"DON'T lose anymore weight"

dalielahdawn
dalielahdawn Posts: 141 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
That's what not mother said to me today. She's not local and is visiting after not seeing me for 5 months, and not for 2 months before that. I've lost 76 pounds, about 40 since January when she last saw me. I am still over weight. I have at least 35 more pounds to go. I'm 5'6", 182. I just got out of the"obese" BMI and into "over weight". Wearing a14/16 pant size. I am by no means "skinny" I'm sure it may be shocking to suddenly see me smaller, and she had plenty of nice things to say too. But seriously, to think I'm done is just crazy. And bossy. I pulled a total teenager line (I'm 32 lol) and said "don't tell me what to do" lmao. Which she just laughed that off. It dumbfounds me some of the things people have to say about other people's weight loss. Just a rant, but serously where do people get off telling other people what to do. Especially when it's "don't lose more weight" to someone who is still fat :eye roll:
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Replies

  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,615 Member
    She is just not used to it.

    I had the same problem where I work. I've been slender most of my life, but in recent years gained some weight. I started where I currently work just a couple years ago, and was overweight when I started ... so no one here knew me when I was slender.

    I dropped the weight back to what I consider my normal weight, but because no one here was used to me like that, I got a lot of the 'don't lose anymore weight' comments.

    I just tell them not worry, I'm maintaining. :)
  • Gallowmere1984
    Gallowmere1984 Posts: 6,626 Member
    I've been catching crap at work lately as well, mostly from co-workers who haven't seen me for months. "I don't know what your diet is, but you might need to back down on it." This came from a guy who went from about 165 to 280 within two years of quitting smoking. Grains of salt and all of that.
  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    It is sort of a sideways compliment, she's your mom. She doesn't mean anything bad by it
  • mccokat
    mccokat Posts: 130 Member
    My mother does the same thing! I've lost fourteen pounds, it's barely noticeable, and she's like "you've lost so much weight! You need to slow down!" And when I told her I wanted to get into a size 8 pant, she said "that's too skinny Kate, you're going to need to reevaluate".
    I figure mothers are just like that. Good on your for telling her off (more or less lol) for it.
  • AriTrueFitnessNutrition
    AriTrueFitnessNutrition Posts: 8 Member
    Cliche, but people are just scared of what they don't understand. When I contest prep, the vast majority of comments are not on "how lean you're getting" but rather "why do you look like you just came out of a prison camp?"
  • mdnorthside
    mdnorthside Posts: 48 Member
    Everything is relative. When you're very overweight or obese you lose a large % of your body weight even when you're losing at a reasonable pace. This makes the weight loss look HUGE, especially when people haven't seen you in a while. Imagine if someone who was 150lbs lost 20% of their body weight. That's what your mom is seeing.
    Additionally, I find that people, especially those your close to, can get scared when you make large changes. This can be losing weight, or changing jobs, or starting a new relationship. Your mom might just be scared that if you make this big change you'll be a different person (you probably will change some) and you two won't be as close.
  • Kdp2015
    Kdp2015 Posts: 519 Member
    As a mother I understand the need to feed, as a daughter I understand the need to accept input and then make my own decisions.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    She's likely just a little surprised by the big difference. Just give her a hug and thank her for caring and continue with your plan.
  • can111
    can111 Posts: 63 Member
    BTW, Congrats on your weight loss! I too passed from the BMI Obese section to just overweight. Was a nice milestone! You know you are getting healthy, smile and thank your mum, and then keep eating healthy and tracking!
  • RoseTheWarrior
    RoseTheWarrior Posts: 2,035 Member
    I get a lot of people just trying to be nice saying "you're wasting away", and "you don't need to lose any more". Yet I'm the same as you OP, in that I obviously still need to lose at least 20-40 more lbs. I'm still in a size 14, am 5'3" and weigh 160, also in the overweight BMI category. I really think though that people are just trying to be nice. Most people aren't trying to make you feel bad. I have to say, after ten months, my mom FINALLY asked me what I was doing to lose weight! She hardly ever mentions it, I believe because she needs to lose a lot of weight and doesn't want to believe it's possible for her. If she doesn't find out it's possible, perhaps even simple, she can continue to live in denial.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    RoseTheWarrior wrote: »
    I get a lot of people just trying to be nice saying "you're wasting away", and "you don't need to lose any more". Yet I'm the same as you OP, in that I obviously still need to lose at least 20-40 more lbs. I'm still in a size 14, am 5'3" and weigh 160, also in the overweight BMI category. I really think though that people are just trying to be nice. Most people aren't trying to make you feel bad. I have to say, after ten months, my mom FINALLY asked me what I was doing to lose weight! She hardly ever mentions it, I believe because she needs to lose a lot of weight and doesn't want to believe it's possible for her. If she doesn't find out it's possible, perhaps even simple, she can continue to live in denial.

