up with interested ones and come up with times for dates.. Then like you said they weren't who they portrayed themselves to be. Basically felt like I was wasting a lot of time and energy for nothing. The most fun I had with it was reading people's profiles lol. Good luck to you! Your a gorgeous lady <3

    Time and energy, not to mention money! You're a gorgeous lady too, good luck and thanks for the kind words in the last few posts.
  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,211 Member
    285to170 wrote: »
    I've never online dated but I'm in a long distance relationship right now. It's super rocky. We literally just got into an argument about throwing in the towel five minutes ago. I'm completely over the whole idea of dating at this point.

    I'm so sorry. Long distance would be very difficult. I hope what's meant to be, will be. You appear to be beautiful and kind so I can only assume the right one will find you if he's not it.
  • 285to170
    285to170 Posts: 330 Member
    @rchlthompson <3 thank you so much. It sucks cause we're extremely compatible but
    Gallowmere1984 wrote: »
    Been there, done that, screw that noise. My idea of "long-distance" is about an hour away now, and my idea of "online dating" is talking to said person an hour away over Steam, while we play video games together.

    This is me. It requires a certain patience and finesse that I just don't have. Ahah o:)

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  • 285to170
    285to170 Posts: 330 Member
    Bennysammysofiesdad wrote: »
    285to170 wrote: »
    @rchlthompson <3 thank you so much. It sucks cause we're extremely compatible but
    Gallowmere1984 wrote: »
    Been there, done that, screw that noise. My idea of "long-distance" is about an hour away now, and my idea of "online dating" is talking to said person an hour away over Steam, while we play video games together.

    This is me. It requires a certain patience and finesse that I just don't have. Ahah o:)

    285to170
    You're 20

    Are you saying that my youth should make me feel better? Or that my age makes my emotions irrelevant?
  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,211 Member
    Bennysammysofiesdad wrote: »
    285to170 wrote: »
    @rchlthompson <3 thank you so much. It sucks cause we're extremely compatible but
    Gallowmere1984 wrote: »
    Been there, done that, screw that noise. My idea of "long-distance" is about an hour away now, and my idea of "online dating" is talking to said person an hour away over Steam, while we play video games together.

    This is me. It requires a certain patience and finesse that I just don't have. Ahah o:)

    285to170
    You're 20

    @Bennysammysofiesdad- What?

  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,585 Member
    it always shocks me that people easily find others they find appealing enough to go out on dates frequently

    but yes i find dating difficult i have given up on the online dating sites for a while

    i know i will probably try again in the future but for now i just dont bother with dating
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    I found that I liked online dating when I had more control -- I made my match profile hidden, so I didn't appear in search results. Which means I had to contact all the men I was interested in. I dated a couple of different men, then met my husband 5 months after creating my profile.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    edited June 2016
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  • 285to170
    285to170 Posts: 330 Member
    Bennysammysofiesdad wrote: »
    285to170 wrote: »
    Bennysammysofiesdad wrote: »
    285to170 wrote: »
    @rchlthompson <3 thank you so much. It sucks cause we're extremely compatible but
    Gallowmere1984 wrote: »
    Been there, done that, screw that noise. My idea of "long-distance" is about an hour away now, and my idea of "online dating" is talking to said person an hour away over Steam, while we play video games together.

    This is me. It requires a certain patience and finesse that I just don't have. Ahah o:)

    285to170
    You're 20

    Are you saying that my youth should make me feel better? Or that my age makes my emotions irrelevant?

    Huh?! What?!
    I'm saying go out with friends. Hang out. Meet people. You shouldn't need to online date

    LOL! I'm so sorry! I got extremely confused!

    I've never online dated. It kind of scares me. I'm only in a long distance relationship because my current moved to the states for his career and blahbityblah.
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  • ClubSilencio
    ClubSilencio Posts: 2,983 Member
    The thing about online dating is that everyone who is online dating is dating other online daters. #Deep

    It's like you said... you've dated 15 blokes since Easter. Even if you mesh with someone they are getting in their 15 dates too. I remember envisioning marriage on my first online date, but she just wanted to slam some brews and dance to the remix of "Ignition". It was a grounding experience.

    Online dating is still pretty good for hang outs. Maybe focus on forging friendships and see where it goes?











  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,211 Member
    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    Relax your criteria and that good guy will show up. If not, pull out and move to a different part of the country.

    Ha! I actually just moved to a different part of the country. Well, 2 years ago. I think my criteria is fairly relaxed, but maybe I just need to keep trying. Thanks!
  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,211 Member
    ClubSilencio wrote: »
    The thing about online dating is that everyone who is online dating is dating other online daters. #Deep

    It's like you said... you've dated 15 blokes since Easter. Even if you mesh with someone they are getting in their 15 dates too. I remember envisioning marriage on my first online date, but she just wanted to slam some brews and dance to the remix of "Ignition". It was a grounding experience.

    Online dating is still pretty good for hang outs. Maybe focus on forging friendships and see where it goes?

    I agree with this 100%. I feel like everyone is just looking for the next best thing.

    I've slammed brews and danced on a date once or twice too I suppose. And yes, I may just shoot for friendships for a while. I'm still somewhat new to the state with very few friends so that would not be an unpleasant outcome. Thanks for the advice.
  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,211 Member
    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    I can't tell from your picture. Are you in your 30s?