    Exactly the same with my mom (and sister, and aunt, and cousins). My mom doesn't even ask me how I maintain my weight. She just tells everyone, "She never eats and exercises like a maniac!". Nope. Completely untrue. It's basically slander, but it's been like this for years. Nothing will change it now, so I just ignore it and whatever anyone wants to think, well feel free.

    OP, congrats on your success so far! That's great and although you still want to lose more you should NOT refer to yourself as fat! I think you look great. The parent / child dynamic is tough regardless of how old we are. My youngest son needed to drop a few pounds recently so I paid for his gym membership for a few months. However, I still make him his favorite meals and take them over to him. Yeah, I know. Guilty!
  • owieprone
    owieprone Posts: 217 Member
    Dahlielah, i've also been told that too by stepmum and an aunt, cos my 'face' is too gaunt. Sorry girls but i have the family facial structure and it's not that flattering on girls, so I either stay podgy or i have a gaunt-guyish face. I know which i can put up with more! Try not to let it get to you, however your mum meant it it's not worth your time thinking about it if it annoys you, unless it motivates you to workout harder ;) You are getting fit for you, no one else, ignore an annoying/hurtful comments and get on with being you.
  • mis1022
    mis1022 Posts: 109 Member
    My mother is the same way, but as a parent I can say you never stop worrying about your children. She may be worried you are losing too fast since she only sees you occasionally. Yup our mom's know how to get us into teenage mode like no-one else.
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    My mother has been doing this to me too, even though I'm almost 45 years old and no where near being too thin. She's just not used to seeing me at this weight, so I get it. I just tell her (in a nice way) to back off. I know she's my mom, but I'm also a grown-*kitten* woman and I can take care of myself.
  • heatherlewisis
    heatherlewisis Posts: 118 Member
    Someone actually told me that I was "wasting my away to nothing," when I was down to 175 from 260 (at 5'7")... I just thought wow, really?? I'm just barely not obese anymore... And I feel healthy and strong, not like I'm "wasting away..." Lol I just took it as a compliment though. I think people really just don't know what to say and go stupid on ya.
  • MorganMoreaux
    MorganMoreaux Posts: 691 Member
    Wow - beyond words that you are this upset over a benign weight loss comment from your Mom. I'm grossly fascinated with how you would react to some of the more insensitive stuff that gets said by coworkers, acquaintances, and strangers that other MFP members post about...you would go nuclear.

    That aside, did you talk to your Mom about it? Ask her what she meant? It sounds like either she's not a good judge on weight, or she was trying to pay you a compliment, or she wanted to let you know she's noticed your progress. At any rate, you haven't seen her in five months, what a waste of time to ruin the visit being offended by something so minor. Life is too short. Older people tend to be more blunt and open, she probably didn't realize she offended you.

    Consider the time that you have spent being upset about this, and consider the alternatives. She could just not care, and I'm sure that would hurt your feelings, or she could not even be around/available period. I think you would be more upset with the alternatives. Consider yourself fortunate that you have a Mom that you see, who pays enough attention to notice you've lost weight. Make the most out of the time you have with her. Also, develop a thicker skin regarding your weight loss, that's not going to be the last comment you hear and some people can be brutal. Learn to shake it off and not allow it to affect you. Good luck!
  • illyich
    illyich Posts: 195 Member
    "Are you eating?"
    "Are you starving yourself?"
    "You really need to eat."
    "Just have this piece of candy. IT'S JUST ONE PIECE, IT WON'T HURT YOU!"

    It's crazy how people decide to react. For every, "Wow, great job!" you receive, you get 3 or 4 people accusing you of anorexia or trying to force food on you. Bigger question: is your mom overweight?
  • ahoy_m8
    ahoy_m8 Posts: 3,053 Member
    queenliz99 wrote: »
    It is sort of a sideways compliment, she's your mom. She doesn't mean anything bad by it

    I don't know your mom, but I'm willing to agree with this hypothesis. Totally.
  • ahoy_m8
    ahoy_m8 Posts: 3,053 Member
    illyich wrote: »
    "Are you eating?"
    "Are you starving yourself?"
    "You really need to eat."
    "Just have this piece of candy. IT'S JUST ONE PIECE, IT WON'T HURT YOU!"

    It's crazy how people decide to react. For every, "Wow, great job!" you receive, you get 3 or 4 people accusing you of anorexia or trying to force food on you. Bigger question: is your mom overweight?

    Hahahaa... your post reminded me of Monty Python's "wafer this mint."

    Seriously, though, the silver lining about people who get a lot of comments is at least others view them as approachable, and probably as friendly. This is not true of everyone.
  • gmallan
    gmallan Posts: 2,099 Member
    It's just a shock because she hasn't seem you in ages. She will get used to it. I find the line "my Doctor says I still need to loose xx pounds to be healthy" is a good one here. Can't really argue with that, although I'm sure some will try
  • bametels
    bametels Posts: 950 Member
    Gallowmere1984 wrote: »
    I can't help but feel like a warping of the perceived norm is in play as well. As the nation ever widens, those who shrink stand out even more. I give it twenty years before mid-level obesity is the new "normal".

    You are absolutely, correct! When I find myself falling prey to this new norm, I look at old pictures, TV shows, or movies for a reality check. It helps me to stay the course and ignore those who try to convince me that my weight is fine even though I've got at least 20 more pounds to lose.
  • jdhcm2006
    jdhcm2006 Posts: 2,254 Member
    My granny is the one who says this to me. Every week she's asks me if I'm still trying to lose weight and when I say yes, she looks really worried. I just tell her I'm trying to get to a healthy weight and that everything is fine. One week she sat me down and asked if I was eating, and I was like yes, I eat regularly and sometimes much too much, lol. She's a sweetie and just wants me to be okay, so I don't mind answering the same question regularly.
  • maidengirl_
    maidengirl_ Posts: 283 Member
    edited June 2016
    I had a coworker do this to me when they found out I was losing weight and continuously called me a "stick" even though I am still clearly overweight. Continue to be successful in your journey! And the rest is background noise!
  • FionaPlum
    FionaPlum Posts: 37 Member
    My mother is the same about everything I do really. She doesn't have tact or subtlety and offends on an unwittingly wide scale day to day.

    In the defense of any onlookers though, I guess it's easy to worry when you see people shrinking before your eyes, because let's face it overeating can be classified as an eating disorder and that obsessive behaviour can flip the other way, now restricting excessively rather than eating excessively. Under eating can be perceived as the worse of the two scenarios so it's worrying if they believe you're not being sensible and starving yourself. You just need to prove to them that you know what you're doing and you're doing it safely. If you can't make them appreciate that then ignore their comments as much as you can and don't let it deter you...keep going, you're doing this for you and no one else.
  • jesusarolon
    jesusarolon Posts: 208 Member
    I get this all the time, especially from my grandmother.

    I've come to realize that it is one of two things. 1- People simply don't like change. In your case, as well as mine and most of the people on MFP; friends and loved ones see us after a very drastic change. 2- Insecurity. Your loss only helps to remind them of their own weight issues.

    Just reassure her that you are not overdoing it at the gym or starving yourself. As long as she understands that you are doing this in a healthy manner and that you are happy she'll back off.
  • gothomson
    gothomson Posts: 215 Member
    Its true - people don't like change, so stick with what is comfortable to you. One thing though BMI is notoriously bad at giving accurate weight ranges. Someone could have a lot of lean muscle weight and yet in BMI would still be classed as obese. There are other ways of measuring your correct weight range. The one I use is Waist to height ratio - you can get sites that work it out for you. Its far more accurate than BMI - in my opinion.
  • DebSozo
    DebSozo Posts: 2,578 Member
    edited June 2016
    Family members worry about any changes from the family norm that stand out. Your mom probably misses her "eating buddy" and the bonding that she feels when she is caring for you.

    When my oldest son dropped 20 pounds of weight over a period of 4 months his appearance changed, and it alarmed me. On one level I wanted him to be the bigger version because I don't like it when guys get too "scrawny". (But that is my personal preference.) He is very happy with himself and his new physique. I've gotten used to it and have already forgotten what he looked like previously.
  • neldabg
    neldabg Posts: 1,452 Member
    edited June 2016
    When I told my mom that I'd lost my first ten pounds, she immediately said the same thing. I too reacted in surprise as I was still well overweight, and I continued onward in my pursuit for health. Later on, she revealed to me that she never pushed for me to lose weight because she thought I was going to get loose skin. My family is very big overall, with many obese and overweight people. Apparently, one woman in my family lost a ton of weight, got loose skin, and was/is having issues. My mom feared I was going to have the same problems.
    I wasn't morbidly obese, but I was indeed obese (class I). I have youth on my side, and though parts of me are deflated/untoned, and I have stretch marks, time and strength training can help, and I do not have loose skin now. Even if I did have it or felt I was going to have some, it would NOT have stopped me from losing weight.
    Anyways, what I'm saying is, your mom might be worried that you may face the possible downsides of weight loss and is just not very good at articulating her concerns.

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