    Maybe you already do, but you need to have an account in at least 5 to 7 dating sites, relax race/religious restrictions a bit if you already haven't.

    I started to look for a cute and devout desi catholic girl with big breasts and ended up marrying a white girl who is an atheist. She is more catholic in principle than a church-going catholic woman, all of whom thought I was a radical.

    I'm 39. 5-7 dating sites??? I can't even handle one. :smiley:

    Glad you found the girl you were looking for. Congrats.
  • lizzyluvs_life
    lizzyluvs_life Posts: 108 Member
    Ive recently started online dating maybe in the last months. Its overwhelming. Lots of people who start of great on the first chat end up being all pervy and wanting way to much. It's hard to find the good ones. I've been going on dates with someone I met online It's going ok. Just getting to know each other.

    I'm a chubby girl so it's like I assume people will think I'm catfishing them lol so I over think it and make sure to post pics from all angles hahahahahha. I dread that moment of someone thinking I tricked them though it has not happened. I think I just freak out to much. Dating is hard
  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,211 Member
    lizzyluvs_life wrote: »
    Ive recently started online dating maybe in the last months. Its overwhelming. Lots of people who start of great on the first chat end up being all pervy and wanting way to much. It's hard to find the good ones. I've been going on dates with someone I met online It's going ok. Just getting to know each other.

    I'm a chubby girl so it's like I assume people will think I'm catfishing them lol so I over think it and make sure to post pics from all angles hahahahahha. I dread that moment of someone thinking I tricked them though it has not happened. I think I just freak out to much. Dating is hard

    You're beautiful, be kind to yourself and be confident. Dating is tough. : ):smile: God Speed, girl.
  • Stakmaster
    Stakmaster Posts: 15 Member
    I've begun trying online dating recently as well and it is complicated. First and foremost, at least for me, your confidence has to be in a dating mindset mode. As far as MFP is concerned I've lost about 80-90 pounds but altogether it's something like 150-160 and growing up that big really does a number on your self worth which is kind of important when you're trying to date someone. I haven't gone on any dates yet but I am extremely nervous not only that they won't find me attractive (I've tried to be as realistic as possible in my photos) but also that I won't say the right things or that I'll make them feel uncomfortable. Again, being so overweight for so long makes you doubt everything about yourself, even in the areas you know you are fine in.

    I guess I'll have more information once I go on some dates (Not to mention I've never been on a date in my life, either) but I do understand your frustrations in my own ways. Can't give up though, right? Good luck.

  • vlland
    vlland Posts: 55 Member
    I have dated online off/on for years and managed a couple of serious relationships during that time. Yes I had my share of frustrations but in the end I still think it's the easiest way to meet others. My current bf and I met online only to find out later-we actually went to elementary school together! (small world :)). I found the most success meeting others on Match and POF(free). I also recommend meeting sooner than later and for a quick first date (like coffee) to see if there is chemistry. In other words, don't waste too much time/energy/money unless you feel there could be a match.
  • DeficitDuchess
    DeficitDuchess Posts: 3,099 Member
    edited June 2016
    For me it was impossible, I had been on various dating websites; for nearly 2 1/2 years & didn't even have 1 date but I also have a debilitating disability, don't work & am overweight. None of the men were, just seeking a nice personality & that's all I had to offer. A few women though, took an interest in me but unfortunately I'm not attracted to women.
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,179 Member
    edited June 2016
    I have zero to offer from personal experience. My daughter, who is now 29, has been married 5+ years to a man she seems quite pleased with. They met online. I do not know the name of the site. She described her criteria for him as being similar to his for her, that they each be 'sufficiently boring'.
  • LiftingRiot
    LiftingRiot Posts: 6,946 Member
    Yes dating is tough. You should try to meet men on mfp. The only way to do it
  • lizzyluvs_life
    lizzyluvs_life Posts: 108 Member
    edited June 2016
    rchlthompson wrote: »
    lizzyluvs_life wrote: »
    Ive recently started online dating maybe in the last months. Its overwhelming. Lots of people who start of great on the first chat end up being all pervy and wanting way to much. It's hard to find the good ones. I've been going on dates with someone I met online It's going ok. Just getting to know each other.

    I'm a chubby girl so it's like I assume people will think I'm catfishing them lol so I over think it and make sure to post pics from all angles hahahahahha. I dread that moment of someone thinking I tricked them though it has not happened. I think I just freak out to much. Dating is hard

    You're beautiful, be kind to yourself and be confident. Dating is tough. : ):smile: God Speed, girl.

    So sweet :smiley: yes I'm working on my confidence things are getting better. I got out of a crappy two year relationship were I felt ignored or not sufficient so now I'm like crap let me over compensate and be upfront about things It's weird. I'm learning though that online dating can be fun. I just set my limits and if I see red flags I'm out.
  • JessicaJS23
    JessicaJS23 Posts: 1,863 Member
    Villae81 wrote: »
    If dating is tough try being married lol

    Are y'all like roommates?
  • cgvet37
    cgvet37 Posts: 1,189 Member
    I have not really dated since my divorce. I have the attitude of, if I meet someone cool, if not, life goes on. A lot of Women my age have kids. I like kids, but it can make dating difficult.

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